How did ESMB help you?

Petey C

Silver Meritorious Patron
Hello fellow posters. I am doing a bit of research into ways that message boards like this can help people like us -- let's say, those recovering from a pretty unusual experience. I started doing a search but was daunted by the huge number of threads and posts to work through. So I'm gonna take the easy way out and ask the questions outright:

How did having ESMB here help you understand, or get over, or come to terms with, your experiences in Scientology? What did you find here that you couldn't find elsewhere? What do you think you would have done if ESMB hadn't been around?

I'm very interested in your answers so please feel free to tell all.
 
Hello fellow posters. I am doing a bit of research into ways that message boards like this can help people like us -- let's say, those recovering from a pretty unusual experience. I started doing a search but was daunted by the huge number of threads and posts to work through. So I'm gonna take the easy way out and ask the questions outright:

How did having ESMB here help you understand, or get over, or come to terms with, your experiences in Scientology? What did you find here that you couldn't find elsewhere? What do you think you would have done if ESMB hadn't been around?

I'm very interested in your answers so please feel free to tell all.

This is a nice thread to start on Emmas birthday because as long as it doesn't get derailed, it will show her some of what we have all benefit from thanks to her and this forum and most of us have learned a lot about where we were and more important, where we are now. I lurked for a long time. It was an issue of trust but not because I didn't trust Emma or people here but because I needed to know that I would find acceptance when I joined and that it would actually be good for me to join and not just be somewhere I could wallow in self pity ( because I see a lot of ex scientologists who wallow and I dont want to be like that. it was me who took the step to go in so I have to take responsibility for my own acts too. )

I found reading peoples stories helped me the most because I can identify with most of them and see that I wasn't alone and others went through the same things.

In a different way it also helped me to read some postings and know what
' not to be ', I would read posts and say ' I dont want to be like him or her ' or ' that person is still not being a real person or taking responsibility for thier life today ' and that helps me to know which people I could turn to here when I need some private advice. I haven't asked for any private advise yet but I probably will and now I know who I would ask. I have 3 different issues to discuss and I think I ' know ' the 3 people I would ask for help just because I have read their postings and watched them on this board. Thanks Emma and I hope you find some encouragement for all the things you do here on your special day. And thanks Petey for a nice postive thread for us all to show some appreciation to Emma and the other members.
 

Free to shine

Shiny & Free
This is a part of a post on my blog the other day..

I started reading critical articles online, starting with Jon Atack’s “A Piece of Blue Sky” as I had known Jon at Saint Hill and his words resonated with my own experiences. Then I read Operation Clambake’s many stories and articles and the more I read, the more I wanted to know. I spent many, many, many hours online, reading everything I could find. Finally in 2006 I found “Scientology -Through the Door” and found the courage for the first time to put my own critical thoughts in the public arena. It was a huge breakthrough for me, and although I did it anonymously I was still scared that somehow it would be traced back to me.

Having started to talk, even in a small way I found it very difficult to really explain my life to people who had no understanding of the subject. A friend finally said “you need to find some ex scientologists to talk to!” – so I Googled “Ex scientologist” and discovered the Ex Scientologist Message Board.

When I first started posting I used to shake, stomach churning and spilling tears all over the place as piece after piece of my life began to fall into new contexts. It was distressing, exhilarating and totally obsessive! At last I had the freedom to speak, to debate, to think and my life totally changed. My first attempt at telling my story was full of jargon, as I hadn’t learnt to totally speak normally yet, and I think I cried on and off for weeks doing that. It felt like so much pain and emotion was finally finding a way out, to be seen and let go of.

The freedom to speak, to be, to think and to disagree…..I became Free To Shine.
 

Royal Prince Xenu

Trust the Psi Corps.
It's helped me:
  • to be more honest with myself and about myself
  • to be more confident with myself
  • to shed the phony belief systems accumulated through contact with multiple religions
  • to learn when to call Bull Shit, "Bull Shit"!
 

Mest Lover

Not Sea Org Qualified
Hello fellow posters. I am doing a bit of research into ways that message boards like this can help people like us -- let's say, those recovering from a pretty unusual experience. I started doing a search but was daunted by the huge number of threads and posts to work through. So I'm gonna take the easy way out and ask the questions outright:

How did having ESMB here help you understand, or get over, or come to terms with, your experiences in Scientology? What did you find here that you couldn't find elsewhere? What do you think you would have done if ESMB hadn't been around?

