I don't care anymore. I'm proud to be OUT

[Notafraidanymore]

Hi there. I can't remember if I posted before because the past two years of my life have been riddled with fear, doubt, emptiness, guilt, anger, etc... I was born and raised in this bullshit and in 2010 I found out it was all a lie. Luckily, I got out in time to make sure my three kids are safe. Unfortunately, I am stuck staying with a relative who is in still. I'm so sick of hearing scn talk I get IRATE when she speaks. I'm so angry. The more I read, the more angry I get. Johnny Lewis was a friend of mine many years ago. I am starting therapy on Tuesday because I can't get ahold of myself after the 30 years of brainwashing and the constant guilt the family member I stay with jabs at me. There is SO much to my story. I'm trying very hard to get it written but I suffered an accident several years ago that screwed up my time recognition and my memory. Not to mention the "PTSD" or whatever you want to call it, caused by finding out the truth about this cult causes my shirt term memory to be almost non existent. My story is VERY interesting and I'm not afraid anymore to tell it. I hope the fall of the cult is extreme so I can be there to throw a tech vol on the fire.

 

[TG1]

Dear Notafraidanymore,

Welcome!

And although you're mad as hell and not gonna take it anymore, your first post here made me laugh out loud.

You're gonna like it here.

Good job getting out and speaking out.

And good luck with your therapy -- sounds like a great move.

TG1

 

[Notafraidanymore]

Thanks. Yeah, it's been a VERY hard couple of years. But I'm back.. And dammit I'm MAD. lol. I lived in fear all my life and they can all kiss my ass. I will cheer when they carry DM off in shackles. Yay!!!

 

[Anonycat]

Welcome NAA!

This is a great place to share accounts of our experiences with the cult of Scientology. I look forward to reading about your own experiences. Did you just read the David Love post that I just did - about PTSD? A great topic, that I haven't seen much on, in forums.

Thank you for posting, and sharing with myself and everyone else here.

Things DO get better - getting out was the first major step, of course. I wish you wonderful results from your upcoming therapy, and your return to happiness.

 

[Div6]

Welcome. I for one, would very much like to hear your story. I wouldn't try to force too much "organization" (ie: time, place form and event) into it. Just let it come off in layers, piece by piece. I think, as you do so, it will allow the other stuff to "un-submerge". After all, that is what ESMB is for, decompression and healing.

Look forward to more of your posts.

 

[Idle Morgue]

Welcome OUT of the Cult! It will get better. Tell your story when you are ready. We all understand what you feel like. We welcome you with open arms!

 

[Lurker5]

Hello NotAfraid and I am so sorry for your situation, but you are not alone anymore. You have us / this board. And may I suggest Claire Headley's blog, www.BreakingFromScientology.com. You are reaching out and getting therapy/counseling. Hang in there. Life gets better when you are free, and you are on your way. Hallelujah !

 

[AnonyMary]

Great post!! So glad all is getting better for you.

Look for my private message ( PM ) in a minute with some possibly helpful suggestions.

 

[johnAnchovie]

You will do just fine. I traveled the exact same road as you; anger, therapy, telling my story and hopefully, I helped a few people along the way. I then began investing and putting some long neglected love and care into self, and that has been the most meaningful and rewarding of journeys.

I wish you lots of strength, power and anger as you regain self after the demeaning and debilitating encounter with that awful, nasty, greedy cult and its confused and more often than not, cowed, adherents.

 

[sallydannce]

Hi there. I can't remember if I posted before because the past two years of my life have been riddled with fear, doubt, emptiness, guilt, anger, etc... I was born and raised in this bullshit and in 2010 I found out it was all a lie. Luckily, I got out in time to make sure my three kids are safe. Unfortunately, I am stuck staying with a relative who is in still. I'm so sick of hearing scn talk I get IRATE when she speaks. I'm so angry. The more I read, the more angry I get. Johnny Lewis was a friend of mine many years ago. I am starting therapy on Tuesday because I can't get ahold of myself after the 30 years of brainwashing and the constant guilt the family member I stay with jabs at me. There is SO much to my story. I'm trying very hard to get it written but I suffered an accident several years ago that screwed up my time recognition and my memory. Not to mention the "PTSD" or whatever you want to call it, caused by finding out the truth about this cult causes my shirt term memory to be almost non existent. My story is VERY interesting and I'm not afraid anymore to tell it. I hope the fall of the cult is extreme so I can be there to throw a tech vol on the fire.

Welcome to ESMB Notafraidanymore.

Hand me one of those red vols and together let's hurl some waste-paper into the fire! The fall of the cult will be extreme for it has brought so much fear, so much hurt, so much suffering to the world, it cannot logically be any other way. Some call this karma.

May your journey home be full of love and wonder.

Hang in there, be kind to yourself and know you are not alone.

 

[Smilla]

Welcome. You're amongst people who will listen to whatever you need to say. Good luck with your recovery. Life will get better.

 

[Demented LRH]

Hi there. I can't remember if I posted before because the past two years of my life have been riddled with fear, doubt, emptiness, guilt, anger, etc... I was born and raised in this bullshit and in 2010 I found out it was all a lie. Luckily, I got out in time to make sure my three kids are safe. Unfortunately, I am stuck staying with a relative who is in still. I'm so sick of hearing scn talk I get IRATE when she speaks. I'm so angry. The more I read, the more angry I get.

