HELLO. THIS IS MY FIRST POST EVER, ANYWHERE.

pollywannacracker

Patron Meritorious
Welcome IM!

I'm a bit late to this party...but ready to flow all my good intentions towards you!

:hifive: Good for you on investigating the Co$. Many more will investigate and find their way - out!

-PWC
 

IMMORTAL

Patron Meritorious
IMMORTAL;

When you finish reading 'LRH, MOMM' by my former boss Bent Corydon, I would be very interested in your take on it.

Especially the 'Crowley connection'. Have you heard about this? It really explains what the cult really is, and where it really came from.

:omg: OMG! I'm in the middle of this now, Rmack! Cripes!!!!
 

IMMORTAL

Patron Meritorious
Welcome IM!

I'm a bit late to this party...but ready to flow all my good intentions towards you!

:hifive: Good for you on investigating the Co$. Many more will investigate and find their way - out!

-PWC

Thank you, Polly!!! I appreciate you being here, too! This has been quite a journey so far. Never a dull moment. :omg:
 

Arthur Dent

Silver Meritorious Patron
Hi Imortal!
Counterfeit Dreams was one of the first articles I read on my truth quest. I found it amazing the things I didn't know all those decades!
Glad you're out! And having a good adventure here!:)
 

IMMORTAL

Patron Meritorious
Hi Imortal!
Counterfeit Dreams was one of the first articles I read on my truth quest. I found it amazing the things I didn't know all those decades!
Glad you're out! And having a good adventure here!:)

Hi, Arthur! Yes, I thought it was really, really well written. Quite a drama. I've also read "Blown for Good" and "My Billion Year Contract". :omg: These are must reads. I'm currently mid Madman or Messiah. Un-believable!!!!

Like you, I also find it amazing the things I didn't know for all those decades!

The whole ex-Scio thing is quite an adventure. Not easy, not pleasant, takes quite a bit of confront. All made easier by people on ESMB who have been through it, have found some answers or are going through it now, just like me. It's really a good place for me to be right now. :yes:
 

IMMORTAL

Patron Meritorious
Glad you read Hawkins's blog, it's a great one. He really strikes me as one of the warmer ex-Scns speaking out in media. His warmth for his ex-wife on the recent CNN show was amazing.

It's true. His warmth for his ex-wife really is amazing. Jeff's genuine communication and warmth was quite the contrast to the Scientologists defending their positions. I really felt badly for them... :bigcry:
 

This is NOT OK !!!!

Gold Meritorious Patron
Welcome me!

Dear Imortal,

I joined about 3 months AFTER you - so in effect - welcome me!

Just read the entire thread - and missed an appointment!

Oh well, it's well worth it.

Miller's book "Bare Faced Messiah" was the ultimate breakthrough for me personally.

I may be playing catch-up - but I'll get there eventually!

Love,

Me
 

IMMORTAL

Patron Meritorious
Dear Imortal,

I joined about 3 months AFTER you - so in effect - welcome me!

Just read the entire thread - and missed an appointment!

Oh well, it's well worth it.

Miller's book "Bare Faced Messiah" was the ultimate breakthrough for me personally.

I may be playing catch-up - but I'll get there eventually!

Love,

Me

Hahaha! Well. WELCOME TO YOU!!!! I'm glad you are here. I've read many of your posts so far and enjoy reading what you have to say.

This is quite a journey, to say the least! I don't think I finished Bare Faced Messiah. I was so into reading everything all at once, I think I may have put that one down before I finished. There is so much to learn about that we couldn't look at while we were in. I recently read an article by Caroline Letkeman which I found fascinating. Here's the link: http://carolineletkeman.org/sp/index...=915&Itemid=92

Many people have contributed lots of valuable reading material on this thread, too, as you already know. The help is sure welcome. It helped me transition faster.

Thanks for posting and again, glad you're out!

Love
IM
 

smartone

My Own Boss
Smartone, with no agenda except understanding, I don't know what this phrase means: "You have a wonderful clean flow of communication". Translation, please?


Hi Cherished, I just caught up with this thread again. Apologies for not seeing your question. I must have posted my welcome to Immortal and then whizzed off the thread as I usually do. Anyhoo, it looks like Happy Aberree answered it for you in my absence.
 

