i have some questions

tina1000

Patron
Hi. I was never a scientologist but I dated one and had a close
Friendship for ten years. He asked me to marry him but I said
No because of scientology. I did love him but we spoke such
A different language. I didn't think it would work out. Now he lives with a new girlfriend who is a scientologist
And he's become a stranger to me. We have no contact.
My question is, am I considered evil to him? And how could
He have been so close to me for so long? Would he have been considered
"out ethics?" Would the cult of scientology have known
About his friendship with me? I don't know if they do this but it
Seems odd that this girl got connected with him so quickly. Within
Weeks of meeting she moved in with him. Does scientology set people up?
It's so strange and really
Hurtful that he's such a stranger now. He's put me down and
Questioned my character so much that I'm questioning it too.
His life seems to be pretty good, and mine isn't right now.
I'm just trying to make sense of it all.
 

Dukat

Patron with Honors
Don't doubt your character.
As you said, he said things to you and now here you have doubts. You're obviously fine because your gut feeling told you that something was wrong and you didn't want to marry into a life of $cientology. Kudos to you.

Yes $cientology sets people up. Just read the thousands of accounts from ex-members here, there and everywhere on the net. People have been suckered into $cientology, then they were suckered into being a staff member and then before they knew it, they were living in a run-down crowded apartment with other $cientologists and suckered into serving the cult for a billion years. Imagine that.

I say that you should keep away from him before you're sucked into that vortex. Read more on the internet -- especially the personal accounts of those who joined the cult because their 'true love' was already a member. And congratulate yourself for having good old common sense.
(Welcome to the Board! :))
 

AnonyMary

Formerly Fooled - Finally Free
Hi Tina, welcome to the forum :)

Sorry you have such a sad mystery on your hands. The answer is that you are against him being in scientology, which means you are not interested in his 'spiritual progress' using it. Which I certainly understand. But Scientology takes that very seriously. It's like a mark is branded on a member who has a connection with someone who refuses to agree with it.

Please don't let yourself spin on this because scientology has it's own derogatory way of looking at people not in scientology.

First get some education on how scientology works when it comes to people and disconnections. Review some of the scientology 'tech' used to educate members on influences in ones life and how to handle them.
It's called the Ups & Downs in Life Course

The easiest way to read this is to download the only copy I know of off hand on the internet, from the church front group Narconon series of courses
http://www.megaupload.com/?d=M1OHU2CF book 5 Ups & Downs in Life Course

Remember, once you said no to to him on th marriage ( and on scientology) , you gave him license to look about and form a new relationship. Unfortunately, there are many quick relationship formations in this cult.

Best wishes,
Mary
 
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GreyWolf

Gold Meritorious Patron
Tina.
Welcome aboard. And you are a good person, no matter what the church or that jack-hole says.
 

Infinite

Troublesome Internet Fringe Dweller
Hi. I was never a scientologist but I dated one and had a close
Friendship for ten years. He asked me to marry him but I said
No because of scientology. I did love him but we spoke such
A different language. I didn't think it would work out. Now he lives with a new girlfriend who is a scientologist
And he's become a stranger to me. We have no contact.
My question is, am I considered evil to him? And how could
He have been so close to me for so long? Would he have been considered
"out ethics?" Would the cult of scientology have known
About his friendship with me? I don't know if they do this but it
Seems odd that this girl got connected with him so quickly. Within
Weeks of meeting she moved in with him. Does scientology set people up?
It's so strange and really
Hurtful that he's such a stranger now. He's put me down and
Questioned my character so much that I'm questioning it too.
His life seems to be pretty good, and mine isn't right now.
I'm just trying to make sense of it all.

Scientology is a cult in the worst possible meaning of that word. Your wisdom to see no future in your relationship and strength to live out that knowledge via your decision has served you well. The fact that Scientologists do speak another language will tell you that they also think differently. They genuinely believe that they are planet Earth's only hope for all eternity - no, seriously, that's really what they believe. So firm is their commitment to that belief, nothing else matters, not even their own life in some cases. Anyone who does not share that commitment is, to them, not worthy of friendship let alone joining them as a life companion.

Feel free to lurk moar, ask questions, and read all the links. In my ideal world, you will eventually become as enraged as I am about how society can let such an organisation as Scientology continue to operate as it does. You might even be spurred into action as a critic and join us in our protests. I have to say, though, your own best interests might best be served if you just shrug your shoulders, know in your heart you have done the right thing, and get on with your life.
 
