My touch on the gay road...
First thing.. I knew I was a gay boy from as long as I can remember. I don't know about you girls but as I'm sure you boys know, from a young age you find the naked body quite interesting. Even from 4 or 5 I remember being at the swimming pool always interested looking at the other guys naked. For the str8 boys, I have 2 str8 brothers, they liked seeing girls naked. This all happens much before others might like to admit.
So yes I'm gay.. I didn't really know this was what it was and growing up in western society (and amongst scois) I knew this was, 'wrong' or 'not cool'. As time went on I realised I was gay.. there wasn't really a moment when I knew I was, but if asked or told I was, I was very offended and I fucken hated it. I was being labeled with something bad, now I know it's not.
I was at a scio primary school (elementry I think it is for you American's
) until I was about 9 or 10. I didn't really like it there. I was picked on by some of the kids for being like I was. Then I went to a performing arts school for the rest of primary. There I used to sit with the teacher and all the girls while the boys played soccer. The teacher used to say to me why don't you go play soccer with the boys (If only I could have words with that teacher now ). Most of the teachers were fine though and I enjoyed the school a lot.
We moved up to the Central Coast (north of Sydney) when I had just started high school. I went to the local high school and only lasted about six weeks and I just hated it. Mum agreed to home school me at that point. After two years, we were looking at a performing arts school that I could apply to for my last four years of secondary education. It was a selective for people who were into the arts. I got in for singing.. (Luckily I don't see any of you face to face so you won't ask me to sing ) So this made it a bit easier through high school although not as easy as you think. I was still made fun of for being a fag even though there were another 10 or so gay guys in my year. The start of year 10 came around (third last year of high school) and I was at a party and someone caught me and another guy in a bedroom... Woops!! It had then spread around the whole year by 9 am on Monday at which point I didn't really give a shit. I did 3 computer electives at school, I was good with them at school and I guess I still am. Most of my classes were with the straight boys. I never got any shit from them again after they had found out. I guess they didn't really care that I was and found not reason to treat me any diffrent. Unless of course I tried to hit on. The same old saying "I don't care if you're gay as long as you don't hit on me".
I ended up getting my Mum to tell me that she knew I was gay. I couldn't quite say the words myself. I then got her to tell my brothers and Dad. Sam the older brother just below me stopped calling me a fag but Max the youngest thought said it more for the first month then realised it didn't bother and stopped. They family friends then gradually found out and everything turned out cool(Except for the odd ones we don't see anymore at all). I don't really know what I was worried about to begin with I just wish I told everyone earlier, it's a lot easier now.
Life and school and that went on as normal. I had done the purif in the org, but that was the only major service I had done. I then met some recruiters from the SO... I didn't have any interest in joining the SO but I had a neighbour and old family friend, who was going down to see them which was an hour away. I thought I would go for the ride. After a few trips down and hearing all the great stuff about it I thought, 'maybe'. I met a chick called MJ who was the senior HAS in ANZO or something. She told me about a guy who I went to primany school with who was in the SO and was going really well. He was dealing with major projects in IT, my area, and was travelling a lot. I was thinking this was a great opportunity for me.
This chick MJ had an interest in me. She asked me the basic questions asked on the SO check list to see if I had qualified. I passed them all. She neglected to ask if I had any homosexual whatever's (I forget the wording).
I told my parents and the shit hit the fan on the home front and the extended family front. (I was digging my heals in, and was determined to join the SO). That's another story though.
I was told the whole homosexual thing was fine and that some issues regarding one of my uncles would all be fine. That was all 'cleared up' but the communication from MJ to me was cut. It was then just the AO recruiters trying to recruit me into the AO (ANZO AO). I wasn't interested in going into the AO, but this is not what I was sold on (and I had my parents and family who had been warning me about this). I ended up just saying no! and I never went in. Thank GOD!
My parents had been off lines for years. Somehow after this recruit cycle, I was back 'on lines'. After that I copped a lot of crap from SO crew who I had gone to school with (those few years), for being gay. They pretty well all saw my sexual orientation as an ethics matter, had labeled me as 1.1 and told me to 'Knock it off'.
By this time I was out of school and I continued studying in IT. I continued this study for about a year, but then decided to move back down to Sydney away from the Parentals and their two mistakes, my brothers
. They weren't really mistakes and I do love them lots and we get on great. But I like telling them that because it gives them the shits. I always loved the city and I wanted to start living my own life.
I think I have had a very easy road compared to some I have heard about. It has given me a thick skin which is mostly good but sometimes not so good.
There has been talk about whether you are born gay not. I guess as a general rule you are. But there are always exceptions. I have a very close friend, he is in his 50's. He was with a guy for 15 yrs and they were basically married. The other guy who he was with for those 15 years, decided to break it off and now has a wife and is married with a child.
I don't think there is a definite line between gay and straight or bi whatever you want to call it. I know I would love to be able to sleep with girls.. I get along with them really well.. it would be really easy to pick them up.. but they just don't do it for me in that way.
I don't think anyone can say they know the exact science of how we all work to do with the sex side of things, let along anything else. It's something we have to work out for ourselves.