Hello everyone

[XFSO]

I am freaking out right now, I thought I've gotten enough balls to finally open up and just writing a couple of post to get started have me in a really emotional state, I was in the Sea Org at Flag, I was a sup, my memory is really bad these days and I can't remember exact dates, but I counted 4 sea org days while I was there, I live in a place were there is a major base 10 miles from my house but I successfully disconnected from them without getting declared or having any reason to contact me, I only knew scientologist and when I left it was absolute, i have not said one word to a member of the church or about the church in five years, I think about them coming to my job to harass me constantly and just posting this makes me feel like I'm putting myself at risk, giving away to many details of my story might give my identity away, haven't seen my family in many years and work 10 hour days 7 days a week and still not getting paid what I should, but if there was one thing I learned in the sea org, it was how to work, I hope to meet some people that can help me with what feels like serious PTSD, I would like to meet individuals in person, I still don't trust the Internet very much, thanks everyone

 

[Panda Termint]

 

[Mark A. Baker]

... I hope to meet some people that can help me with what feels like serious PTSD, I would like to meet individuals in person, I still don't trust the Internet very much, thanks everyone

If possible consider professional psychological assistance and ptsd counselling. Many exes have benefited from seeking professional assistance with the traumas they've experienced as a result of church involvement.


Mark A. Baker

 

[R6Basic]

Welcome XFSO!

 

[GoNuclear]

I am freaking out right now, I thought I've gotten enough balls to finally open up and just writing a couple of post to get started have me in a really emotional state, I was in the Sea Org at Flag, I was a sup, my memory is really bad these days and I can't remember exact dates, but I counted 4 sea org days while I was there, I live in a place were there is a major base 10 miles from my house but I successfully disconnected from them without getting declared or having any reason to contact me, I only knew scientologist and when I left it was absolute, i have not said one word to a member of the church or about the church in five years, I think about them coming to my job to harass me constantly and just posting this makes me feel like I'm putting myself at risk, giving away to many details of my story might give my identity away, haven't seen my family in many years and work 10 hour days 7 days a week and still not getting paid what I should, but if there was one thing I learned in the sea org, it was how to work, I hope to meet some people that can help me with what feels like serious PTSD, I would like to meet individuals in person, I still don't trust the Internet very much, thanks everyone

I've stated this to others recently out ... the Cof$ is getting hit from all sides now. Unless they believe that you have some really damaging information that can hurt them, they don't care about you, they have bigger troubles. If, on the other hand you DO have some damaging information, there is no time like now to bring it into the open. You are safer with public visibility if you know things than without it. Other than that, while you are here, you may as well kick back and enjoy the drama of it all while the Cof$ melts down.



Pete

 

[SchwimmelPuckel]

<snip>..my memory is really bad these days and I can't remember exact dates, </snip>

Well, nobody can recall exact dates! - That little píece of Hubbardian mindboggling is designed to make you feel inferior.

Welcome to ESMB!

 

[Anonycat]

Hi XFSO!

Thank you for sharing with everyone and myself, about your recent trials and woes. I didn't quite get everything you said there, but David Love (Intelligence) recently made a thread about PTSD and exes. Most people in the cult have similar results - sometimes better, sometimes worse - after spending time in the cult of Scientology.

Peace, hope, and healing ... and I hope to hear more from you soon!

All the best,
AC

 

[Kookaburra]

Welcome to the board, XFSO.



It is not uncommon for people to feel a lot of apprehension about communicating when they leave Scientology. My God! All these SP's. Forbidden communication. You will feel much better when you start breaking all their stupid rules that are meant to keep you under control. Doing so is a big step toward taking back your own life.

Enjoy your time here. There is much to learn.

 

[Smilla]

Welcome XFSO! I understand your worries about the Cult, but expect that you're off their radar by now. You'll be safe hanging out here.

 

[ryanmac]

Welcome. Just a thought here, is it possible you get in touch with your family? just asking more than suggesting...

 

[shadow]

Welcome XFSO,
Take your time. Breathe. You are not alone in feeling the way that you do, and your apprehension is quite understandable.

