I am glad to be out of the SO (and Scientology) because…

Marie

Patron
I didn't know if I should post this on its own, or add it to the other (facts of the matter) post I placed a couple of days ago - this one is more the feelings on the matter...

Someone tell me the protocol, please.

I think this is helping, some communication about why things are the way they are have lifted my spirits, and have started me getting back on track with life – or maybe appreciating what I have attained since leaving, rather then thinking how it needs to just get better, you know need better stats (funny thing, it is pretty good…lol). After 17 years alot of lessons learned still stick with me.

Being in the SO and on Staff seemed other purpose to me, though I didn’t see that at the time.

You are supposed to build your dynamics starting at one and move outward, at least that is what I got from what I learned on course - being in the SO and in a huge degree just at a class 4 org did not do this (for me). I said as much in the staff reg cycle (word for word), but let someone else talk me into it.

Don’t get me wrong, being on staff made me a more able person then I was, I learned a lot, and figured out a lot of things faster then I would have not on staff… BUT…

I found out, after leaving that a lot of the datums, processes and theories that did this for me were also available (and probably gleened from) other religions (and dare I say - psychology).

There were many times in my 5 years on staff and in the SO that I ignored the little voice in me that said “you are unhappy, this is not helping you”. I discarded it as an ethics issue, I needed to do better.

Ethics handlings are not done to out int PC’s, so I had little of those since I was that way for 4 of those years. I had to do my own, to my limited ability – kept my own council, and though it was not correct per tech it was my only option. When someone tried to do a handling, and when I first started I tried, I was always referred back to the auditing area – and everyone knows how hard it is to get audited as staff (never could find a qualled auditor). When I did get in session I seemed to go nowhere (by the way when I was routing out, I found out my auditor for most of my sessions had been declared for non standard tech – boy I line charged on that). By the way, my int issue was being stuck in – Staff and the SO ( figured that one out also – on my own) went in session on routing out to handle the int and wow, it was no issue.

And ethics handlings are not done on upstats – and I almost always was during those years. If I knew what was expected (or could figure it out, which was more the case) I did it and did it with gusto – Just work ethics instilled by my mother, not LRH tech…

What I was looking for in scientology was help with my ability to deal with others, and be part of a group. The training I got helped, but not quided didn’t do the job.

I figured out about myself that I am not a group person – and being in the SO was hell on that level. One on one is fine, alone is ok (rather not be but it is ok), large groups where I had to do as I was told and no questions asked – not me. I am a take charge person and allowed the SO to take charge for those years (yes allowed, was convinced to let someone have that control), and I always did decent if not good during that time – but being who I am I need the freedom to be me. (lol, that was what I thought I was doing this for – freedom).

And here is why Scientology doesn’t work (at least for me).

All of those trained people, OT people…. Should have seen this and understood, and let me know it was alright to be myself… I could do that and it was ok, in fact I should have been looking for something that furthered that not tried to kill it. Boy did I just get pissed off - I hadn't realized that before.
 

Div6

Crusader
Hey, its cool....starting a new thread is fine. If you want to tell your story, you can always start a thread in the My Story section and write it in increments....

I can empathize. I think I spent about 5 years total on staff being out-int. It was difficult to find auditors that were "qualled" to handle it. Now that I've done Solo, I can handle it on my own if\when it comes up. Makes life so much easier when you aren't ridging on being located in space and time.

I was on staff because I wanted to help mankind. Turns out that it was a bit of an inverted dynamic.....it wasn't always so, but DM has really run the MEST purposes in heavily on the group...and correspondingly, the Theta has moved off...
 

Marie

Patron
No doubt, my brother left the SO (after being in for at least 9 years) about 8 years ago - and still a believer didnt go into details. He had only said a couple of time - I think I got out just in time...
 

Kathy (ImOut)

Gold Meritorious Patron
So many comments, where do I start.

When I first got involved with CofS, I was amazed at how much beingness I was granted. I loved it. It felt good. As the years went by, that became less and less. And it bothered me to no end.

After my daughter joined the SO, they tried to get me in. Not one to wake up on demand. I don't do 5 minute showers. I don't like to be told when I can eat. And I would have had to give up my 2 cats - too many losses at that time to confront giving up my cats. And my mess, for that matter. Call me shallow, but at least it kept me out of the SO. Yippee!!!!

Marie, be thankful you didn't get the end of endless ethics handlings. They get rather tiresome at times. LOL!!!!

