Lurker5
Gold Meritorious Patron
Abusers
Abusers very rarely change. You deserve better. You have made some confused and dangerous choices. I am glad you and the kids are Ok, safe now. I hope you have recieved or will get some kind of counseling for abused women. It will help you to understand why you chose the men you did - and perhaps even bring some insight as to why you became such an avid culty.
Seems to me your need to belong to something, or somewhere has - or had - quite a hold on you. We all have a need to 'belong' or 'fit in' - somewhere.
It is in what we are willing to 'give-up' (of ourselves) to get that feeling of belonging that determines the direction of our lives, and how far we are willing to go down that road. Sometimes we give up the very best part of ourselves, to get that feeling of belonging.
And feeling like you belong doesn't mean you actually do belong. Remember that.
Instead, choose to belong to yourself . . .
You have been through hell. But you got through it - and you are a lot wiser . . .
Maybe you are past needing to belong, to fit in, now - or perhaps with counseling you will get to that place of knowing who you are - and what your SAFETY and SELF (and children) PROTECTION needs are, and place them first and foremost, over and above feelings of belonging. Perhaps having kids already brought you to that place.
Whatever, you have a new life now. Embrace it, try to find some understanding of the choices you made - so that you never go down that road again - for any reason.
Terrible experiences/events in our lives can be our greatest teachers/ gifts . . .
Thanks. The thing is, he wasnot hitting me (well,may be just a few times) but his main thing was control and threats with deportation,I found out his first wife left because he held her at the gun point and shehad no choice but leave the kids. I think, domestic violence has a lot to do with disconnection.
I really believed I could handle his case and I did for a few years. I even got him to take a few cources and at that time it was a big win for me. (till I realized he only took them so I will watch his kids when he was out of town.)
I still think that any case can be handled but its a two way road. A person has to want to change.My ex has another girlfriend now with kids and she is not complaining. May be he did changed.
Abusers very rarely change. You deserve better. You have made some confused and dangerous choices. I am glad you and the kids are Ok, safe now. I hope you have recieved or will get some kind of counseling for abused women. It will help you to understand why you chose the men you did - and perhaps even bring some insight as to why you became such an avid culty.
Seems to me your need to belong to something, or somewhere has - or had - quite a hold on you. We all have a need to 'belong' or 'fit in' - somewhere.
It is in what we are willing to 'give-up' (of ourselves) to get that feeling of belonging that determines the direction of our lives, and how far we are willing to go down that road. Sometimes we give up the very best part of ourselves, to get that feeling of belonging.
And feeling like you belong doesn't mean you actually do belong. Remember that.
Instead, choose to belong to yourself . . .
You have been through hell. But you got through it - and you are a lot wiser . . .
Maybe you are past needing to belong, to fit in, now - or perhaps with counseling you will get to that place of knowing who you are - and what your SAFETY and SELF (and children) PROTECTION needs are, and place them first and foremost, over and above feelings of belonging. Perhaps having kids already brought you to that place.
Whatever, you have a new life now. Embrace it, try to find some understanding of the choices you made - so that you never go down that road again - for any reason.
Terrible experiences/events in our lives can be our greatest teachers/ gifts . . .