How to get happy

AnonyMary

Formerly Fooled - Finally Free
JinLing, I was reading your other threadand it seems to me that everything else in your life has taken priority over your wellbeing.
http://www.forum.exscn.net/showthread.php?t=13584

Do yourself a big favor and start attending AA and NA meeting, where your anonymity is assured and you can get some encouragement to help you rise above the stressors and maybe even find some happinesss for yourself . You don't want to find yourself relapsing out of desperation and depression while trying to keep things together for the sake of your children. Your ex-husband's situation is something you cannot fix. He has to get clean on his own.

I read a wonderful story the other day and I think you will find it helpful in understanding your ex-husband and maybe even helpful for yourself:

In the end, it's just one drunk talking to another
Exercise, acupuncture, self-help books, special diets, psychiatrists — nothing worked till he tried Alcoholics Anonymous.
[..] As Alcoholics Anonymous prepares to celebrate its 75th anniversary, we asked one of its members to write about the group and how he came to join. Following in the tradition of the organization, he is using his first name only.[..]
http://www.latimes.com/news/opinion...alcoholics-anonymous-20100704,0,4349404.story

PM me if you need information on where to find some local NA or AA meetings.

Best wishes,

Mary McConnell
 

Voltaire's Child

Fool on the Hill
I hope the op comes back.

A loving community full of all sorts of people- some of whom squabble with each other and some of whom never do- is just the ticket. People here are good and idealistic and there's a lot of fun and frivolity, too.
 

programmer_guy

True Ex-Scientologist
Most of you seem to be so happy. You see to cope well in life after scientology. im not happy at all at the moment. I get letters from the church every week and they have posters all over my town and i feel like i cant move without getting a reminder. I dont feel good.

I even went to talk to a psychologist (believe it or not) and got meds for sleeping, cause i can never sleep. it have actually helped me a bit just to be able to sleep at night. But i still feel unhappy and very lonely. I dont easily connect with ppl and i feel they would never understand my life prior to this, i can hardly explain to them what it was like. They would never get it.

I feel lonely :(

Then I would guess that your depression/lonelyness has nothing to do with past involvement with Scientology. You just thought that Scientology could help you and it didn't. This is nothing new.

Depending on what you feel depressed about... some psychologists might be able to help.
 

JinLing

Patron



were are both clean actually, exept i take sleepingpills, but thats the only way for me to sleep, and i never overdose them.

problem is the father of my kids is still into getting back on lines. and we have shared custidy over two kids.

i cant go to aa or similar. its too religious. i cant fucking stand them. and its not really the problem.

Not meaning to offend you. its just not what i need. anything that helps a person (and REALLY helps them, not getting them stuck) is good, but na or aa isnt good for me, and as i said, im not using any drugs since a long time now.
 
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JinLing

Patron
Physical exerzise for sleeping well.. I ran 10 kilometers 3 times a week for a couple of years.. Allright, it wasn't -only- because of the scientology blues. It was to get trim and slim too.. But I did get exhausted enough to sleep very well.

As for feeling lonely.. Hmm.. That's harder to give a flippant advice for.. You are supposed to feel lonely, shitty and useless as per policy and as a result of carefully prepared conditioning in the Sinister Scam Cult of Scientology.

I felt that way... But I reminded myself that I felt worse than that when I was in!

:yes:

this makes sense. I feel exactly like theyve told me i would feel.
I do feel a sense of more freedom, just dont really know what to do with it. ive been in scientology since i was a teen, so i kind of lost a lot of important years of studying and so on. Im smart. i could have had an education by now. I can still get it though i guess. Its just that i feel lonely cause i lost so many friends. but you replies on here made me cry. It was in a nice way. Felt like someone noticed me.
 

JinLing

Patron
You have started to connect with people now, by posting that message JinLing ... so that is a good thing.

Keep posting and one day I believe you will find things feel better, we are all at different stages and have had different experiences but there are so many similarities that we seem to help each other to feel happy just by talking to each other.

Also you may be surprised at how people in real life do and will understand, just choose carefully and don't feel that you have to tell your story to anyone if you are not ready to.

:blowkiss:

Oh and ... dump the scio mail in the bin unopened if I were you (I have done that for many years and it feels good).

Sometimes i still open them cause friends write to me, but i cant have contact with them. Im not declared or anything. But you understand why we cant be hanging out... lol... (first laugh in a week)
 

JinLing

Patron
There´s no easy route to get happy again, I´m sad to say. I feel you man, I spent more then two years after the sea org trying to wrestle with the major daemons I had withing me from scientology.

I think its good that your seeking professional help, talking to your psychologist, I hope he should be able to listen to you, or help you find someone to talk to, medication and whatever you need.

Any friend you feel you can trust with this? I found that sharing my thoughts with others helped me a great deal.

I hope it goes well. If you feel like just having a chat there´s always someone in the chatbox, and we all came from the same place.

I dont have any friends hardly, not really. Not close. because all my youth was spent in scientology, and my friends are still there. And 14 years have passed now and i feel ive lost a lot of time.

but thankyou for replying. Im so greatful for anyone that have replied to me.
 

