Mme la Bibliothécaire
Patron
My life is very busy. I have a little breathing space right now so I thought I would try to properly introduce myself. Unfortunately, I cannot be as frank as I would like to be since (as I have stated elsewhere) my husband is still dedicated, on staff, trying to finish OTVII and get on and through OTVIII.
I got into Scientology in 1979 as a result of falling in love with the man who is now my husband. It seems that I have past-life experience with the subject, but the this-lifetime impetus was my husband. I knew that he was a Scientologist, so I read Dianetics. I found it interesting.
I joined staff when I was partway through the HQS course at my local CC. My husband had FSM’d me there rather than the local org as it was rather nicer and he (correctly) assumed that I would not enjoy the atmosphere of the org. I was trained as a course supe. The D of P was my best friend from uni who I had got in. At some point we realized that, despite being very recent recruits, we were two of the more highly trained people in the building.
Unfortunately, the CC was dismantled in the general debacle of which I understood very little at the time. Fortunately, we (my husband and I)were overseas in a country where there was no Scientology during that whole contretemps which was lucky for me. (Remember in the early 80’s , there was no internet and the Japanese had only recently invented the fax machine.) I attested to past-life clear in 1983 on a trip from afore-mentioned foreign country (AFMFC).
The next year on return from AFMFC I stopped in LA while my husband was at Flag. (He had begun Solo NOTs in 1981 ( before we were married) and is still not finished (although he did attest to it at one time and has dropped off the level several times due to finances and so on). He is a very bright, high IQ man who earns a good living in his profession and is highly educated. Of course, I am somewhat biased in my opinion.)
At AOLA I somehow managed to get through OT III in about 6 weeks, despite (according to the current standards) not being Clear, and being very poor. I remember struggling to walk back to where I lived with some groceries and a very kind couple giving me a lift. They noticed my clear bracelet just when I got out of the car and were very pleased and surprised to see that they had given a lift to a pre-OT. Can you believe that a) I got into their car and b) they turned out to be Good Samaritan scios? My third world sandals were held together with tape, as I recall. Bless you, whoever you were! I made some money to support myself by supeing in the Solo One course room at some amount of $s per hour. The SO Supe had a medical condition and needed time off in the middle of the day. I was 26 or 27 years old and probably appeared younger. One day the RTC turned up and I realized that they were looking for a uniformed body in the course room. I rushed over in my not-quite-knee-length-white shorts and yellow and white form-fitting T-shirt and reassured them of my credentials. I mention what I was wearing because at the time I was quite naïve as to what effect it might have had and to demonstrate how the RTC would not have been able to spot me in the crowd – despite the inevitable clipboard.
On my return to my city of origin I was roll-backed (had no idea what that meant) and declined to join staff at the org since the CC was no more. I had to write O/Ws until I was unconscious. On the other hand I sup’ed up in the CLO because they needed someone and I was available and willing. Except that there was a bunch of stuff (I realize now) that was actually verboten to moi, since I was not SO. No matter, I recall it not at all.
I languished for a bit, had a baby, LRH died just before that. My husband attested to OT VII. When our daughter was less than a year, we returned to AFMFC and worked on a translation cycle that was later declared an OP. Oh well. I trained to Class lll somewhere in here, too.
I returned to university and finished my degree. Was encouraged to go on to graduate school by my profs. Didn’t.
Go back to AFMFC for several years. Am awarded KTL/LOC at Flag. After noticing that those around me seem to think it normal to spend the rest of their natural lives on this cycle, I decide to break agreement with this and get the fuck through it. To the delight and surprise of the supe, who thought I was “just a fucking public” as he described me to prospective twin – we blow past everyone to finish.
A number of years later, my husband and I receive an inheritance from husband’s mother and spend it on the ship doing a debug. One of our dogs gets frostbite on his ear and is forever neurotic after his experience in the kennel. Our daughter survives better and forgives me years later for leaving her with non-scio friends for the duration. I decide that I need to get a job and go back to the uni for a teaching degree. Despite the very-bad –job market and extreme difficulty getting into teacher’s college I a) get a not-bad job and b) get into teacher’s college on my very first try.
Do teacher’s college. Get work straight away despite all odds. Start earning serious money. Get to Flag for handling. Do OT 4 and 5. Am present when TC (who is in my HGC ) attests to OT VI and does the massive Flag grad event. Attest to OT IV and go on to V. Finish V within minutes of my tech estimate.
Continue to get educated. Am promoted to school librarian. Transfer to school where I can be bilingual librarian and am closer to home. CSW to my public school board for a few extra days off in the summer so that I can get on to VI and VII. Approved by my wog –ridden , psych – driven public school board. In the meantime I have gone out-2D and have had marriage counseling to handle. Get onto VI A and have huge wins on the books (yet again). This is in my spring break. In summer I arrive and find – I am not Clear !!!. Well. There is no evidence in my folder to that effect. Despite the fact that I have done very well on my OT levels, have no somatics and etc. Here is where it starts to go seriously awry.