I'm very interested in your answers so please feel free to tell all.

It took a long time, but it made me realize I didn't need to hide from it to keep it away from me anymore. OSA Sucks! and I don't care anymore about that!
 

Reasonable

Silver Meritorious Patron
This board helped me by showing me the volume of people who were harmed by Scientology. When I started to have doubts I searched the internet for stories. But this site had so many and they were easy to find so I was able to read one after the other so it really created momentum in me making a decision not to be connected to that group.

It also makes me feel that there is a group out there rather than a few disgruntled individuals and that ads power to this movement.

It also showed me all the different ways that Scientology has done harm. And while I don't agree with everything said here I think it is pretty compelling that if you read enough here and if you have a conscience you will make your way out of $cn.

Now I have a curiosity to see what has Scientology done wrong today. I like to see the drama and the mess with situations like Marty and the Squirrlbusters. It really turns Scientology into a characiture of itself. It becomes small and silly and laughable

Also while I don't know any of you, we who were involved do have a shared experience that is really bizarre and I find it compelling to talk about and I can't really do that with anyone else. So I keep coming back.
 

Auditor's Toad

Clear as Mud
From their posts here I got to, in a sense, get to know some people that we had busily walked by one another for sometimes decades and not taken the time to get to know them.

There are posters here that I know I have seen, been on course with, audited with in the same HGC, been face to face with, CS'd my PCs ,or done some of 6 internships with but I never "knew" them or their story.....until ESMB.

And, not holding it against 'em now but a few were in the SO being dedicated doing their job and we clashed a little ( so what ).

Most helpful to me on a personal level is Face filling in some big blank spaces of things I had come to suspect but could not prove.

HH with stunning insight and humor in posting has also greatly improved my BS detector of what I call Hubbard, scn, & scn'gists.

Oh, and I learned some people NEVER get over it and carry on with their own version of quasi-scientology. They are free to do that with their lives.

I'm sad for them that they can't get themselves away and really out of that mind fuck.
 

Voltaire's Child

Fool on the Hill
Hmmm...

I was already out of the cult when I came here. I was still an indie Scientologist then, though.

ESMB was not particularly helpful to me regarding my journey out or feelings vis a vis matters Scientological.

The reasons for this are:

1) I was already out of the cult and had done the research. I already knew that CofS was and is a snakes nest. I already knew that Hubbard lied. I already knew that many of the problems and abusive crap (what Pooks sometimes calls the Scn mindfuck- good term) was engendered by Hubbard, not just by DM.

2) I think some people thought I came here looking for a parent or needed one. This was not helpful to me.

However, I made friends here and that was and is an extremely valuable thing in general.

Another helpful thing is that I continued to learn things that were going on with the cult. That is a major positive factor re participation in any critical forum. In that respect, ESMB has been an excellent resource, better than most fora. The only forum that can possibly compare with ESMB in this regard is pre Y2k a.r.s. (not the way it is now and has been since 2000/2001 or so.) And, yes, WWP is good- even invaluable for many and I don't discount that- but I don't find it all that informative for the sorts of things I'm looking for.

So if I were to answer the question "Is ESMB helpful and good to you in general?"--the answer is an emphatic yes.

If I were to be asked "Was it helpful to you in figuring out what you want to do re the cult and Scn?" I'd say "not at all."

If I were to be asked if I think this is a good place to be overall and does it do good work, the answer is, yet again, en emphatic "yes."
 

Operating DB

Truman Show Dropout
I was already a die hard anti scio and knew LRH was the biggest con man ever decades before I discovered ESMB. Over the years since 1985 I was always eager to hear the next scandal regarding the cult but the news was few and far between. I didn't get a computer until 2001 and didn't even know that anti scn websites existed until I ran across a headline on msn.com, my homepage, regarding the first anonymous raid back in Feb 2008. That led me to Operation Clambake and it snowballed from there. ESMB has become my home and main source of information and I love it's diversity and enjoy the fact that several members on here have the same mindset I do regarding the cult. As a bonus I have peeled back more layers of the onion that I didn't know were there making me an even more stronger die hard anti scio.

Thank you Emma!
 

Kutta

Silver Meritorious Patron
I hadn't known about any ex-sci boards before I came across ESMB. I still don't go on any others.

