Free At Last!

Moomin

Patron
Hi there,

I'm glad I have someone to talk to as I am in a bit of a pickle, I think.

I escaped from Scientology on the 13th February 2009, the day after a
sec check session of many I had been having due to wanting to leave
anyway. I am living with my family a few hundred miles from the org and
they are relieved that I am not involved anymore. I got into it in
September 2005.

I have not had any phone calls on my mobile/cell as I trashed the sim
card on the day of my departure and I have a new one in. My mother had
only one call from the org (source: next of kin info) wondering where I
was and she said she didn't know, even though I was sat in the other
room listening, right on mum!

I wrote to the org stating my feelings. I wrote on the letter
that my mother doesn't want any further communication as my beef with
the church is none of her business. So far, so good, no more calls or
any letters. My parents keep the answering machine on for all calls and
only pick up to ones worth answering anyway.

I feel emotionally drained and have started to put on weight and now
have a bit of a belly even though I'm 6'5", my mother says it's
contentment, but I feel I have aged about 5+ years. I have started
smoking again and struggle going to sleep sometimes and end up staying
up really late. My heart jumps with every ring of the phone and I listen to see if the org
or scn are calling. I can't keep doing this.

I have not been okay since I returned from Flag in July 2008 where I was
training to be an auditor. I had problems over their too. I requested
to come back, which I did. It was easier to come back from Flag than it
was to route out of the org.

In October 2008 I got suspended from the org for a month for
communicating with Anonymous as i posed a security threat. This was
overturned after the suspension was over. From the moment I was
suspended, I knew that was it and made plans to leave, I blew from
staff on two occasions and my personal life suffered as I lived with
three scilons, one who was a fellow staff member who kept tabs on me.

I tell you, I had to plan to leave the house so I wouldn't be noticed
and as soon as my arse hit that coach seat, and the coach set off for my
families town, I just sank with exhaustion and relief.

Now I don't know what will happen next, I haven't noticed anyone
watching my parents apartment, its a penthouse so I have a really good
view, plus the complex is keypad entry which changes every quarter and
the tenants on the ground floor have the obligation to keep on informal sentry duty as security due to the apartments being upscale.

Is this the calm before the storm? I need to know for my families sake
as well as mine.

I hope you can help. If you need anymore information, I will see what I
can do, depending what it is.

Regards,

John
 
Last edited:

Free to shine

Shiny & Free
Hey John! Well done on taking that giant step.

First of all, don't stress OK? They have no power to hurt you, and any contact would be to get you to come back. Lay low until you are comfortable. Breathe....relax...enjoy the freedom you now have. It may take a while to get comfortable, but believe me, it does happen. There is a whole world of wonder awaiting you, so don't give a lot of attention to 'what might happen' because you left a cult of your own free will. You have many people here who can give advice and understand.
 

xseaorguk

Patron Meritorious
wow..... cant wait to hear more.
Somebody just recently left must have loads of current info.
It was interest me to know how Anonymous and other critics are seen from the inside nowaydays.
Are people told not to look on the internet?

I feel for you, and wish you a good recovery.
I woke up in May 2008 after 30 yrs 'in' (altho long not active) and havent looked back.
I'm gald you have your family behind you.
As I also recnetly discovered family sooooooo important.
Best wishes
 

Tiger Lily

Gold Meritorious Patron
Congratulations moomin and :welcome: to ESMB. You have found the right place.

It's amazing that you have to feel so afraid just because you want to leave a place and get on with your life. . . the cult does some strange things to your head. . . I guarantee that ESMB will help you work through that; so many have been where you are.

You will be fine -- you've done the hardest part.

Glad you are here!
:)TL
 

OldTimingMan

Patron with Honors
Hey, Welcome to the outside ! I just joined up in the ex & Anon camp myself after decades as a Scilon stooge... its great here, Wooooooo

I think as the Scilons keep mounting up Fails on contacting you, they will find other fish to fry... so lay low for a bit... Oh and be sure to check out the stories here and the whyweprotest.net site.. lots of candy in these stores
 

EP - Ethics Particle

Gold Meritorious Patron
A safe harbor - ESMB!

Hi there,

I'm glad I have someone to talk to as I am in a bit of a pickle, I think.

I escaped from Scientology on the 13th February 2009, the day after a
sec check session of many I had been having due to wanting to leave
anyway.

...snip...

Is this the calm before the storm? I need to know for my families sake
as well as mine.


I hope you can help. If you need anymore information, I will see what I
can do, depending what it is.

