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I fucking love this place!!!

clamicide

Gold Meritorious Patron
:biggrin::biggrin:

OK, I was just doing my quick check-in, but ended up posting on an idiotic thread defending Hubbard, and I just got so many likes while I was reading other stuff that it brought a smile to my face (Yeah, I no longer HUNGER for stats, so I didn't count, but I gotta admit it was nice that folks liked what I wrote--and the OP probably got almost none of that 'sweet love' lol).

The thing is... I just sort of fell in love with this place all over again posting in that reply and seeing a newbie who had just come out. I mean... when I first came out, and was freaking terrified, and OSA still had claws, I spent endless hours on this site. When I was homeless, I read at the library. When I had no computer, my first posts on Chicken Joe were done from a freaking wii where I aimed the wiimote at individual letters.

When I first posted, my cult counselor was a bit afraid for me, because he had witnessed the stuff OSA had pulled. I cringe when folks laugh at people who have been afraid of OSA, but I figure they don't have any idea what stuff the cult once perpetrated. They are weak, but I still think that they have enough folk that if they target someone specifically... it wouldn't be pretty. Luckily, we have so many in the opposition camp, if they contact said camp, OSA will probably fry. Yeah... not really worried for Leah Remini.

This place probably helped save my life. Seriously. And, it oddly recalls the IAS events where folks were asked to raise their hands if they felt Scientology saved their life, and damn if every hand didn't fly up. I know they believed it. Maybe, in a way, it did... but, it also enslaved every one of them from what I saw.

Thanks Emma. I found OCMB, but could never get approved. I emailed a bunch of exes, and never heard back. I wound up here and was able to post almost immediately--a lot of it probably completely incoherent, and over the years, on stupid days I made posts that I would have love to take back when I was just totally hormonal or in a bad mood...(kinda hate that expiration thing on deleting posts, but understand) ---yeah, I just kind of bummed at the WTF hits I got, but just had to go... yep, had a bad day. Although, to be fair, there are some WTF posts that I stand behind that I KNEW would get that reaction, and I was dang glad I was no longer it the cult and would only get WTFs and not a Comm Ev:biggrin:
 

clamicide

Gold Meritorious Patron

Yeah, you seem to be my number one fan. Thanks for all the love. Stuff like that keeps me going and is propelling me to try to get back into a school that will help push my writing up to a decent level where it will someday get published. After the cult telling me I couldn't express myself in writing, thinking of looking for publication is terrifying. This place (with all the whining and self-pity lol), is spurring me to pursue that.

You know, I did a one-woman show last year, and it was mostly about my time after getting out of the cult, but deeply touched into how the cult affected my integration into normalcy and society. I almost had a major panic attack, because I was urged to mingle with the small audience before the show (I was too terrified to promote the thing), and this woman who was actually a renowned poet showed up and told me how she had passed up another show that she knew would be amazing and I just wanted to throw up and die that she put out the expectation...

Well, this woman spent a long time after this show (where I had no idea what I was doing) just thanking me for what I did. It was just one of those crazy moments that I'll never forget. I had read her Wiki page when I realized she had signed on to watch this little show I did, and was really stunned at her history and stuff, and she called me out and kind of said... yeah, I could have gone elsewhere. And she ended up loving it. I almost passed out--seriously

I'm not telling this to say I'm awesome. Cuz... I'm just one gal who went through the cult. I'm hoping to learn how to write well enough that I can tell stories that people will interest people.

I just know, that without this place, I never would have done that show. There were people who were somehow moved, and though the show wasn't about Scientology... if they talk to someone who brings up the cult, they will recall the show and pass on that info. I've also done so many papers and speeches about cultdom (not to mention hours of research), that I have a bunch of professors and classmates got a lot more info. I just never would have been able to do that without this forum. I was terrified to speak, but by first taking baby steps here, and then just throwing my whole life out there made it possible for me to let others know.

Yeah, I fucking love this place.... warts and all:biggrin:
 

Free Being Me

Crusader
Yeah, you seem to be my number one fan. Thanks for all the love. Stuff like that keeps me going and is propelling me to try to get back into a school that will help push my writing up to a decent level where it will someday get published. After the cult telling me I couldn't express myself in writing, thinking of looking for publication is terrifying. This place (with all the whining and self-pity lol), is spurring me to pursue that.

You know, I did a one-woman show last year, and it was mostly about my time after getting out of the cult, but deeply touched into how the cult affected my integration into normalcy and society. I almost had a major panic attack, because I was urged to mingle with the small audience before the show (I was too terrified to promote the thing), and this woman who was actually a renowned poet showed up and told me how she had passed up another show that she knew would be amazing and I just wanted to throw up and die that she put out the expectation...

