Hey I'm back for a second

grundy

Gold Meritorious Patron
Melanie,

I know it's been very hard.

And it's very hard to get someone who doesn't want to see to confront things. I think you handled it very well.

I think the letter to your father (my opinion only) might be better if it was more a long the lines of this vibe:

I love you. ____ is what I believe. I don't agree with ___. I know you don't see things the same way. If you ever are in a position to talk more, I would love to talk about it. I really do love you all. Good luck.

But I'm a guy and I was too long a scientologist, so Human Emotion and Reaction always sounds bad to me. This is what scientology teaches you - that to be human and have emotions is a bad thing.

On the same token though, it might be more real to him.

Just my thoughts.

Good luck. I hope it goes well.

Love,
Grundy
 

Axiom142

Gold Meritorious Patron
Ok - here's the thing, I am wrestling with the heartache I have from breaking my dad's heart. I have been told by many that I may have found a chink in his armor. So I wrote him this letter. I am thinking of dropping by his work and taping it to his truck. I need input tho.

So sorry if it is tldr. I am just feeling around in the dark here.


28 August, 2008

My dear sweet daddy,

Can you know how much I love you? My heart is still bleeding from the other night. Of all the broken bones and heart breaks I have had, that by far was the most painful experience of my life. Can’t you understand why I did what I did? Now I wait. I wait and hope and pray that I will see you come out the other side. You told me once that “if this is all just a fantasy - well I’d rather live the fantasy than reality”. I hope I shattered that fantasy. You need to face up to reality.

You need to allow yourself to LIVE. You are only allowed to be a shadow of the man you truly are. Can’t you see that? Can’t you credit yourself for all the wonderful things that you have done in people’s lives? Can you not accept the fact that you are so inherently good that you and you alone are responsible for the good you have put in others? Must you pass along the credit you so deserve yourself to some other man who has been dead over 20 years?

I wish you would seek answers. I wish you would ask the questions I have. I wish you would stop to wonder why it is that so much is forbidden to you in the strange reality that you have accepted as THE reality in which to live. Why are you forbidden to truly thrive? Why must you forsake those you love and why must you suffer so? Why must you work so hard for nothing?

Daddy, I love you so much. I only want to see you happy. I do not believe that you are truly happy now. I believe that you have allowed yourself a sense of false happiness and you have bought into your own lie for so long you don’t dare admit how truly unhappy you are.
Please, I am begging you. Do some searching. Seek out your answers. Seek the truth and do not let yourself be bound by the lies any longer. It is NOT too late. There IS life outside of Scientology. It is good. There IS hope for helping humanity out here where I stand. Humanity has in fact been helping me. It is not all as hopeless as it may seem. Give yourself the chance. Choose LIFE.

I am here. I am waiting. I am patient and impatient. I want to have you out. I also know how long it took me. I will wait for you for as long as it takes. There is forgiveness on the outside. You will see.

I love you too much.

Melanie

Melanie,

This is most definitely NOT tl;dr. I wish I could do more to help.

I think it is a great letter, no caring human being could read that and not be moved. I think it is important for you to stress that you still love him and are prepared to forgive him. Hopefully he will realise that he has wronged you and this will make him wake up. Be prepared to keep at it.

Good luck,

Axiom142
 

gomorrhan

Gold Meritorious Patron
My experience was not that having emotion was a bad thing, but that allowing emotion to rule your responses was a bad thing. HE&R is considered a reactive thing. However, even clears (which have never existed, per available evidence) experience emotion, the idea is just that their emotion is calculated correctly, instead of containing aberrated responses.

I still believe that our initial responses to our environment are quite frequently conditioned by past experience, and are not always appropriate. I believe that TRs are the correct way to handle this. This doesn't mean robotic communication, it simply means not necessarily responding with emotion that is inappropriate, and this requires what outside of scientology is commonly referred to as mindfulness.
 

MLWilde

Patron
:bighug:

keeping you and your family in my thoughts. this truly is the worst part of Scientology - it's ability to tear families apart.

To all of you wonderful people,

Some of you say "this is why". Well it is in great part due to the support and love that I have gotten from all of you that has helped me find the strength and fortitude to get through this. So for me, I can honestly say "you are why".

I went over to my parents house yesterday. I had a long talk with my 23 year old brother. He is staff at an Org. He never knew any of what happened to me in the Sea Org. He did not even realize that I am NOT a Scientologist. So I shared with him my story. He accepted it with grace and kindness. Coming from my brother this was a shock for me. I told him that once mom and dad come home and I talk to them - they will probably never speak to me again. I told him I just needed him to hear my side. He told me that I am always going to be his sister and he will always love me. I told him I will always be there for him when he needs me.

My parents came home. They wrote me a check for the power bill. We began our discussion. I got cold feet about giving them the letter because I knew I was fraught with rage when I wrote it. I even told them I wrote them a nasty letter but didn't think I wanted them to read it. So I tried to express myself in words. 10 minutes in - my mother lost it and began screaming at me. So I screamed back. She stormed off and I threw my letter and the copy of my story that I printed out at her. I tried to get up and leave at that point but my dad begged me to stay and hear him out.

