Greetings! I've been lurking, and it's high time to contribute...
- Thread starter Lavenderlady
- Start date
GreyWolf
Gold Meritorious Patron
Welcome to the board LavenderLady. It is good to see you here. Sometimes it can be a scary thing to come out of any closet. 
And it is usually a relief when you do because many people are more understanding and loving thatn we would give them credit for. When you are ready, please tell your story. We will listen and not judge.
Love
Rob
http://www.forum.exscn.net/member.php?13371653-Lavenderlady
And it is usually a relief when you do because many people are more understanding and loving thatn we would give them credit for. When you are ready, please tell your story. We will listen and not judge.Love
Rob
http://www.forum.exscn.net/member.php?13371653-Lavenderlady
jenni with an eye
Silver Meritorious Patron
Lavender Lady 
Lavenderlady
New Member
Thankyou so much for all your kind words of support. I feel incredibly welcomed into this community.....
Without further ado....
My mother. She's neurotic, amazing, insecure, an aging hippie, germaphobic,
somewhat agoraphobic, musical, a life-long librarian, and currently a non-practicing scientologist. One might compare her to a Catholic that only attends mass on Christmas and Easter, but still retains every ounce of guilt and programming. She still has all her books and tapes and CoS accouturement but no money (or impetus?) to pay for auditing. Neither She nor I have ever been "declared", (But wouldn't it be fun to try? I want a gold scroll!!!) But a majority of her friends are scientologists who periodically pressure her to get back on course, and for whatever reason she continues to rebuff them. I suspect that maybe after all these years of crazy health problems...Migraines, Food Allergies, Fibromyalgia, she may have realized on some level that no amount of processing is ever going to rid her of these health concerns.
I overheard on many occasions
(especially from registrars...."you really need to get that handled"...."if you'd just do -insert various grade, course, etc- then your health will really improve!! Mine did!"
I also witnessed course supps bullying her, sending her to ethics because she was having a Migraine, not progressing fast enough, and probably PTS. Idiots.
Even f'n David Miscaivage still has asthma!!
I think alot about why my mother got interested in all this, why in the world she dragged us into such an oppressive organization when she's such an independent, free-thinking woman. In college she minored in comparative religions. She grew an herb garden and believed western medicine was corrupt.
She was a buddhist, then kind of Hindu, but always really interested in wacky self-help books, so that part makes sense...but I just don't understand why people who seem 'highly intelligent' can put up with the bullshit, the heavy regging, the yelling and guilt tripping, the obvious pyramid schemishness, where the person on top is always on top, totally rolling in it, and the staff and SO are totally debased.
She read Dianetics before I was born and by the time I was six we were making regular trips to the org in Orange County, CA. Like many kids in CoS I didn't have a lot of awareness about how weird my life was. We got our first TV (black and white, only got a handful of channels) when I was 5, but I wasn't allowed to watch it unsupervised, had a limit of 30 minutes per day, couldn't watch anything enturbulating or violent, etc. On more than one occasion she screamed and cut off the cord to the TV because I overstayed my time limit. Sometimes I was allowed to see movies in a theater, but very rarely. Thus there are entire segments of American pop culture that I have missed (maybe not a huge loss?) and cannot discuss with people my same age.
Nowadays it makes me eccentric and old-fashioned...but when you are in fifth grade and you aren't allowed to see "dirty dancing"... that makes you the playground pariah.
Whenever I got sick or injured, my mom tried to find my upsets, or I got a touch-assist. We did not have aspirin in the house. I was never given cough syrup. I was given vitamins. (which can be helpful too!)
But mostly when I was sick, I just suffered through.
Since I didn't know any different I didn't even realize I was suffering.
(which is something they totally bank on in so many areas of CoS!!!)
I do remember on a couple occasions going to see someone named Dr. Shaw who was known to be sympathetic to scientologists.
I was constantly told about the evils of western med, psychiatry, the IRS, Time magazine, Eli Lilly & big pharma...and of course I believed it all. I actually felt genuinely pained for those poor poor children who were prescribed Ritalin for that imaginary condition they call ADD, who would never be able to have proper auditing.
While scientology for the most part has very little in common with an actual church, I can see one comparison...
The Fervency with which its members believe that they are saving people. And that THEIR way is the ONLY way to truly be saved.
