How I Beat Up David Miscavige

fishdaddy

Patron
Well, according to an account by David Bloomberg in this morning’s St Petersburg Times, I am the only Sea Org Member to have dominated David Miscavige in a fight.

The article says:

“Scobee described working in her office cubicle along the wall of a large conference room. Miscavige was seated alone on one side of the table facing several staffers, including Jeff Hawkins.

"’So I'm not paying attention and all of a sudden I see David Miscavige jump up on top of the table — the conference room table,’ Scobee said.
“He lunged at Hawkins, she said, and the two of them landed at her feet. Miscavige "stayed on top of him and was choking him and hitting him and grabbing his tie. Buttons were flying and change falling out of Jeff's pockets. And I'm sitting here going, 'Oh my God!' "

“Hawkins has spoken and written publicly about the 2002 incident.

“Church executive David Bloomberg tells a far different story. Bloomberg said that he was seated next to Hawkins that day and that Hawkins became belligerent with the leader. Hawkins fell out of his chair and ended up putting a scissor lock on Miscavige's legs.

"Mr. Miscavige did not touch Jeff Hawkins,'' Bloomberg said.

There it is in black and white. Miscavige didn’t beat me up, I beat him up!

Apparently I got so belligerent – presumably screaming and yelling at Miscavige, while he stood calmly and saint-like on the other side of the table – that I actually fell out of my chair, managing to scratch and bruise my own face in the process, and ripping my own shirt half off.

But how did I manage to get Miscavige in a scissor lock, when he was on the other side of the table and I was flat on my back? Ah, this is the clever part. I did a perfect imitation of an injured sparrow, and of course David Miscavige rushed to my side, tears of tender concern in his big, doe-like eyes. Then I had him. From my position flat on my back I snapped him into my deadly scissor lock (learned from a Shaolin master when I traveled through the Western Hills of China).

“Do not harm me,” Miscavige pleaded. “For I am a man of peace and have never harmed anyone.”

“Do not harm him,” the 40 executives in the room chanted in unison, “for he is our glorious leader, perfect in all things.”

Finally, looking into Miscavige’s big, moist, teary eyes, I relented, releasing my deadly hold.

At least, that’s what happened according to David Bloomberg.

But Bloomberg is getting on in years, and suffers sometimes from Cultzheimer’s Disease, a condition of partial memory loss caused by having one’s head jammed too far up a cult leader’s rectum.
 

HolyCow

Patron with Honors
I'm laughing so hard picturing this as I'm reading. Had to go the bathroom, but couldn't stop reading. Got to the Cultzheimer's end and, woops, too late! Thanks so much for that!

:roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao:
 

Wisened One

Crusader
Ugh...:ill: all that describin' davey havin' doe-like eyes made my insides feel like dough....:puke2:

But....:laugh:

I agree! If the church is gonna lie, then they need to READ the actual stuff FIRST, THEN make it at least sound plausible, ya know? :p

You Shaolin Master, you. :coolwink:
 

La La Lou Lou

Crusader
All Hail to the Misscarried one, may he ever be blessed!

It must be wonderful to have known him personnally be so benevelant to you!:unsure:

I hope he carries on like that when he's banged away for the rest of his days.






La La
 

anonomog

Gold Meritorious Patron
:dieslaughing: :dieslaughing: :dieslaughing: :dieslaughing:

thank you for that, fishdaddy
I am surprised you managed to see him through his bright protective aura; perhaps a flock of sparrows pecked your shirt off for merely having ill intentioned thoughts towards their beloved saviour.


:thumbsup:
 

Bea Kiddo

Crusader
And you probably also rammed all those swearwords down Tommy's throat and forced him to speak them publicly!!!!!


How dare you accost such a benevolent religious order! Shame on you!!!!
 

Zephyr

Patron with Honors
When I read about other witnesses there ,when you were being throttled at her feet, I found it curious that DB (Dave Bloombberg) pretty much tried to just reverse the roles -- no real dramatic origination, like you jumped up on the table and kicked him in the face... he went back in his chair and you leaped, all in one motion per your extensive training by the Shaolin's. Bringing in the 40 Execs... Hey Alanzo, do you think we could write a musical on this?

Funnies aside, it's really important now to come on out and join people like Bruce Hines, Chuck Beatty, Gerry Armstrong, Jefferson Hawkins, Amy Scobee, Mike Rinder and yes, even Marty Rathbun.

I would just love to see everyone, no matter what relative position they are to history or to the movement, write the St. Pete Times and add your voice, even if it is an observer's opinion.

There were times DeMon Miscaviage and his cohorts could run you off the road and sick his dogs of war on you if you objected to any bit of the movement, let along (heaven forbid) go public.

There were a dozen minions (including Mithoff) to refute the Times and defend DeMon. They read from a script and are on MOs.

