I don't care anymore. I'm proud to be OUT

[onthepes]

Hi there. I can't remember if I posted before because the past two years of my life have been riddled with fear, doubt, emptiness, guilt, anger, etc... I was born and raised in this bullshit and in 2010 I found out it was all a lie. Luckily, I got out in time to make sure my three kids are safe. Unfortunately, I am stuck staying with a relative who is in still. I'm so sick of hearing scn talk I get IRATE when she speaks. I'm so angry. The more I read, the more angry I get. Johnny Lewis was a friend of mine many years ago. I am starting therapy on Tuesday because I can't get ahold of myself after the 30 years of brainwashing and the constant guilt the family member I stay with jabs at me. There is SO much to my story. I'm trying very hard to get it written but I suffered an accident several years ago that screwed up my time recognition and my memory. Not to mention the "PTSD" or whatever you want to call it, caused by finding out the truth about this cult causes my shirt term memory to be almost non existent. My story is VERY interesting and I'm not afraid anymore to tell it. I hope the fall of the cult is extreme so I can be there to throw a tech vol on the fire.

Hi Not Afraid. So happy to see you here. Please vent as much as you can. This is the place for it. 30 years is way longer than me. I was 7 years. That was enough to fuck me, but I know it is really rugged on the ex long termers. Life will get better. The fog will clear . Nice things will happen. They are for me. The most wonderful thing is that you will have wins in the future. These will be your wins. Nobody will be there to tell you "Scientology helped with that". You can truly own your wins.

 

[Div6]

She's a scn who constantly says I'm pts, that my daughter who is 3 is banky,,. I have nothing to hide.. It's my mother. If ever I was PTS to anyone in life.. It has been her. She is a nice person on the outside but extremely manipulative and fucks my head up bad. Etc..etc...etc.. Lol

Well, I suppose you could ask her "How is all of that evaluation supposed to increase MY self-determinism?" , or "If you were able to keep in your auditors code things might be less contentious between us..." but then, your mileage may vary.

 

[Operating DB]

Madman or Messiah was the one that popped my brainwashed bubble. Maybe your people might get a lot out of it also?

Yep! That book was an great read and was highly effective at ripping away the layers of the mind fcuk. I highly recommend it!

Oh! And welcome NAA. It's always rewarding to see someone break away from the shackles of the scn cult mind control.

 

[onthepes]

Yep! That book was an great read and was highly effective at ripping away the layers of the mind fcuk. I highly recommend it!

Oh! And welcome NAA. It's always rewarding to see someone break away from the shackles of the scn cult mind control.

For sure. I picked up that book (well actually read it on the net which is gold) and did not stop reading . I did it in one hit because I was that blown away. The truth sets you free.

 

[NCSP]

Hi there. I can't remember if I posted before because the past two years of my life have been riddled with fear, doubt, emptiness, guilt, anger, etc... I was born and raised in this bullshit and in 2010 I found out it was all a lie. Luckily, I got out in time to make sure my three kids are safe. Unfortunately, I am stuck staying with a relative who is in still. I'm so sick of hearing scn talk I get IRATE when she speaks. I'm so angry. The more I read, the more angry I get. Johnny Lewis was a friend of mine many years ago. I am starting therapy on Tuesday because I can't get ahold of myself after the 30 years of brainwashing and the constant guilt the family member I stay with jabs at me. There is SO much to my story. I'm trying very hard to get it written but I suffered an accident several years ago that screwed up my time recognition and my memory. Not to mention the "PTSD" or whatever you want to call it, caused by finding out the truth about this cult causes my shirt term memory to be almost non existent. My story is VERY interesting and I'm not afraid anymore to tell it. I hope the fall of the cult is extreme so I can be there to throw a tech vol on the fire.

Good for you! And welcome!

I haven't read the responses, so I'm sure people have said just about everything that can be said at this point. But I wish you the absolute best going forward. I'm looking forward to reading your story, but you take care of yourself first and foremost and tell it when you're ready. We'll be waiting with open ears!

 

[Lone Star]

Hi there. I can't remember if I posted before because the past two years of my life have been riddled with fear, doubt, emptiness, guilt, anger, etc... I was born and raised in this bullshit and in 2010 I found out it was all a lie. Luckily, I got out in time to make sure my three kids are safe. Unfortunately, I am stuck staying with a relative who is in still. I'm so sick of hearing scn talk I get IRATE when she speaks. I'm so angry. The more I read, the more angry I get. Johnny Lewis was a friend of mine many years ago. I am starting therapy on Tuesday because I can't get ahold of myself after the 30 years of brainwashing and the constant guilt the family member I stay with jabs at me. There is SO much to my story. I'm trying very hard to get it written but I suffered an accident several years ago that screwed up my time recognition and my memory. Not to mention the "PTSD" or whatever you want to call it, caused by finding out the truth about this cult causes my shirt term memory to be almost non existent. My story is VERY interesting and I'm not afraid anymore to tell it. I hope the fall of the cult is extreme so I can be there to throw a tech vol on the fire.

