IAS 2-fer

[HelluvaHoax!]

The mind-numbing weirdness and illogic of giving someone TWO (2) memberships for the price of ONE (1) is overhelming!

These are supposed to be DONATIONS!

How do you give someone a credit for a donation they did not make?

Ohhh, you are giving them the "status" of the donation, so in fact it's not a donation--you are selling them WORDS OF PRAISE (about them) for something they did not actually do.

Isn't the the core problem with Scientology to begin with?

People flashing about fancy words and bragging titles and advanced spiritual states that they never achieved.

Scieno Scenario: Two super upstats fight over a front row seat near Celebrities at an IAS event.

OT
Hey buddy,get out of my seat--
I am OT VIII and a Patron Victorious.

IAS DONOR
Sorry buddy, no way I'm movin.
I am Super-Ideal-Patron-Novus-Bragadorius.

OT
What about those 2 empty seats next to you?

IAS DONOR
Those 2 seats are for Kirstie who's here to
receive a special Expansion Award, cuz her butt
has reached the size of Old St. Hill.​

(Jeez, what an irrelevant, anti-climactic, cheap-shot ending! Okay, so I am going to hell, so what?)

 

[Auditor's Toad]

The more the IAS puts a price on a membership the more strength they are giving to people seeking refunds of what the IAS out of the other side of their mouth are calling donations.

The IAS is making refunds.

Ask and you shall receive !

Drive the bastards crazy with refund requests !

 

[Sindy]

Does the newborn come out with TR's in?

Yes, then this newborn immediately sells it's own placenta to Revlon Cosmetics, takes the proceeds and starts a WISE nursery. The infants are put to sleep each day with the book, "How to Live Though an Executive". This is how it all begins

 

[Sindy]

The mind-numbing weirdness and illogic of giving someone TWO (2) memberships for the price of ONE (1) is overhelming!

These are supposed to be DONATIONS!

How do you give someone a credit for a donation they did not make?

Ohhh, you are giving them the "status" of the donation, so in fact it's not a donation--you are selling them WORDS OF PRAISE (about them) for something they did not actually do.

Isn't the the core problem with Scientology to begin with?

People flashing about fancy words and bragging titles and advanced spiritual states that they never achieved.

Scieno Scenario: Two super upstats fight over a front row seat near Celebrities at an IAS event.

OT
Hey buddy,get out of my seat--
I am OT VIII and a Patron Victorious.

IAS DONOR
Sorry buddy, no way I'm movin.
I am Super-Ideal-Patron-Novus-Bragadorius.

OT
What about those 2 empty seats next to you?

IAS DONOR
Those 2 seats are for Kirstie who's here to
receive a special Expansion Award, cuz her butt
has reached the size of Old St. Hill.​

(Jeez, what an irrelevant, anti-climactic, cheap-shot ending! Okay, so I am going to hell, so what?)

Cheap shot? Okay, I'll go with it. When all the celebrities have butts the size of Old Saint Hill, then will the release OT 9 & 10?

 

[Free Being Me]

Yes, then this newborn immediately sells it's own placenta to Revlon Cosmetics, takes the proceeds and starts a WISE nursery. The infants are put to sleep each day with the book, "How to Live Though an Executive". This is how it all begins

I knew there had to be some method to the madness.

 

[Wisened One]

Well how come no one's brought up the IAS Lifetime Membership Donos for one's PETS? Oh and there are even donos for your home's cockroaches in case a thetan is stuck in one of those bodies due to so many o/w's the previous lifetimes.....they even have one for the ROCKS in your yard, to help save those thetans who've sunk so low as to have inhabited themselves into solid matter....

And there's even dono events for Those Not Even Conveived Yet.

 

[Sindy]

Well how come no one's brought up the IAS Lifetime Membership Donos for one's PETS? Oh and there are even donos for your home's cockroaches in case a thetan is stuck in one of those bodies due to so many o/w's the previous lifetimes.....they even have one for the ROCKS in your yard, to help save those thetans who've sunk so low as to have inhabited themselves into solid matter....

And there's even dono events for Those Not Even Conveived Yet.

Care to join their marketing team?

 

[Dulloldfart]

I'm surprised they haven't started collecting donations for *next* lifetime statuses yet.

That one is even just about defensible (to a cultie).

Paul

 

[Wisened One]

Care to join their marketing team?

 

[Terril park]

I'm surprised they haven't started collecting donations for *next* lifetime statuses yet.

That one is even just about defensible (to a cultie).

Paul

Hmmm. Are not the donations from a thetan?

 

[Auditor's Toad]

It says "lifetime" on the card.

It doesn't say which fucking lifetime.

So, the card is good forever....right?

But when there is no more scientology will the ias have to first refund all their members?

Might find out here in a year or so

 

[Sindy]

It says "lifetime" on the card.

It doesn't say which fucking lifetime.

So, the card is good forever....right?

But when there is no more scientology will the ias have to first refund all their members?

Might find out here in a year or so

Never thought of that one. Good question.

 

[HelluvaHoax!]

It's only a matter of time before the IAS has a blue-streak cognition and bright idea on how to reg even more money....

Dear IAS Member,

Very well done on purchasing a Lifetime Membership for everyone in your family. The donations you made are really theta and sure come in handy with the Holiday shopping and all! (We are almost at our goal of buying COB a Bluebird Motorhome in every major city )

However, it has been discovered that the LIFETIME MEMBERSHIPS you purchased were actually for your lifetime on the 1st Dynamic.

Naturally, in order to survive you will need to buy Lifetime Memberships for all your other Dynamics as well.

Please make the necessary donations immediately to avoid penalties and interest and this turns into an ugly Justice cycle!

ML,

Billy Blowdown
IAS Compliance Officer​

 

[Sindy]

It's only a matter of time before the IAS has a blue-streak cognition and bright idea on how to reg even more money....

Dear IAS Member,

Very well done on purchasing a Lifetime Membership for everyone in your family. The donations you made are really theta and sure come in handy with the Holiday shopping and all! (We are almost at our goal of buying COB a Bluebird Motorhome in every major city )

However, it has been discovered that the LIFETIME MEMBERSHIPS you purchased were actually for your lifetime on the 1st Dynamic.

Naturally, in order to survive you will need to buy Lifetime Memberships for all your other Dynamics as well.

Please make the necessary donations immediately to avoid penalties and interest and this turns into an ugly Justice cycle!

ML,

Billy Blowdown
IAS Compliance Officer​

Some may need the Flag Only IAS Membership by Dynamics Sort Out Assessment.

 

[HelluvaHoax!]

Some may need the Flag Only IAS Membership by Dynamics Sort Out Assessment.

HellYeah!

After decades of naive Scientologists receiving:

* Dynamic Sort Outs

* OT Accereration Rundowns

* Freewind De-Bugs​

I have yet to see even ONE (1) individual who was sorted out, accelerated or de-bugged.

These super-fixed beings are nowhere to be found. