How promiscuous are people in reality ?

[sallydannce]

Mmmmm.... IDK about the fun bit, sallydannce. A little birdy tells me that some men have some very odd sexual addictions that you might find extremely offensive and/or uncomfortable. Those girls might have actually prevented you from experiencing some less-than-wholesome things you might be glad to not know about.

Also, anything that's an addiction isn't something that continues to be enjoyed. Addictions are just repeated obsessive-compulsive behaviors. Over and over and over and over the brain replays and demands what must be done and puts more and more stress on the person until the addiction is satisfied. Whether we're talking about smoking cigarettes, shooting heroin or sucking someone's toes, an addiction isn't "fun". It's manic. It's a weird set of rituals for a person to be satisfied but since it's only rituals, the person can never truly be satisfied, anyway. It just starts all over again.



Until three weeks ago, I thought exactly the same way.

Now, I'm starting to think some of my romantic notions were a bit delusional. I love romance, and I was recently romanced to the moon.

I didn't want it, Sallydannce. I threw it (and the man) away.

I want real.

I want a friend with his feet on the ground and laughter in his lungs. Given that, I think the rest will just work itself out naturally.

Yeah as a still cult-thinking scientologist I had little to no concept of sexual addiction when these events happened. I do now. I know he suffered greatly. We witnessed each others suffering - tough times. He has my compassion and forgiveness. We move on, life goes on.

It's a balance of being grounded and being romantic, imo. Real, like you say. The swings between idealisation and devaluation can be really destructive forces in an intimate relationship. Somewhere in the middle is where most healthy relationships function.

If the stars and the planets all line up and I can find a companion that I don't drive up the wall - and they me - then it will be a fine thing. Meanwhile I am loving life and sucking the juice out of it. Today I organised to look after a guide-dog for a few days (the dogs blind owner is going away without the dog). I am so excited. This dog is incredible!

 

[JustSheila]

Yeah as a still cult-thinking scientologist I had little to no concept of sexual addiction when these events happened. I do now. I know he suffered greatly. We witnessed each others suffering - tough times. He has my compassion and forgiveness. We move on, life goes on.

It's a balance of being grounded and being romantic, imo. Real, like you say. The swings between idealisation and devaluation can be really destructive forces in an intimate relationship. Somewhere in the middle is where most healthy relationships function.

If the stars and the planets all line up and I can find a companion that I don't drive up the wall - and they me - then it will be a fine thing. Meanwhile I am loving life and sucking the juice out of it. Today I organised to look after a guide-dog for a few days (the dogs blind owner is going away without the dog). I am so excited. This dog is incredible!

You sure have a gift with words, Sallydannce.

Enjoy, enjoy, enjoy. Good for you, girly!

 

[Lord Xenu]

It is amazing to wake up at forty three and have no opinion on HUNDREDS of issues and have to start over at zero !

.

Isn't this the spiritual awakening that maybe you were looking for?

 

[Jump]

Uh , this is starting to go in a different direction...

But l will add , for what it is worth , that I recently saw a news blurb wherein a sociologist claimed that extensive studies have shown that men with girlfriends and wives go to prostitutes ( and strippers ) to perform sex acts their wives will not do - and not just oral and anal sex !!!


Uh , I am going to be more open than usual and tell you my wife is the ONLY person I have " been with " in over twenty seven YEARS , and before her you could count on one hand ALL the girls I was with in my ENTIRE life !


I started dating her by fifteen and have NEVER been in a strip club or been with a hooker - so in many ways I am practically like a teenager who has had one really long relationship .

( please, please spare me the barrage of jokes on my extreme lack of experience relative to my age )

Are you making out that's a bad thing? 'The grass appears greener on the other side of the fence.' :confused2:


But since you're the researcher, how about you get back to us with your precis of some real studies?

Some references:
Ernst Grafenberg
Sigmund Freud
Alfred Kinsey
Masters & Johnson
Shere Hite
etc

 

[degraded being]

Thanks Sallydance , that was far more personal than I dared hope or ask for .


IF you are comfortable sharing such an intimate issue then it is fine .





I just want others to know I am in no way trying to pry into their own sex lives - I was looking for just the general impressions they have of the society or people they have known with no request for personal specifics.

I have found a tremendous void in my beliefs and life as Scientology gave me prepackaged ( insane , fraudulent , contradictory thought stopping ) beliefs and an authority on EVERY issue ( Hub ) to submit to for all my guidance !


It is amazing to wake up at forty three and have no opinion on HUNDREDS of issues and have to start over at zero !


Seeing YOUR views as people who often have made a similar journey helps me bounce around ideas and kick the tires to see what FEELS right or what is contradictory .


A lot of things are just...incomplete for me and will need a lot of examination , investigation and time .




Someone told me I am very lucky to get to start my life over and completely change my beliefs and goals .

They said , most people are locked in or committed and it is socially discouraged and through inertia they simply never get this chance.


Their family , friends , job , etc. would not accept this extreme a change and changes from them and push them to be their old self .



Obviously there is no going back for me . I am a sworn enemy of the technologies of Dianetics and Scientology until death .



That is a one way ticket out of the cult .


So , odd as it may seem I know MORE about mind control , hypnosis , undue influence and other esoteric studies than I do about many basic issues as I NEVER had any need to examine them or think for myself !

It is funny that people can bring up things most people have definite opinions about by their twenties and I just go " I do not know ".

People are dumbfounded that a guy with VERY elaborate theories on unusual subjects with long bibliographies of experts to reference verbatim at the drop of a hat and cross-referencing of different subjects does not have opinions on things virtually everyone has long ago decided on .



These questions are easier to ask here as if I ask people in the regular world they will be suspicious I am going to bait and switch them in a rigged debate .


They get cognitive dissonance and stare blankly with jaws hanging and go " how do you know SO MUCH about that shit I never heard of and not know about this ! "


So , please keep giving me more of these great answers .

Having no opinions on some things is quite relaxing too, as long as you don't have to explain why you don't have an opinion on X, Y, Z.
What they do is, they stare at you with a demanding no-comprehend thingy, until you explain that you don't have an opinion on that topic even if everyone else does.

 

[gbuck]

The best casual sex I have is with my partner.

 

[apple]

Dont think this answers your question but the best sex is with someone that you love. Sex with latin and asian women is pretty hot. Sex with older women who are menopausal. ....I dont know I dont go there not that I wouldnt but I dont think that they are interested.

 

[Purple Rain]

More than they admit most of them.