Well, this woman spent a long time after this show (where I had no idea what I was doing) just thanking me for what I did. It was just one of those crazy moments that I'll never forget. I had read her Wiki page when I realized she had signed on to watch this little show I did, and was really stunned at her history and stuff, and she called me out and kind of said... yeah, I could have gone elsewhere. And she ended up loving it. I almost passed out--seriously

I'm not telling this to say I'm awesome. Cuz... I'm just one gal who went through the cult. I'm hoping to learn how to write well enough that I can tell stories that people will interest people.

I just know, that without this place, I never would have done that show. There were people who were somehow moved, and though the show wasn't about Scientology... if they talk to someone who brings up the cult, they will recall the show and pass on that info. I've also done so many papers and speeches about cultdom (not to mention hours of research), that I have a bunch of professors and classmates got a lot more info. I just never would have been able to do that without this forum. I was terrified to speak, but by first taking baby steps here, and then just throwing my whole life out there made it possible for me to let others know.

Yeah, I fucking love this place.... warts and all:biggrin:

I'm happy for you Clami, keep on keeping on. :)
 

Lori

Cheryl E Love
:hug:

YOU are definitely one of my heroes! I was terrified when I first started posting too but reading your posts and realizing what you went thru gave me strength and helped me realize that there are others who went thru much worse than me and not only survived.....they came out on top!

This forum has saved a lot of lives, but it is because of people like YOU.

Thank you. :rose:
 

TG1

Angelic Poster
Clamicide,

I'm glad you're really hearing how much you move us -- your friends and fans.

Please keep putting it out there -- for us and for yourself.

Thank you,

TG1
 

iHateDuplicity

Patron with Honors
whos-awesome1.jpg
 
:biggrin::biggrin:

OK, I was just doing my quick check-in, but ended up posting on an idiotic thread defending Hubbard, and I just got so many likes while I was reading other stuff that it brought a smile to my face (Yeah, I no longer HUNGER for stats, so I didn't count, but I gotta admit it was nice that folks liked what I wrote--and the OP probably got almost none of that 'sweet love' lol).

The thing is... I just sort of fell in love with this place all over again posting in that reply and seeing a newbie who had just come out. I mean... when I first came out, and was freaking terrified, and OSA still had claws, I spent endless hours on this site. When I was homeless, I read at the library. When I had no computer, my first posts on Chicken Joe were done from a freaking wii where I aimed the wiimote at individual letters.

When I first posted, my cult counselor was a bit afraid for me, because he had witnessed the stuff OSA had pulled. I cringe when folks laugh at people who have been afraid of OSA, but I figure they don't have any idea what stuff the cult once perpetrated. They are weak, but I still think that they have enough folk that if they target someone specifically... it wouldn't be pretty. Luckily, we have so many in the opposition camp, if they contact said camp, OSA will probably fry. Yeah... not really worried for Leah Remini.

This place probably helped save my life. Seriously. And, it oddly recalls the IAS events where folks were asked to raise their hands if they felt Scientology saved their life, and damn if every hand didn't fly up. I know they believed it. Maybe, in a way, it did... but, it also enslaved every one of them from what I saw.

Thanks Emma. I found OCMB, but could never get approved. I emailed a bunch of exes, and never heard back. I wound up here and was able to post almost immediately--a lot of it probably completely incoherent, and over the years, on stupid days I made posts that I would have love to take back when I was just totally hormonal or in a bad mood...(kinda hate that expiration thing on deleting posts, but understand) ---yeah, I just kind of bummed at the WTF hits I got, but just had to go... yep, had a bad day. Although, to be fair, there are some WTF posts that I stand behind that I KNEW would get that reaction, and I was dang glad I was no longer it the cult and would only get WTFs and not a Comm Ev:biggrin:

hubbard's place in history is secure and defense is unnecessary. there is a conversation about the man ongoing here clammy
 

BardoThodol

Silver Meritorious Patron
:biggrin::biggrin:

OK, I was just doing my quick check-in, but ended up posting on an idiotic thread defending Hubbard, and I just got so many likes while I was reading other stuff that it brought a smile to my face (Yeah, I no longer HUNGER for stats, so I didn't count, but I gotta admit it was nice that folks liked what I wrote--and the OP probably got almost none of that 'sweet love' lol).

The thing is... I just sort of fell in love with this place all over again posting in that reply and seeing a newbie who had just come out. I mean... when I first came out, and was freaking terrified, and OSA still had claws, I spent endless hours on this site. When I was homeless, I read at the library. When I had no computer, my first posts on Chicken Joe were done from a freaking wii where I aimed the wiimote at individual letters.

