I decided to re-write my story

Lurker5

Gold Meritorious Patron
Abusers

Thanks. The thing is, he wasnot hitting me (well,may be just a few times) but his main thing was control and threats with deportation,I found out his first wife left because he held her at the gun point and shehad no choice but leave the kids. I think, domestic violence has a lot to do with disconnection.
I really believed I could handle his case and I did for a few years. I even got him to take a few cources and at that time it was a big win for me. (till I realized he only took them so I will watch his kids when he was out of town.)
I still think that any case can be handled but its a two way road. A person has to want to change.My ex has another girlfriend now with kids and she is not complaining. May be he did changed.

Abusers very rarely change. You deserve better. You have made some confused and dangerous choices. I am glad you and the kids are Ok, safe now. I hope you have recieved or will get some kind of counseling for abused women. It will help you to understand why you chose the men you did - and perhaps even bring some insight as to why you became such an avid culty.

Seems to me your need to belong to something, or somewhere has - or had - quite a hold on you. We all have a need to 'belong' or 'fit in' - somewhere.

It is in what we are willing to 'give-up' (of ourselves) to get that feeling of belonging that determines the direction of our lives, and how far we are willing to go down that road. Sometimes we give up the very best part of ourselves, to get that feeling of belonging.

And feeling like you belong doesn't mean you actually do belong. Remember that.

Instead, choose to belong to yourself . . .

You have been through hell. But you got through it :thumbsup: - and you are a lot wiser . . .

Maybe you are past needing to belong, to fit in, now - or perhaps with counseling you will get to that place of knowing who you are - and what your SAFETY and SELF (and children) PROTECTION needs are, and place them first and foremost, over and above feelings of belonging. Perhaps having kids already brought you to that place.

Whatever, you have a new life now. Embrace it, try to find some understanding of the choices you made - so that you never go down that road again - for any reason.

Terrible experiences/events in our lives can be our greatest teachers/ gifts . . .
 

thefiredragon

Patron Meritorious
:)
Thanks ,that's one of the reason I hang out with freezoners on FB.

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I wasreading comments to this post and I think I should call my daughter. Have not called her in a few days. Thanks guys
 

VaD

Gold Meritorious Patron
Юлия,
I've read your thread, and understand much better what you have gone through.
Don't you give up on ESMB and Facebook.
But!

Here is a thing I want to advise you.
Total assimilation never occurs.
You and I will stick to our mentality. Mentality won't change.
You are better off to connect up with Russian Freezoners at this point. No matter where they are, you'll have better understanding from Russians (than those who have different roots).
Forums and Message boards where (ex-)Russian scientologists will understand better and direct you better to the things you want to be your way... imho
 

thefiredragon

Patron Meritorious
Юлия,
I've read your thread, and understand much better what you have gone through.
Don't you give up on ESMB and Facebok... imho

Hey Vadim. Long time no see.
You 've been gone from FB for a while..
I have not talk in Russian for a long time, kinda forgeting the words.LOL
Is there some site like this on in Russian ? If not i was thinking of starting one >LOL
But i'm fine with freezonners that speak English.
 

VaD

Gold Meritorious Patron
You'll get used to using Russian once you get into the right community where you *want* to talk to those who have similar set of mind being at the same time people who have the same roots and mentality as yours and mine.
You've got my PM, so you know who and what I'm talking about.

Now that you have gone through the worst, it can only go into the direction to the better.
You are not alone. :yes:
 

thefiredragon

Patron Meritorious
Thanks. Could you PM me the link of that website where students from Russia can find classmates? I've heard that lots of Russiand where deported from SO if they could not get married and their visas expired. Immigration used to extend the visas then they stopted that. I'd like to see if I find there a few of my friends and hope they won't disconnect even if they are still in. LOL. So long ago.. Stll wondering how they're doing..
 

VaD

Gold Meritorious Patron
Done that.

Google is your friend. If you type there the words that are your subject (like "саентологи россия" or "свободная зона россия", it might just do the magic of presenting you with your most desirable answers. :yes::thumbsup:

(Make sure you type them in Russian, though :coolwink:
 

thefiredragon

Patron Meritorious
lol.OK.Got to get me a russian keyboard..
Thanks. See you on FB, you're almost never there or is it timezone difference?
 
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