Regards,

John

Dear Moomin/John,

I "blew" from the PAC base around '94 - and experienced the same sort of fears, anxiety and paranoia (for lack of a better word) that you describe.

Rather than make a long post here - just let me say that nothing serious ever happened, and I was a nervous wreck for months over nothing but my own "mocked-up" scenarios!

Note this was way before the appearance of "Anonymous" and the current "exodus" that is unfolding; and at a time when the CoS had plenty of resources to deploy.

For your guidance - consider that after a few months and I had time to "de-stimulate" and "settle-out" that I returned on WHAT I THOUGHT WAS MY OWN DETERMINISM... and only some years later "woke up" and left for good.

Scio insidiously indoctrinates/implants/hypnotizes - whatever you name it - most, if not all, of us in such a way that we construct our own chains, leashes, barriers and fears in our own minds.

Take a look, and see if what I say resonates, OK?

PM me anytime. :)

Well done!:thumbsup:

EP
 

Wisened One

Crusader
:welcome2: to ESMB and OUT to LIFE, John! :yes:

God, reading your story was soooo similar to how hubby and I escaped, lol!
We too sank with exhaustion, relief and fear when our plane took off to loved ones!
Let me know if ya wanna read my story sometime!

But please! Try and RELAX! Get that sleep! And eat good meals! :yes:

Sounds like you live in a secure place, so that's cool!


Michelle
 

DCAnon

Silver Meritorious Patron
Yay moomin! You wouldn't know anything about Snufkin and the Snork Maiden, would you?

Also, yaay again! :happydance: I think that if you give it some time, things will definitely calm down and you'll feel much more comfortable. The CoS has no right to make you feel scared or attacked just for choosing something else for your life. I've read a lot of stories from these Exs and I've seen a lot of people leave the CoS over the past year. They might call you, they might be really annoying sometimes, but they don't have the money, the energy, or the manpower to do much else. And no matter what, you've got a great community of really caring, funny, and inventive people here who will offer help and support whenever you meet it.

In October 2008 I got suspended from the org for a month for
communicating with Anonymous as i posed a security threat.
:touched:
 

Telepathetic

Gold Meritorious Patron
Welcome, welcome:thumbsup: ,

Thank god you weren't in that long:yes:

I would not worry about anything, really.What the hell can they do to you? Just think about it.

Did you say you were 6'5"? Just pick up the first mother fucker that comes to your house and throw him a few yards away:coolwink:that'll show 'em.

Relax,eat and sleep alot.:D Oh, and visit here often!

TP
 

Thrak

Gold Meritorious Patron
Yeah the biggest thing to realize is that they have no authority over you - NONE! They spend a lot of time and effort convincing you otherwise but it's a big fat LIE. If somebody shows up, call the police but don't talk to them and let them sink their claws into you again. The law is on your side not theirs.
 

Telepathetic

Gold Meritorious Patron
Yes listen to Trak, I sure you know I was kidding about throwing those SOBs that far:D or picking them up or touching them at all.

TP:yes:
 

Been Done Had

Patron with Honors
Howdy Moomin!

First, welcome. Second, you have done nothing wrong! Nothing. It's okay to be scared. But this is the reality; only be as scared as your inability to say "no."

The worst case scenario is the church sends people to handle, three or four. They will try to catch you at the local, the corner shop, or just walking out the door. They will want to talk about your eternity, say they just want to give you the correct data, whatever. Just say no.

Run the scenario in your head, you are approached. You say no. That's it. Do not be polite. You can even tell them to piss off. If you feel you may sit down with them, or they can still push your buttons, than avoid any face to face contact.

It is unlucky the will ever visit. But make it a game, if you look forward to getting ambushed so you can tell them off, then you are in control.

Smoke away, forget your weight. You are in a transition phase. Take your time. And relax!
 

Vinaire

Sponsor
Welcome John,

Keep in mind that whatever you were looking for in Scientology is available outside of the Church of Scientology.

The environment outside the Church of Scientology is much more friendly, not stressful, and a lot more fun.

If I can help you in any way, let me know..

Vin

.
 

SchwimmelPuckel

Genuine Meatball
Hi Moomin! :)

Great first post! - And congrats on escaping! And welcome to ESMB!

Now the leaving greetings and good wishes from our former friends.. Bah, let's call a spade a spade.. That's conditioning.. Bloody 'implanting' it is! - It started almost at once you got involved. Specifically the formulas for ethics conditions.. Sounds like you had some extra effort done on you?

