SchwimmelPuckel
Genuine Meatball
Payoff: "No church tells me who I love!"
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Hey I'm back for a second
- Thread starter ChaoticPsychotic
- Start date
byte301
Crusader
there, fixed that for you.
grundy
Gold Meritorious Patron
Melanie,
I know it's been very hard.
And it's very hard to get someone who doesn't want to see to confront things. I think you handled it very well.
I think the letter to your father (my opinion only) might be better if it was more a long the lines of this vibe:
I love you. ____ is what I believe. I don't agree with ___. I know you don't see things the same way. If you ever are in a position to talk more, I would love to talk about it. I really do love you all. Good luck.
But I'm a guy and I was too long a scientologist, so Human Emotion and Reaction always sounds bad to me. This is what scientology teaches you - that to be human and have emotions is a bad thing.
On the same token though, it might be more real to him.
Just my thoughts.
Good luck. I hope it goes well.
Love,
Grundy
I know it's been very hard.
And it's very hard to get someone who doesn't want to see to confront things. I think you handled it very well.
I think the letter to your father (my opinion only) might be better if it was more a long the lines of this vibe:
I love you. ____ is what I believe. I don't agree with ___. I know you don't see things the same way. If you ever are in a position to talk more, I would love to talk about it. I really do love you all. Good luck.
But I'm a guy and I was too long a scientologist, so Human Emotion and Reaction always sounds bad to me. This is what scientology teaches you - that to be human and have emotions is a bad thing.
On the same token though, it might be more real to him.
Just my thoughts.
Good luck. I hope it goes well.
Love,
Grundy
Axiom142
Gold Meritorious Patron
Melanie,
This is most definitely NOT tl;dr. I wish I could do more to help.
I think it is a great letter, no caring human being could read that and not be moved. I think it is important for you to stress that you still love him and are prepared to forgive him. Hopefully he will realise that he has wronged you and this will make him wake up. Be prepared to keep at it.
Good luck,
Axiom142
gomorrhan
Gold Meritorious Patron
My experience was not that having emotion was a bad thing, but that allowing emotion to rule your responses was a bad thing. HE&R is considered a reactive thing. However, even clears (which have never existed, per available evidence) experience emotion, the idea is just that their emotion is calculated correctly, instead of containing aberrated responses.
I still believe that our initial responses to our environment are quite frequently conditioned by past experience, and are not always appropriate. I believe that TRs are the correct way to handle this. This doesn't mean robotic communication, it simply means not necessarily responding with emotion that is inappropriate, and this requires what outside of scientology is commonly referred to as mindfulness.
I still believe that our initial responses to our environment are quite frequently conditioned by past experience, and are not always appropriate. I believe that TRs are the correct way to handle this. This doesn't mean robotic communication, it simply means not necessarily responding with emotion that is inappropriate, and this requires what outside of scientology is commonly referred to as mindfulness.
keeping you and your family in my thoughts. this truly is the worst part of Scientology - it's ability to tear families apart.
Terril park
Sponsor
Hey Melanie,
Sorry if I go into scn principles here. Its my attempt to help and you can of course send me to the dustbin.
You must be the strong one. You must be pan determined.
You must make your parents right. I know thats difficult as your life is in turmoil.
Recognise they are trapped. Be gentle, very gentle, and improvise from there.
Let them know you are always there for them.
Wish you success.
quietheart
Patron Meritorious
Melanie,
This is a tough subject for me, but really felt moved to respond. Due to my own abuse I have voluntarily "disconnected" from my parents 3 times in my life and permanently "disconnected" from an older brother (he's a pedophile), of course in our family we call it disowned. The first time was when I ran away from home for 9 months. These are the exact reasons I left, a) My parents oldest son was put into a home for abusive teens and I was being pressured to go see him. b) My mother was being very manipulative. and c) My Dad was physically abusing me. I honestly felt I had to leave or I'd kill myself. It was really hard, I missed my younger siblings who I had raised up to this point, and I missed my parents even though the home situation was bad. I finally went home 3 months before my 17th birthday. It felt like we all were walking on eggshells. I only stayed long enough to turn 17, that was the age you could legally leave home where I grew up. As soon as I turned 17 I left and moved to another state. I cut myself off from my parents again at that point, got into counseling and on meds and was trying to get my life together. What got me back in contact with my family about 9 months later was I became pregnant. We started working on our relationship again, it was easier with us living in different states. My husband (at the time), daughter, and myself ended up moving back to my home state in Nov of 93. I continued to work on my relationship with my parents and felt a real new closeness with my Dad especially. Things went good for about a year, then my Dad lost control of his temper again. I cut all contact again, other than the one time I had to see them for them to sign custody papers for my sister to live with me and the one time I saw mom to say goodbye cause we were moving back out of state. My mom ended up leaving my Dad, for another man, and my Dad tried to kill himself. Dad finally got the help he desperately needed. I didn't talk to either of my parents again until about the time I became pregnant with my son and my Grandpa was diagnosed with cancer. We started working again on our relationship, this time with amazing results for me and Dad especially. They even stopped by my house on their way down to Florida and we had a wonderful time even though I was really sick. My Dad ended up making Mom and the boys load up so they could leave, he knew somehow that I was not gonna go to the doctor while they were there. I ended up in the hospital about 6 hours after they left, but that's another story. Long story short, I ended up moving down to Florida and me and Dad have a GREAT relationship now. Mom and I still have a lot of issues but they mostly stay under the surface. My point in telling you this is not in any way to take anything away from your story but to hopefully give you hope. I know it's hard, and things may never be like you need them to be, but as long as you are all still alive there is the hope that some day they will open their eyes and see what a wonderful daughter they have. I'm so glad you have your husband to help you through this. I really like the letter to your Dad, I hope with all my heart that he really reads it. I may be wrong, but the vibe I get from your posts is that you have the better chance of reaching him than your Mom right now. I wish you all the best and will keep you in my thoughts.