Side note: I recently heard a comment how there are only two departments in CofS - Reg and Ethics. The reg hangs you by your feet to get all your money to drop out of your pockets. If it's not enough, they send you to ethics to hang you my your thumbs until you come up with more money. Back and forth it goes. LOL!!!
 

grundy

Gold Meritorious Patron
Yeah Thats Me .... And my Ramblings

No doubt, my brother left the SO (after being in for at least 9 years) about 8 years ago - and still a believer didnt go into details. He had only said a couple of time - I think I got out just in time...

I'm her brother who is still a believer .. in $cn, not the church. As a matter of fact, I'm the one that told her about this board. :D

We grew up with parents who were $ientologists. Our parents were on staff when I was born (left staff shortly after that). My mother was a field auditor (probably would be considered a squirrel in this day and age because she :omg: just audited out of books , etc and was not involved with the org really). My father was a course sup. Also was an ethics officer.

Every one of my siblings has been on staff. My aunt. Myself and my sister, in the SO. My brother's wife and her family too (some still involved in the Cof$).

I think of my immediate family I am the only one still considering himself a $cientologist. When I left the SO, I came back to a family ARCxen with the church. And ARCxen with me for not having visited for years. My brother was under non-enturb order.

I have to admit, when I left, I didn't understand all of the ARCx's. I mean - really - I was doing what I believed (and still do) was helping people.

I don't particularly hold with the opinion that everything that was done was a money-grubbing activity. I've seen a lot of people doing a lot better. I've seen and experienced tremendous personal gain. I've received hundreds of hours of sec checks and count the time well spent.

But then again - I now understand why my brother is violently opposed to organized religion. I understand why my father is now a tonsured reader in the Orthodox Church. I understand why my aunt is now a born-again Christian.

My upbringing was fraught with hardships and vicissitudes, mostly due to a mother inculcated with an insensitivity and blindness to such things because, I am sure, of her experiences on staff.

My father used to have expectations of people working for him to withstand conditions that would cause most employees to sue. He always banked on a sense of loyalty. I am sure that this was trained into him because of his time on staff.

I know that since the age of 12 (I was 15 when I joined staff, a bit older when I joined the SO) I have averaged over 60 hours a week working and think nothing of it. I only complain when it gets to be over 80 hours a week. (I'm self employed currently - so it's not like I can bitch about my employer.)

I can see now why I left. At the time I only knew that I could no longer be a person contributing effectively to this group. I have realized (cognited lol) that my main problem was the constant change in tech and delivery ... too many revisions to HCOBs ... too many injustices ... too much invalidation ... too much "Group Think." And LRH always warned of that type of thinking.

I have to say that in my time, I have seen good, I have seen evil, I have seen angels, I have seen devils.

I wouldn't trade my experiences and what I have learned. But I wouldn't want to go through with it again either.

Im sure many people here have had good and bad experiences. I know that the main purpose of the forum is for people to share what when wrong and what they've seen, so that other people know that they are not alone in their experiences and maybe to achieve a catharsis. There's very few places to talk about such things where you aren't stomped for bringing such things up.

Please do not take my statements as an invalidation of what you feel. And do not invalidate my statements as a delusion. I know what I know.

Hope I haven't pissed too many off. And I hope that maybe, somewhere here, someone else might achieve a catharsis from this too ......
 

Marie

Patron
Oh yes, my father... I love him dearly but I went almost immediatly from the SO to working for him for a few years. I did get a very positive experience from that

I think that is what kept me from being broke all of my life after. Though he expected total loyalty and didn't really seem to care if his staff had a life, he followed hr laws (he had to).

He thought that I would be valuable because I had SO experience, this negated the lack of education (real world) in business. But I had the time to get a GED, take some college courses, be in the real world work force so that I had some sort of self esteem when it came to working. Then I decided that I could not work (even for my dad) for so little :happydance:

I also had health insurance, and did a few sessions in counseling (and was scared because I was doing something really off souce) and the one real possitive part of that is I realized I could no control everything:omg: ...

Now I sort of crumbled with this realization, because it went completely against my former viewpoint but it saved my life... I have so much I could say about that but it would be too much to share.
 

Free to shine

Shiny & Free
Now I sort of crumbled with this realization, because it went completely against my former viewpoint but it saved my life... I have so much I could say about that but it would be too much to share.

Welcome Marie and Grundy!

Thanks for sharing your stories. The theme may not be new, but every version that we hear helps to heal our own, and make sense of our lives. I always found the hardest thing was thinking I was alone. We are not, and this board continues to be a source of information and support.
 
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