JinLing

Patron
Hi JinLing,
Sorry you're feeling lonely!
I still take cal mag to sleep. It really helps me. I am comforted in knowing that Hubbard did not make up, discover or find calcium nor magnesium.

Maybe you can change your habits. Do entirely different things....go to the gym, join a writing group, go back to school...things that may take your mind off seeing all those posters! That would drive me crazy, too!

I hope posting here helps. I have found it helpful many times.
Hope you feel better!


thankyou. every post make me feel like i exist. so you guys are saving my life right now. I will go back to school when i can (i also have kids that i mainly take care of myself) and im writing a lot! (but i cant write about scientology, i dont know why, I feel like im an sp kind of. Its confusing)

i actually good at writing in my own language and have published some writings. But now im kind of stuck. but your replies was overwhelming. Im in tears again. I didnt think pppl cared that much.
 

JinLing

Patron
Double check that there isn't a physical basis. If possible, get a thorough health exam. Nutrition and sleep deprivation are other possible issues. A lot of S.O. that I saw were self medicating with caffeine and nicotine and had terrible diets.

i know i had lack of iron and vitamin b12 and b5. But after a year finding that out.. (hehe.. i havent actually taken care of myself a lot) im trying to fix that. The b12 thing is so bad that my mouth hurts when i eat and i lost (dont know how to explain this in english) but i cant feel certain parts on my skin, they are numb, so i think youre not totally wrong there.
 

JinLing

Patron
We're happy because we're free- yes, but also because we've formed other interests. This does not happen overnight and it's not a cakewalk.

I'll give you a non Scn example. I went from my home to another state almost 2000 miles away a few years ago to take a long term temporary job. I knew exactly what I was getting in for. But I was so lonely at first. I made friends and formed a social life but it didn't happen overnight. Plus I went from the North to the SouthEast and the culture was so different and the scenery was so ugly...took me a while to get acclimated. Point is, this stuff takes time.

Chip's advice is good but also things like hobbies, other interests and reaching out to other people is also a part of recovery. Lots of people here who've reached out to one another and who would very likely reach out to you, as well.

thank you. Just want to say you are a sweet person. and youre right.
 

JinLing

Patron
What worked for me some years back was what I call a Gym Jihad ... a holy war on flab. It was diet plus 4 hours daily at the gym plus lots of hiking as well. I took off 40 pounds and kept it off. When I started the program I was always in an angry mood, when I finished not only was I in shape but I was thinking rationally again, and the girl friend I lost that caused me so much grief and anger and other misemotion was of zero consequence. Also, going to the gym all the time made it a lot easier to meet other women.

Pete

Im really skinny due to malnutrition. During my time in scio i wa snot eating and sleeping and always on PAB 6 and such for it, even though the pressure from them was the thing that made me not eat and sleep.. lol.

i had to translate 9 books while fulltime training while fulltime working, while having babies..... see why it crashed? Such a fuck up ...

but id love to start dancing or yoga.. cause itr has an effect mentally also, i know that. thank you.
 

JinLing

Patron
I think I can identify myself with your sit, Jin Ling!

I finally had CBT sessions to ease my depression and to discuss the cult aspects, and oh yes, it is considered an "act of treason" and a taboo seeking help behind the "enemy lines". But THAT IS A VERY legitimate thing to do and can be of great help! I recommend you to carry on. The body exercise and finding alternative and rewarding projects is also good advices.

Scientology can have a drug-like effect and you're in a fellowship which is trying to run your life for you. In the Scn context you can have moments of happiness and friends but this happiness is conditioned. You need to be in that context and to keep on contributing (maybe as a staff member or by giving away your hard-earned money).

One sad thing about withdrawal from a cult is the On-Off situation. If you need to Quit you lose a network of people and maybe some of them even dear to you. But if you stay you need to accept all kinds of insanities. Well, it's not an easy move.

Keep reading the ESMB, clambake and other boards, and find out about the details you never knew as a true believer.

And I think you'll find happiness as you free yourself from the bonds and hopefully you lose some delusions too ...

THIS IS TOTALLY WHAT I FEEL!!! pm me if you ant. There is no therapist here in my country that gets it. they are just shocked. and it makes me feel worse and sick .
 

JinLing

Patron
Personally, I think it's very brave of you to put that out there in front of god and everybody. I couldn't do it. It seems to me to be a sign of strength and faith -- both really valuable qualities. Good for you. What made you happy in the past? Being with friends, reading, writing, going to school, gardening, playing pool, what? Can you do those things that used to be fun for you?

I heard a conversation of ex-SO folks once -- they were talking about how hard it is to find a good therapist because most people in that profession have zero understanding of what coming out of a cult entails. Half the time the therapist just sits with their mouth hanging open, asking "Really!?" That wouldn't be much help. Dennis Erlich's daughter Kristi became a therapist just so she could help people leaving cults (she does other counseling, of course).

For me, sometimes the only way I can cope is to "fake it til I make it." Once in a while it works. But it's not a great solution.

This is also totally how i feel. You pointed at the exact problem.

Therapist just look at me and hardly belives me.