When I was 12 I was babysitting two non-scion children for the summer and one of them was on Ritalin, and looking back I can see he probably did have ADHD or some very similar (and intense) behavioral problems. His mother of course expected that I should dispense it to him every day...but I was having nightmarish guilt about the situation because I was complicit in ruining his chances at ever going clear and being saved. Sooooo....I took it upon myself to slowly discontinue his meds, and didn't tell the mom. Soon after I had to stop working for them because the kid was so crazy and I was losing sleep....I feel awful about it still.
Other big NO NO's....Sugar. OH my God...my mom and I fought relentlessly over food, and the sugar was the worst. Can you imagine only being allowed to eat frozen yogurt when every other kid in your school eats ice cream? My idea of dessert that should be in your packed lunch: a cookie. Maybe even...A twinkie! Her idea of dessert? Fruit Leather!! Bleck! Would you ever eat some thing has 'leather' in its name?
My mom couldn't always afford to send me to private schools, and I only went to Scion schools intermitently, so the years where I went to public ones I finally started to forge a basis of comparison....My mom was really really weird! I was deprived!!
And other kids didn't have to drink disgusting decoctions called "Cal-Mag"!
(When I really want to piss off my mom or some other Scion I called it Cal-maggot)
More about Scientology schools, Ability plus and Delphi Academy....I think that will be for next time.
Nightynight everyone!!
Lavlady
Without further ado....My mother. She's neurotic, amazing, insecure, an aging hippie, germaphobic,
somewhat agoraphobic, musical, a life-long librarian, and currently a non-practicing scientologist. One might compare her to a Catholic that only attends mass on Christmas and Easter, but still retains every ounce of guilt and programming. She still has all her books and tapes and CoS accouturement but no money (or impetus?) to pay for auditing. Neither She nor I have ever been "declared", (But wouldn't it be fun to try? I want a gold scroll!!!) But a majority of her friends are scientologists who periodically pressure her to get back on course, and for whatever reason she continues to rebuff them. I suspect that maybe after all these years of crazy health problems...Migraines, Food Allergies, Fibromyalgia, she may have realized on some level that no amount of processing is ever going to rid her of these health concerns.
I overheard on many occasions
(especially from registrars...."you really need to get that handled"...."if you'd just do -insert various grade, course, etc- then your health will really improve!! Mine did!"
I also witnessed course supps bullying her, sending her to ethics because she was having a Migraine, not progressing fast enough, and probably PTS. Idiots.
Even f'n David Miscaivage still has asthma!!
I think alot about why my mother got interested in all this, why in the world she dragged us into such an oppressive organization when she's such an independent, free-thinking woman. In college she minored in comparative religions. She grew an herb garden and believed western medicine was corrupt.
She was a buddhist, then kind of Hindu, but always really interested in wacky self-help books, so that part makes sense...but I just don't understand why people who seem 'highly intelligent' can put up with the bullshit, the heavy regging, the yelling and guilt tripping, the obvious pyramid schemishness, where the person on top is always on top, totally rolling in it, and the staff and SO are totally debased.
She read Dianetics before I was born and by the time I was six we were making regular trips to the org in Orange County, CA. Like many kids in CoS I didn't have a lot of awareness about how weird my life was. We got our first TV (black and white, only got a handful of channels) when I was 5, but I wasn't allowed to watch it unsupervised, had a limit of 30 minutes per day, couldn't watch anything enturbulating or violent, etc. On more than one occasion she screamed and cut off the cord to the TV because I overstayed my time limit. Sometimes I was allowed to see movies in a theater, but very rarely. Thus there are entire segments of American pop culture that I have missed (maybe not a huge loss?) and cannot discuss with people my same age.
Nowadays it makes me eccentric and old-fashioned...but when you are in fifth grade and you aren't allowed to see "dirty dancing"... that makes you the playground pariah.
Whenever I got sick or injured, my mom tried to find my upsets, or I got a touch-assist. We did not have aspirin in the house. I was never given cough syrup. I was given vitamins. (which can be helpful too!)
But mostly when I was sick, I just suffered through.
Since I didn't know any different I didn't even realize I was suffering.
(which is something they totally bank on in so many areas of CoS!!!)
I do remember on a couple occasions going to see someone named Dr. Shaw who was known to be sympathetic to scientologists.
I was constantly told about the evils of western med, psychiatry, the IRS, Time magazine, Eli Lilly & big pharma...and of course I believed it all. I actually felt genuinely pained for those poor poor children who were prescribed Ritalin for that imaginary condition they call ADD, who would never be able to have proper auditing.
While scientology for the most part has very little in common with an actual church, I can see one comparison...