I'm going to tell you what I did when I was in your spot in 1987.. I had developed a potbelly too! (Mewhaha) - So I did physical training. Pumpin' iron and running 10 kilometers 3 times a week. Often I used mantras.. In tune to my running I'd mumble things like: "Fuck Scientology! What a crock! What assholes!" - I did that in danish though. Very satisfying expletives!

That stuff made me slim up beautifully, and added a certain 'Arnold look' to my frame that I rather liked. But what was more important, it made me so damned exhausted that I could sleep well.

I think my SP mantras did something too! - Although I was the only one to ever hear them.. I shut up when running past anyone.

I kept it up for a couple of years.

I did have a 'come hell or high waters' attitude about fair gaming. They didn't do anything I noticed though. But I was prepared to use any and all instances against them.

These days they are really too busy. What with all those anons and exes growing from the woodwork. These days thay can't do anything without it being reported on the internet. We are literally tens of thousands who watches intently for any instance of fair gaming that can be brought to court... Damned hard to do OSA OP's in that spotlight!

So I think you can relax some..

:yes:
 

Alanzo

Bardo Tulpa
The Church of Scientology canceled the HCOPL called "Fair Game".

But in that cancellation, we also pledged to continue to treat Supressive Persons the same way we always did.

We just don't declare anyone "Fair Game" any more.

We declare them "Suppressive Person" instead.

Alanzo
Senior Logician for the Church of Scientology
Office of the Logician's Office
The Church of Scientology
 

Good twin

Floater
The Church of Scientology canceled the HCOPL called "Fair Game".

But in that cancellation, we also pledged to continue to treat Supressive Persons the same way we always did.

We just don't declare anyone "Fair Game" any more.

We declare them "Suppressive Person" instead.

Alanzo
Senior Logician for the Church of Scientology
Office of the Logician's Office
The Church of Scientology

Alanzo......:moon:
 

scooter

Gold Meritorious Patron
:welcome: John - hope you're beginning to relax a bit now that you're among friends.

The cult may try to "salvage" you but they're a bit short on manpower these days.:D

If they do, get them to communicate to you only in writing - insist on it.

Quote "If it isn't written, it isn't true."

And preferably via someone else - like a lawyer.

That stops them in their tracks :p
 

HappyGirl

Gold Meritorious Patron
:welcome: John! What everybody else said. Do whatever makes you laugh and feel good and you'll be fine. And by the way, I totally absolutely know the fear you are going through. I went through it for a decade. What a waste! Please don't do that to yourself. Now that ESMB his here there is no longer any need for Scientologists leaving their religion to ever feel afraid and alone. I lived in terror and anxiety for 10 years, dreading the phone ringing so much that I turned off the ringer. Guess what? NOTHING HAPPENED!!! I started taking walks, taking many deep breaths of fresh air, looking at the sky, playing music that uplifted me and soaking up the peace of everyday ordinary life all around me - smiling shopkeepers, city engineers, kids going to school, neighbors. What a beautiful world. You are now free to walk about the planet. :happydance:
 
Is this the calm before the storm? I need to know for my families sake as well as mine.


Dear J, you can relax a bit. The Co$ has no legal holds on you, as such they have to be more circumspect in their actions. Similarly, unless you were some sort of a "Big Fish" they are unlikely to be too concerned about any specific damage you might do to them.

Nowadays, the "threat" from the church on ex's is much diminished. They are weak, reeling & can't afford further public disrepute from harassment of former members. Additionally, trying to recover ex's puts current staff at risk. :coolwink:

You may hear from them at some point but if so just tell them to leave you alone or you will call the police on them. Helps to have your cell phone in hand at the time. :)

What you should do:

A. Take walks in pleasant environments. [n.b. objectives are good. They do work.:thumbsup: ]

B. Meet friends and ENJOY time spent with them.

C. Develope new interests or hobbies to occupy your time.

D. Take classes & learn new things.

E. Try sports or activities you always wanted to try but for which you never had the time.


In short, relearn how to relax & enjoy yourself while opening yourself to new sources of knowledge. You will find you need to break the "us vs. them" mentality which the Co$ inculcates in its members. Only then will you be able to really sort out the reality of your life from the fears of what you have come to believe. :)


Mark A. Baker
p.s. Drop the "smokes". It's just a nervous outlet for the stress and it does kill; usually slowly & painfully. My mom died from lung cancer. Try sex, chocolate, or political activism instead.:coolwink:
 
Last edited:
Top