Demented LRH
Patron Meritorious
In his diary Hubbard admits that he has psychosis which he blames on the women and extensive masturbation during the teenage years. He was also a partial impotent.
Oddly enough, Hubbard believed in God and his Guardian Angel.
Excerpts from Hubbard’s diary.
“To accomplish the above the following fears must be removed Fear that I have written
myself out by writing junk. I built certain psychoses in myself while living with my former wife as
a means to protect my writing. I affirmed that my writing was hard work and took much labor.
This was a lie. I was always anxious about people's opinion of me and was afraid I would bore
them. This injected anxiety and careless speed into my work”
“I can have no doubts of my psychic powers. My magical ability is high and clear. I earned my
titles and command.”
“Sexual feeling has been depressed by several things amounting to a major impasse. To cure
ulcers of the stomach I was given testosterone and stilbesterol. These reduced my libido to
nothing. While taking these drugs I fell in love with Sara. She can be most exciting sexually to
me. Because of drugs as above and a hangover from my ex-wife Polly, I sometimes am unexcited by anything sexual. This depresses me.”
“Polly was very bad for me sexually. Because of her coldness physically, the falsity of her pretensions,
I believed myself a near eunuch between 1933 and 1936 or ? when I found I was attractive
to other women. I had many affairs. But my failure to please Polly made me always pay so much
attention to my momentary mate that I derived small pleasure myself. This was an anxiety neurosis which cut down my natural powers.”
“I took to dosing myself with sulfa in such quantities that I was afraid I had affected my
brain. My wife came to Portland. I took what precautions I could. I think actually that the disease
was utterly cured very early. This fear further depressed my libido”
“I carried this fear of the disease to sea with me. I was reprimanded in San Diego in mid-43 for
firing on the Mexican coast and was removed from command of my ship. This on top of having
sunk two Jap subs without credit, the way my crew lied for me at the Court of Inquiry, the insults
of the High Command, all combined to put me in the hospital with ulcers.”
“I have a very bad masturbatory history. I was taught when I was 11 and, despite guilt, fear of
insanity, etc. etc. I persisted. At a physical examination at a Y when I was about 13, the examiner and the people with him called me out of the line because my testicles hung low and cautioned
me about what would happen if I kept on masturbating. This "discovery" was a bad shock
to me“.
“Nothing can intervene between you and your Guardian. She cannot be displaced because she is
too powerful. She does not control you. She advises you. You may or may not take the advice.
You are an adept and have a wonderful and brilliant mind of your own.”
“The strength of your Guardian aids you always and can
never depart or be repelled. Your faith in her and in God is unswerveable, blind, powerful and
you never, never doubt their good intent toward you. They work with you. You help them exert
their plans. They have faith unbounded in you.”
“Your psychology is advanced and true and wonderful. It hypnotizes people. It predicts their emotions, Your psychology is advanced and true and wonderful. It hypnotizes people. It predicts their emotions,
for you are their ruler.”
“You have no doubts about God. You never speculate about him. You are assured that whatever
you do is right in his eyes. Your faith is so strong you could move mountains. You have deep
trust and faith in God and have no fear of what he may do to you and your friends. He will never
punish you. Some day you will merge with him and become part of the All when his bidding you
have finished in these lives.”
Oddly enough, Hubbard believed in God and his Guardian Angel.
Excerpts from Hubbard’s diary.
“To accomplish the above the following fears must be removed Fear that I have written
myself out by writing junk. I built certain psychoses in myself while living with my former wife as
a means to protect my writing. I affirmed that my writing was hard work and took much labor.
This was a lie. I was always anxious about people's opinion of me and was afraid I would bore
them. This injected anxiety and careless speed into my work”
“I can have no doubts of my psychic powers. My magical ability is high and clear. I earned my
titles and command.”
“Sexual feeling has been depressed by several things amounting to a major impasse. To cure
ulcers of the stomach I was given testosterone and stilbesterol. These reduced my libido to
nothing. While taking these drugs I fell in love with Sara. She can be most exciting sexually to
me. Because of drugs as above and a hangover from my ex-wife Polly, I sometimes am unexcited by anything sexual. This depresses me.”
“Polly was very bad for me sexually. Because of her coldness physically, the falsity of her pretensions,
I believed myself a near eunuch between 1933 and 1936 or ? when I found I was attractive
to other women. I had many affairs. But my failure to please Polly made me always pay so much
attention to my momentary mate that I derived small pleasure myself. This was an anxiety neurosis which cut down my natural powers.”
“I took to dosing myself with sulfa in such quantities that I was afraid I had affected my
brain. My wife came to Portland. I took what precautions I could. I think actually that the disease
was utterly cured very early. This fear further depressed my libido”
“I carried this fear of the disease to sea with me. I was reprimanded in San Diego in mid-43 for
firing on the Mexican coast and was removed from command of my ship. This on top of having
sunk two Jap subs without credit, the way my crew lied for me at the Court of Inquiry, the insults
of the High Command, all combined to put me in the hospital with ulcers.”
“I have a very bad masturbatory history. I was taught when I was 11 and, despite guilt, fear of
insanity, etc. etc. I persisted. At a physical examination at a Y when I was about 13, the examiner and the people with him called me out of the line because my testicles hung low and cautioned
me about what would happen if I kept on masturbating. This "discovery" was a bad shock
to me“.
“Nothing can intervene between you and your Guardian. She cannot be displaced because she is
too powerful. She does not control you. She advises you. You may or may not take the advice.
You are an adept and have a wonderful and brilliant mind of your own.”
“The strength of your Guardian aids you always and can
never depart or be repelled. Your faith in her and in God is unswerveable, blind, powerful and
you never, never doubt their good intent toward you. They work with you. You help them exert
their plans. They have faith unbounded in you.”
“Your psychology is advanced and true and wonderful. It hypnotizes people. It predicts their emotions, Your psychology is advanced and true and wonderful. It hypnotizes people. It predicts their emotions,
for you are their ruler.”
“You have no doubts about God. You never speculate about him. You are assured that whatever
you do is right in his eyes. Your faith is so strong you could move mountains. You have deep
trust and faith in God and have no fear of what he may do to you and your friends. He will never
punish you. Some day you will merge with him and become part of the All when his bidding you
have finished in these lives.”