How to get happy

JinLing

Patron
Most of you seem to be so happy. You see to cope well in life after scientology. im not happy at all at the moment. I get letters from the church every week and they have posters all over my town and i feel like i cant move without getting a reminder. I dont feel good.

I even went to talk to a psychologist (believe it or not) and got meds for sleeping, cause i can never sleep. it have actually helped me a bit just to be able to sleep at night. But i still feel unhappy and very lonely. I dont easily connect with ppl and i feel they would never understand my life prior to this, i can hardly explain to them what it was like. They would never get it.

I feel lonely :(
 

SchwimmelPuckel

Genuine Meatball
Physical exerzise for sleeping well.. I ran 10 kilometers 3 times a week for a couple of years.. Allright, it wasn't -only- because of the scientology blues. It was to get trim and slim too.. But I did get exhausted enough to sleep very well.

As for feeling lonely.. Hmm.. That's harder to give a flippant advice for.. You are supposed to feel lonely, shitty and useless as per policy and as a result of carefully prepared conditioning in the Sinister Scam Cult of Scientology.

I felt that way... But I reminded myself that I felt worse than that when I was in!

:yes:
 

I told you I was trouble

Suspended animation
You have started to connect with people now, by posting that message JinLing ... so that is a good thing.

Keep posting and one day I believe you will find things feel better, we are all at different stages and have had different experiences but there are so many similarities that we seem to help each other to feel happy just by talking to each other.

Also you may be surprised at how people in real life do and will understand, just choose carefully and don't feel that you have to tell your story to anyone if you are not ready to.

:blowkiss:

Oh and ... dump the scio mail in the bin unopened if I were you (I have done that for many years and it feels good).
 

He-man

Hero extraordinary
There´s no easy route to get happy again, I´m sad to say. I feel you man, I spent more then two years after the sea org trying to wrestle with the major daemons I had withing me from scientology.

I think its good that your seeking professional help, talking to your psychologist, I hope he should be able to listen to you, or help you find someone to talk to, medication and whatever you need.

Any friend you feel you can trust with this? I found that sharing my thoughts with others helped me a great deal.

I hope it goes well. If you feel like just having a chat there´s always someone in the chatbox, and we all came from the same place.
 

Arthur Dent

Silver Meritorious Patron
Hi JinLing,
Sorry you're feeling lonely!
I still take cal mag to sleep. It really helps me. I am comforted in knowing that Hubbard did not make up, discover or find calcium nor magnesium.

Maybe you can change your habits. Do entirely different things....go to the gym, join a writing group, go back to school...things that may take your mind off seeing all those posters! That would drive me crazy, too!

I hope posting here helps. I have found it helpful many times.
Hope you feel better!
 

chipgallo

Patron Meritorious
Double check that there isn't a physical basis. If possible, get a thorough health exam. Nutrition and sleep deprivation are other possible issues. A lot of S.O. that I saw were self medicating with caffeine and nicotine and had terrible diets.
 

Voltaire's Child

Fool on the Hill
We're happy because we're free- yes, but also because we've formed other interests. This does not happen overnight and it's not a cakewalk.

I'll give you a non Scn example. I went from my home to another state almost 2000 miles away a few years ago to take a long term temporary job. I knew exactly what I was getting in for. But I was so lonely at first. I made friends and formed a social life but it didn't happen overnight. Plus I went from the North to the SouthEast and the culture was so different and the scenery was so ugly...took me a while to get acclimated. Point is, this stuff takes time.

Chip's advice is good but also things like hobbies, other interests and reaching out to other people is also a part of recovery. Lots of people here who've reached out to one another and who would very likely reach out to you, as well.
 

GoNuclear

Gold Meritorious Patron
gym jihad

Most of you seem to be so happy. You see to cope well in life after scientology. im not happy at all at the moment. I get letters from the church every week and they have posters all over my town and i feel like i cant move without getting a reminder. I dont feel good.

I even went to talk to a psychologist (believe it or not) and got meds for sleeping, cause i can never sleep. it have actually helped me a bit just to be able to sleep at night. But i still feel unhappy and very lonely. I dont easily connect with ppl and i feel they would never understand my life prior to this, i can hardly explain to them what it was like. They would never get it.