Babycakes

Patron
Hi!

I'm so happy this thread showed up today. Every time I had a moment I read a little more. It's like being at a party and watching the gracious hostess go around and warmly greet all the guests, engaging them in conversation, smiling, laughing, telling stories, listening.

Immortal, you're such an approachable person! So gentle and friendly and funny and open.

Thanks for your story. I'm glad you're here.

Here's another book for your (veeeeery long) reading list that I didn't see mentioned by anyone else: Steve Hassan's Combatting Cult Mind Control.
 

Rmack

Van Allen Belt Sunbather
Hello all. I have finally worked up the courage to make this first post. Take this first step. I have been lurking for several months as a guest on this and other boards. What finally brought me to the point of registering, after having read horror story after horror story of staff and public, was reading Feral’s and Ms. Pattycake’s stories. OMG. Many stories that I have read on this board and others have really touched me, but their stories actually caused me to take my first action and register so that I could participate, too. At least so that I could share my comments with others as I felt comfortable doing. I am slowly handling my “fear” considerations of what might happen if I “get caught.”

Just a brief introduction: I am a long time Scientologist, having taken my free personality test in November 1974 and getting started on the Comm Course right away. Once I had wins on the TRs, I felt it was the first time in my life I had actually communicated and been communicated to. I felt I was finally in present time. My life was wonderfully warm and fuzzy. I was so happy to have found this group of people. I will have to say that before I ever found Scientology, I already knew I was aware of being aware; I knew I was immortal; I had gone exterior many times before my introduction to Scientology under multiple different situations. On the TRs, I was introduced to a way I could actually communicate to another in the theta universe, even sometimes without speaking words in a telepathic manner. This was an ability I was already familiar with. I could feel a wonderful flow of communication, attention, admiration and theta. People liked me more and more; and I like them more and more. Even people at work and outside of Scientology liked me more than before and made that known to me. Before Scientology, people may have thought I was outgoing, but actually I was rather shy. I was now more in communication with my environment and others. This was good and was very encouraging and I felt I had found a new way of life. The grade chart pointed the way for me and Clear and OT was where I was headed.

Let me back up just a minute. Before Scientology, I was looking for something. Something more. I had graduated high school, gotten married to my high school sweetheart, gotten divorced, was a single person working day in and day out, goofing off evenings and weekends and I knew there had to be more to life than that. I was reading the Tao, B.F. Skinner, self-help books, the Bible, transcendental meditation, anything I could get my hands on to find out what more was available to me in life. There just HAD to be more than I could perceive at that moment. I felt I had found it in Scientology.

I joined staff a couple of months later on a 2 ½ year contract. It was wonderful and hard; I hated it and I loved it. I met my husband, we married and by the time I left staff 2 ½ years later I was 5 months pregnant. However, leaving proved to be very messy and I ended up being declared. Since I told someone I wasn’t going to re-sign when I was asked about it, but was going to leave, I got declared an SP based on the recently released HCO PL Leaving & Leaves. I experienced disconnection from all my newly made friends. Then, when I returned to the Church in the early 1980s, the MAA told me the SP declare was an injust action and it was rescinded. I got back on the Bridge after having done a set of lower conditions.

For the next 31 years I did training and auditing and eventually attested to New OTVIII. I was an FSM, VM and an OT Committee member. Then, I join staff again at a Class V org. My staff experience this time was not like it was for me in the 1970s. Something had drastically changed. It was hard and not pretty at all. The theta was mostly non-existent or came across as forced or false. I really couldn’t believe things had changed so drastically. In the 1970s, it was of the utmost importance for a person to get trained and audited; to actually go up the Bridge and training was very much pushed. Make auditors, get trained, be a Class VI. Even staff were trained and audited and went to do their OT levels. That did not seem to be the case with my recent staff experience. It was my perception that people were valuable as long as they had the money to contribute to the various entities, such as IAS, Super Power, Library Project, etc. Otherwise, they were kicked off to the side to fend for themselves, more or less. I personally did not witness the expansion spoken of in the recent international events I saw. It wasn’t happening at my org. I don’t know where it was happening, but not where I was. The org I joined back in the 1970s was huge. The org I had recently joined was small. I was very shocked. In the 30 intervening years what in the world had happened?! I couldn’t believe my eyes, but I knew I was capable of helping. I was certain of it at the time I joined staff again, but that turned out to apparently not be the case either.

