DWINDLING BULLET KNOWLEDGE REPORT:
Recently The CoS and has used up a massive number of Celebrity Bullets in its desperately failing Public Relations War to win the hearts and minds of earthmen.
All of the bullets missed their targets and, notably, serious self-inflicted injuries were reported by the "big 3" Kirstie Alley, John Travolta and Tom Cruise.
Regrettably, CoS' top podiatric surgeons were not able to excise the bullets from the hobbled patients.
CoS Public Relations spin-doctors had "No Comment" when asked about their celeb-parishioners' crashing popularity.
However, a CoS spokesman Tommy Davis later went on record, and with uncharacteristically surprising candor, stated that:
"We categorically deny that Tom Cruise or any other celebrity had self-inflicted FOOTBULLETS. Tom strictly follows the policies of our Church which prohibit self-inflicted FOOTBULLETS. Ron Hubbard's policy is very clear on that subject. If any FOOTBULLETS were inflicted on Mr. Cruise, they were inflicted standardly by the Church itself, according to our holy scripture. "
All while screeching like he does.