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hi, iv been involved with scientology and i want to stop the behaviour an get out

vespertine

New Member
hiya. im 20 years old and i was introduced to Scientology methods threw a self help program who focused their methods on EST.
previous, i was very lost in life, felt alone and already feeling belonging to no where. a friend and their mother introduced me to this self help program and i thought it sounded fantastic and i was excited and i couldnt wait to learn more.

i would go to seminars with these friends and learn all i could, take notes, do excerisez, talk, and spend alot of time thinking about these methods. i spent 85% of my time alone and dedicated it all to thinking about my "new self" that i had created with my "friends". they showerd me with compliments, caring love and they made me feel like , me caring about them, made all the worlds difference and i wanted that very badly, for someone to care that i cared about them

as months passed i started becoming more intolerant, judgmental, very arrogant of myself, ignorant, uncompassionate to other, selfish, delusional, but i had been feeling great. i had support, love, acceptance and a sense of worth and place. i lost all of my old friends, i turned into hating my boyfriend . my emotions were very bi polar cuz i couldnt decide weather the Scientology methods were "right" or "wrong... thats how i was seeing everything, weather it was right or wrong, only in black in white and i had very high standards. i knew something was wrong but i felt love was my answer to everything and thats what i got from Scientology was love, caring, and acceptance

well a few days ago i have came to relies how iv been acting and why i have been acting that way and how i started thinking that way..

i feel really blank like a computer with no hardwear
i lost my sence of self, how i act, how i handle things, my personality has changed alot, i CANNOT seem to connect with people and i having trouble communicating with them. its enabling my relationships to further and im really stuck. im also seeing everything polarized like good or bad and everything that nearly comes out of my mouth is verifying that i wna stop and be able to focus my thoughts on not weather its good or bad but i have no idea anymore what to focus the thought on, or like what way to judge it or what..

any advice?
 

R6Basic

Patron Meritorious
Welcome Vespertine!

How long have you been in Scn.?

I'm sure you are going to get tons of advice here.

Just reaching out to this board is a good step. I suggest you read some stories while you are waiting for your post to get answered.
 
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Human Again

Silver Meritorious Patron
Hi Vespertine,

I suggest you get yourself a counsellor quickly to help you chuck the beliefs that have begun to embed in your mind that cause you to act the way you have noticed you are acting. Some Cognitive Behavioural Therapy will go a long way to helping you with this.

If I had had this when I first left, I am 100% certain I would have created a better life than I have. Instead I continued with the beliefs and behaviours at a subconscious level and it has cost me bigtime.

Are you in Australia?

And BTW well done on seeing whathas happened for you.

PM me if you want some specific help.

Natascha
 

olska

Silver Meritorious Patron
Advice (you asked for it):

You must have had some kind of "issue" or you wouldn't have sought out a self-help program, right?

Go to a meeting of a 12-step program -- an offshoot of Alcoholics Anonymous -- there are many, having to do with relationships and just about every "issue" you can think of: crazy relationships, shopping addiction, debts, drugs, alcohol, gambling, overeating, crazy parents, whatever.

It's free, no obligation, no one takes your name and number for a mailing list to bug you into the future, no one asking for your time or money you don't have or don't want to give, walk away if you don't like it. You share your experience, strength, hope, get help from others from all walks of life who've been there done that and understand whatever it is that's troubling you.

If you need more info PM or ask here.

Good luck to you.
 

JBTrendy

Patron with Honors
Hi Vespertine

Warm welcome on board dear!

Well that's the kind of things lots of us have been going through.

I'ld suggest you read what you just wrote and see for yourself that you're in pretty good shape to my viewpoint.

You were lost, you got some tech behind your belt that made you feel good but again you lost yourself along the way.

As you know now what you've been losing that you didn't want to loose. Well just take it back than. What you like about yourself is who you truly are and that's great.

From there take a look at what you got out of Scientology. What don't add up to what you truly are isn't of any value so throw it away. What aligns with what you truly are you can keep.

You know that is this basic principle in Scientology that should never be forgotten. It's coming from the Buddha and LRH used it from the very beginning of his quest along the path of wisdom.