I'm glad another angry ex has joined us. Anger can be good. If we all pool our anger together we'll create a force more powerful than the Wall of Fire! Ol' Hubturd didn't invent a level to deal with that kind of force. We will therefore be at cause.


Welcome aboard!

 

[Notafraidanymore]

Truth be told, just having this brief thread with you all is making me feel better. It's a very internally lonely place when you leave (as u guys know) and just talking about it makes me feel able to breathe more. So thank you

 

[xseaorguk]

She's a scn who constantly says I'm pts, that my daughter who is 3 is banky,,. I have nothing to hide.. It's my mother. If ever I was PTS to anyone in life.. It has been her. She is a nice person on the outside but extremely manipulative and fucks my head up bad. Etc..etc...etc.. Lol

thats made me laugh as my mother has the same effect on me
Is that normal?

thanks for your posts, much love to you

 

[clamicide]

Nice to have you hear. Glad to hear you are looking at therapy... saved my life. I'd recommend that you just make sure you get a good fit in a therapist... unlike the 'tek' there are a a bunch of approaches, and you might find someone might not work as well for you as another therapist...

Also, little bits of life can be therapy... I'm watching Mick Jagger with the Foo Fighters on SNL right now while writing this... go out and check out life as you feel comfortable doing so, or just sometimes push yourself a little bit. Don't beat yourself up if you have setbacks... the cult threads can run deep and just when you feel you are over a hurdle, you might find something new. That's not to discourage you... it's all healing. Just a reminder that even if stuff flares up, you are getting further and further away from the mind-fuck.

And... when you go see that 'evil psych-influenced therapist', have a giant grin and give a giant middle finger to the cult, because you just probably branded yourself as an illegal pc. Might be a bit terrifying, but, just go with how fucking freeing that is. Just going to therapy means you are fighting back like hell.

Oh, and welcome. I'm hardly a standby here, although I've spent a lot of time here over time. It all depends on whether I need support... need to walk away... need to read... can't face it right now. Your path out is only your own.

I've rambled on too long... but, I wish you well

 

[tetloj]

She's a scn who constantly says I'm pts, that my daughter who is 3 is banky,,. I have nothing to hide.. It's my mother. If ever I was PTS to anyone in life.. It has been her. She is a nice person on the outside but extremely manipulative and fucks my head up bad. Etc..etc...etc.. Lol

Please don't feel bad for saying how you feel about what your mother is saying/doing. As you seem stuck in this situation, rant, rant and rant away.

No one here will judge you or your mother, but you will feel much better getting it out of your head and into the open.

 

[Free to shine]

She's a scn who constantly says I'm pts, that my daughter who is 3 is banky,,. I have nothing to hide.. It's my mother. If ever I was PTS to anyone in life.. It has been her. She is a nice person on the outside but extremely manipulative and fucks my head up bad. Etc..etc...etc.. Lol

Oh this resonates with me! The old "your child is banky" is despicable, degrading and downright rude. I know there must be reasons you live with your mother, and I appreciate it's a hard road to walk. I'm 2nd generation too and my kids are long grown, but I understand what it's like in that situation. I couldn't stand the jargon either, still can't. It's like a language you don't want to know!

Hang in there, you are doing the right thing seeking help and there are certainly many people here to bounce off.

Welcome!

 

[Auditor's Toad]

She's a scn who constantly says I'm pts, that my daughter who is 3 is banky,,. I have nothing to hide.. It's my mother. If ever I was PTS to anyone in life.. It has been her. She is a nice person on the outside but extremely manipulative and fucks my head up bad. Etc..etc...etc.. Lol

Ah, yes....I once put up with a dear friend running that shit on me & my response to her was " I didn't understand how it was that she was so good at seeing what was wrong with people lives yet didn't have her own life under control like she wanted others to have theirs under control ".

She claimed my evaluation damaged our friendship.... but she knocked it off

 

[Notafraidanymore]

It's just like when my mother told me all my life how PTS I was but when I had the stupid 10 augs it was ALWAYS her I was "PTS" to. She's an emotionless robot and I hate it. So when she starts in on my daughter, I want to punch her in the face.

 

[Claire Swazey]

She's a scn who constantly says I'm pts, that my daughter who is 3 is banky,,. I have nothing to hide.. It's my mother. If ever I was PTS to anyone in life.. It has been her. She is a nice person on the outside but extremely manipulative and fucks my head up bad. Etc..etc...etc.. Lol

I am truly sorry that you are going through this.

You could, I suppose, tell her that if she really cared about Scn's teachings, that she wouldn't be evaluating for you (and your child) and making you wrong.

But then again, you wouldn't want it to turn into a pissing contest.