I feel lonely :(

What worked for me some years back was what I call a Gym Jihad ... a holy war on flab. It was diet plus 4 hours daily at the gym plus lots of hiking as well. I took off 40 pounds and kept it off. When I started the program I was always in an angry mood, when I finished not only was I in shape but I was thinking rationally again, and the girl friend I lost that caused me so much grief and anger and other misemotion was of zero consequence. Also, going to the gym all the time made it a lot easier to meet other women.

Pete
 

SuperPowers

Patron with Honors
Life is a mixed bag

Most of you seem to be so happy. You see to cope well in life after scientology. im not happy at all at the moment. I get letters from the church every week and they have posters all over my town and i feel like i cant move without getting a reminder. I dont feel good.

I even went to talk to a psychologist (believe it or not) and got meds for sleeping, cause i can never sleep. it have actually helped me a bit just to be able to sleep at night. But i still feel unhappy and very lonely. I dont easily connect with ppl and i feel they would never understand my life prior to this, i can hardly explain to them what it was like. They would never get it.

I feel lonely :(

I think I can identify myself with your sit, Jin Ling!

I finally had CBT sessions to ease my depression and to discuss the cult aspects, and oh yes, it is considered an "act of treason" and a taboo seeking help behind the "enemy lines". But THAT IS A VERY legitimate thing to do and can be of great help! I recommend you to carry on. The body exercise and finding alternative and rewarding projects is also good advices.

Scientology can have a drug-like effect and you're in a fellowship which is trying to run your life for you. In the Scn context you can have moments of happiness and friends but this happiness is conditioned. You need to be in that context and to keep on contributing (maybe as a staff member or by giving away your hard-earned money).

One sad thing about withdrawal from a cult is the On-Off situation. If you need to Quit you lose a network of people and maybe some of them even dear to you. But if you stay you need to accept all kinds of insanities. Well, it's not an easy move.

Keep reading the ESMB, clambake and other boards, and find out about the details you never knew as a true believer.

And I think you'll find happiness as you free yourself from the bonds and hopefully you lose some delusions too ...
 

blownstaffmember

Patron with Honors
Yes - it does take time. Some of the other posters here had some great advice. Do improve your diet - (I recommend Gillian McKeith - Google her) Do get more exercise (I recommend yoga) and do clear out your held back fears, worries, regrets, feelings of betrayal and victimization right here. We know - we can relate and have been there ourselves. It's like puking up bad food. It gets it out of your system so it won't keep festering in there.
 

Lurker5

Gold Meritorious Patron
Oh dang

Oh dang, I misunderstood - I thought this was on how to get slappy - - - :duh:

Well that would make a lot of folks happy . . . :eyeroll:
 

Babycakes

Patron
Most of you seem to be so happy. You see to cope well in life after scientology. im not happy at all at the moment. I get letters from the church every week and they have posters all over my town and i feel like i cant move without getting a reminder. I dont feel good.

I even went to talk to a psychologist (believe it or not) and got meds for sleeping, cause i can never sleep. it have actually helped me a bit just to be able to sleep at night. But i still feel unhappy and very lonely. I dont easily connect with ppl and i feel they would never understand my life prior to this, i can hardly explain to them what it was like. They would never get it.

I feel lonely :(

Personally, I think it's very brave of you to put that out there in front of god and everybody. I couldn't do it. It seems to me to be a sign of strength and faith -- both really valuable qualities. Good for you. What made you happy in the past? Being with friends, reading, writing, going to school, gardening, playing pool, what? Can you do those things that used to be fun for you?

I heard a conversation of ex-SO folks once -- they were talking about how hard it is to find a good therapist because most people in that profession have zero understanding of what coming out of a cult entails. Half the time the therapist just sits with their mouth hanging open, asking "Really!?" That wouldn't be much help. Dennis Erlich's daughter Kristi became a therapist just so she could help people leaving cults (she does other counseling, of course).

For me, sometimes the only way I can cope is to "fake it til I make it." Once in a while it works. But it's not a great solution.
 

AlphOhm

Traveler of time/space
Most of you seem to be so happy. You see to cope well in life after scientology. im not happy at all at the moment. I get letters from the church every week and they have posters all over my town and i feel like i cant move without getting a reminder. I dont feel good.