What is true is what is true for you because you can see it for yourself.

Well that's just simple things I'm telling you that you're probably already aware of but sometimes it's good to ear it from outside.

Hope this does help.

ALL2U :thumbsup::thumbsup::thumbsup:
 

Mystic

Crusader
hiya. im 20 years old and i was introduced to Scientology methods threw a self help program who focused their methods on EST.
previous, i was very lost in life, felt alone and already feeling belonging to no where. a friend and their mother introduced me to this self help program and i thought it sounded fantastic and i was excited and i couldnt wait to learn more.

i would go to seminars with these friends and learn all i could, take notes, do excerisez, talk, and spend alot of time thinking about these methods. i spent 85% of my time alone and dedicated it all to thinking about my "new self" that i had created with my "friends". they showerd me with compliments, caring love and they made me feel like , me caring about them, made all the worlds difference and i wanted that very badly, for someone to care that i cared about them

as months passed i started becoming more intolerant, judgmental, very arrogant of myself, ignorant, uncompassionate to other, selfish, delusional, but i had been feeling great. i had support, love, acceptance and a sense of worth and place. i lost all of my old friends, i turned into hating my boyfriend . my emotions were very bi polar cuz i couldnt decide weather the Scientology methods were "right" or "wrong... thats how i was seeing everything, weather it was right or wrong, only in black in white and i had very high standards. i knew something was wrong but i felt love was my answer to everything and thats what i got from Scientology was love, caring, and acceptance

well a few days ago i have came to relies how iv been acting and why i have been acting that way and how i started thinking that way..

i feel really blank like a computer with no hardwear
i lost my sence of self, how i act, how i handle things, my personality has changed alot, i CANNOT seem to connect with people and i having trouble communicating with them. its enabling my relationships to further and im really stuck. im also seeing everything polarized like good or bad and everything that nearly comes out of my mouth is verifying that i wna stop and be able to focus my thoughts on not weather its good or bad but i have no idea anymore what to focus the thought on, or like what way to judge it or what..

any advice?

Until more unfolding, I am not believing this story as valid. It is made up.
 

vespertine

New Member
lol made up.. well i didnt want to give a large essay although id love to share my full experience.


R6Basic, 8 months but i will stop "learning" from them and giving them my genuine personal support. thanks =p


thanks for sharing that human again..and yeah i will check out CBT. wonder what its based off what though?? im afraid of again becoming something im not, where do they get info for therapy?

yes olska i did, thanks for ur suggestion

JBTrendy, thanks for those words "What is true is what is true for you because you can see it for yourself." that is so very true and i gotta think with that of everything that comes from me, deff good to hear from outside ear, thanks again
 

Winston Smith

Flunked Scientology
Until more unfolding, I am not believing this story as valid. It is made up.

Mystic to my rescue, giving me a reason to get another tick to stardom. I did not think of this angle, but ofcourse it is prescient. (See even Winnie the Pooh comes up with "big" words every once in awhile)

On the chance it is valid, my advice would be to go on a camping trip to a place where only nature surrounds. Listen to the silence, drink it in. In this way you will find your place in this world. And take a dog. :) Doggies are the bestest listeners.
 

namaste

Silver Meritorious Patron
Relax. You are being guided. In fact, the next message you need in the treasure hunt is exactly where you are when you need it. The message may be in the form of a teacher or a lover or an enemy or a pet or a rock or a chemical or a book or a feeling of great despair or a physical illness or the eyes of a person you pass on the street.
. . .
Listen to your inner being. If you are at the point where you sense you need instruction in calming your mind or getting your body in shape, then you will become sensitized to available teachers who can instruct you concerning the specific practices required. Often you will find a teacher who knows the specific information although he doesn't elicit in you a great love or trust. Honor him as your teacher, learn what you can, and then move on. Trust the messages coming from you heart and intuition.
This journey is an inner journey. The charisma of an impure being such as a Hitler would not be of influence on another person were that person totally honest with himself and totally true to his inner voice. There is a place in each human being where at all times he knows exactly "where it is at." So, if in doubt about the next step, just listen. And if still in doubt, wait. When it's time to move, you'll know.