Seeking counseling can be a great help in the recovery process. Unfortunately, scn can be very effective of instilling fear that prevents a person from seeking real help.

There is a lot of support here and ESMB is a great outlet for many so take advantage of the opportunity to post as you see fit. Share only what you are comfortable with, which will change with time.

 

[LA SCN]

Welcome!

 

[Demented LRH]

I hope to meet some people that can help me with what feels like serious PTSD, I would like to meet individuals in person, I still don't trust the Internet very much, thanks everyone

Welcome to the board!

Here is a thread with the stories of the ESMB members who got PTSD as the result of their encounter with Scientology. Read their stories and PM them for help. They can give you valuable advices.

http://www.forum.exscn.net/showthread.php?28775-Post-Traumatic-Stress-after-Escaping-Scientology

 

[EP - Ethics Particle]

I am freaking out right now, I thought I've gotten enough balls to finally open up and just writing a couple of post to get started have me in a really emotional state, I was in the Sea Org at Flag, I was a sup, my memory is really bad these days and I can't remember exact dates, but I counted 4 sea org days while I was there, I live in a place were there is a major base 10 miles from my house but I successfully disconnected from them without getting declared or having any reason to contact me, I only knew scientologist and when I left it was absolute, i have not said one word to a member of the church or about the church in five years, I think about them coming to my job to harass me constantly and just posting this makes me feel like I'm putting myself at risk, giving away to many details of my story might give my identity away, haven't seen my family in many years and work 10 hour days 7 days a week and still not getting paid what I should, but if there was one thing I learned in the sea org, it was how to work, I hope to meet some people that can help me with what feels like serious PTSD, I would like to meet individuals in person, I still don't trust the Internet very much, thanks everyone

In my experience (I just withdrew about 5 years ago) it just takes time - and participation here will greatly assist you in the process of leaving it behind you.

I absolutely understand and have reality on your feelings and emotions regarding posting here.

My advice is POR - press on regardless!

EP

 

[Lurker5]

Hey XFSO and Lots of good advice here. Just relax. You are not a target, but it does take awhile to get comfortable with that. IF you want to tell stories of your life in SO/co$, then change the names, dates and circumstances enough to cause identity confusion. Change names, sexes, ages of relatives, friends, family. And if you do get outed, for any reason, go PUBLIC BIG TIME. As was said, you are safer in plain view so the whole world can see if anything is done against you. Come out swinging. The bad publicity out just in the last 9 months has left the co$ on its knees.

You are among many many many people who have been in your shoes, and walked your journey.

And check out getting professional counseling/therapy for PTSD - and look for experience in cult-exiting. If no one is experienced in that, then you will have to teach the therapist, as you go. Get one willing to go there with you. You both can learn something.

 

[tetloj]

Hello XSFO and welcome.



You've done a good thing by posting - courage is being scared shitless about something but doing it anyway.

 

[NoName]

I recently wrote this regarding therapy / psychiatrists / medications. A side by side comparison of what the Co$ says, what the Co$ does, and what wog psychs really do in this day and age. In addition to being greatly exaggerated, LRH's opinions of psychs is really outdated. Anyway, I'm reposting this, because I think it is valuable information.

Also, lurkers, aside from what I said earlier about medication, there are a few things you should know about what psychs can and cannot do to you against your will.

It is illegal for psychs to hold you against your will unless you are a threat to yourself or others.

The only person that I have ever known in my life to be held by a psych against his will was held for only 72 hours after he attempted suicide. That 72 hour hold was micromanaged by a judge. He did not receive any shock therapy or lobotomy or anything like that. He only received medication that he asked for. Within 72 hours, he was seen by a judge who released him from the psychiatric hospital. Then, of his own free choice, he entered a residential treatment facility. It looked very much like my home, he was well-fed, provided with clean clothing and hygiene facilities, and he was free to come and go as he wanted, and I was able to visit him freely.

How does this compare to the Introspection Rundown?

