I hadn't known about any ex-sci boards before I came across ESMB. I still don't go on any others.
I'd been out for almost 30 years when I came here and thought all the personal sci crap had been dealt with. Coming here enabled me to go back and over everything and share it with you guys. That hadn't been possible with my other friends as none of them had been in scientology. It wasn't possible to convey to them what had happened to me and my family. In many respects, I didn't understand it myself, especially why we did it at all. Still don't entirely.
Being able to write up my story to people I knew would understand as they had been there too was invaluable. I realized a need deep within me to do this and it helped immensely to get it all out. I am still benefitting in this regard. Sometimes I post about experiences I have already posted about earlier. Dunno why, but I seem to want to keep sharing them. Sometimes I feel I'm being ego-bloated to keep doing this, but honestly, I can't be bothered much with theoretical discussions about tech and such — I just want to tell you mostly about my ordeal and exposure to scientology all those years ago. I hope that in time (?soon) I'll not need to do this anymore.
Another benefit of my time here on ESMB is the knowledge I have gained. I had already decided that the whole shebang was BS, but I didn't have any information about the rotten deceitful arsehole that LRH was, the shocking, cruel things that he ordered done, the drugs, alcohol etc, the treatment of his children, the practice of fair game and so on. It really was much worse than I previously thought. Much, much worse.
I have enjoyed 'meeting' a few who I knew during my time, and many I didn't know but have learned about, occasionally sparred with, but mostly shared with.
I often think I spend too much time here. I hope that in time I'll not click on so often or spend so much time. Maybe that won't be until scientology gets its comeuppance.
I sometimes think that there is so much injustice in the world, so much suffering by so many more than those in the clutches of Scientology, and that I should concentrate on them.
But I do so much want revenge, for myself and the many others who suffered and are suffering much more than I did — I think of the children who grew up in that poisonous and neglectful cult, and the people on RPF and the hole. My God, how can that be?
