ESMB has entered archive mode. All posts and threads that were available to the general public are still readable. The board is still searchable. 

Thank you all for your participation and readership over the last 12 years.

If you want to join in the conversation, please join the new ESMB Redux at

Hi, left the cult months ago (after 20 years in it)

Discussion in 'New Member Introductions' started by Raphael, Jun 27, 2019.

  1. Raphael

    Raphael New Member

    Hi everyone,

    I recently left the cult, I was actively in it for 20 years. Been in the staff for 4 years and in the Sea Org for some years too. I had to leave behind part of my family that is still in it... I'll never go back, so probably I never see them again.

    Anyhow I'm finally out of that nightmare, I'm decompressing, not easy, I feel like an alien compared to normal people.

    I'm 36 years old now and feel like I just got out of jail after spending my best years in it. Many people ask me about the cult, but it's really hard to explain to somebody that never experienced any of it.

    I live in the LA area now and trying to restart my life.

    I Idid a lot of reading in the last months and now I know what Scientology really is. I know how it brainwash you, using mild trance states, how it creates this thinking system that replace your mind. I trained myself to avoid using these terms and phrases when I was still inside, I noticed that somehow was kind of harmful to my mind. Recently I find out that are hypnotic words and phrases used to keep in place the thinking system. I know that was all bullshit and that the man (Lrh) was crazy to the core. So sad that I've been raised into his cult and that many others did too.

    The good thing is that now I really understand what freedom is and I enjoy it.
    Last edited: Jun 27, 2019
  2. I told you I was trouble

    I told you I was trouble Suspended animation

    Welcome to the rest and best part of your life @Raphael, many of us know exactly how you feel ... decompressing takes a long time for some and others seem to do it very quickly but you are in the right place to do it at your own pace and I hope you get as much from this board as so many of us already have.

    phenomanon, AnonyMary, lotus and 3 others like this.
  3. cakemaker

    cakemaker Patron Meritorious

    Welcome! The former-Scn community, just like real life, is full of different characters and many opinions.
    The important thing is that now you really are FREE to think for yourself.
    It takes time to adjust physically, mentally and financially. Some aspects are quick and others are a work-in-progress.
    The thousands of happy ex's is a testament that it will all come out alright.
    Anyhoo, Welcome!!
  4. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Platinum Meritorious Sponsor with bells on

    Welcome back to the world!

    I have been exactly where you are. It's a lovely place to arrive.

    There are so many exciting choices and an ocean of opportunities awaiting you.

    Enjoy the journey of your own life, instead of helping Dr. Hubbard "achieve his dream".

    PRO TIP: The first sure sign that you have escaped the cult for good is when you can sustain a 24 hour period without ever using the term "on this planet". LOL

  5. Irayam

    Irayam Patron with Honors

    Welcome Raphael! And enjoy the wog /real world.

  6. Raphael

    Raphael New Member

    Thank you, I had 20 intense years and before 16 years of "youth" into a Scientology family... I feel better week after week, I need some time.
    guRl, tesseract, Type4_PTS and 2 others like this.
  7. Raphael

    Raphael New Member

    Free thinking is something I'm enjoying a lot now
  8. Raphael

    Raphael New Member

    I was listening to myself in these months, to notice which Scientology ideas were still in me, and didn't think about that. I'll take note of that, sounds as a real pro tip ;)
  9. Xenu Xenu Xenu

    Xenu Xenu Xenu Patron Meritorious

    Welcome back to the real world. Welcome back for good.
    AnonyMary likes this.
  10. Karakorum

    Karakorum supressively reasonable

    Hello, great to have you with us!

    I know exactly how weird and confusing the first months out of scientology can be, especially for a 2nd or 3rd generation scientologist. Speaking from experience: Its worth it, hang in there. In my case after the first 6 month or so everything became smooth sailing.

    Great to see you are enjoying the real world. Feel free to say as much or as little about your experiences inside scientology as you like. Keep in mind people from the church might be reading the forum.

    Having said that, its exciting to see someone who left recently and if you are willing to speak about your experiences, I'd be thrilled to hear how things change changed inside CoS recently.

    I'd say you are on the right path once you stop thinking of leaving scientology as "a cycle" ;)
    AnonyMary, lotus and HelluvaHoax! like this.
  11. I told you I was trouble

    I told you I was trouble Suspended animation

    Oh wow (I feel for you, I really do) and of course you need time ... anyone would.

