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How to get happy



I honestly started to cry uncontrolled when you all wrote to me. You are amazing people. Im so glad there is people who care!! Sorry if i misspell things, i just hope you all understand what im trying to say. thank you, you saved my year, not just my day.

Love to you


Gold Meritorious Patron
Jin, thank you for sharing your story.

On sleeping, taking L-Tryptophan (available in the US at Vitamin Shoppe) will help you sleep and may help ease depression. It's not a drug, it's an amino acid, and needed to make serotonin.

You may also need to supplement Vitamin D, most people seem to. Getting the other vitamins and iron into range will also help.


Jin, thank you for sharing your story.

On sleeping, taking L-Tryptophan (available in the US at Vitamin Shoppe) will help you sleep and may help ease depression. It's not a drug, it's an amino acid, and needed to make serotonin.

You may also need to supplement Vitamin D, most people seem to. Getting the other vitamins and iron into range will also help.

I know from my doctor i have lack of iron, vitamine b12, b5 and calcium. I just havent been caring so much about myself recently. But i start to actually feel sick, and had to have surgery recently for a pshysical problem that usually just old ladies get, and im only 30, and i almost died! (guess if i felt LRH was laughing at me at that point)

im gonna try to sort out my vitamins. i know i do need that. Its just kind of reminding me of scientology. thats probably why i didnt take them.


Then I would guess that your depression/lonelyness has nothing to do with past involvement with Scientology. You just thought that Scientology could help you and it didn't. This is nothing new.

Depending on what you feel depressed about... some psychologists might be able to help.



i had lots of reasons to be depressed. but the pressure from scio and seaorg definitly made me loose everything that i built up. its a combination. I was abused, but i was ver intelligent and hade topgrades. i just lost opportunities because my mother made me homeless.

But the pressure to get money for the church... and the pressure to have tim e to slep meanwhile being expected to be upstat on all areas, thats what really crushed me.


Who needs merits?
this makes sense. I feel exactly like theyve told me i would feel.
I do feel a sense of more freedom, just dont really know what to do with it. ive been in scientology since i was a teen, so i kind of lost a lot of important years of studying and so on. Im smart. i could have had an education by now. I can still get it though i guess. Its just that i feel lonely cause i lost so many friends. but you replies on here made me cry. It was in a nice way. Felt like someone noticed me.

Well, I can't tell you what makes YOU happy, and telling you what makes me happy, probably wouldn't help you much. But, since it's never too late to get an education, and it's useful too, why not start with that? If I were in your shoes, I'd go find me a class immediately - and it would be a "real" class, not an online course, because I would meet real people there, who would be there for the same reasons I was: to learn something. You even might find some friends there.

Where I live, I can find qualified schools who offer evening classes for people who want to get/improve their formal education. These schools are almost within walking distance and their courses don't cost an arm and a leg either.

I hope it isn't much different where you live. :)


Gold Meritorious Patron
Dear JinLing,

You are very brave to start posting to ESMB and you should be proud of yourself for taking this step.

As you can see, many people on this board have experienced what you are going through. When I left the SO, I too felt lonely and defeated. After all, I was in a group that was going to save the world. Now I was just 'another cog in the machine'. But I slowly got better.

My advice to you is not much different than what the other folks have given you but here ya go:

1. Try very hard to stop using any scientology terms when you talk and write. This will help you distance yourself from the cult. It is ok to believe in past lives but you don't need any scientology for that.

2. Try to stop thinking in scientology terms. Ethics, SPs, engrams, BTs, etc. These are all control mechanisms that tie you scientology like chains.

3. Any time they phone you, do not engage in any conversation with them. Just say 'I'm not interested' and hang up. Keep doing this every time they call. This will make you feel in control of the situation and not the other way around.

4. Do something physical. Every day, go for a walk...it's free. You don't need a gym to get into an exercise routine. Take your kids with you. If they are small, use a stroller. Just get out of the house every day no matter how bad you feel and stay out for at least 1 hour.

5. This is the hard one and it took me a long time to learn that I could do it. You control what you think about. When you start thinking negative thoughts, force yourself to think about something else. Cooking, taking care of the kids, a book you've been reading, the weather, the flowers, anything to get your thoughts changed to something else.

Remember, you have friends on this board. Here is a place that is safe for you and where people know exactly what you have experienced and can be empathetic to your situation.

Take care and write here often. When you feel up to it, start sharing some of your stories in scientology. Maybe the not so bad stories...just how it was in the beginning. When I wrote my story it made me feel very foolish for the time I wasted but afterward I felt much better. I think you will too.

Take care of yourself. OK?



Hero extraordinary
I dont have any friends hardly, not really. Not close. because all my youth was spent in scientology, and my friends are still there. And 14 years have passed now and i feel ive lost a lot of time.

but thankyou for replying. Im so greatful for anyone that have replied to me.

Well at start, it was the same for me. When I left the sea org I had none of my old friends left from the time previous of sea org, and you know, with a FL Bill it wasn´t really an option to hang out with other scientologists.

This is what I did. I don´t know if it´ll work for anyone else but I was really into gaming, so I started hanging out after school at a local internet cafe/gaming center. I wasn´t really good at the "social game", being raised in scientology and all, but I persisted, tried to make friends who I connected with through gaming.
I actually got some friends there, and later that year I got some more friends at a local roleplaying club. And I still do. Some of them are so close to me, friends for life you know? And today most of them know my history with scientology.
I used to lie alot to cover my history up, bad choice, I should have been truthfull from the start, but anyhow, that wasn´t a choise for me.

Well, I really think you could try the same, go and get out into the social life thingy. I mean what would you like to do? Only you can answer that question really, well see if there´s a local club or gang of people who does that. And just try and connect.

Friends, in the end in my opinion, are more important than most other things, and can help a long way when your down.

Voltaire's Child

Fool on the Hill
Vitamins, exercise, other supplements people have all recommended are all excellent. Their advice is sound. But also make sure you eat well. Read up on nutrition.

A quick way to discern what veggies and fruits you should have for a balanced diet is to vary the colors. So have some orange, some yellow, some purple, some red and some green. Red has lycophine (spelling?) green has C (as do many others) orange and yellow tend to be high in vitamin A.

The much scorned potato has more potassium than bananas and has many other vitamins. not everyone knows this.

And on line you can look up nutritional value. Pay attention to the minerals in the foods and not just the vitamins.

Meat has more than just protein and fat. It has some vitamins and other nutrients.

Dark Phoenix

Patron Meritorious
Gift Of The Seagull
by Munda

A lonely seagull flies the winds
Majestic... soaring...gliding wings
A single screech sounds from the sky
Come fly with me... come here and fly

My spirit floats to be a part
I feel the beating of its heart
My soul, one with this bird of sea
Now knows the meaning to fly free

I feel the winds caress my soul
And soar the streams without a goal
My being trembles of delight
A treasure I received tonight

The seagull's flight of soaring high
The gift of what it means to fly