Welcome to the board! I am sure you will find understanding here.

I do not think that you should be angry with your relative -- what she is going through is not her fault, she was brainwashed by the vicious cult. I think that you should show compassion towards her, and try to convince her that CoS is a dangerous cult.

I was able to save my two Scientology friends from the cult by buying the book, Messiah or Madman?, for them. I hope this book will convince your relative that it is time to leave the cult.

 

[Auditor's Toad]

Oh, I have dear friends still in ( I've been out since '90 ) and they still talk the talk.

What I've learned to do about it ? Realize the taste of my own blood as it comes out of my tongue I'm biting on while they prattle ain't really all that bad tasting.

To me, leaving has been like peeling an onion with far too layers & way too thick & bitter. So ? I try to find things to enjoy. I realize I have moved away from being exactly where some of my dearest friends are still stuck.

I used to be as "right" as they are trying to sound to me now. At least I now know a large part of that is about trying to keep themselves convinced they still can believe it.

They are coming my way. Not as fast as I'd like. BUT, IF I can keep my mouth shut meanwhile I can be here for them when they get out.

Meanwhile... suggestions for what goes well with drinking blood ?

 

[R6Basic]

Welcome NAA!

The more you write/read and interact with those of us who got out, the better you will do.

Even a "mild" brush with the cult can make leaving a bit trying (I was in for 6 just six years).

 

[Claire Swazey]

Is your family member who sometimes guilts you a Scientologist or are they a non Scientologist who guilts you for having been involved? Just wondering, but whatever you are comfortable sharing.

Any group that makes a person feel the way CofS made you feel is not a good group. And when they say they offer "total freedom" then that makes it even worse.

Welcome!

 

[Ogsonofgroo]

Hi there. I can't remember if I posted before because the past two years of my life have been riddled with fear, doubt, emptiness, guilt, anger, etc... I was born and raised in this bullshit and in 2010 I found out it was all a lie. Luckily, I got out in time to make sure my three kids are safe. Unfortunately, I am stuck staying with a relative who is in still. I'm so sick of hearing scn talk I get IRATE when she speaks. I'm so angry. The more I read, the more angry I get. Johnny Lewis was a friend of mine many years ago. I am starting therapy on Tuesday because I can't get ahold of myself after the 30 years of brainwashing and the constant guilt the family member I stay with jabs at me. There is SO much to my story. I'm trying very hard to get it written but I suffered an accident several years ago that screwed up my time recognition and my memory. Not to mention the "PTSD" or whatever you want to call it, caused by finding out the truth about this cult causes my shirt term memory to be almost non existent. My story is VERY interesting and I'm not afraid anymore to tell it. I hope the fall of the cult is extreme so I can be there to throw a tech vol on the fire.

Glade ya made it here matey!
Now.
Story...

 

[Sautez]

NAA,

Welcome out of the morass! Woo-hoo and congratulations.

We are here -we care and will do what we can to help.

Madman or Messiah was the one that popped my brainwashed bubble. Maybe your people might get a lot out of it also?

Please share only what you feel comfy with;



Sautez

 

[Notafraidanymore]

Is your family member who sometimes guilts you a Scientologist or are they a non Scientologist who guilts you for having been involved? Just wondering, but whatever you are comfortable sharing.

Any group that makes a person feel the way CofS made you feel is not a good group. And when they say they offer "total freedom" then that makes it even worse.

Welcome!

She's a scn who constantly says I'm pts, that my daughter who is 3 is banky,,. I have nothing to hide.. It's my mother. If ever I was PTS to anyone in life.. It has been her. She is a nice person on the outside but extremely manipulative and fucks my head up bad. Etc..etc...etc.. Lol

 

[degraded being]

Hi there. I can't remember if I posted before because the past two years of my life have been riddled with fear, doubt, emptiness, guilt, anger, etc... I was born and raised in this bullshit and in 2010 I found out it was all a lie. Luckily, I got out in time to make sure my three kids are safe. Unfortunately, I am stuck staying with a relative who is in still. I'm so sick of hearing scn talk I get IRATE when she speaks. I'm so angry. The more I read, the more angry I get. Johnny Lewis was a friend of mine many years ago. I am starting therapy on Tuesday because I can't get ahold of myself after the 30 years of brainwashing and the constant guilt the family member I stay with jabs at me. There is SO much to my story. I'm trying very hard to get it written but I suffered an accident several years ago that screwed up my time recognition and my memory. Not to mention the "PTSD" or whatever you want to call it, caused by finding out the truth about this cult causes my shirt term memory to be almost non existent. My story is VERY interesting and I'm not afraid anymore to tell it. I hope the fall of the cult is extreme so I can be there to throw a tech vol on the fire.

Hi, it's good to hear that you are starting therapy. All the best to you.

 

[Ho Tai]

Hi notafraid, I really think that you have found the perfect place to discuss your situation, which isn't ideal and sorry for that. But you have made the good leap and your life will be the better for it. Welcome to the board and we are all interested in what you have to say. You will get some help here. Congrats for your courage.