Outlawgal, wow, great to see you here on this board. Honor to have you join us here.
I've recently been to AsiaSF, the dancers there were very impressive and beautiful. It's amazing to me how they changed their appearance to line up with their spirit like that. Most of them had made the most final change. Physically I could still sort of see a percentage of "guy" still in all of them. It was probably because they were dancers, so athletic, the muscle/bone structure still showed a kind of handsomeness and power particular to men. (and some of course still had an Adam's Apple--tho I think that can be surgically shaved
down now too right?) The way they danced, their mannerisms were all with a very definate femininity and grace. It wasn't a strip show, it was just dancing with skimpy outfits on. I have to admit, it was kind of erotic and fascinating. I was half expecting to be "grossed out" but I was not. There is apparently going to be a new AsiaLA soon. I look forward to it.
I do wonder/worry sometimes about the long term health effects of altering ones appearance because aren't hormones involved? I am curious if a guy changes into a women and is taking hormones for that, is there any side effect whereby the bone density is influenced? Or am I mixing up chromosome problems with hormone problems? I have a relative with XXY syndrome (Klinefelters syndrome) and he has to take steroids because he had gotten Osteoporosis from the extra X chromosome screwing up his natural testosterone levels needed for bone formation. Just wondering if there is the reverse if someone is taking hormones?
When I was in the SO up at INT ('83 to 2000) I was taught that anything other than "straight", and married before sex, was "1.1" and there was absolutely NO tolerance. I mean, there was this one lady on the RPF who had confessed to merely asking larger breasted women to pick up something off of her desk to purposefully have them lean over her so she could see down their shirts a little bit... and she had to do ethics conditions for THAT!!! She had to make a doubt announcement to the entire RPF. Give me a break.
There was this 15 year old kid on the EPF in LA, this was around 1986 I think and it was discovered that he had "done something gay" and so they instantly offloaded him. Both of his parents wanted to stay in the SO. Where the heck was this guy going to go? Where DID he go? I don't even know what happened to him, but this kind of thing was always in the back of my mind the entire time I was in the SO.
I don't know, you know it was kind of just a total "no sex" thing too though. There was a women on her way to INT who literally got told by an Ethics Officer that she should not give her own husband blow jobs!!!
There was this one time when I was 21, when a latino male in Gold got a crush on me. He would serenade me with his guitar and sing Spanish songs or Beattles songs for me, then he would sometimes give me a neck and shoulder massage... with his tongue. I loved it. But I had to pretend it never happened. I couldn't tell anyone or talk about it. Can't have "close" friends in the SO that you can talk to. My own sister would write Knowledge Reports on me. No secrets or discrete things allowed... It was weird, because it was classified as "heavy petting." Who knows, maybe it's all gotten more and more prudish and suppressed because if people at Int on staff WERE having and enjoying doing things with their bodies sexually... then the body would not be such a bad "trap" to be stuck and their whole fanatic "get up the bridge" drive would make no sense. "Get up the bridge! and escape the horrible trap that is your body"... oh ... except it's not REALLY a trap... it's kind of darn fun to have a body.
Later, in the 90's when I found myself feeling attracted to someone of the same sex, I actually got scared. I'd kind of bought into the fact that it was somehow "evil" and I was seeing this "evil" in me and I had thought, well, it's my "reactive mind" and Scientology can therefore "cure" me. Of course admitting it is the first step and that could result in getting one kicked out and shunned. Just plain saying it, not having acted on it in any way! Just admitting that you felt "something" towards someone of the same sex... meant somehow that something was "wrong" with you.
One of the biggest problems with Scientology (not just with it trying to be a religion, but also with it trying to be a self improvement movement of some sort) is that there is such a low tolerance for anyone being anything other than perfectly "straight." What percentage of the real world is actually "perfectly straight" anyway?
Simply fearing or hating or thinking I was "bad" because I felt sexual tension around a female I really liked... were contributing factors to me having self destructive tendencies and eating disorders. (which I don't have anymore
) I had to get comfortable with the fact that I can be attracted by both --- and I had to leave Scientology to even do that. Because in Scientology, especially now, it's considered wrong and evil. I had to go back to my own non-Scientology family who loved me no matter how I felt. I had to just say f____ LRH and his stupid ideas of what "normal" and "good" were. I have met too many really great people who are not straight, reading LRH's tone scale blurbs about this subject now is just like reading that people used to think that the world was flat.
I have a great man in my life right now and I'm really happy with him. He kind of gets a kick out of when I openly admire a beautiful women we see in a movie or TV or something, because then he does not get in trouble for noticing either. I mean we can share that, I can say, "God, isn't she hot?" and sometimes he'll say "Yeh" or sometimes he'll say "You are hotter" -- what a sweetie huh? My boyfriend does not like it when I openly admire another guy. He finds it annoying
I got kind of excited one day about going to the Thunder down Under show in Las Vegas and my boyfriend got upset with me. He actually didn't like it that I was at the AsiaSF show either. Not as upsetting to him as thinking of me watching some half naked Australian body builders dance around, but just a little upset about it. Luckily I had an excuse, it was part of a documentary video I was shooting. It was work related. I had to go