Dad and I talked at great length and shed many tears. Ultimately he justifed everything I tried to throw at him. He tried to deny the fact that there is ANYTHING wrong with David Miscavige. He tried to tell me that is was a few bad seeds that ruined things while I was in and it's different now and blah blah blah. We went in circles for awhile. He never got me. I had to finally tell him that I could not go on living my life with the constant reminder that he and my mom had chosen their cult over me and my best interests time and again. He asked if I knew what would happen know. I told him yes, I would be declared and they would be told to disconnect. I told him I was there to do it for them. He started screaming and crying and blaming everyone in Anonymous and the Freezone and all of my friends who have been declared over the years for breaking his family apart. I screamed back that they are not the ones to blame. Hubbard is the one to blame and he's the devil.

My dad told me to leave - he needed to be alone. My mother had long since left with my 2 brothers to go to the org.

I left sobbing. I hollered that I loved him more than he would ever know.

My heart ripped open. I am feeling pain like I have never felt before. I have a tattoo on my forearm which reads in German "What does not kill me makes me stronger". This will be the ultimate test of that statement for me.

I will get through this. It is the love and support that I get from you all that helps.

Thank you all. I love you.

Melanie
 

Terril park

Sponsor
Ok - here's the thing, I am wrestling with the heartache I have from breaking my dad's heart. I have been told by many that I may have found a chink in his armor. So I wrote him this letter. I am thinking of dropping by his work and taping it to his truck. I need input tho.

So sorry if it is tldr. I am just feeling around in the dark here.


28 August, 2008

My dear sweet daddy,

Can you know how much I love you? My heart is still bleeding from the other night. Of all the broken bones and heart breaks I have had, that by far was the most painful experience of my life. Can’t you understand why I did what I did? Now I wait. I wait and hope and pray that I will see you come out the other side. You told me once that “if this is all just a fantasy - well I’d rather live the fantasy than reality”. I hope I shattered that fantasy. You need to face up to reality.

You need to allow yourself to LIVE. You are only allowed to be a shadow of the man you truly are. Can’t you see that? Can’t you credit yourself for all the wonderful things that you have done in people’s lives? Can you not accept the fact that you are so inherently good that you and you alone are responsible for the good you have put in others? Must you pass along the credit you so deserve yourself to some other man who has been dead over 20 years?

I wish you would seek answers. I wish you would ask the questions I have. I wish you would stop to wonder why it is that so much is forbidden to you in the strange reality that you have accepted as THE reality in which to live. Why are you forbidden to truly thrive? Why must you forsake those you love and why must you suffer so? Why must you work so hard for nothing?

Daddy, I love you so much. I only want to see you happy. I do not believe that you are truly happy now. I believe that you have allowed yourself a sense of false happiness and you have bought into your own lie for so long you don’t dare admit how truly unhappy you are.
Please, I am begging you. Do some searching. Seek out your answers. Seek the truth and do not let yourself be bound by the lies any longer. It is NOT too late. There IS life outside of Scientology. It is good. There IS hope for helping humanity out here where I stand. Humanity has in fact been helping me. It is not all as hopeless as it may seem. Give yourself the chance. Choose LIFE.

I am here. I am waiting. I am patient and impatient. I want to have you out. I also know how long it took me. I will wait for you for as long as it takes. There is forgiveness on the outside. You will see.

I love you too much.

Melanie

Hey Melanie,
Sorry if I go into scn principles here. Its my attempt to help and you can of course send me to the dustbin.

You must be the strong one. You must be pan determined.

You must make your parents right. I know thats difficult as your life is in turmoil.

Recognise they are trapped. Be gentle, very gentle, and improvise from there.

Let them know you are always there for them.

Wish you success.
 

quietheart

Patron Meritorious
Melanie,
This is a tough subject for me, but really felt moved to respond. Due to my own abuse I have voluntarily "disconnected" from my parents 3 times in my life and permanently "disconnected" from an older brother (he's a pedophile), of course in our family we call it disowned. The first time was when I ran away from home for 9 months. These are the exact reasons I left, a) My parents oldest son was put into a home for abusive teens and I was being pressured to go see him. b) My mother was being very manipulative. and c) My Dad was physically abusing me. I honestly felt I had to leave or I'd kill myself. It was really hard, I missed my younger siblings who I had raised up to this point, and I missed my parents even though the home situation was bad. I finally went home 3 months before my 17th birthday. It felt like we all were walking on eggshells. I only stayed long enough to turn 17, that was the age you could legally leave home where I grew up. As soon as I turned 17 I left and moved to another state. I cut myself off from my parents again at that point, got into counseling and on meds and was trying to get my life together. What got me back in contact with my family about 9 months later was I became pregnant. We started working on our relationship again, it was easier with us living in different states. My husband (at the time), daughter, and myself ended up moving back to my home state in Nov of 93. I continued to work on my relationship with my parents and felt a real new closeness with my Dad especially. Things went good for about a year, then my Dad lost control of his temper again. I cut all contact again, other than the one time I had to see them for them to sign custody papers for my sister to live with me and the one time I saw mom to say goodbye cause we were moving back out of state. My mom ended up leaving my Dad, for another man, and my Dad tried to kill himself. Dad finally got the help he desperately needed. I didn't talk to either of my parents again until about the time I became pregnant with my son and my Grandpa was diagnosed with cancer. We started working again on our relationship, this time with amazing results for me and Dad especially. They even stopped by my house on their way down to Florida and we had a wonderful time even though I was really sick. My Dad ended up making Mom and the boys load up so they could leave, he knew somehow that I was not gonna go to the doctor while they were there. I ended up in the hospital about 6 hours after they left, but that's another story. Long story short, I ended up moving down to Florida and me and Dad have a GREAT relationship now. Mom and I still have a lot of issues but they mostly stay under the surface. My point in telling you this is not in any way to take anything away from your story but to hopefully give you hope. I know it's hard, and things may never be like you need them to be, but as long as you are all still alive there is the hope that some day they will open their eyes and see what a wonderful daughter they have. I'm so glad you have your husband to help you through this. I really like the letter to your Dad, I hope with all my heart that he really reads it. I may be wrong, but the vibe I get from your posts is that you have the better chance of reaching him than your Mom right now. I wish you all the best and will keep you in my thoughts.
:bighug:
Es
 