Over the years, I mostly kept my mouth shut concerning the changes I saw happening with the Golden Age of Tech, the new definition of FN, the way the 6-month sec checks were being audited, the solo NOTS auditors dropping off the level, revision of the Basic books, etc. It became clear that these were things not to be questioned or there would be trouble. As my dad used to say, “Yours is not to question why. Yours is but to do or die.” Then, there was the militaristic way of handling public, as well as staff, especially OTs. This was especially baffling because as we move up the Bridge to OT, we are to be more trusted, right? It was hard for me to reconcile what was being said to what was being done. Then there were the mandatory meetings, mandatory attendance at events, the incessant call-in activities, heavy ethics handlings, insistence to come up with more and more money. The knowledge reports I wrote on the situations I observed seemed to go nowhere and seemed to have no effect. I saw no changes as a result of having written them. I saw my Scientology friends having grave financial difficulties, declaring bankruptcy, losing their homes and businesses. These were people who had contributed many 10s and 100s of thousands of dollars to the Church. I witnessed them having to endure heavy ethics handlings because they had no money to donate, no money to continue auditing on the Bridge. This was heartbreaking to me to see so much upset being created by, of all things, my church. I noticed that one (including me) didn’t say much of anything when they were witness to a staff member being yelled at in the hallway or being manhandled. Sometimes I was just stunned into silence thinking that this is just not the way a church should operate; not the way a church should treat their parishioners or their staff. A church, of all things, should not operate like this. Especially MY church, the one which has the tech to handle case on the planet and clear everyone. But, because I was so focused on achieving my lifelong goal of being OT, I kept the blinders on and my nose to the grindstone and minded my own business. My eternity was at stake, as you know, as was the relationship with my family and friends.

Since I left staff, much has happened with my viewpoint about the Church of Scientology proper. One day a few months ago, I was doing an internet search for something and bumped into an article I knew I shouldn’t read about Scientology. But I did anyway. Then, I read another and another and another and have been educating myself since that time on what I haven’t been allowed to look at for 35 years. I am still adjusting my viewpoints to this new information and sifting through and evaluating the information now available to me. I haven’t fully formed an opinion of how I really feel about LRH or the technology as yet. Right now, I feel parts of the tech are valid, workable and valuable, and will and do help mankind if applied per LRH. Other parts I have not made a decision about thus far. However, as far as Church management and the direction that has taken, I have experienced the bad effects of that from inside Class V org staff. I did not like what I saw and had to experience. I felt that it was very destructive of staff, public and the church. The destruction far outweighed the construction and I see the result now of an apparently crumbling church. I never, ever thought I would witness this in my lifetime. I never, ever thought I would feel about the church as I have come to feel now.

Once I realized that my viewpoint had changed, I knew, as a matter of personal integrity and truth, that I had to somehow speak to my closest family members about it. I started by gently speaking to each of them in a test communication cycle to see if I could find out where they stood regarding the church, the tech, LRH and what is currently happening with the church in the news. I knew there was something there preventing complete communication with me and I wondered if somehow this could be it. To my utter amazement, I discovered all three had been withholding themselves and their communication from me about this for fear they would have to disconnect from me if they communicated how they really felt! One had been withholding communication about this for as long as 14 years, another longer than that and another for a whole year. Wow! I couldn’t believe it. How happy and relieved I am to have regained the communication with them that I had been missing. It is a wonderful feeling to have my family back.

I cannot deny the gains I have experienced on my Bridge. I do not regret having done the Bridge that I have done. One of my friends, a Scientologist for longer than me, has disavowed the Church and the tech. I am not of that mind. Some are. As I said, I am relatively new to this research but I know what I know and know what the tech has done for me. And what it has not done for me.

This introduction has not been as brief as I had originally envisioned. I am happy to make my introduction to you, nonetheless, and hope to hear from you, too. I appreciate you being here and sharing your stories. It is valuable.