I do not agree with my programme. I like my auditor very much but I sense that even she is having difficulty with the current programme. I am routed to Qual for education on the subject. I study the material s and write a good essay on why I can’t be clear according to the references I have studied. But, bloody hell, I am an academic. I have no problem assuming an alternate viewpoint to my own. I try to go with the flows. Maybe I am clear and maybe I am not. Just answer the questions and see where it goes. By the time we get to NED, I am bored to tears. All I wanted was to get on to VII. I had no problem with V. I had no problem with III and only a slight glitch with IV. I go through four auditors. Now I just want out.
When I leave Flag, I know that it is very likely for the last time. No one knows this except for me. I leave with an incomplete programme. I leave “on chaplain lines”. If there is a department of compassion in the COS, it is the chaplain. I forget his name now but he was an old-timer and he made me feel that one day it would be OK. Tears stream down my face as I leave for what I suspect is the last time.
Anyway, In PT this is how it is. I have an excellent job and make very good money. I live in a run-down house on a desirable property close to a major urban centre in North America. I am not sure if I will try to continue on the Bridge or not. I am currently (like Alex) on an extension course. Since I am also doing a master’s degree as well as working full time, I am able to fend off enquiries from everybody as to why I am not making faster progress. I get up at 5:30am.and often do not return home until after 6:00 pm from my WOG job, educating children in the public school system. And then, I go online to study for my Master of Library and Information Science (MLIS).
None of the children that I serve have any idea of what religion I belong to. About half of my colleagues know that I self-identify as a Scientologist -- and that is my constitutional right to do so. As I have stated before, the children come first. And unlike TC, I realized from the outset that the parents have the right to look after their own children, except in clear cases of abuse, where I have a legal obligation to report to the authorities.
I hope that the above is sufficient to allow me to post on this board with some degree of authenticity. I know that Zinj has already (tactfully) expressed his dismay at my being “in a position of public trust”. To you, Zinj, I state categorically, that I have NEVER disseminated to a colleague or family that I have been connected to through my job. I am very evasive on the topic, and refer everyone to ‘books or the internet’ knowing full well what they will find there. I have always felt that if you are looking for a spiritual path, then you will find it. Or not. There is more to my story pre-Scientology that led me there but I have said enough for now.
The bottom line for me is that I love my husband and do NOT want to lose him. Maybe posting to ESMB will lead me to losing him at last. I have always said that the person comes before the religion or the system or the state . . . but that may not be true for him in the end. In which case I hope you all stand by me . . .
I got into Scientology in 1979 as a result of falling in love with the man who is now my husband. It seems that I have past-life experience with the subject, but the this-lifetime impetus was my husband. I knew that he was a Scientologist, so I read Dianetics. I found it interesting.
I joined staff when I was partway through the HQS course at my local CC. My husband had FSM’d me there rather than the local org as it was rather nicer and he (correctly) assumed that I would not enjoy the atmosphere of the org. I was trained as a course supe. The D of P was my best friend from uni who I had got in. At some point we realized that, despite being very recent recruits, we were two of the more highly trained people in the building.
Unfortunately, the CC was dismantled in the general debacle of which I understood very little at the time. Fortunately, we (my husband and I)were overseas in a country where there was no Scientology during that whole contretemps which was lucky for me. (Remember in the early 80’s , there was no internet and the Japanese had only recently invented the fax machine.) I attested to past-life clear in 1983 on a trip from afore-mentioned foreign country (AFMFC).
The next year on return from AFMFC I stopped in LA while my husband was at Flag. (He had begun Solo NOTs in 1981 ( before we were married) and is still not finished (although he did attest to it at one time and has dropped off the level several times due to finances and so on). He is a very bright, high IQ man who earns a good living in his profession and is highly educated. Of course, I am somewhat biased in my opinion.)
At AOLA I somehow managed to get through OT III in about 6 weeks, despite (according to the current standards) not being Clear, and being very poor. I remember struggling to walk back to where I lived with some groceries and a very kind couple giving me a lift. They noticed my clear bracelet just when I got out of the car and were very pleased and surprised to see that they had given a lift to a pre-OT. Can you believe that a) I got into their car and b) they turned out to be Good Samaritan scios? My third world sandals were held together with tape, as I recall. Bless you, whoever you were! I made some money to support myself by supeing in the Solo One course room at some amount of $s per hour. The SO Supe had a medical condition and needed time off in the middle of the day. I was 26 or 27 years old and probably appeared younger. One day the RTC turned up and I realized that they were looking for a uniformed body in the course room. I rushed over in my not-quite-knee-length-white shorts and yellow and white form-fitting T-shirt and reassured them of my credentials. I mention what I was wearing because at the time I was quite naïve as to what effect it might have had and to demonstrate how the RTC would not have been able to spot me in the crowd – despite the inevitable clipboard.