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I told you I was trouble

Suspended animation
Hi. I was never a scientologist but I dated one and had a close
Friendship for ten years. He asked me to marry him but I said
No because of scientology. I did love him but we spoke such
A different language. I didn't think it would work out. Now he lives with a new girlfriend who is a scientologist
And he's become a stranger to me. We have no contact.
My question is, am I considered evil to him? And how could
He have been so close to me for so long? Would he have been considered
"out ethics?" Would the cult of scientology have known
About his friendship with me? I don't know if they do this but it
Seems odd that this girl got connected with him so quickly. Within
Weeks of meeting she moved in with him. Does scientology set people up?
It's so strange and really
Hurtful that he's such a stranger now. He's put me down and
Questioned my character so much that I'm questioning it too.
His life seems to be pretty good, and mine isn't right now.
I'm just trying to make sense of it all.



I don't think you will ever make sense of it all Tina because it's true madness that you are trying to understand but I doubt he would consider you evil, perhaps just lacking in perception due to you not wanting to be in the cult.

:whistling:

He will wake up one day I expect but it could be many years from now, I hope you realise how strong you were to resist this cult especially when you were being pressured by someone you loved, many of us were not so strong or as perceptive as you were.

Available people in this cult tend to get together fast purely due to lack of choice (sounds awful but it's true).

It is sad but you really are the winner here even though it doesn't feel that way yet.

Be kind to yourself.

:yes:
 

Thrak

Gold Meritorious Patron
Scientology is a cult and works very hard to get people to follow their mindset. Anyone who refuses IS considered at least some sort of lesser being if not full out evil.

They DO ask questions to their members about their relationships and try to get the partner involved if they are not. If that situation doesn't change they will continue to annoy a member about the situation.

They also play heavily on the ego by trying to get people to believe that they are somehow superior by being able to understand "the importance" of scientology, and that can lead to scios having an attitude and making belittling remarks about their non scio partner or other non scios.

In a nutshell scn is a family wrecker in many ways and at least be happy the breakup happened before having kids. There are some gut wrenching stories from people where kids were involved.

And btw everything I said here comes from personal experience as a former cult member. scn teaches people to act like complete asses. I still cringe at some of the stupid shit I used to say.
 

olska

Silver Meritorious Patron
Seems odd that this girl got connected with him so quickly. Within Weeks of meeting she moved in with him. Does scientology set people up?

It's so strange and really Hurtful that he's such a stranger now. He's put me down and Questioned my character so much that I'm questioning it too.

His life seems to be pretty good, and mine isn't right now.

I'm just trying to make sense of it all.

It's common for scientologists to get together quickly. It's also common for them to break up quickly. Lots of quickie live-ins/marriages, lots of quickie changes/divorces. And it's very, very common for scientologists to seek other scientologists -- and to be wary of those who are not -- for relationships.

Don't listen to his put downs, whatever they are. It's perfectly ok for you to seek to be a better person and to improve your character if you feel the desire, but it's not up to him to judge and that could mean any number of things, starting with he has to "justify" the fact that you wouldn't put up with him by finding fault with you.

Scientologists often put up a "front" that their lives are just wonderful, wonderful, wonderful, and reinforce this in each other within the group. The thinking goes something like this...

"we're scientologists, we're the most aware and able people on the planet, we have the answers to all of life's challenges, our lives are the best of the best..."

It may, or may NOT, actually be true. It might be that he is in one of the "highs" that come with doing scientology (sort of like a drug high, might last longer). It might be that if he admits to himself and his friends that it's NOT so wonderful, then he can end up in the scientology "ethics" office where they have to go through a lengthy and complicated process to "handle" the fact that they are a "Potential Trouble Source (PTS)" because everything is not so great. Or if he admits that things are not so wonderful, he will be pressured to buy thousands of $ worth of "auditing" or other services to "fix" the situation, and since he "believes" that scientology is the answer to everything, he'll find that hard to resist. So "everything is great" -- it's a form of DENIAL.

Your life is not so good right now? So what's new... any of us, were we honest, could say that at just about any time, and especially during some low points. Most life problems work themselves out in time, maybe with a little help from friends and family; if it's a big, big situation, there are professionals who can help you. If you want to share some more details, you might find people here who've had similar experience and might have useful advice to offer. Or get help from someone OUTSIDE of scientology.

Good luck -- I hope the low point passes soon.
 

Lurker5

Gold Meritorious Patron
Tina

Tina, be glad you did not get involved. You sound fine to me, your character seems solid and individual. In scno the point is to make people into ants busily scurrying about doing their ant duty - to the detriment of humans and relationships, especially those outside the ant pile. The new relationship I am sure is not based on knowing each other, or love. Be glad you are not involved - at all. You wouldn't HAVE him even if you were in scno with him. He is lost to you. That IS scientology.

