How it really feels in a scientology family.

Free to shine

Shiny & Free
My story is here on the board to read, I was a second generation scientologist. From the age of 14 my family life became indoctrinated with the scio way to think and 'handle' life issues. Even though I have publicly come out with my name, there is a vast amount I could tell and decided not to, for the sake of my family still affected. I don't say "still in" as there are only a few who are, "affected" is a much better description.

There comes a point where you just want to yell "Enough!"

I am the eldest of six siblings and we are not and have never been a close family unit. When my brothers and sisters were small, my parents were working or on staff and one brother was shipped off to the ship at age 15. I was also sent to the SO but luckily was offloaded as I was pregnant. I didn't ever get to know my siblings at all, I was off on staff as they were starting their teenage and adult lives and we rarely crossed paths. Nothing was more important than saving the planet and it is a terrible way to live a life. It wasn't that family ties were against the rules, it was more that the rules very effectively prevented it happening in the first place. In later years, when I was in my 20's, we did have something of a more normal life for a while, as my siblings and I tended to do a revolving door thing staying with our parents now and then, and they no longer worked on staff. This time seems to have given us just enough to maintain some family connections into the present.

My siblings are all scattered, and only a few live within reach of another. I doubt it would ever be possible to have a family gathering of us all, as some are overseas. I was talking to one of my sisters not long ago and it made me cry....here is this other lovely and similar person who came from the same place as me, and we have never been able to get to know each other, to support each other in a daily way, to experience the life milestones that we all experience. My siblings were raised within scientology values, most of us had student auditing from dad, and even though only a few did more and certainly don't now, I am sure they don't know exactly how that can affect them. "Good roads" is a long standing practice in my family and it becomes a habit. Oh, except for the brother who 'disconnected' from me for questioning his (despicable) moral standards, no doubt an influence of sexual awakening aboard the early scio ships.

I have a daughter - raised by my parents as my sister (long story) - who does not speak to me. Why? Apparently because simply being a critic of scientology is enough to totally and absolutely cut me out of her life, thoughts and future. We used to be as close as scientologists could be.... This of course is not an unusual story, it is what disconnection is all about. Some days I feel rage about it, some days I cry, some days I can simply let it go to be as it is. Today is not one of the latter.

I have a granddaughter who just turned 17, and except for being at her birth, a truly wonderful experience, there are very few times I have seen her. This was mostly because she lived interstate, and we were all doing the "good roads" thing that does not allow real communication. I think on some level it was known that I was "disaffected" despite my stellar performances to the contrary. I dread to think what this lovely young girl has been told about me, or her aunts, as we have all been taken off as Friends on Facebook now and there is no family connection at all with her. And as things stand, seemingly no possibility of it ever happening, even though her mother has now started doing "Good Roads" with her half sisters to present the appearance of no disconnection with them despite cutting them off for almost three years with no explanation.

My children have had so many things happen in their lives, as a direct result of scientology influences such as attitudes towards drugs, illness, "PTSness", O/Ws and so on. Having a father who told hilarious stories of his drug induced adventures in his earlier life and on the other hand sternly said "don't do drugs" had a predictable consequence. I won't go into that, they have suffered enough, I'll just say that two almost died from drugs and my ex husband is battling a serious illness. He doesn't have any contact with me of course, despite a 20 year marriage, I am simply the crazy critic ex. My kids have to walk on eggshells there was well, and that is an unnecessary burden for them. I wish him a return to health and happiness, I really do.

My dear elderly parents live on a pension, having sold two houses towards scientology bridges. They have nothing...and when my mother was seriously ill recently she was given the scientology "handle it or end cycle" discussion. It is unbelievable.

FOUR generations!

So much wasted time, so many missed opportunities, so much love and support that could have been shared. Should this get excerpted by OSA to show parts of to whoever, no doubt it could cause waves. I want a big enough wave to be forced to make someone honestly question whether a "PR Family" image is worth the loss of the real thing. Really, really ask yourself that question.

Family is about love and connection no matter what. That is not what scientology creates, in fact it is the opposite and I am a living example. Thankfully I have 2 of my kids who are free to live their own lives and talk about whatever they fancy, and free to be themselves. I hope that one day my parents, all my siblings, all my children and grandchild will also be free to do the same, in full awareness of those once hidden scientology attitudes that created this in the first place, and having the courage to not toe the party line. I hope that soon it will be weeks between the times I wake up in tears, having no way to reform the connections that have been severed or were never there. I can't go off and "live my life" as other survivours can, this is my life and it is every day.