    I hope you know that you have friends here and will talk to us about any issues as they come up so we can hopefully try to lessen the load.

    One day you must tell us how you found ESMB, I have never asked anyone that before but would love to know.
    phenomanon and lotus like this.
  12. Type4_PTS

    Type4_PTS Diamond Invictus SP

    Hi Raphael, glad you're out of there!

    :welcome2: :welcome2: :welcome2:
  13. Lurker5

    Lurker5 Gold Meritorious Patron

    Hi and :welcome:
    AnonyMary likes this.
  14. PirateAndBum

    PirateAndBum Gold Meritorious Patron

    Welcome to ESMB!

    Ok now, please do tell us about the massive expansion and flood of new people into the org! Give us the latest skinny on the Massive Miscavige Mission to Super-Size the idealness maximus externity of all ON THIS PLANET

  15. This is NOT OK !!!!

    This is NOT OK !!!! Gold Meritorious Patron

    Good luck Raphael. Wishing you the very best and hopefully you will experience some re-connection with family. It DOES HAPPEN.
    lotus and Type4_PTS like this.
  16. cakemaker

    cakemaker Patron Meritorious

    Raphael, I'd be curious to hear what the culture is like on staff and in the Sea Org these days. Does anybody question Miscavige privately?
    It seems that with the combining orgs, doing away with the SHSBC, FEBC, KTL, live Div 6 lectures, no ED Int or senior execs, obvious failure of the Ideal Org strategy (no expansion), etc., he's going directly against Hubbard yet people still do what he says. How is that explained?
  17. Exesso

    Exesso Bitter Apostate


    I think you will find many people here who have walked the same path you are on right now. Please do seek out advice/tips when you run into anything that's rough. That is to include things just having to do with operating in the real world--completely un-related to Scn--stuff like building credit, finishing your education, mortgages etc. Lots of people here who can explain and help more effectively than anyone who doesn't understand where you've been.

    BTW, if I may ask, where/when were you in the SO. I was at PAC in the early aughts. We might know each other.
  18. Wilbur

    Wilbur Patron Meritorious

    Hi Raphael, and welcome!!!

    If you feel like it, maybe you can tell us a bit about how being in Scientology has changed between, say, how it was 16 years ago and how it is now. Many on this board have been out for years, and although we hear news about how things are now (the Ideal Org/Idle Morgue project, incessant IAS pestering to 'up your status', etc), it would be interesting to hear your views on life as a Scientologist in the last few years, and how it has changed since your earlier days in Scn.

    By the way, feel free to withhold or alter details about your Scn experience that might help OSA to figure out who you are (they do monitor this board), if keeping your identity private is important to you. The CoS no longer has the resources to harass individual ex-Scientologists wholesale now, and there are too many exes for them to do that, so unless you were a high-profile Scientologist, or have a PARTICULARLY juicy story to tell, they are unlikely to fair-game you directly, but they would certainly tell people to disconnect from you, if they discover you are posting on ESMB.

    On the bright side, do you remember being told that if you leave Scientology you will die a horrible death, get run over suddenly by a bus, be doomed spiritually for eternity, or other such scare tactics? Or that the wog world is full of horrible DBs and evil suppressives, and you will be doomed to a life as a DB if you ever leave? Well, many on this board have been out for DECADES, and posting about their experiences. They did not get run over by a bus, are not all flipping burgers in MacDonald's, and did not cave in and die of pneumonia when they read OTIII on the internet. So don't worry - the stories of doom and gloom promulgated by the church about what happens to ex-Scientologists are not true. You are still young enough to completely restart your life. All you have to do is stop Q'ing and A'ing, knock of your CIs and evil purposes, come up tone and make it go right. Oh, and stop thinking in Scientologese!
    AnonyMary likes this.
  19. Type4_PTS

    Type4_PTS Diamond Invictus SP

    As Hubbard is still not back from Target Two, we don't know what he would really think about the changes made by Miscavige.

    If he saw the expansion of the Scientology real estate empire acquired using mostly other peoples money I suspect he'd be extremely happy, would grant Kha Khan status to Miscavige, forgiving all other sins.

    Had Hubbard been here he'd of loved the repackaging of the basic books multiple times, selling them again and again to Scientologists, as he would have made out like a bandit on the royalties.
  20. Clay Pigeon

    Clay Pigeon Gold Meritorious Patron



    "Life begins at forty"!