-- Ram Dass, Be Here Now

Welcome, vespertine.

I am going to take you at face value as I have no reason to do otherwise. Please understand that we do get a lot of undercover CoS stooges coming on to the board to misdirect and so forth and that tends to make people suspicious of newcomers.
Personally, I wouldn't care if you were an CoS op. They always wind up getting their asses kicked here and they need to hear this anyway.

Your emotions are letting you know that you are not in allignment with the real You. Consider that a blessing.
If I were to recommend some material to you off hand, I would start with The Astonishing Power of Emotions by Esther and Jerry Hicks. If you check the book out somewhere on the net and it indicates to you then go with it. If not then click around until something does.

It seems that your true self is anxious right now about getting on with the show. Let it guide you and realize that it is in touch with the entire universe and beyond.

That is why you have the urge to get the F out of the Church of Scientology right now. Do it while you are young and don't look back. Others have wasted many valuable years there to no avail. You will be able to better evaluate Hubbard and the subject of Scientology from out here. All of the materials that are available in the "church" are available on the outside now as well so nothing is lost.

And have no fear -- you have an eternity and you can't get it wrong. :)

Remember to enjoy the journey.

Some other material that has helped me:
  • The 12 Sacred Principles of Karma by Dr. Steven Hairfield
  • The Science of Getting Rich by Wallace D. Wattles
  • Anything by Esther and Jerry Hicks
  • The Power of Now by Ekhart Tolle
  • http://www.conciousmedianetwork.com ($5 a month for unlimited viewing of videos -- once again, look around for ones that indicate to you and watch those.) I highly recommend this site.


READ AND LEARN

You are fortunate to have woken up and begun on your path so early in this life.

Good luck to you and I hope that you will keep in touch and let us know how things are going.

God's love to you,


namaste
 

The Great Zorg

Gold Meritorious Patron
Relax. You are being guided. In fact, the next message you need in the treasure hunt is exactly where you are when you need it. The message may be in the form of a teacher or a lover or an enemy or a pet or a rock or a chemical or a book or a feeling of great despair or a physical illness or the eyes of a person you pass on the street.. . .
Listen to your inner being. If you are at the point where you sense you need instruction in calming your mind or getting your body in shape, then you will become sensitized to available teachers who can instruct you concerning the specific practices required. Often you will find a teacher who knows the specific information although he doesn't elicit in you a great love or trust. Honor him as your teacher, learn what you can, and then move on. Trust the messages coming from you heart and intuition.
This journey is an inner journey. The charisma of an impure being such as a Hitler would not be of influence on another person were that person totally honest with himself and totally true to his inner voice. There is a place in each human being where at all times he knows exactly "where it is at." So, if in doubt about the next step, just listen. And if still in doubt, wait. When it's time to move, you'll know.
-- Ram Dass, Be Here Now
Welcome, vespertine.

I am going to take you at face value as I have no reason to do otherwise. Please understand that we do get a lot of undercover CoS stooges coming on to the board to misdirect and so forth and that tends to make people suspicious of newcomers.
Personally, I wouldn't care if you were an CoS op. They always wind up getting their asses kicked here and they need to hear this anyway.
Your emotions are letting you know that you are not in allignment with the real You. Consider that a blessing.
If I were to recommend some material to you off hand, I would start with The Astonishing Power of Emotions by Esther and Jerry Hicks. If you check the book out somewhere on the net and it indicates to you then go with it. If not then click around until something does.
It seems that your true self is anxious right now about getting on with the show. Let it guide you and realize that it is in touch with the entire universe and beyond.
That is why you have the urge to get the F out of the Church of Scientology right now. Do it while you are young and don't look back. Others have wasted many valuable years there to no avail. You will be able to better evaluate Hubbard and the subject of Scientology from out here. All of the materials that are available in the "church" are available on the outside now as well so nothing is lost.
And have no fear -- you have an eternity and you can't get it wrong. :)
Remember to enjoy the journey.
Some other material that has helped me:
  • The 12 Sacred Principles of Karma by Dr. Steven Hairfield
  • The Science of Getting Rich by Wallace D. Wattles
  • Anything by Esther and Jerry Hicks
  • The Power of Now by Ekhart Tolle
  • http://www.conciousmedianetwork.com ($5 a month for unlimited viewing of videos -- once again, look around for ones that indicate to you and watch those.) I highly recommend this site.
READ AND LEARN
You are fortunate to have woken up and begun on your path so early in this life.
Good luck to you and I hope that you will keep in touch and let us know how things are going.
God's love to you,
namaste