When I first posted, my cult counselor was a bit afraid for me, because he had witnessed the stuff OSA had pulled. I cringe when folks laugh at people who have been afraid of OSA, but I figure they don't have any idea what stuff the cult once perpetrated. They are weak, but I still think that they have enough folk that if they target someone specifically... it wouldn't be pretty. Luckily, we have so many in the opposition camp, if they contact said camp, OSA will probably fry. Yeah... not really worried for Leah Remini.

This place probably helped save my life. Seriously. And, it oddly recalls the IAS events where folks were asked to raise their hands if they felt Scientology saved their life, and damn if every hand didn't fly up. I know they believed it. Maybe, in a way, it did... but, it also enslaved every one of them from what I saw.

Thanks Emma. I found OCMB, but could never get approved. I emailed a bunch of exes, and never heard back. I wound up here and was able to post almost immediately--a lot of it probably completely incoherent, and over the years, on stupid days I made posts that I would have love to take back when I was just totally hormonal or in a bad mood...(kinda hate that expiration thing on deleting posts, but understand) ---yeah, I just kind of bummed at the WTF hits I got, but just had to go... yep, had a bad day. Although, to be fair, there are some WTF posts that I stand behind that I KNEW would get that reaction, and I was dang glad I was no longer it the cult and would only get WTFs and not a Comm Ev:biggrin:

Now you've made me curious about what you posted on that thread. I looked at the subject, looked at all the posts and went (eyes rolling back into my head) "bleh!"

So, what post number was it?

I know I'm being lazy.
 

BardoThodol

Silver Meritorious Patron
Have you seen the "In Defence of Hubbard" thread? :hysterical:

I saw the thread, but didn't read it. As always, time crunch, and sometimes I just have no patience for defending criminals: "He was a really nice man; it's just that he loved little boys a bit too much." Or some such.

I jump on the board for a short bit, then bounce off for some project that's soaking up my time and energy. I'm trying to get a bunch of things straightened out around here and spend a health amount of time with the family before I start driving randomly around the country taking in the sights. Such as Yellowstone, Glacier, Yosemite. No schedule, no time table, no rules.

Here's one thing I learned about retiring: retiring is sort of like getting a divorce, you think it's going to solve a lot of problems only to discover you took your personality with you.
 

afaceinthecrowd

Gold Meritorious Patron
:biggrin::biggrin:

OK, I was just doing my quick check-in, but ended up posting on an idiotic thread defending Hubbard, and I just got so many likes while I was reading other stuff that it brought a smile to my face (Yeah, I no longer HUNGER for stats, so I didn't count, but I gotta admit it was nice that folks liked what I wrote--and the OP probably got almost none of that 'sweet love' lol).

The thing is... I just sort of fell in love with this place all over again posting in that reply and seeing a newbie who had just come out. I mean... when I first came out, and was freaking terrified, and OSA still had claws, I spent endless hours on this site. When I was homeless, I read at the library. When I had no computer, my first posts on Chicken Joe were done from a freaking wii where I aimed the wiimote at individual letters.

When I first posted, my cult counselor was a bit afraid for me, because he had witnessed the stuff OSA had pulled. I cringe when folks laugh at people who have been afraid of OSA, but I figure they don't have any idea what stuff the cult once perpetrated. They are weak, but I still think that they have enough folk that if they target someone specifically... it wouldn't be pretty. Luckily, we have so many in the opposition camp, if they contact said camp, OSA will probably fry. Yeah... not really worried for Leah Remini.

This place probably helped save my life. Seriously. And, it oddly recalls the IAS events where folks were asked to raise their hands if they felt Scientology saved their life, and damn if every hand didn't fly up. I know they believed it. Maybe, in a way, it did... but, it also enslaved every one of them from what I saw.

Thanks Emma. I found OCMB, but could never get approved. I emailed a bunch of exes, and never heard back. I wound up here and was able to post almost immediately--a lot of it probably completely incoherent, and over the years, on stupid days I made posts that I would have love to take back when I was just totally hormonal or in a bad mood...(kinda hate that expiration thing on deleting posts, but understand) ---yeah, I just kind of bummed at the WTF hits I got, but just had to go... yep, had a bad day. Although, to be fair, there are some WTF posts that I stand behind that I KNEW would get that reaction, and I was dang glad I was no longer it the cult and would only get WTFs and not a Comm Ev:biggrin:


This fucking place loves you, clamy.:cheers::bighug:

Face:)
 
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clamicide

Gold Meritorious Patron
Now you've made me curious about what you posted on that thread. I looked at the subject, looked at all the posts and went (eyes rolling back into my head) "bleh!"

So, what post number was it?