I'm glad you're here. You can make a lot of friends here and the moral support other exes give is often incredibly helpful.

 

[Sautez]

Oh this resonates with me! The old "your child is banky" is despicable, degrading and downright rude. I know there must be reasons you live with your mother, and I appreciate it's a hard road to walk. I'm 2nd generation too and my kids are long grown, but I understand what it's like in that situation. I couldn't stand the jargon either, still can't. It's like a language you don't want to know!

Hang in there, you are doing the right thing seeking help and there are certainly many people here to bounce off.

Welcome!

O, My! Haven't heard that word in a long time. I breezed right past it in NAA's first posting. Man-That indoctrination goes deep. Too deep.

I've also seen wee babies get tagged as "A hot case" and seen the parents IGNORE the screaming while their brand new baby sweats and suffers remembering that makes me feel like


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
On a more positive note: NAA- May I be the one to hand your mom Madman or Messiah? lol. I'd also like to be there to see her face as she reads it.
I wish you peace and joy in your coming out stages.

When I read that book it did not leave my hands and if I had figured out how to shower while reading it, I would have. Hair standing on end, eyes red from weeping and laughing out loud, the air filled with expletives of rage; then major confusion turned to clarity and finally the main light bulb: HE LIED. LRH the man for whom I would have died: LIED over and over. About what he was, who he was, what he'd accomplished, suffered, claimed to have healed in himself and others. A very long list. The betrayal at that time was so enormous.

THE CON MAN. That was it, my bubble burst and I was finally freed from 'Total Freedom'.

Then I was 'out' and lost hundreds of 'loyal' friends, business associates, my entire contact list of humans beings that I cared deeply for.
I better shut up here as I feel more venting coming on.

 

[Notafraidanymore]

If. I could trick her into reading it I would. She's oatee7 and old grad 5.shes too far gone.

 

[Mimsey Borogrove]

I suppose the obvious thing would be to move out, but it sounds like that is not a option. Can I assume you are a single mom? Is your husband / father of your kids giving you child support? If not, I'd say sic the Man on him and get some cash coming in.

Does your mom know you are no longer interested in the Bridge? It gets tricky if you start asking her to back off on the Scientology while you are living there, she might decide you're disaffected and thus the why and kick you out ( lets hope not.) If it comes up as a PTS sit for her during a sec check at Flag, she may find the MAA's whispering in her ear to ask you to move out.

Please make sure you have a pass word on your computer so she can't access your computer - you don't want her looking at any bookmarks to anti scientology sites - that could turn into a real mess. The MAA's are death on that since they lose so many people who get the balls to go on line and are shocked by what they find there.

I dunno - perhaps you could ask her to not evaluate or invalidate or third party your kids, "please mom - can you keep your auditors code in on my kids? They are beings too and need you to grant them beingness, and handle them with ARC just like Ron says. You want them to flourish and prosper, right?" You know - remind her of the bits of Scientology that get her to act a little nicer. Lord knows there are plenty of things Ron said to cherry pick and use on her.

Mimsey

 

[AnonyMary]

If. I could trick her into reading it I would. She's oatee7 and old grad 5.shes too far gone.

As soon as you can, RUN, Notafraidanymore, RUN!!

In the mean time, 'flow her admiration'. Remember that?

Redirect her attention, divert the attention onto other things. Distract her. It may well throw her of her destructive course with you kids.

 

[Sautez]

If. I could trick her into reading it I would. She's oatee7 and old grad 5.shes too far gone.

They are never too far gone, they simply haven't read the news.
(Reminds me of a song)

I do think I know how you feel. No one can be forced to read it. Maintaining peace in the home is very important for resting and recharge all the batteries.
You will do what works in your own family in your own way and time. Right now she is your safe place to land and that is what's important.

Many more high level, trained OTs have fallen out with the CO$ and left than are in now!

I couldn't stop my brain from coming up with this plan. It may help someone else who reads this thread so here goes:

Get her a little tipsy, help her to express a few troublesome doubts while you quietly turn off the phones and any possible distractions, open up to a pertinent page and show her an excerpt.
Here's the book. http://www.xenu.net/archive/books/mom/Messiah_or_Madman.txt
About the book: Messiah or Madman http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/L._Ron_Hubbard,_Messiah_or_Madman?

Sent with love,
Sautez

 

[Mimsey Borogrove]

You should read this article as well - it will be helpful if you want to try and get her out:

http://askthescientologist.blogspot.com/2011/06/how-to-talk-to-scientologist.html

But remember - this is a big step and if you commit to it, be prepared for her to ask you to leave if it goes wrong and she feels threatened. For that is what the MAA's / OSA will want: her disconnecting from you. If you are not prepared for that - you should talk the talk and get her to keep her ARC in on your kids, and knock off the inval, eval, 3P. You know your life better than me and any of my fellow Dear Abbbies at ESMB.

Mimsey