The Fervency with which its members believe that they are saving people. And that THEIR way is the ONLY way to truly be saved.
When I was 12 I was babysitting two non-scion children for the summer and one of them was on Ritalin, and looking back I can see he probably did have ADHD or some very similar (and intense) behavioral problems. His mother of course expected that I should dispense it to him every day...but I was having nightmarish guilt about the situation because I was complicit in ruining his chances at ever going clear and being saved. Sooooo....I took it upon myself to slowly discontinue his meds, and didn't tell the mom. Soon after I had to stop working for them because the kid was so crazy and I was losing sleep....I feel awful about it still.
Other big NO NO's....Sugar. OH my God...my mom and I fought relentlessly over food, and the sugar was the worst. Can you imagine only being allowed to eat frozen yogurt when every other kid in your school eats ice cream? My idea of dessert that should be in your packed lunch: a cookie. Maybe even...A twinkie! Her idea of dessert? Fruit Leather!! Bleck! Would you ever eat some thing has 'leather' in its name?
My mom couldn't always afford to send me to private schools, and I only went to Scion schools intermitently, so the years where I went to public ones I finally started to forge a basis of comparison....My mom was really really weird! I was deprived!!
And other kids didn't have to drink disgusting decoctions called "Cal-Mag"!
(When I really want to piss off my mom or some other Scion I called it Cal-maggot)
More about Scientology schools, Ability plus and Delphi Academy....I think that will be for next time.
Nightynight everyone!!
Lavlady
Dilettante
Patron Meritorious
Mest Lover
Not Sea Org Qualified
Talking about it is far better than the weight of hiding it all the time.
Welcome, enjoy your freedom.
Welcome, enjoy your freedom.
Re: Greetings! I've been lurking
Heya, nice to see you are testing the waters.
It is hard to talk about Abuse to others who have not been through it.
Keep up your nightly reading, Exscn is goddamn addictive.
In case you have missed it there are now at least 5 books written by Ex members.
read "Blown For Good" by Mark Headly
Jeff Hawkins book can be read online:
http://counterfeitdreams.blogspot.com/
Heya, nice to see you are testing the waters.
It is hard to talk about Abuse to others who have not been through it.
Keep up your nightly reading, Exscn is goddamn addictive.
In case you have missed it there are now at least 5 books written by Ex members.
read "Blown For Good" by Mark Headly
Jeff Hawkins book can be read online:
http://counterfeitdreams.blogspot.com/
Cherished
Silver Meritorious Patron
Excellent start to your story, LavL.
I could see myself in your 12-year-old's shoes agonising over the child's meds. It's amazing that you decided to override the parents' instructions. Were you found out??
If you were an adult, or nearly an adult, at the time then I'd say your guilty feelings were deserved to some extent. But at 12, you're really a child. So, don't beat yourself up. Plus, I'm sure the kid's meds got sorted out eventually. <3
I could see myself in your 12-year-old's shoes agonising over the child's meds. It's amazing that you decided to override the parents' instructions. Were you found out??
If you were an adult, or nearly an adult, at the time then I'd say your guilty feelings were deserved to some extent. But at 12, you're really a child. So, don't beat yourself up. Plus, I'm sure the kid's meds got sorted out eventually. <3
Type4_PTS
Diamond Invictus SP
Lavlady,
Thanks for the story!
And Welcome!
Did they happen to have Travolta or Cruise in them?
Thanks for the story!
And Welcome!
Did they happen to have Travolta or Cruise in them?
TrevAnon
Big List researcher
bob the builder
New Member
Good for you that you finally spoke out and joined in here instead of lurking. I was the other way about. I left and didn't want to know about anything or anyone to do with the whole thing. Went overseas for a couple of years to work and didn't tell any of my new found friends ( and really quite normal ) where I had been for 4 years. I suppose we all have different ways but now I want to find out more, like why a normal man with a brain fell for it all so here I am, reading and paying attention and finding out that quite a lot of people with brains fell for it all. I think at least as a child involved in the cult, you can blame others who put you there. For a grown man who put himself there, it isn't a thing to be proud of. I am now putting that right by getting involved with the antis!
Lulu Belle
Moonbat
Well, maybe your mom was a nutso Scientologist but I'm kind of with her on this one.
There's a guy I work with whose parents wouldn't let him watch TV for like....years. Don't even know how long. Now he's a really successful guy and kind of an overachiever. I don't know if the no TV thing was why, but he seems to think it helped.
There are worse things you can do to a kid than not let him veg in front of the boob tube. Just sayin'....
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