ChaoticPsychotic

Patron with Honors
Quietheart, I am so sorry to hear of your heartaches and struggles. I guess all of this has shown me that life really seems to be full of hurdles that we all have to overcome in a fashion. You made it through thus far and I am so glad for you.

I value all of the input I have gotten and I thank you all for taking the time. it means so very much to me.

I think that I will wait. It helped me today to write the letter and someday in the future I am sure that I will actually deliver it and I hope that I can time it right for the ultimate effectiveness.

From what I can gather, the women seem to think it is great, the men see it as needing some tweaking. I will wait awhile and review it again in time when my emotions aren't so raw. Perhaps at that time I will revise it some, perhaps I won't. Time will tell.

I have been traveling a very rocky road this week. Each day seems to have less boulders. I hope that those of you who are in hiding as I was until a short time ago can learn from my experience as I share it so publicly. I hope that someday soon you too will find the courage to ditch the fear and come forth as you need to.

Thank you all.

Love,

Melanie
 

Kathy (ImOut)

Gold Meritorious Patron
Melanie,

I just got caught up with your posts. Get the letter to your dad.

I had similar problems with my dad - I was the Scio, though, not him and we didn't have issues about Scn. He just never knew me. So back in 2004 when I was about 42 I sent him the Letter of Recommendation I'd gotten from a particular job. And I also expanded on that letter with my own letter.

A few days after sending the letter, my cell phone rings and it's my dad. I did NOT answer that call fearing I'd get yelled at for being such a smart ass. I later listened to his message. What a shock to me. He said: I didn't realize you were so smart and had done so much at that company you worked for or you'd done so much with your own financial situation.

I immediately called him back and gave him credit for me accomplishing what I'd accomplished in my work and with my finances. I said: Dad, you didn't raise no dummy. The point is, my dad did NOT raise me. But I gave him the credit because he got the point of my letter. I wasn't a dummy and I'd done well in life.

The point is - we can get our fathers to see what they have not or would not see. We are their little girls and we will forever be their little girls. Even at 42 I was still my dad's little girl and I think he probably had some guilt for not raising me and for letting my mom raise me (not well, I might add). And for me to give him the credit, relieved him of his guilt. And as someone else wrote - us kids sometimes have to be the parent. And I think that time is now for you, Melanie.

So, get that letter to your dad. Hug your baby(s). Hug your husband. You turned out good despite the crap you grew up with. As did I. And forget you have brass ovaries - you have titanium balls. And without them we wouldn't be who we are today.

Hugs to you. Call me or email me if you need a shoulder or an ear.:blowkiss:
 

EP - Ethics Particle

Gold Meritorious Patron
Good chick is good chick...

Melanie,

I just got caught up with your posts. Get the letter to your dad.

...deletions

We are their little girls and we will forever be their little girls. Even at 42 I was still my dad's little girl and I think he probably had some guilt for not raising me and for letting my mom raise me (not well, I might add). And for me to give him the credit, relieved him of his guilt. And as someone else wrote - us kids sometimes have to be the parent. And I think that time is now for you, Melanie.

So, get that letter to your dad. Hug your baby(s). Hug your husband. You turned out good despite the crap you grew up with. As did I. And forget you have brass ovaries - you have titanium balls. And without them we wouldn't be who we are today.

Hugs to you. Call me or email me if you need a shoulder or an ear.:blowkiss:

ImOut is groovin' in the same dimension as old EP here, Melanie! Take heed, and all will be well in the fullness of time. :yes:

Roy
 

quietheart

Patron Meritorious
One of the things I'm most happy about is that even with my memory issues I still have some really great memories of the good times with my Dad. I've always been a Daddy's girl. I usually focus on those memories, like fishing with my Dad or him trying to teach me the constellations. I'm also extremely lucky that my Dad beat his cancer and is still around to be a great Dad and a great Grandpa to my kiddos. I think part of what has gotten me through the hard times is hope and doing my best to remember the good things.
Es
 
Top