Let's please not let it end with "their word against mine" and have it fizzle away.

Miscaviage does not have enough money to refute all of us. We together could get him away, far, far away. We could do it now. It's time to take everything you know and write to the reporters, even if it is "too late" for legal accusation, even if they don't use it particularly -- the volume will be loud and hopefully they won't drop it.

I'd love to see ANON jump on this. It's one of the biggest opportunities they've had.

I'd also like "us" to come out of hiding and stop using monikers. I hope you're not afraid. Give Us a voice that goes beyond this forum... please.

Rob Williamson
 

dexter gelfand

Patron Meritorious
A public service

Well, according to an account by David Bloomberg in this morning’s St Petersburg Times, I am the only Sea Org Member to have dominated David Miscavige in a fight.

The article says:

“Scobee described working in her office cubicle along the wall of a large conference room. Miscavige was seated alone on one side of the table facing several staffers, including Jeff Hawkins.

"’So I'm not paying attention and all of a sudden I see David Miscavige jump up on top of the table — the conference room table,’ Scobee said.
“He lunged at Hawkins, she said, and the two of them landed at her feet. Miscavige "stayed on top of him and was choking him and hitting him and grabbing his tie. Buttons were flying and change falling out of Jeff's pockets. And I'm sitting here going, 'Oh my God!' "

“Hawkins has spoken and written publicly about the 2002 incident.

“Church executive David Bloomberg tells a far different story. Bloomberg said that he was seated next to Hawkins that day and that Hawkins became belligerent with the leader. Hawkins fell out of his chair and ended up putting a scissor lock on Miscavige's legs.

"Mr. Miscavige did not touch Jeff Hawkins,'' Bloomberg said.

There it is in black and white. Miscavige didn’t beat me up, I beat him up!

Apparently I got so belligerent – presumably screaming and yelling at Miscavige, while he stood calmly and saint-like on the other side of the table – that I actually fell out of my chair, managing to scratch and bruise my own face in the process, and ripping my own shirt half off.

But how did I manage to get Miscavige in a scissor lock, when he was on the other side of the table and I was flat on my back? Ah, this is the clever part. I did a perfect imitation of an injured sparrow, and of course David Miscavige rushed to my side, tears of tender concern in his big, doe-like eyes. Then I had him. From my position flat on my back I snapped him into my deadly scissor lock (learned from a Shaolin master when I traveled through the Western Hills of China).

“Do not harm me,” Miscavige pleaded. “For I am a man of peace and have never harmed anyone.”

“Do not harm him,” the 40 executives in the room chanted in unison, “for he is our glorious leader, perfect in all things.”

Finally, looking into Miscavige’s big, moist, teary eyes, I relented, releasing my deadly hold.

At least, that’s what happened according to David Bloomberg.

But Bloomberg is getting on in years, and suffers sometimes from Cultzheimer’s Disease, a condition of partial memory loss caused by having one’s head jammed too far up a cult leader’s rectum.


More power to you, Jeff. Its good to see that you will continue to speak out as long as Miscaviage and his puppets are in a position to do harm. I'm thankful you're there and communicating.

Best,
Dex
 

FinallyFree

Gold Meritorious Patron
:dieslaughing:

OMG - Fishdaddy hilarious!!!

Well for what it is worth, as a person who was NOT there, it is CLEAR DM's account is a lie - it is SUCH a ridiculous story I was waiting for the part where Zenu entered the conference room...:omg:
 

Alanzo

Bardo Tulpa
I have to thank David Bloomberg for the head's up on Jeff's moves.

If I'm ever in a marketing meeting with you, Jeff, and you fall out of your chair, I will now know what move you are going to try to make on me.

I will swiftly move sideways, thus avoiding your pansy-ass "scissor lock". I will spin around and get you into a full arm bended, full-on wedgie, right there on the floor and you will see stars, Mister!
 

Axiom142

Gold Meritorious Patron
Nice one Jeff. :thumbsup:

It’s nice to know that you put your Shaolin training to good use. Although, since Miscavige was able to rough you up and rip your shirt without ever even touching you and walk away unscathed, his Kung-Fu is clearly stronger.

Perhaps he is secretly an apprentice to The Master of the Sith Order, adept of the dark side of the Force?

Should we call him Darth Davey? :unsure:

I can’t wait to see OSA using your post as ‘proof’ that you did assault DM. I really wouldn’t put it past them, they are truly desperate now.

Ax
 

FlunkedForLaughing

Patron with Honors
Funny stuff Jeff.

Someone should do a re-enactment and put it up on YouTube. It could be done "Maxtrix" style, where everything in the room stops, the room spins, and whammo, Jeff has DM in the deadly scissor lock begging for mercy.

FFL
 
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