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How I came to see


New Member
I was born into Scientology. I went to a Scientology school growing up. I joined the Sea Org when I was 14. The second day of my EPF I told the MAA that I wanted to go home. She said she would start working on it. I had to continue the decks work(physical labor) and when the rest of the EPF went to course I went to HCO. The MAA did nothing for 2 weeks. I begged and begged to go home and all she said was that I needed to route out and get a Sec Check and that it would take a long time and that I would have to stay on my EPF till the Sec Check was completed.
After 2 weeks of doing nothing but physical labor and sitting in the Ethics office I decided I had to finish my EPF so that I didn't have to do the physical labor. Leaving without routing out wasn't an option for me. My entire family including aunts, uncles and cousins are Scientologists. I finished my EPF after a total of 1 month.

When I had agreed to join the Sea Org the recruiter told me that I would be on the TTC. Apparently this is what they told just about everybody at that time. After I finished the EPF I was posted as a Course Admin. I was sent to 1 course room when the Supervisor was the creepiest person I had ever met. Somehow after a week of being in there the Supervisor had complained enough about me that they moved me to another Course Room.

It was there I spent the next 2 or so years of my life. I was almost always in Liability for some reason or another. I would finish a Liability condition and then within a week I'd be back in it. Not for anything major, but I would question or talk back to my senior(backflash) and that was it, I'd be right back in Liability. My statistics as a Course Admin were actually very good. As a Course Admin you keep 1 stat percentage of something or other in in the course room. Additionally I kept a Bodies in the Shop stat for my course room. Because I was amazing at convincing people to come by and work out a schedule at 11 at night that stat was always in Normal or Affluence. Having a course re-released 3 different times didn't hurt either.

I was one of the few Sea Org members who actually went in session. Not because I was lucky or anything it was paid for. Now keep this in mind, when you are a staff member you pay half price for your auditing. So that's what my father did, paid half price for it.

After 2 years I was promoted. Somehow even though I never wanted to be there I stayed. I had just gotten married (at 16) and because of where I was promoted to I had to do another EPF. I was only at that org for about 6 months or so. I thought I was miserable before, there was no comparison to how miserable I was there.

First of all my father who had been sending me money while I was a course admin sent me some cash. They made me send it back saying it was "out-exchange" and I couldn't except outside gifts and I was shown some policy backing that up. Secondly I was told that if I wanted to call my family the only time I could do it was on Sunday morning, the time set aside for Sea Org members to clean their berthing area. On top of that I was told that I had to have someone from HCO there when I called them. Sunday morning was the only off time for the HCO personnel too so basically I never got to call home. I would seek in a phone call to my mom whenever I could but often got in trouble for it.

After about 6 months or so there I was CommEved and demoted. I was 16 when I got my first CommEv. It was the most horrible I had experienced in my life up to that point.

After my demotion I was sent to another Org and worked in Div 2 there. Amazingly enough I actually enjoyed the people there. My senior was the head of Div 1 and 2 and she was one of the nicest people I had worked with. She let me go home for Christmas and I actually got to spend an entire week at home.(that is basically unheard of at that time of year)

My father bought me more auditing(again at half price) and as a Christmas present he started sending me money again. Somehow being a Christmas present made it okay. My senior also was very insistent on me taking a libs day(day off every 2 weeks if your stats are up) whenever I could. Even still I was very unhappy most of the time. I was getting a divorce and I was 17. I was also going in session everyday and never making any progress. I had spent over 12 Intensives on auditing while in the Sea Org and I was still mid Grade 0. I had however gotten 2 sec checks and countless repairs and correction lists.

Around 7 or 8 months after I got there I went out-2d. Those of you who have been in the SO know, there are 2 ways to leave the SO quickly. The first is to attempt or think about attempting to commit suicide. Not easy. From what I understand you actually have to be pretty convincing. When I was in you didn't really have to do much, just tell your auditor you had seriously thought about it and you were gone almost the next day. The problem is it stays in your folder forever. Then you're either the suicidal PC or the asshole who lied to get out of the SO. The other is to go out-2d. That gives you the option of either doing the RPF or routing out. I knew going into the SO that I would never do the RPF so if I was given the option of that or leaving I would leave. I always felt bad every time I wanted to leave and I was guilted into staying and I wanted to leave. I was immediately put on decks and got a CommEv. By 17 I was on my second CommEv. During my CommEV I was asked if I was given the option of doing the RPF would I do it. I held back my laughter and said that there was no way I would ever even consider doing the RPF. Finally my CommEv was complete and I was being Fitness Boarded out.