On my return to my city of origin I was roll-backed (had no idea what that meant) and declined to join staff at the org since the CC was no more. I had to write O/Ws until I was unconscious. On the other hand I sup’ed up in the CLO because they needed someone and I was available and willing. Except that there was a bunch of stuff (I realize now) that was actually verboten to moi, since I was not SO. No matter, I recall it not at all.
I languished for a bit, had a baby, LRH died just before that. My husband attested to OT VII. When our daughter was less than a year, we returned to AFMFC and worked on a translation cycle that was later declared an OP. Oh well. I trained to Class lll somewhere in here, too.
I returned to university and finished my degree. Was encouraged to go on to graduate school by my profs. Didn’t.
Go back to AFMFC for several years. Am awarded KTL/LOC at Flag. After noticing that those around me seem to think it normal to spend the rest of their natural lives on this cycle, I decide to break agreement with this and get the fuck through it. To the delight and surprise of the supe, who thought I was “just a fucking public” as he described me to prospective twin – we blow past everyone to finish.
A number of years later, my husband and I receive an inheritance from husband’s mother and spend it on the ship doing a debug. One of our dogs gets frostbite on his ear and is forever neurotic after his experience in the kennel. Our daughter survives better and forgives me years later for leaving her with non-scio friends for the duration. I decide that I need to get a job and go back to the uni for a teaching degree. Despite the very-bad –job market and extreme difficulty getting into teacher’s college I a) get a not-bad job and b) get into teacher’s college on my very first try.
Do teacher’s college. Get work straight away despite all odds. Start earning serious money. Get to Flag for handling. Do OT 4 and 5. Am present when TC (who is in my HGC ) attests to OT VI and does the massive Flag grad event. Attest to OT IV and go on to V. Finish V within minutes of my tech estimate.
Continue to get educated. Am promoted to school librarian. Transfer to school where I can be bilingual librarian and am closer to home. CSW to my public school board for a few extra days off in the summer so that I can get on to VI and VII. Approved by my wog –ridden , psych – driven public school board. In the meantime I have gone out-2D and have had marriage counseling to handle. Get onto VI A and have huge wins on the books (yet again). This is in my spring break. In summer I arrive and find – I am not Clear !!!. Well. There is no evidence in my folder to that effect. Despite the fact that I have done very well on my OT levels, have no somatics and etc. Here is where it starts to go seriously awry.
I do not agree with my programme. I like my auditor very much but I sense that even she is having difficulty with the current programme. I am routed to Qual for education on the subject. I study the material s and write a good essay on why I can’t be clear according to the references I have studied. But, bloody hell, I am an academic. I have no problem assuming an alternate viewpoint to my own. I try to go with the flows. Maybe I am clear and maybe I am not. Just answer the questions and see where it goes. By the time we get to NED, I am bored to tears. All I wanted was to get on to VII. I had no problem with V. I had no problem with III and only a slight glitch with IV. I go through four auditors. Now I just want out.
When I leave Flag, I know that it is very likely for the last time. No one knows this except for me. I leave with an incomplete programme. I leave “on chaplain lines”. If there is a department of compassion in the COS, it is the chaplain. I forget his name now but he was an old-timer and he made me feel that one day it would be OK. Tears stream down my face as I leave for what I suspect is the last time.
Anyway, In PT this is how it is. I have an excellent job and make very good money. I live in a run-down house on a desirable property close to a major urban centre in North America. I am not sure if I will try to continue on the Bridge or not. I am currently (like Alex) on an extension course. Since I am also doing a master’s degree as well as working full time, I am able to fend off enquiries from everybody as to why I am not making faster progress. I get up at 5:30am.and often do not return home until after 6:00 pm from my WOG job, educating children in the public school system. And then, I go online to study for my Master of Library and Information Science (MLIS).
None of the children that I serve have any idea of what religion I belong to. About half of my colleagues know that I self-identify as a Scientologist -- and that is my constitutional right to do so. As I have stated before, the children come first. And unlike TC, I realized from the outset that the parents have the right to look after their own children, except in clear cases of abuse, where I have a legal obligation to report to the authorities.
I hope that the above is sufficient to allow me to post on this board with some degree of authenticity. I know that Zinj has already (tactfully) expressed his dismay at my being “in a position of public trust”. To you, Zinj, I state categorically, that I have NEVER disseminated to a colleague or family that I have been connected to through my job. I am very evasive on the topic, and refer everyone to ‘books or the internet’ knowing full well what they will find there. I have always felt that if you are looking for a spiritual path, then you will find it. Or not. There is more to my story pre-Scientology that led me there but I have said enough for now.
The bottom line for me is that I love my husband and do NOT want to lose him. Maybe posting to ESMB will lead me to losing him at last. I have always said that the person comes before the religion or the system or the state . . . but that may not be true for him in the end. In which case I hope you all stand by me . . .