What made me happy... feels far away. But travelling. Nature. animals. My kids (who i hardly ever had time to see before) adventures of all kinds, art, théater, writing, painting, friends (but i have to make new ones, and i find it so hard cause im kind of shy now that i dont have the rules that one have in scio) learning new things. Actually i feel like im outethic for doing things i really like!! Just because its otherintention. Its not like im thinking that it is, its just stuck in me somehow... thanks..
 

JinLing

Patron
I am not sure how long ago you "left" the church, but the initial separation can be tough for many.

There are the basics to consider as others have posted: general health, nutrition etc.

Have you considered changing environment? Even an outing for a few hours might be helpful.

Take a friend along? Maybe try to make a new friend?

How about activities that take you out of your abode for a while? Hobbies? Walking pets? Walking someone elses pet?

Whatever happens, hang in there--usually it gets better.

You can PM me if you want.

Its actually more than 2 years ago. But since my ex who i have kids with is still on lines its not like im left alone. I cant make them stop contacting me, cause then there will be disconection with the kids and theire father. I cant send mails back and say wrong adress, cause in my country there are registers over ppl. All ppl. And they find me all the time. I can not hide without changing my name and personal number.

id love to live in Asia or southern eu. Just for the sun. I just need the cash ...
 

JinLing

Patron
First off, you came to the right place. Most of us here have felt that way too. Although I am no longer sad and lonely, I am still angry and I have been out for almost 15 years. Now days I channel the anger into positive things, like helping to knock out the "churches" Craigs List ads. You can also PM most of the people here. Pick out the ones that you might identify with and give it a try.

With Love and Respect

Bob

I know your posts since b4. you are much more brave than i am. But i hope ill get my spirits up again. the problem is i still believe things that i believed as a scio, like i do think we pass on to another body when dead, i dont want yo think there is just one life time and so on. there is things in scio that seem true still. and that makes me both angry and sad and confused, cause i feel i was used for what i belive in.
 

JinLing

Patron
If you really hate the scilon mail and just want to make it stop, then write CULT CULT CULT or anything you see on a protest sign, on the mail with a big Sharpee. Cross your address out (but don't cover it up) and write "Not at this address". Then bundle them in a rubber band and put it back in your mailbox. This method worked for me last year. I only had to do it twice. I moved 3 times after I escaped in 2004, one was a P.O. Box, I never left a fowarding address when I moved and they found me every time. I received mail only from AOLA at the time. So far it has worked.

Glad your here.

Thankyou. Youre so nice :)

I cant do that though, cause the registers of ppl in my country is strict, and even if i move or change adress or name they can still find me, ive tried. I need to leave the country in that case. But i honestly thought about destroying those huge posters they have all over town with silverpaint. At night. Maybe that would cheer me up ;)
 

JinLing

Patron
This is amazing. Do you mean that the scn-os have not targetted you, only stopped the mailings? :hmm: :lol: I might just try this - but I do not want to have them take notice of me - ya know . . .

they even forced themselves into my flat b4 i moved. Cause im clear and need ot 3. Apparently.
 

JinLing

Patron
Put up a threat, and be a real nasty son of a bitch ... that would most likely Deadfile you.

My staff memories dates back to the eighties and a deadfile was a person who had posed a treat or made some severe action. The Central Files were SOOOO important that it was almost considered a suppressive act to tamper with these "leads". The LO stat (flow out) was the Magic Solution to flow in and THE Answer to future Income and Prosperity (and we know how fantastic that turned out to be).

At times I was quite upset about the stupid worshipping of these "holy" paragraphs because people could keep sending dumb scabbles (all hands/all night) to people who did buy a cheap pocket 10-20 years ago (to get off the hook)! Well, this was just another of these slave enterpretation of the ingenious, noble price candidate, Hubbard's scientific (delusionary) work.

I thought quality counted, but that was not an appreciated idea ...

haha

youre kind of funny :) in a good way that is.

you know i said im an illegal pc to one person that i got a letter from. Im not really, but i hope he reports me heavily ;)

i just cant be sp declared, cause i might loose my kids or they might loose their daddy.
 
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JinLing

Patron
I understand how you feel. What has worked for me is to make friends and acquaintances out in the real world. Even if it's chatting it up with the gal behind the register at the supermarket. Just getting to know real people and talking about things that interest you, finding out about their lives, etc. can help tremendously. Take the opportunity to start fresh and experience what I have found to be a lot of really good people out there that don't want or expect anything from you but your friendship or a kind word.

thank you. Im trying to do this. But ive gotten really really shy. Dont know what happened. I hope i can build up my confidence again.
 

JinLing

Patron
Then I would guess that your depression/lonelyness has nothing to do with past involvement with Scientology. You just thought that Scientology could help you and it didn't. This is nothing new.

Depending on what you feel depressed about... some psychologists might be able to help.

I was sexually abused and beaten and then kicked out at the street when i was still a kid, then got into drugs, was picked up by narconon as a teen and scientology, was trained, audited, married, had two kids and worked my ass off as a translator ( i still have lots of free training to do if i want lol)

im still quite young though. i just feel lost kind of.
 
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