Out Ethics, I am glad you are out too. I know what the "spinning" feeling is and I am happy, yet sorry you are feeling it, but you will go through it and it will be better in the end, I promise.
I'd love to know what caused your switch to go off.
As it is with everyone, my deciding to LOOK and finally stop "being a Scientologist" was "death by 1,000 cuts".
I was the EO at our Local Org for a long time.
I saw things....bad things....as every staff member does. I would not confront it, convinced myself I did not understand because I was not a Scientololgy Clear or OT...and neatly tucked the information away - far away out of sight for most of my life.
Then....I could not do it anymore. I witnessed so much destruction within the members of the Church.
OT's dying, OT's doing crazy things to get money, OT's being declared SP's because they spoke out against the things I wanted to speak out against.
I witnessed very few people making it to Clear. Spending 100's of thousands of dollars and taking many years to obtain....then getting declared
"Un Clear" and being forced to do the Bridge again.
I saw certified Auditor's get their certs pulled....due to suppressive semi-colons and evil comma's (as someone described Gat II). I saw how it destroyed them.
The Church was using covert invalidation and nullification to control the members.
I never met one Clear or OT that had any super powers. They just thought they did.
I did not want to do much of the Bridge because of this.
When I was on staff....Upper management called every day. Screaming at the Executives who worked for essentially free - very hard and long days.
The staff are all in fear. No one new is coming in and staying. Old timers are getting Declared SP left and right.
I witnessed time and time again so much financial ruin with members.
The divorces - OMG - I think 90% of Scientologist's get divorced if not once, but many times twice or three times.
I witnessed the upper Orgs not following the tech as LRH described. If anyone said anything about it - they were punished or dead filed.
I witnessed Flag not following the tech. I witnessed Flag doing bad things to people to get money out of them and then keeping it. It was sickening to me.
Every Registrar I knew lied. They were deceitful and manipulative. They ruined so many people with lies about what would happen if they would only go broke and give their money to Scientology.
Gat II was an eye opener.
The Ideal Org program was a scam. Our building has been empty since I was born. We did not need a bigger building. I watched so many people file for bankruptcy and lose their homes to foreclosure over the Ideal Org program. I saw some financial irregularities with a few of the upper executives and some unethical stuff being done. I can't say much more about it but this IS Scientology.
I witnessed Staff recruiters lying to people about how much money they would make if they joined staff and how the new recruit will have the Bridge for free....getting them desperate to "have the Bridge" ....and then signing that billion year contract. All lies and it caused many flaps and upsets. It was wrong. No staff get the Bridge for free. No staff get paid anything. All money goes to the upper management and now I understand David Miscavige lives a lavish lifestyle with his $5,000 shoes and thousand dollar suits. It is nothing but slave labor in exchange for lives ruined.
I personally had a relationship destroyed. Scientology separated us for a long time and that is what ruined our relationship. I now understand this is SOP. I believe they do that on purpose.
My parents believe everything told to them by upper management. I don't and never did.
I read about LRH and now know he was a fraud and a con artist.
Slowly, over time, I came to terms with the truth....all of it and decided to LOOK at the internet to see what the Church did not want me to see.....After all LRH said "look, don't listen".
After discovering the lies that the Church kept from us....I quietly went away - telling everyone I have to make money and I am not interested in doing any Bridge until I handle my debt etc.
I am good at controlling the e-meter so they can do all the sec checks they want - I can beat any sec check. I figured out how to beat the meter when I was a kid. It works every time.
I will stay under the radar and work on getting my family out and my friends. I will be very careful and they will never know how I really feel about Scientology until they are completely out.
Wish me luck and thanks for all of the stories here on this board.