Love,
IM

Thanks for logging in here, honey. it took me a shameful year and a half to figure out that the Sea Org was a scam.

Promise me one thing; NEVER be that fucking stupid again, ok? Then all my work here will be worth it.
 

Kookaburra

Gold Meritorious Patron
Dear Imortal,

I joined about 3 months AFTER you - so in effect - welcome me!

Just read the entire thread - and missed an appointment!

Oh well, it's well worth it.

Miller's book "Bare Faced Messiah" was the ultimate breakthrough for me personally.

I may be playing catch-up - but I'll get there eventually!

Love,

Me

Bare Faced Messiah was the first thing I read on the internet. I had been a blown Scientologist for years, just getting on with my life and not giving Scn much thought at all. But by Chapter 6 of that book I was an EX Scientologist. It's a real eye opener and very well researched and written.

That was about 4 years ago and I'm still reading. Not many surprises left, but every once in awhile I find out something that will still shock me.
 

IMMORTAL

Patron Meritorious
I'm so happy this thread showed up today. Every time I had a moment I read a little more. It's like being at a party and watching the gracious hostess go around and warmly greet all the guests, engaging them in conversation, smiling, laughing, telling stories, listening.

Immortal, you're such an approachable person! So gentle and friendly and funny and open.

Thanks for your story. I'm glad you're here.

Here's another book for your (veeeeery long) reading list that I didn't see mentioned by anyone else: Steve Hassan's Combatting Cult Mind Control.

Babycakes, thank you SO much for that. And, if I haven't said so before, WELCOME to you!

Steve Hassan's book has been on my list to read for a few months. Thanks for putting it here. There is so much to read, like you say, and I haven't made it to reading that book. But, I need to and will.

I've learned a lot in the last few months. Some of it shocking; some of it just disgusting how I could be taken in so easily, so it seemed. I'm pretty sure I'm mostly passed the horror of it now and on my way to finding steady footing again. It's quite a road back! I'm sharing it with a lot of good people.

Love
IM :rose:
 

IMMORTAL

Patron Meritorious
Thanks for logging in here, honey. it took me a shameful year and a half to figure out that the Sea Org was a scam.

Promise me one thing; NEVER be that fucking stupid again, ok? Then all my work here will be worth it.

Rmack! You got it! I'm trying to get a grip on THE THING that allowed me to go there in the first place so I don't blindly go there again. Obviously, this mysterious hook was so well camouflaged I took it without full inspection. That is the thing I'm trying to uncover.

As far as "it took me a shameful year and a half to figure out that the Sea Org was a scam" ..... you know what? You did, however, figure that out. Some of the ones still in can't see that yet. And, I completely understand how that can be because I was "in" and wouldn't/couldn't look at the "entheta" in order to educate myself. I personally know some SO guys who are really, really special people and they are stuck in this cult giving it their all for 30-40 years. To me, that hurts. Ouch. When they finally realize what's going on and that they've given so many years of their life.....that hurts.

I think the Anon messages will get through to them. If nothing else, they will have to handle situations arising from the Anons and other protesters and will have the opportunity to do a little invest and then, just maybe, the illusion will start to crack. I think this is happening. It's a hard one to confront.
 

Enthetan

Master of Disaster
Rmack! You got it! I'm trying to get a grip on THE THING that allowed me to go there in the first place so I don't blindly go there again. Obviously, this mysterious hook was so well camouflaged I took it without full inspection. That is the thing I'm trying to uncover.

There is a very widespread human tendency to desire hope that the world can be made better, stemming from an unhappiness with the current state of things. Give somebody hope that there is a way to repair the world, and they will devote their lives to it. What these people don't realize is that vampires (no better term to describe a certain type of sociopath) hold out false hope to ensnare such people, so they can suck the life out of them.

"Darkness at Noon" by Arthur Koestler is a story of a senior member of the Communist Party who finds himself purged, subjected to endless interrogation, and forced to confess to being suppressive against the Party (It reminds me of what some Sea Org members went through). In the end, he willingly cooperates with being found guilty and scheduled for execution. His problem is that he's devoted his life to the Party, his entire self-image is wrapped around the ideals of Communism creating a better world, and death is preferable to having to admit that it was all for nothing.
 
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