Es
This is a tough subject for me, but really felt moved to respond. Due to my own abuse I have voluntarily "disconnected" from my parents 3 times in my life and permanently "disconnected" from an older brother (he's a pedophile), of course in our family we call it disowned. The first time was when I ran away from home for 9 months. These are the exact reasons I left, a) My parents oldest son was put into a home for abusive teens and I was being pressured to go see him. b) My mother was being very manipulative. and c) My Dad was physically abusing me. I honestly felt I had to leave or I'd kill myself. It was really hard, I missed my younger siblings who I had raised up to this point, and I missed my parents even though the home situation was bad. I finally went home 3 months before my 17th birthday. It felt like we all were walking on eggshells. I only stayed long enough to turn 17, that was the age you could legally leave home where I grew up. As soon as I turned 17 I left and moved to another state. I cut myself off from my parents again at that point, got into counseling and on meds and was trying to get my life together. What got me back in contact with my family about 9 months later was I became pregnant. We started working on our relationship again, it was easier with us living in different states. My husband (at the time), daughter, and myself ended up moving back to my home state in Nov of 93. I continued to work on my relationship with my parents and felt a real new closeness with my Dad especially. Things went good for about a year, then my Dad lost control of his temper again. I cut all contact again, other than the one time I had to see them for them to sign custody papers for my sister to live with me and the one time I saw mom to say goodbye cause we were moving back out of state. My mom ended up leaving my Dad, for another man, and my Dad tried to kill himself. Dad finally got the help he desperately needed. I didn't talk to either of my parents again until about the time I became pregnant with my son and my Grandpa was diagnosed with cancer. We started working again on our relationship, this time with amazing results for me and Dad especially. They even stopped by my house on their way down to Florida and we had a wonderful time even though I was really sick. My Dad ended up making Mom and the boys load up so they could leave, he knew somehow that I was not gonna go to the doctor while they were there. I ended up in the hospital about 6 hours after they left, but that's another story. Long story short, I ended up moving down to Florida and me and Dad have a GREAT relationship now. Mom and I still have a lot of issues but they mostly stay under the surface. My point in telling you this is not in any way to take anything away from your story but to hopefully give you hope. I know it's hard, and things may never be like you need them to be, but as long as you are all still alive there is the hope that some day they will open their eyes and see what a wonderful daughter they have. I'm so glad you have your husband to help you through this. I really like the letter to your Dad, I hope with all my heart that he really reads it. I may be wrong, but the vibe I get from your posts is that you have the better chance of reaching him than your Mom right now. I wish you all the best and will keep you in my thoughts.
Es
ChaoticPsychotic
Patron with Honors
Quietheart, I am so sorry to hear of your heartaches and struggles. I guess all of this has shown me that life really seems to be full of hurdles that we all have to overcome in a fashion. You made it through thus far and I am so glad for you.
I value all of the input I have gotten and I thank you all for taking the time. it means so very much to me.
I think that I will wait. It helped me today to write the letter and someday in the future I am sure that I will actually deliver it and I hope that I can time it right for the ultimate effectiveness.
From what I can gather, the women seem to think it is great, the men see it as needing some tweaking. I will wait awhile and review it again in time when my emotions aren't so raw. Perhaps at that time I will revise it some, perhaps I won't. Time will tell.
I have been traveling a very rocky road this week. Each day seems to have less boulders. I hope that those of you who are in hiding as I was until a short time ago can learn from my experience as I share it so publicly. I hope that someday soon you too will find the courage to ditch the fear and come forth as you need to.
Thank you all.
Love,
Melanie
I value all of the input I have gotten and I thank you all for taking the time. it means so very much to me.
I think that I will wait. It helped me today to write the letter and someday in the future I am sure that I will actually deliver it and I hope that I can time it right for the ultimate effectiveness.
From what I can gather, the women seem to think it is great, the men see it as needing some tweaking. I will wait awhile and review it again in time when my emotions aren't so raw. Perhaps at that time I will revise it some, perhaps I won't. Time will tell.