^^^^^^
Well said! :thumbsup:

I'm still suspicious, but that's just me. :unsure:
 

pebbles

Patron with Honors
Hi

Vespertine-
Those here are good , wise folk. Warriors, yet kind, insightful and models of how to get on with life when a part of you knows something isn't okay. Those that realize that "family" is family always.
So you are here...
That's a gift...intuition, doubt, whatever.
So glad that you are here.
Bless you dear Vespertine-
Pebbles
 

Tiger Lily

Gold Meritorious Patron
Well, Vespertine, I guess you're not getting "love bombed" here; but that's to be expected when you're in a place where free expression is encouraged. Don't let people get to you. Be aware that people here have learned to be cautious.

I have no reason not to believe you. In fact what you describe is very similar to what I went through, although I didn't recognize it on my own. . . not until I ran out of money anyway.

I understand that empty feeling -- you thought you were dedicating yourself to the highest purpose, and now you find out that wasn't the case. That was devastating for me. What helped was just reading. . . read "Messiah or Madman", "A Piece of Blue Sky", stories here, there's a great book on mass movements called "The True Believer" by Eric Hoffer that describes the way groups like this get hold of people. That one really helped me unravel it.

And then make sure you put something positive in its place. Make a definite attempt to connect with people (even if it's awkward) and see them as people instead of as "wogs" that that will help too. Meditation maybe, if you are disposed to that kind of thing.

And keep reading and posting here -- that was the thing that finally got me through it and back to living my life the way I wanted to.

I wish you the best :)
-TL
 

Voltaire's Child

Fool on the Hill
So, just leave. Seriously. Stop going to courses and don't answer their calls. (they WILL call you). If they show up to talk to you, just stonewall them. Stick to your guns. Make up something.
 

Voltaire's Child

Fool on the Hill
It is not difficult to leave when one isn't on staff and/or doesn't have family in the cult. Easy enough not to return calls. They may show up at your doorstep but easy enough to fob them off. Give them an excuse, real, made up, whatever- doesn't matter. Don't let them draw you into a long why why because but yeah what if series of crap, and just stonewall 'em.

It's staff members and people who have family involved who may not speak to them anymore who really have trouble leaving on many occasions.
 

Tiger Lily

Gold Meritorious Patron
It is not difficult to leave when one isn't on staff and/or doesn't have family in the cult. Easy enough not to return calls. They may show up at your doorstep but easy enough to fob them off. Give them an excuse, real, made up, whatever- doesn't matter. Don't let them draw you into a long why why because but yeah what if series of crap, and just stonewall 'em.

It's staff members and people who have family involved who may not speak to them anymore who really have trouble leaving on many occasions.

You are right about that Fluffy -- it's a very different thing for a public vs. staff to leave. I was only public -- not one "friend" or family member was in (despite all my best FSMing :faceslap:) and I just can't imagine what it would be like for those of you that were so heavily invested.

And the advice is good -- just leave, ignore phone calls, etc. That's what I did and it worked well and relatively easily. . . (they still call on a regular basis even though I screen calls and haven't returned a call in years).

But it is a tough thing even for public -- it's the psychological ties of leaving the dream of making the world a better place and having a higher purpose. . .and the camaraderie and feeling of a shoulder-to-shoulder team effort. . . people who make you believe they think you are special.

But if you only knew what the staff are saying about you when you weren't there. . .I overheard a conversation about me once when I was public. and I routinely heard them criticize other public scientologists. . . it tore me apart, but I still stayed because I just figured they had some "case" and I wasn't going to let that stop me.

You really aren't giving anything up. . . really. Just walk away, and do some reading, take some classes, try some new things. . it will fade to "learned from experience" status soon.
 
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