/rant
(Don't worry, I do have effective ways of helping myself now, I am just sharing something as it comes up here, knowing there are others here in a similar position.)
__________________
 

I told you I was trouble

Suspended animation
Originally posted by Free to shine.

snipped

I hope that soon it will be weeks between the times I wake up in tears, having no way to reform the connections that have been severed or were never there. I can't go off and "live my life" as other survivours can, this is my life and it is every day.

Thank-you for posting this FTS, I think I understand a little bit of how you feel and I thank my lucky stars that I was not indoctrinated as a child myself ... now I just need to learn how I am supposed to handle the endless regret I carry at allowing my own little ones to become indoctrinated, especially as they are no longer my little ones and are no longer in contact.

Not easy darling, is it?

:blowkiss:
 

Free to shine

Shiny & Free
Thank-you for posting this FTS, I think I understand a little bit of how you feel and I thank my lucky stars that I was not indoctrinated as a child myself ... now I just need to learn how I am supposed to handle the endless regret I carry at allowing my own little ones to become indoctrinated, especially as they are no longer my little ones and are no longer in contact.

Not easy darling, is it?

:blowkiss:

No sweetpea, not easy when it's your life and you don't have a choice, or even an understanding in those early years. I was as much a scio as anyone, and this is one of the consequences.
 

Mystic

Crusader
Thank, Free to Shine, I read your entire post. Makes we want to stand beside you and rant right along with you.

Power, love and smiles to you.
 

Nicole

Silver Meritorious Patron
...
FOUR generations!

Family is about love and connection no matter what. That is not what scientology creates, in fact it is the opposite and I am a living example. Thankfully I have 2 of my kids who are free to live their own lives and talk about whatever they fancy, and free to be themselves.
...

Your two children are free to shine, like you.:yes:
You and your 2 children started to make a break in your Generation Scientology (his-)story .
Thanks that you shared your story with us... and IMO it does help if people read it.

:hug:
 

Free to shine

Shiny & Free
Thankyou Mystic and sauerlaenderin.

On bad days I just think it is all so unfair. On good days I rejoice in the family that is free. :)

If only there was a way to really communicate through those barriers.
 

uniquemand

Unbeliever
I understand this, somewhat, though my family wasnt inculcated, except for me and my wife and children. Many have asked me why it continues to be a part of my life. Part of it is just a habit of talking to ex-scientologists. However, at the core, it's because I can't "just let go" of the people who I love. I never stop thinking about them, I never stop wanting to nurture and help them, and I certainly can't just forget them, as some have suggested (even some of my family, the one who said they wanted to be forgotten).

In the society we are a part of, where everything seems disposable, seperate, and without integral value, people "just move on", replacing people with other people, replacing family with a new family. Perhaps this actually works for some. For me, not so much.

My family is not disposable, it isn't without value, no one in it is replaceable.

Disconnection is not only evil, it is a lie. It's not possible. Two entities (or more), once connected, continue to influence each other, regardless of distance, or time, circumstance or memory.
 

Free to shine

Shiny & Free
I understand this, somewhat, though my family wasnt inculcated, except for me and my wife and children. Many have asked me why it continues to be a part of my life. Part of it is just a habit of talking to ex-scientologists. However, at the core, it's because I can't "just let go" of the people who I love. I never stop thinking about them, I never stop wanting to nurture and help them, and I certainly can't just forget them, as some have suggested (even some of my family, the one who said they wanted to be forgotten).

In the society we are a part of, where everything seems disposable, seperate, and without integral value, people "just move on", replacing people with other people, replacing family with a new family. Perhaps this actually works for some. For me, not so much.

My family is not disposable, it isn't without value, no one in it is replaceable.

Disconnection is not only evil, it is a lie. It's not possible. Two entities (or more), once connected, continue to influence each other, regardless of distance, or time, circumstance or memory.


Thankyou mate, you get it.

I realised after I wrote the OP that it is in fact five generations. My grandparents disinherited my father (and therefore us all) after he took the whole family to Saint Hill in 1968. Even though we did see them a little before they passed on, the missing decades were too much and there was no real reconnection. The lives of their grandchildren and great grandchildren were not part of theirs, or they of ours. The same for my aunts and cousins, I never got to know them.

