When I was a child I spent most of my time/life crying, growing up. Somehow Knowing in my Heart of Hearts that Love was something that was Beautiful beyond Words, but for some reason, 'That Beautiful Thing', had denied me.
For example: The first time I was beaten (severely) I was 5 years old. And after that, I lost count (over the course of the next 10 years).
What is Love?
The doctor said my right arm had been broken in 2 places. He asked my 'Keepers' how did it happen?. They said I had 'fallen down'. He put my arm in a cast, and sent me home. To them. And I went home. To them. For the next ten years.
What is Love?
Teddy Hower was my best friend (when I was 5 and he was 4). We were inseparable. We were best friends forever (bff). Unbeknownst to both of us however (at the time) our parents had left us in the custody of the state of pennsylvania, legally (and permanently). And we would never see our parents again. Which concept was beyond our comprehension at the time.
For I was 5 (and he was 4).
What is Love?
The first time I saw Teddy getting beaten (by our Matron) I freaked out. I literally went crazy. Which is why I think my arm ended up getting broken (a few days later). Nonetheless the doctor patched me up, and sent me home.
The arm healed.
What is Love?
The first time I ever got punched in the face (and knocked unconscious) was when I was 11. The man that did it was 47. His name was Mr. Sheck. He was the source of great terror and great fear amongst all of the children I was living with (including me too). One night our Matron (Mrs. Shields) called Mr. Sheck and told him that we (our house of 12 boys) were in need of his discipline. She said we were laughing instead of concentrating on our homework (which was true because we were, by the way). So anyway's Mr. Sheck came to our cottage and went crazy. He grabbed a boy named Michael Lantz and started beating him. And he was beating him bad. Michael was crying (and all of the other boys were crying, and I was crying too) and then, out of nowhere, I flipped out. I literally went crazy (I was just 11 at the time). I screamed at Mr. Sheck "if you're such a big man why don't you beat me instead of beating Michael". The house fell silent. You see, I loved Michael. He was a really nice kid and a truly good friend. And he never hurt anyone. And besides, he didn't really start the kids laughing that night, 'I did'.
What is Love?
Mr. Sheck told me to stand up (as I was sitting down at the study table when I flipped out). I stood up. He ordered the boys to quit crying. Which all did (except for a few whimpers that were understandably uncontrollable at the time). He grabbed me by the throat, slammed me up against the wall, said to the other boys 'let this be a lesson ' and then he punched me in the face so hard I went out like a light. Out cold. In a heartbeat. That is to say, he knocked me out.
What is Love?
When I came to, Mr. Sheck was gone, Mrs. Shields was upstairs (in her bedroom) and I was surrounded by the 11 other boys. Chiefly Michael. That is to say he had my head cradled in his arms, and he was crying (for me).
What is Love?
When I first joined scientology I believed that one day I would be preventing any other child in the whole world from ever having to suffer what I (and my friends) had suffered, as children. I believed that sane men and sane women had rights in this world but that human-machines that abused and terrorized children had none, whatsoever. I believed that goodness trumped evil and that Ron had proved it, and that I would prove it, one day, too. I believed, I believed, I believed.
What is Love?
Mojo
For example: The first time I was beaten (severely) I was 5 years old. And after that, I lost count (over the course of the next 10 years).
What is Love?
The doctor said my right arm had been broken in 2 places. He asked my 'Keepers' how did it happen?. They said I had 'fallen down'. He put my arm in a cast, and sent me home. To them. And I went home. To them. For the next ten years.
What is Love?
Teddy Hower was my best friend (when I was 5 and he was 4). We were inseparable. We were best friends forever (bff). Unbeknownst to both of us however (at the time) our parents had left us in the custody of the state of pennsylvania, legally (and permanently). And we would never see our parents again. Which concept was beyond our comprehension at the time.
For I was 5 (and he was 4).
What is Love?
The first time I saw Teddy getting beaten (by our Matron) I freaked out. I literally went crazy. Which is why I think my arm ended up getting broken (a few days later). Nonetheless the doctor patched me up, and sent me home.
The arm healed.
What is Love?
The first time I ever got punched in the face (and knocked unconscious) was when I was 11. The man that did it was 47. His name was Mr. Sheck. He was the source of great terror and great fear amongst all of the children I was living with (including me too). One night our Matron (Mrs. Shields) called Mr. Sheck and told him that we (our house of 12 boys) were in need of his discipline. She said we were laughing instead of concentrating on our homework (which was true because we were, by the way). So anyway's Mr. Sheck came to our cottage and went crazy. He grabbed a boy named Michael Lantz and started beating him. And he was beating him bad. Michael was crying (and all of the other boys were crying, and I was crying too) and then, out of nowhere, I flipped out. I literally went crazy (I was just 11 at the time). I screamed at Mr. Sheck "if you're such a big man why don't you beat me instead of beating Michael". The house fell silent. You see, I loved Michael. He was a really nice kid and a truly good friend. And he never hurt anyone. And besides, he didn't really start the kids laughing that night, 'I did'.
What is Love?
Mr. Sheck told me to stand up (as I was sitting down at the study table when I flipped out). I stood up. He ordered the boys to quit crying. Which all did (except for a few whimpers that were understandably uncontrollable at the time). He grabbed me by the throat, slammed me up against the wall, said to the other boys 'let this be a lesson ' and then he punched me in the face so hard I went out like a light. Out cold. In a heartbeat. That is to say, he knocked me out.
What is Love?
When I came to, Mr. Sheck was gone, Mrs. Shields was upstairs (in her bedroom) and I was surrounded by the 11 other boys. Chiefly Michael. That is to say he had my head cradled in his arms, and he was crying (for me).
What is Love?
When I first joined scientology I believed that one day I would be preventing any other child in the whole world from ever having to suffer what I (and my friends) had suffered, as children. I believed that sane men and sane women had rights in this world but that human-machines that abused and terrorized children had none, whatsoever. I believed that goodness trumped evil and that Ron had proved it, and that I would prove it, one day, too. I believed, I believed, I believed.
What is Love?
Mojo
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) for giving us the opportunity to talk about it. 
You just reminded me of something, and I don't even like admitting it, but it was the 'one' thing that I liked too.. 
It's true, I always felt it was the one really lovely thing, however I remember getting telexes with all sorts of shit in there, nasty stuff, orders screamed out in capital letters and a ton of exclamation marks, and then at the end I'd read.. 'Much Love', that used to crack me up every time, what a contrast! There's nothing wrong with Much Love, it's just the negative memories it brings back that's hard to deal with. 