Lisa McPherson was held for 17 days at the Fort Harrison Hotel in Clearwater, FL with no contact with family or friends. She was forcibly drugged against her will - medication was forced down her throat with a turkey baster. When she was finally brought to the hospital, she was covered in cockroach bites, emaciated, dehydrated, and covered in her own filth. She died as a result of her treatment.

You can read all about this in Janet Reitman's book Inside Scientology.

There is nothing to fear from competent, qualified treatment from wog psychologists or psychiatrists. There is everything to fear from the Introspection Rundown and other misguided quack practices in the Co$.

 

[Jquepublic]

I am freaking out right now, I thought I've gotten enough balls to finally open up and just writing a couple of post to get started have me in a really emotional state, I was in the Sea Org at Flag, I was a sup, my memory is really bad these days and I can't remember exact dates, but I counted 4 sea org days while I was there, I live in a place were there is a major base 10 miles from my house but I successfully disconnected from them without getting declared or having any reason to contact me, I only knew scientologist and when I left it was absolute, i have not said one word to a member of the church or about the church in five years, I think about them coming to my job to harass me constantly and just posting this makes me feel like I'm putting myself at risk, giving away to many details of my story might give my identity away, haven't seen my family in many years and work 10 hour days 7 days a week and still not getting paid what I should, but if there was one thing I learned in the sea org, it was how to work, I hope to meet some people that can help me with what feels like serious PTSD, I would like to meet individuals in person, I still don't trust the Internet very much, thanks everyone

Welcome to ESMB!! I trained at Flag from @ 94-98 - such an intense environment! I felt shellshocked just going from FSO to a Cl V org, so I can empathize with what you're experiencing.

It takes a while to adjust to life outside CoS. Give yourself ample breaks and keep in mind that we all go through a decompression period, you're not alone in that by any means. The more submerged you were, the more of an adjustment it is. But it is so worth the effort to acclimate!

There are some excellent threads here and articles online re: PTSD, be sure to check them out.

I'm glad you're out!

 

[Div6]

I am freaking out right now, I thought I've gotten enough balls to finally open up and just writing a couple of post to get started have me in a really emotional state, I was in the Sea Org at Flag, I was a sup, my memory is really bad these days and I can't remember exact dates, but I counted 4 sea org days while I was there, I live in a place were there is a major base 10 miles from my house but I successfully disconnected from them without getting declared or having any reason to contact me, I only knew scientologist and when I left it was absolute, i have not said one word to a member of the church or about the church in five years, I think about them coming to my job to harass me constantly and just posting this makes me feel like I'm putting myself at risk, giving away to many details of my story might give my identity away, haven't seen my family in many years and work 10 hour days 7 days a week and still not getting paid what I should, but if there was one thing I learned in the sea org, it was how to work, I hope to meet some people that can help me with what feels like serious PTSD, I would like to meet individuals in person, I still don't trust the Internet very much, thanks everyone

Ok. First thing, a lesson from the Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy:

Don't Panic!


Breathe.
Take a towel with you every where you go.


Next.

As others have indicated, they have much bigger fires to deal with, as Hill 10's go exponential....

If you are so inclined to tell your story, start small. Start with things you liked. This is a exercise in de-compression, and of expanding your space. Don't get hung up in the significances too much, just let it peel off.


There are no TM's here, and no "stats to report".

 

[poppy]

Hello XFSO!

Try not to panic if you're experiencing symtoms of PTSD - it's actually a normal response to what you've been through (what many of us have been through). Don't be afraid of going to your Doctor. I left 18 years ago and suffered with panic attacks, flash blacks, recurring nightmares, anxiety for years but counselling has helped me so much. It was actually the health visitor (through my doctor) that arranged counselling for me after my 2nd child was born. I would highly recommend getting medical advice. And remember it can take time, 'eat your elephant with a teaspoon'! In other words take it slowly, one day at a time.

In regards to your work situation please don't sell yourself sort, you are worth being paid. In my opinion, anyone who survives Scientology and gets out is an amazing person, so big yourself up!!