You are so right. No-one in my family is replaceable. And on dark days it is like all these generations have been ripped away... in apparent search for spiritual enlightenment. What a farce.
 

Wisened One

Crusader
Thank you for sharing/reviving some of your heartbreaking story, FTS. I think about yours often and is one of the reasons why I don't just sit back and shut up in this fight, ya know? :console: FTS

The brainwashing indeed, runs deep, huh? Are your parents still 'in'?

Reading this makes me wanna RUN to my first Protest!! :angry:
 

Nightingale

Patron with Honors
Thank you for telling your story. These personal glimpses into the world of Scientology help educate and inform much more effectively than any book!

While I cannot imagine what you have endured, I send my humble, best wishes to you. Your strength is amazing, and by reclaiming your life, you've already inspired others to do the same. Hope and courage are contagious, and thanks again for sharing them, so those of us who are trying to understand the intricacies of Scientology have a more accurate account of the human cost.
 

Markus

Silver Meritorious Patron
Thank you for starting this thread.

In my opinion "family" is one of the most important topics regarding Scientology and when talking about Hubbards and Miscaviges crimes and the mental illness of this two insane leaders of this organization.
I have a lot more to say about Scientology and family but it is hard for me to talk about all this right now. I'm sure that I will be able to do it one day - and then I will do it here on this thread.

Best

Markus
 

FinallyFree

Gold Meritorious Patron
Thank you for sharing FTS. Yes, it *does* help to read your story. I am sorry you continue to suffer from disconnection. :hug: Disconnection is a dirty, DIRTY scientology weapon.

Growing up second/third/fourth generation is an interesting way to get into scientology…. makes it a little bit tougher to recover from too.
 

Tiger Lily

Gold Meritorious Patron
I'm glad you posted this FTS. I had gotten to the point where I am "over it" and had been feeling sort of "who cares" attitude about Scientology. I'm happy about that because it means that it isn't affecting me personally any more (but all I lost was money and time), but this serves to remind me that it's not a "who cares" thing for so many, and that something really does need to be done. It made me feel ill all over again to read your post and be reminded of the shattered lives that Scientology creates. I'm praying that your family all "sees" it very soon.
 

Free to shine

Shiny & Free
Yes, it is something that doesn't 'go away'. It is life, it is my life and the lives of my family. I am only one among many, and most of all it is the children that concern me in generational scientology. I did not do the best for my own either, while I was a scientologist. Luckily I was actually out for way longer than anyone knew, and headed things off at the pass before they took hold - like the attempts to get them on staff etc. There is obviously much I can't talk about, I wish I could....maybe one day.

Yes, many people think it is a cult that you enter as an adult, and then make the choice to leave. I guess I am just reminding people that there is a whole group who did not and do not have that choice, and they need our help making the truth known.

Thankyou for the support I have always had on ESMB, it has helped me a great deal. :)
 

Lurker5

Gold Meritorious Patron
I feel sad

My story is here on the board to read, I was a second generation scientologist. From the age of 14 my family life became indoctrinated with the scio way to think and 'handle' life issues. Even though I have publicly come out with my name, there is a vast amount I could tell and decided not to, for the sake of my family still affected. I don't say "still in" as there are only a few who are, "affected" is a much better description.

There comes a point where you just want to yell "Enough!"

I am the eldest of six siblings and we are not and have never been a close family unit. When my brothers and sisters were small, my parents were working or on staff and one brother was shipped off to the ship at age 15. I was also sent to the SO but luckily was offloaded as I was pregnant. I didn't ever get to know my siblings at all, I was off on staff as they were starting their teenage and adult lives and we rarely crossed paths. Nothing was more important than saving the planet and it is a terrible way to live a life. It wasn't that family ties were against the rules, it was more that the rules very effectively prevented it happening in the first place. In later years, when I was in my 20's, we did have something of a more normal life for a while, as my siblings and I tended to do a revolving door thing staying with our parents now and then, and they no longer worked on staff. This time seems to have given us just enough to maintain some family connections into the present.