I know I'm being lazy.

oh hells, I ended up posting a bunch of posts on that thread after all; I just was in so much laughter reading it while watching something on my Kindle Fire (which just died, and I better get a replacement) that I have NO idea which post it was. You probably didn't miss much, but..... yeah I keep getting more likes on a bunch of different posts on that thread. The thread is ridiculous and inane, but I'm stoked (showing my age) that it brought about a whole bunch of anti-Hub posts, which I said was an awesome thing because those should always be part of the latest posts so newbies catch them.

ESMB is my "off-time". I seriously keep no track of what I write... I do it to decompress and also at times, hopefully share cult experience that might help others, since I've received so much positive feedback. Everything I write here is completely off-the-cuff, and when I edit, it's just because I happened to be here and managed to catch weird typo or grammar or nonsensical errors.

I still get WTF replies from when I posted completely hormonal or whatever and had a bad day, or other times when I actually did mean what I said.

Sorry... I'm not going to look it up, because seriously, I freaking got massive likes on more than one of my posts on that thread. It still weirds me out.

btw, if anyone wants to help support an amazing theatre project that deals with PTSD; it has nothing to do with the cult experience, please PM me. Even one dollar would be a help. There's an indiegogo fund, and I participated in the reading of the draft of the play, and the woman is an amazing play-write and a good friend. S
 

BardoThodol

Silver Meritorious Patron
oh hells, I ended up posting a bunch of posts on that thread after all; I just was in so much laughter reading it while watching something on my Kindle Fire (which just died, and I better get a replacement) that I have NO idea which post it was. You probably didn't miss much, but..... yeah I keep getting more likes on a bunch of different posts on that thread. The thread is ridiculous and inane, but I'm stoked (showing my age) that it brought about a whole bunch of anti-Hub posts, which I said was an awesome thing because those should always be part of the latest posts so newbies catch them.

ESMB is my "off-time". I seriously keep no track of what I write... I do it to decompress and also at times, hopefully share cult experience that might help others, since I've received so much positive feedback. Everything I write here is completely off-the-cuff, and when I edit, it's just because I happened to be here and managed to catch weird typo or grammar or nonsensical errors.

I still get WTF replies from when I posted completely hormonal or whatever and had a bad day, or other times when I actually did mean what I said.

Sorry... I'm not going to look it up, because seriously, I freaking got massive likes on more than one of my posts on that thread. It still weirds me out.

btw, if anyone wants to help support an amazing theatre project that deals with PTSD; it has nothing to do with the cult experience, please PM me. Even one dollar would be a help. There's an indiegogo fund, and I participated in the reading of the draft of the play, and the woman is an amazing play-write and a good friend. S

It's ok. I started reading the thread.

One of the things I like about message boards is the mental stimulation. Sometimes, an OP or later post just stimulates a new view of a subject or weaves several disparate ideas together.

Often, when I start writing, I have no idea where it will end up or where I'm going. But, I have faith that it's going to go somewhere and I'll learn something.

Problem is, I feel guilty about Bogarting threads. I often just want to comment on everything everyone's said, to crack jokes, etc. But, I don't want to be a pig.

Oink, oink.
 

clamicide

Gold Meritorious Patron
It's ok. I started reading the thread.

One of the things I like about message boards is the mental stimulation. Sometimes, an OP or later post just stimulates a new view of a subject or weaves several disparate ideas together.

Often, when I start writing, I have no idea where it will end up or where I'm going. But, I have faith that it's going to go somewhere and I'll learn something.

Problem is, I feel guilty about Bogarting threads. I often just want to comment on everything everyone's said, to crack jokes, etc. But, I don't want to be a pig.

Oink, oink.

It's all good... no worries, even though I think we have been on other sides of the proverbial fence. I don't give a damn about "bogarting" threads; just reminds me of the admonishment of going "non-sequitur" I seriously could not care less.

But, since I just am a little bit more jaded, I'm going to start pursing writing... for real, and if anyone is crAZY enough to pitch in a few bucks to help me along the way, I'll freaking take it. uh, I'd thank you in a book dedication? Yeah, I'm pretty much kidding, but being here and having so many folks respond and tell me that I somehow touched them, along with prodding from my son has convinced me to pursue writing. omfg...I'm terrified!!!!!

Anyone who has read "Chicken Joe" knows that the ability to write was one of the things that the cult killed off in me, and the idea of pursuing this just scares the hell out of me.

Once upon a time, before cultdom, even before puberty, I was a writer. One of my worst memories is my dad throwing out 3 drawers of what he called "junk" was stuff I wrote.....

I don't know why I have this compulsion to try to do it again... after my dad threw out everything, after the cult tried to erase my personality... I have this insanely perverse compulsion to start writing again... promise ya, it'd be easier if it wasn't there, but it is:)
 
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