nozeno
Gold Meritorious Patron
hiya. im 20 years old and i was introduced to Scientology methods threw a self help program who focused their methods on EST.
previous, i was very lost in life, felt alone and already feeling belonging to no where. a friend and their mother introduced me to this self help program and i thought it sounded fantastic and i was excited and i couldnt wait to learn more.
i would go to seminars with these friends and learn all i could, take notes, do excerisez, talk, and spend alot of time thinking about these methods. i spent 85% of my time alone and dedicated it all to thinking about my "new self" that i had created with my "friends". they showerd me with compliments, caring love and they made me feel like , me caring about them, made all the worlds difference and i wanted that very badly, for someone to care that i cared about them
as months passed i started becoming more intolerant, judgmental, very arrogant of myself, ignorant, uncompassionate to other, selfish, delusional, but i had been feeling great. i had support, love, acceptance and a sense of worth and place. i lost all of my old friends, i turned into hating my boyfriend . my emotions were very bi polar cuz i couldnt decide weather the Scientology methods were "right" or "wrong... thats how i was seeing everything, weather it was right or wrong, only in black in white and i had very high standards. i knew something was wrong but i felt love was my answer to everything and thats what i got from Scientology was love, caring, and acceptance
well a few days ago i have came to relies how iv been acting and why i have been acting that way and how i started thinking that way..
i feel really blank like a computer with no hardwear
i lost my sence of self, how i act, how i handle things, my personality has changed alot, i CANNOT seem to connect with people and i having trouble communicating with them. its enabling my relationships to further and im really stuck. im also seeing everything polarized like good or bad and everything that nearly comes out of my mouth is verifying that i wna stop and be able to focus my thoughts on not weather its good or bad but i have no idea anymore what to focus the thought on, or like what way to judge it or what..
any advice?
Get some conventional help (therapy) if you can afford it.
By the way I'm not convinced yet either. My BS meter is ticking.
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