I even went to talk to a psychologist (believe it or not) and got meds for sleeping, cause i can never sleep. it have actually helped me a bit just to be able to sleep at night. But i still feel unhappy and very lonely. I dont easily connect with ppl and i feel they would never understand my life prior to this, i can hardly explain to them what it was like. They would never get it.

I feel lonely :(

I am not sure how long ago you "left" the church, but the initial separation can be tough for many.

There are the basics to consider as others have posted: general health, nutrition etc.

Have you considered changing environment? Even an outing for a few hours might be helpful.

Take a friend along? Maybe try to make a new friend?

How about activities that take you out of your abode for a while? Hobbies? Walking pets? Walking someone elses pet?

Whatever happens, hang in there--usually it gets better.

You can PM me if you want.
 

GreyWolf

Gold Meritorious Patron
First off, you came to the right place. Most of us here have felt that way too. Although I am no longer sad and lonely, I am still angry and I have been out for almost 15 years. Now days I channel the anger into positive things, like helping to knock out the "churches" Craigs List ads. You can also PM most of the people here. Pick out the ones that you might identify with and give it a try.

With Love and Respect

Bob
 

SignPost

Patron with Honors
If you really hate the scilon mail and just want to make it stop, then write CULT CULT CULT or anything you see on a protest sign, on the mail with a big Sharpee. Cross your address out (but don't cover it up) and write "Not at this address". Then bundle them in a rubber band and put it back in your mailbox. This method worked for me last year. I only had to do it twice. I moved 3 times after I escaped in 2004, one was a P.O. Box, I never left a fowarding address when I moved and they found me every time. I received mail only from AOLA at the time. So far it has worked.

Glad your here.
 

Lurker5

Gold Meritorious Patron
This is amazing

If you really hate the scilon mail and just want to make it stop, then write CULT CULT CULT or anything you see on a protest sign, on the mail with a big Sharpee. Cross your address out (but don't cover it up) and write "Not at this address". Then bundle them in a rubber band and put it back in your mailbox. This method worked for me last year. I only had to do it twice. I moved 3 times after I escaped in 2004, one was a P.O. Box, I never left a fowarding address when I moved and they found me every time. I received mail only from AOLA at the time. So far it has worked.

Glad your here.

This is amazing. Do you mean that the scn-os have not targetted you, only stopped the mailings? :hmm: :lol: I might just try this - but I do not want to have them take notice of me - ya know . . .
 

Dulloldfart

Squirrel Extraordinaire
This is amazing. Do you mean that the scn-os have not targetted you, only stopped the mailings? :hmm: :lol: I might just try this - but I do not want to have them take notice of me - ya know . . .

What they *should* do, per policy, is merely deadfile you, and notify other orgs too. Then no-one from Scientollyworld will ever contact you again. That's the theory.

It gets screwed up if someone cross-orders Hubbard's OEC policy and decides to "salvage" you instead.

But it is unlikely they would come after you if you do nothing more than that. Hell, they've never even come after *me.*

Paul
 

SuperPowers

Patron with Honors
Letters out and Deadfile

Put up a threat, and be a real nasty son of a bitch ... that would most likely Deadfile you.

My staff memories dates back to the eighties and a deadfile was a person who had posed a treat or made some severe action. The Central Files were SOOOO important that it was almost considered a suppressive act to tamper with these "leads". The LO stat (flow out) was the Magic Solution to flow in and THE Answer to future Income and Prosperity (and we know how fantastic that turned out to be).

At times I was quite upset about the stupid worshipping of these "holy" paragraphs because people could keep sending dumb scabbles (all hands/all night) to people who did buy a cheap pocket 10-20 years ago (to get off the hook)! Well, this was just another of these slave enterpretation of the ingenious, noble price candidate, Hubbard's scientific (delusionary) work.

I thought quality counted, but that was not an appreciated idea ...
 

KissMyStats

Patron with Honors
I understand how you feel. What has worked for me is to make friends and acquaintances out in the real world. Even if it's chatting it up with the gal behind the register at the supermarket. Just getting to know real people and talking about things that interest you, finding out about their lives, etc. can help tremendously. Take the opportunity to start fresh and experience what I have found to be a lot of really good people out there that don't want or expect anything from you but your friendship or a kind word.
 
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