I have been traveling a very rocky road this week. Each day seems to have less boulders. I hope that those of you who are in hiding as I was until a short time ago can learn from my experience as I share it so publicly. I hope that someday soon you too will find the courage to ditch the fear and come forth as you need to.
Thank you all.
Love,
Melanie
Kathy (ImOut)
Gold Meritorious Patron
Melanie,
I just got caught up with your posts. Get the letter to your dad.
I had similar problems with my dad - I was the Scio, though, not him and we didn't have issues about Scn. He just never knew me. So back in 2004 when I was about 42 I sent him the Letter of Recommendation I'd gotten from a particular job. And I also expanded on that letter with my own letter.
A few days after sending the letter, my cell phone rings and it's my dad. I did NOT answer that call fearing I'd get yelled at for being such a smart ass. I later listened to his message. What a shock to me. He said: I didn't realize you were so smart and had done so much at that company you worked for or you'd done so much with your own financial situation.
I immediately called him back and gave him credit for me accomplishing what I'd accomplished in my work and with my finances. I said: Dad, you didn't raise no dummy. The point is, my dad did NOT raise me. But I gave him the credit because he got the point of my letter. I wasn't a dummy and I'd done well in life.
The point is - we can get our fathers to see what they have not or would not see. We are their little girls and we will forever be their little girls. Even at 42 I was still my dad's little girl and I think he probably had some guilt for not raising me and for letting my mom raise me (not well, I might add). And for me to give him the credit, relieved him of his guilt. And as someone else wrote - us kids sometimes have to be the parent. And I think that time is now for you, Melanie.
So, get that letter to your dad. Hug your baby(s). Hug your husband. You turned out good despite the crap you grew up with. As did I. And forget you have brass ovaries - you have titanium balls. And without them we wouldn't be who we are today.
Hugs to you. Call me or email me if you need a shoulder or an ear.
I just got caught up with your posts. Get the letter to your dad.
I had similar problems with my dad - I was the Scio, though, not him and we didn't have issues about Scn. He just never knew me. So back in 2004 when I was about 42 I sent him the Letter of Recommendation I'd gotten from a particular job. And I also expanded on that letter with my own letter.
A few days after sending the letter, my cell phone rings and it's my dad. I did NOT answer that call fearing I'd get yelled at for being such a smart ass. I later listened to his message. What a shock to me. He said: I didn't realize you were so smart and had done so much at that company you worked for or you'd done so much with your own financial situation.
I immediately called him back and gave him credit for me accomplishing what I'd accomplished in my work and with my finances. I said: Dad, you didn't raise no dummy. The point is, my dad did NOT raise me. But I gave him the credit because he got the point of my letter. I wasn't a dummy and I'd done well in life.
The point is - we can get our fathers to see what they have not or would not see. We are their little girls and we will forever be their little girls. Even at 42 I was still my dad's little girl and I think he probably had some guilt for not raising me and for letting my mom raise me (not well, I might add). And for me to give him the credit, relieved him of his guilt. And as someone else wrote - us kids sometimes have to be the parent. And I think that time is now for you, Melanie.
So, get that letter to your dad. Hug your baby(s). Hug your husband. You turned out good despite the crap you grew up with. As did I. And forget you have brass ovaries - you have titanium balls. And without them we wouldn't be who we are today.
Hugs to you. Call me or email me if you need a shoulder or an ear.
EP - Ethics Particle
Gold Meritorious Patron
Good chick is good chick...
ImOut is groovin' in the same dimension as old EP here, Melanie! Take heed, and all will be well in the fullness of time.
Roy
Melanie,
I just got caught up with your posts. Get the letter to your dad.
...deletions
We are their little girls and we will forever be their little girls. Even at 42 I was still my dad's little girl and I think he probably had some guilt for not raising me and for letting my mom raise me (not well, I might add). And for me to give him the credit, relieved him of his guilt. And as someone else wrote - us kids sometimes have to be the parent. And I think that time is now for you, Melanie.
So, get that letter to your dad. Hug your baby(s). Hug your husband. You turned out good despite the crap you grew up with. As did I. And forget you have brass ovaries - you have titanium balls. And without them we wouldn't be who we are today.
Hugs to you. Call me or email me if you need a shoulder or an ear.
ImOut is groovin' in the same dimension as old EP here, Melanie! Take heed, and all will be well in the fullness of time.
Roy
quietheart
Patron Meritorious
One of the things I'm most happy about is that even with my memory issues I still have some really great memories of the good times with my Dad. I've always been a Daddy's girl. I usually focus on those memories, like fishing with my Dad or him trying to teach me the constellations. I'm also extremely lucky that my Dad beat his cancer and is still around to be a great Dad and a great Grandpa to my kiddos. I think part of what has gotten me through the hard times is hope and doing my best to remember the good things.
Es
Es
