I Guess this Place Will Always be a Home...

[clamicide]

Seriously... I'm about to lose it... I put up a note to my roomie about repaying me almost $900, I also put in a sweet note to the person who has not reimbursed me for the props that I purchased as propmistress for her show (she did pay me, but my payment was less than the props budget).... and my roomie asked me in a return note when I'd stop using the front room as my personal storage space.... uh, and he also has a ton of stuff out there.

as I said, I'm about to lose it, but for some reason, I logged into ESMB.... idiotic roommates compared to what I went through in the cult. Everything I've gone through, and all the support I've received here.

When everything was ripped away, I found ESMB....

At one time, I thought it was something I'd 'graduate' from, or get beyond.... some weird definition I put up for being 'healed'.....

Today, I'm realizing this isn't a place I ever want to walk away from.... my story is low on the ranks at this point, and to me I was thinking it's irrelevant now, but this place helped save me (thank you 'Emma') and it is a wonderful touchstone...

I first logged in here terrified as hell... kicked out of my home by the cult... reading anti-Scio stuff and seriously hiding it while doing so in the library.... handed a pamphlet by an anon...

fast-forward to last week being called many times by Int... I can't be sure, but without this board, I might have shattered... instead, I held my ground and did as best as I could to try to inform the caller.

I just come back here... so, ironic when you think of the SO mantra, but, even if I go months away, ESMB is just a part of me....

 

[David C Gibbons]

Clam, we are the survivors, we share our losses and move forward with each others help. It's how things work in the real world, where people are allowed to care.

 

[Techless]

my story is low on the ranks at this point,

Clam - no it isn't! I still kinda feel same as you but: ranking is of no importance here! I don't have the slats on my back -but I do got them on my brain!

It ain't fun no matter how you look at it. If things really are 'beyond' now: get the F out of there and find place to regroup. Don't know where you are but thinking there's someone nearby to help out??

 

[Techless]

I guess in quick follow up to what I just said, and after seeing what media has gone down today, (GREAT for us, not so much for insiders, or inbetweeners, etc) that there is probably more 'mindF' going on inside now, than we'd all care to imagine.
Any thoughts here on best needs? Especially for those of us with no funding or otherwise to do much?

 

[Free to shine]

At one time, I thought it was something I'd 'graduate' from, or get beyond.... some weird definition I put up for being 'healed'.....

Yeah. IMO the length and intensity of healing is related to how long you were in and how intense it was. For some people this is a very quick experience and for others it takes years and years. It's been suggested that healing time is the same as 'time in" sometimes, which means I will be around for a very long time. And you know what? It's ok. The intensity has gone but I honestly expect issues to raise themselves for some time to come. It is an onion after all.

Your story is raw and even hard to read in places, and for your honestly and courage I and many others thank you. Normal life can be rough ... though as you say when you look back to where you have been, the challenges begin to pale in comparison hey. You did it, you escaped, you are healing. It's a good day. And tomorrow and every day after will be another step to internal peace, acceptance and love ... be kind to yourself. Maybe I'll make that my sig line as I say it so much!