Mourn your loss, of him, and move on. You are one of the lucky ones. He is not. BELIEVE THAT ! Someday he may be wanting to get the hell out. If you hear from him, ever again, you will be in another place then. Deal with it as you see fit, when and if that happens.

Sorry for your loss. Good luck to you. Hang about, lurk, read, post - do research on internet. It will help you understand what happened, and help you to heal and move on. :yes:
 

Voltaire's Child

Fool on the Hill
I'm an ex Scientologist but I will point out that ideologically or politically mixed marriages tend to be problematic. Even apart from the church of Scn which is a cult, yes, religious people are better off being with others who have similar beliefs. I wouldn't suggest that a Christian fundie, for example. hook up with an atheist. It probably wouldn't work out.

And in addition to that concept- which is univrsal- you really are better off not associating with anyone deep into the cult as it tries to take over peope's lives and when it does so, it mows them down.
 

AnonKat

Crusader
You sound like a lovely girl Tina

Hi. I was never a scientologist but I dated one and had a close
Friendship for ten years. He asked me to marry him but I said
No because of scientology. I did love him but we spoke such
A different language. I didn't think it would work out. Now he lives with a new girlfriend who is a scientologist
And he's become a stranger to me. We have no contact.
My question is, am I considered evil to him? And how could
He have been so close to me for so long? Would he have been considered
"out ethics?" Would the cult of scientology have known
About his friendship with me? I don't know if they do this but it
Seems odd that this girl got connected with him so quickly. Within
Weeks of meeting she moved in with him. Does scientology set people up?
It's so strange and really
Hurtful that he's such a stranger now. He's put me down and
Questioned my character so much that I'm questioning it too.
His life seems to be pretty good, and mine isn't right now.
I'm just trying to make sense of it all.
 

tina1000

Patron
Thank you for responding. You have no idea how helpful your words are.
The mystery of this situation is and has always been the first part.
Trying to get the truth from him was difficult. He told me all the time
That he wasn't trying to convert me but I always felt the heaviness of
His constant push. Trying to get me to do the purif,sign up for introductory auditing,
Take this or that course. I went a couple of times to missions in my area But left each time
Without finishing. That video where the guy says something like "you can leave
Now and never mention scientology again, and you can also blow your brains
Out..... " That had a different effect on me than they probably intended.
On another note, I had an alcoholic father who died shortly after a liver transplant.
I hoped to help him but he didn't make it. I think that's why I stuck
By this guy for so long. I really did live him. I was hoping he would wake up
And get out of there. Thanks for responding and letting me post on here. It's comforting
That people understand. Friends if mine who have no scientology connection
Are sometimes do tolerant. They say "well every religion is like that" and that sort
Of thing. Then I say its not a religion its a mind control corporation. They think
I'm over the top. So thanks for understanding.
 

Jump

Operating teatime
it mows them down

... the cult, as it tries to take over peope's lives and when it does so, it mows them down.

Tina said:
They say "well every religion is like that" and that sort
Of thing. Then I say its not a religion its a mind control corporation. They think
I'm over the top. So thanks for understanding.

Yep, sad - but true. I'm so glad your eyes are open.

As someone said, be kind to yourself :yes:
 

Div6

Crusader
I have a lot of typos on my previous post. Sorry about that. I hope it makes sense anyway.

It makes total sense. Here is a protip: when looking for people to have long term relationships with, don't go in for "projects" or "he will be fine once he changes". No good ever comes of it. You can do way better.
 

Dukat

Patron with Honors
Friends if mine .[].. say "well every religion is like that" and that sort
Of thing.

A lot of people have said that to me too until they learn how $cientology charges money as you move your way into the 'scriptures' and how commission is collected by those who sell books etc. But the big 'ta-da' moment is when people read accounts of those who have suffered the RPF, Truth Rundowns, and Sec Checks.

It's a cult. A criminal one at that.

Glad to hear that some things here have helped you understand it all a bit better.
 

tina1000

Patron
Yes. I have heard of the "rpf." But my friend said that it wasn't real. Do private members know it's real, or are they sheltered from the reality of the situation? I heard someone on youtube talk about them and that there is an "rpf" in Los Angeles. I somehow thought it was a secret thing that is in Florida. What is this really? when you are there, how long do people typically stay there. Have any of you experienced this?
I hope these aren't too many questions. It's been a mystery to me for so long.
Oh also, what do you do when you " go on course?' Do you sit and read. It seems to take a long time and happen every day.
 
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