Mmmmm.... IDK about the fun bit, sallydannce. A little birdy tells me that some men have some very odd sexual addictions that you might find extremely offensive and/or uncomfortable. Those girls might have actually prevented you from experiencing some less-than-wholesome things you might be glad to not know about.
Also, anything that's an addiction isn't something that continues to be enjoyed. Addictions are just repeated obsessive-compulsive behaviors. Over and over and over and over the brain replays and demands what must be done and puts more and more stress on the person until the addiction is satisfied. Whether we're talking about smoking cigarettes, shooting heroin or sucking someone's toes, an addiction isn't "fun". It's manic. It's a weird set of rituals for a person to be satisfied but since it's only rituals, the person can never truly be satisfied, anyway. It just starts all over again.
Until three weeks ago, I thought exactly the same way.
Now, I'm starting to think some of my romantic notions were a bit delusional. I love romance, and I was recently romanced to the moon.
I didn't want it, Sallydannce. I threw it (and the man) away.
I want real.
I want a friend with his feet on the ground and laughter in his lungs. Given that, I think the rest will just work itself out naturally.
Yeah as a still cult-thinking scientologist I had little to no concept of sexual addiction when these events happened. I do now. I know he suffered greatly. We witnessed each others suffering - tough times. He has my compassion and forgiveness. We move on, life goes on.
It's a balance of being grounded and being romantic, imo. Real, like you say. The swings between idealisation and devaluation can be really destructive forces in an intimate relationship. Somewhere in the middle is where most healthy relationships function.
If the stars and the planets all line up and I can find a companion that I don't drive up the wall - and they me - then it will be a fine thing. Meanwhile I am loving life and sucking the juice out of it. Today I organised to look after a guide-dog for a few days (the dogs blind owner is going away without the dog). I am so excited. This dog is incredible!