My siblings are all scattered, and only a few live within reach of another. I doubt it would ever be possible to have a family gathering of us all, as some are overseas. I was talking to one of my sisters not long ago and it made me cry....here is this other lovely and similar person who came from the same place as me, and we have never been able to get to know each other, to support each other in a daily way, to experience the life milestones that we all experience. My siblings were raised within scientology values, most of us had student auditing from dad, and even though only a few did more and certainly don't now, I am sure they don't know exactly how that can affect them. "Good roads" is a long standing practice in my family and it becomes a habit. Oh, except for the brother who 'disconnected' from me for questioning his (despicable) moral standards, no doubt an influence of sexual awakening aboard the early scio ships.

I have a daughter - raised by my parents as my sister (long story) - who does not speak to me. Why? Apparently because simply being a critic of scientology is enough to totally and absolutely cut me out of her life, thoughts and future. We used to be as close as scientologists could be.... This of course is not an unusual story, it is what disconnection is all about. Some days I feel rage about it, some days I cry, some days I can simply let it go to be as it is. Today is not one of the latter.

I have a granddaughter who just turned 17, and except for being at her birth, a truly wonderful experience, there are very few times I have seen her. This was mostly because she lived interstate, and we were all doing the "good roads" thing that does not allow real communication. I think on some level it was known that I was "disaffected" despite my stellar performances to the contrary. I dread to think what this lovely young girl has been told about me, or her aunts, as we have all been taken off as Friends on Facebook now and there is no family connection at all with her. And as things stand, seemingly no possibility of it ever happening, even though her mother has now started doing "Good Roads" with her half sisters to present the appearance of no disconnection with them despite cutting them off for almost three years with no explanation.

My children have had so many things happen in their lives, as a direct result of scientology influences such as attitudes towards drugs, illness, "PTSness", O/Ws and so on. Having a father who told hilarious stories of his drug induced adventures in his earlier life and on the other hand sternly said "don't do drugs" had a predictable consequence. I won't go into that, they have suffered enough, I'll just say that two almost died from drugs and my ex husband is battling a serious illness. He doesn't have any contact with me of course, despite a 20 year marriage, I am simply the crazy critic ex. My kids have to walk on eggshells there was well, and that is an unnecessary burden for them. I wish him a return to health and happiness, I really do.

My dear elderly parents live on a pension, having sold two houses towards scientology bridges. They have nothing...and when my mother was seriously ill recently she was given the scientology "handle it or end cycle" discussion. It is unbelievable.

FOUR generations!

So much wasted time, so many missed opportunities, so much love and support that could have been shared. Should this get excerpted by OSA to show parts of to whoever, no doubt it could cause waves. I want a big enough wave to be forced to make someone honestly question whether a "PR Family" image is worth the loss of the real thing. Really, really ask yourself that question.

Family is about love and connection no matter what. That is not what scientology creates, in fact it is the opposite and I am a living example. Thankfully I have 2 of my kids who are free to live their own lives and talk about whatever they fancy, and free to be themselves. I hope that one day my parents, all my siblings, all my children and grandchild will also be free to do the same, in full awareness of those once hidden scientology attitudes that created this in the first place, and having the courage to not toe the party line. I hope that soon it will be weeks between the times I wake up in tears, having no way to reform the connections that have been severed or were never there. I can't go off and "live my life" as other survivours can, this is my life and it is every day.

/rant
(Don't worry, I do have effective ways of helping myself now, I am just sharing something as it comes up here, knowing there are others here in a similar position.)
__________________

I feel so sad, Free to Shine, reading this. It is a heartfelt story - and plea - for some sanity within your torn and broken family. I hope one of them will wake up - and then wake the others. I hope this story touches more scn-os than just your family. I hope one day a reconnection will happen for you.

I am glad you have moved on though. You can't sit around waiting for it. And move on you have - You are free to shine, You Crazy Diamond :)
And Diamond you are - a thousand facets, gleaming with life - and love. :thumbsup: You are not alone. :console::hug: :bighug:

Edit: PS: Oh gees, I have read the rest of the posts to here, and feel the tears coming on. These last few days on ESMB have had some of the saddest stories posted up. My heart hurts in my chest.
 
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Arthur Dent

Silver Meritorious Patron
Hi Free to Shine,
:bighug::console:

I understand you have your ways of coping with all of this day to day and that this was not one of those days!

The ways scn affects families is so far-reaching and so multi-faceted it is unbelievable.

My thoughts are with you! I hope your family wakes up!
 
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