I'd been out for almost 30 years when I came here and thought all the personal sci crap had been dealt with. Coming here enabled me to go back and over everything and share it with you guys. That hadn't been possible with my other friends as none of them had been in scientology. It wasn't possible to convey to them what had happened to me and my family. In many respects, I didn't understand it myself, especially why we did it at all. Still don't entirely.

Being able to write up my story to people I knew would understand as they had been there too was invaluable. I realized a need deep within me to do this and it helped immensely to get it all out. I am still benefitting in this regard. Sometimes I post about experiences I have already posted about earlier. Dunno why, but I seem to want to keep sharing them. Sometimes I feel I'm being ego-bloated to keep doing this, but honestly, I can't be bothered much with theoretical discussions about tech and such — I just want to tell you mostly about my ordeal and exposure to scientology all those years ago. I hope that in time (?soon) I'll not need to do this anymore.

Another benefit of my time here on ESMB is the knowledge I have gained. I had already decided that the whole shebang was BS, but I didn't have any information about the rotten deceitful arsehole that LRH was, the shocking, cruel things that he ordered done, the drugs, alcohol etc, the treatment of his children, the practice of fair game and so on. It really was much worse than I previously thought. Much, much worse.

I have enjoyed 'meeting' a few who I knew during my time, and many I didn't know but have learned about, occasionally sparred with, but mostly shared with.

I often think I spend too much time here. I hope that in time I'll not click on so often or spend so much time. Maybe that won't be until scientology gets its comeuppance.

I sometimes think that there is so much injustice in the world, so much suffering by so many more than those in the clutches of Scientology, and that I should concentrate on them.

But I do so much want revenge, for myself and the many others who suffered and are suffering much more than I did — I think of the children who grew up in that poisonous and neglectful cult, and the people on RPF and the hole. My God, how can that be?
 

Petey C

Silver Meritorious Patron
Thanks y'all for some great answers and insights into what ESMB has represented. Like some of you, I lurked for a while and eventually screwed up my courage to make a post. At the time I know you all seemed so together and I felt so small and insignificant. What's helped me the most is the amazing commonality in the stories, and the insights people have about the teck, Hubbard, the organisation, the ethics stuff, etc. For the first time, I'm connected with people who truly understand what I went through, the predicament that we all faced when we emerged, and what someone referred to once as the "stain" of Scn that lasts such a long time.
 

Good twin

Floater
I found out that I had a story to tell and it made me feel better telling it here.

I found about twenty old friends on ESMB. I also found people here who I didn't know were out and they didn't know I was. I reconnected with a couple of folks I had disconnected from and a few who found me here reconnected too.

It's kinda like the 12 step program for exes. You get to tell your story and find the people you messed up and make it up to them and the people who messed you up get to make it up to you. But not exactly.

Seriously. I needed to be forgiven once the penny dropped and finding my old PCs and exhusbands here was pretty helpful in that respect.

I also learned to write. I'll always be grateful for that.

~GT
 

NoName

A Girl Has No Name
I love someone who is in. I was never in, and I have Marty's site to thank for the fact that I never got sucked in by my friend. I know that Marty is a controversial figure, but I have to thank him for that much. But I went off of Marty's site and started reading some of the ex-SO stories on other sites and I was very confused about who LRH was. ESMB helped me clear that up.

My in friend is still in, but I have gotten a lot of good advice here about how to reality test my friend without getting disconnected. How to be 1.1 but not lower when I reality test. And support for my situation, in general.

I also plan to introduce my friend to a couple of people from here when the time is right. I've figured out a way to do it without admitting I'm reading (much less actively contributing to) entheta.
 

renegade

Silver Meritorious Patron
1. I got to vent! Hence, so much relief!
After all the years of shutting up and taking it.

2. I forgave myself!
This site lead to the info on the Stanford Experiment.

3. I got released from the brainwashing! No longer afraid to fight back. Ringing phones and doorbells no longer create a chill down my spine!
This site lead me to Steve Hassan's book, Combatting Cult Mind Control.
Hence, fully cured!

4. I got the genuine article I was looking for!
Buddhism!
 

NoName

A Girl Has No Name
Good luck Noname. I know it's not easy. You are a good friend. :yes:

Thanks. There is a whole laundry list of reasons I can't just "walk away" or let the thing run its natural course. Basically it's repaying a debt for me.
 
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