While I was being CommEved my father actually came to try to talk me into doing the RPF. Here I thought talking about people leaving was against the rules. Apparently not for everyone. I actually had to listen to my father tell me about the benefits of doing an RPF and staying in the SO. I couldn't say anything back to him because it was out-ethics to talk about leaving. I was still a child and I just wanted to go home and be with my family.

I still had to get a leaving Sec Check. Since I paid for my Sec Check I was put in session fairly quickly. After 2 weeks of not getting anywhere on my Sec Check I was given a new auditor. Since it was Christmas time again and there weren't many people at the Org, my new auditor was a Class 9. I was paying for my auditing after all so why not make it the most expensive auditing I could have gotten. I finished my Sec Check 3 days before Christmas and was sent home. I had never been so happy. My father was pretty mad at me. Not so much because I had left the SO more I think because I had disgraced the family.

After I routed out of the SO and was home someone called my father and told him that wanted to have me come back down. They had meant to do a Black PR handling with me and had forgotten or something. So my father sent me back down to get my handling. I wasn't in the SO but I had to sleep in a room with a staff member as I was under watch, which is where a staff member has to be by your side 24/7 as they afraid you are going to blow. I wasn't even in the Sea Org. Idiots. So there I am doing decks work and being watched. Yep, I was doing decks work again, they had me stripping wires. I was supposed to go in session and get this black pr handling, I went in session once, maybe twice. I thought being in the SO was miserable, not being in the SO and everyone pretending as though you are still routing out is worse. Sea Org members are very mean to the people who route out. We are degraded beings after all.

My father had me call the Orgs where I had worked to find out how much my freeloader's debt would be. Working 70-80 hours a week isn't enough, you are also charged for the courses you do. Since I had gotten auditing at half price while in the Sea Org and since I didn't finish my billion year contract I was told that I would have to pay full price for my auditing. Now if my father had been told that in the beginning, that if I ever left I would be charged full price for my auditing he would have paid the normal rate. Since he bought 12 intensives at a time he would have paid around 60% instead of 50% but it wouldn't be added to my debt. I have heard since then that if you leave the Sea Org before you turn 18 you don't have a freeloader's debt. My freeloader's debt was over 35k. I was 17, I had been in the Sea Org for less that 4 years and I owed 35k. My father immediately paid my freeloader's debt. I was out of the Sea Org a few days before Christmas and my debt was paid before New Year's eve.

After that I was sent to train full time. Why buy a kid a car when you can buy them their bridge? If 1/8 of the money that had been put towards my bridge had been set aside for college I'd be set, but no the bridge to total freedom is way more important than an education. Even if my parents made me finish High School before joining the SO I'd be in better shape than I am in now. A real High School though, the Scientology schools are total BS. My mother was actually told when we enrolled that the point was to do the minimum state requirements and get the students to understand study tech so we could move up the bridge faster. I can believe this school is still open.

So there I was training like a good little scientologist. I did my PTS/SP course you know because it had been re-released again and there was a big push to get people to do it. My Student Hat, Pro TRs and Upper Indoc TRs. While I was on Pro TRs my sups were trying to get me done by 2 on Thursday. I came in early and did my tape and it was sent to the Snr. C/S. I only had to do 2 tapes before getting an okay from the Snr. C/S to attest. Oh, but wait I couldn't attest... I wasn't professional enough. Oh yes people, I had finished the course but I didn't dress "professionally enough" to attest. It says it right there in the title. I actually had to switch orgs in order to attest.
After my Upper Indocs I stopped going to course.

For the next 7 years I still considered myself a Scn I just wasn't on course. Then I moved to Florida. Stupiest move ever. I ended up back on course at Tampa. I had done most of my Ethics Specialist course when i was in the SO, I actually only had 1 thing left to do before finishing it. The Tampa org made me repay for it as in the SO it's "The Sea Org Ethics Specialist Course" at an org it's "The Scientology Ethics Specialist Course" that means of course that it's not the same thing and needs to be paid for again. I never finished it either.

Then... The Basics came out again. I understand Scientology's need to re-release everything, it's how they keep the money coming in. I do not however understand how people keep falling for it over and over and over. I didn't go to the event but that didn't stop the endless stories I had to hear about the event and how fantastically amazing it was. Like I care that I book I've never read is easier to read now. The worst was how happy people were that it had been wrong for the last 20 years and now it was better so yipee. I feel bad for them I do. I My father had me go to the org and route onto my basics.

I did a couple but then I got pregnant. Thank god for that. i remarried by the way. Thank god for my pregnancy, first it made me too tired to go on course. Secondly I actually stopped and thought about how I was raised, how I treated my mother now and how I wanted my daughter raised. I hated going to a Scientology school so I wasn't going to send her to one. I hated that my parents let me join the SO at 14, that I didn't get my driver's license till I was 18 and out, and finally that I was completely miserable when doing Scientology. That was it. I was done. I am so relieved that my daughter will not grow up in, around or anywhere near that place. I didn't have a normal childhood but at least I can give my daughter one.

My husband who is a very funny man makes jokes all the time about Scientology. We have an argument and he looks at me and shakes his head saying "Rachel, you're not using your Scientology, come on let's get back in ARC" it has taken almost 3 years to be able to listen to a joke. The first time he said something like that I yelled at him and I didn't realize what I had said till the words were already out of my mouth "I was in a cult for 28 years. They stole my childhood and most of my family". It amazes me that I was. I was in a cult for 28 years and I had no idea. Growing up I didn't know anyone who wasn't a Scientologist and maybe if I had it wouldn't have taken so damn long.
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Gold Meritorious Patron
Holy crap

Hi Rachel, and welcome :wave: :welcome: :welcome2:

What you have gone through is horrendous - Shame on co$, so, scn !

I am so glad you got out. Your dad probably did not have to pay the 'debt' - but apparently he doesn't want you declared/disconnected. Be thankful he could pay it.

Keep sharing / posting here - and do get on with your life.

:bravo: You sound smart and independent - :thumbsup: Keep reading here -and searching the internet for the truth about scno/co$. It ain't pretty, but it is imperative that you know.



Keep goin' Rachel. This is fascinating. Thank you and welcome.

BTW, though not the most important part of your story, I can't believe they wouldn't allow you to keep money given to you by your dad!



Patron with Honors
Rachel thanks for sharing your story. When my daughter was on the EPF at 14 and wanted to leave she also was NOT put on the proper routing form. I had to fly out to L.A. from Minnesota to make sure it happened. It was like pulling teeth. It was in 2004 I think. Her name is Shelby LaFreniere. Maybe you knew her, not sure when you were in.

I'm glad that you are out now. What is the situation with your parents? Are they out too? Bummer that your dad paid all that money. Right now the C of S is pretending it doesn't have freeloader debts, many ex-S.O. are being told they don't have freeloader debts. I'm sure because it is actually a form of human trafficking to owe money to your employer and illegal in California from what I understand.

Wisened One

:welcome: to ESMB, Rachel

WOW, you've gone though A LOT at so young an age, huh? Divorced by 17, too! Only in weird religions do situations like that exist. :no:

I hope you continue your story. It's very good and very important and hepful to many, imo!

And...did you know that there is an Ex-Scientology Kids Forum? Between here and that Forum, http://www.exscientologykids.com/eskforums/
you may find others that you grew up with and worked with.

Awaiting your next installment, meanwhile...:drama:


Traveler of time/space
Hi Rachel and :welcome:

Thank you for sharing your story. That freeloader's debt seems ridiculous IMHO.


Silver Meritorious Patron
Welcome sweetie. :bighug:

I had spent over 12 Intensives on auditing while in the Sea Org and I was still mid Grade 0

Oh how bloody ridiculous. :duh: Now how's THAT for being Out exchange - The Mongrels.

What a bunch of frigging a-holes these so called "ethical" crew members. :storm:

Your story just made me recall the overwhelming feeling I had when I was in the S.O. - That I was ALONE; there was no-one I could share my feelings with.:bigcry:

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr I just want to just smash someone's face in. :punch::punch::punch:

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Its stories like this that remind me why everyone looks scared when I see them walking around to the buses in CW. Glad you are out, and glad you found this place. The people here are great, you get so many viewpoints on every subject.




If you ever feel strong enough hook up with Graham Berry and Barry van Sickle and SEU THEM for All the money they owe you


New Member
My father is still in Scientology. I honestly wish I thought there was hope for him. I really only hope that one day my dad can accept that I'm not and try to have a decent relationship with me.


Formerly Fooled - Finally Free
Thank God the worst of it is over, Rachel! Your story is a testimony of what Scientology does to children. It will help many. Keep posting and reading the internet. It gets easier as you move forward out of the insanity.




Operating teatime
Hi Rachel!

I'm sure your beautiful daughter will thank you for realising the truth - even if she doesn't know it :happydance: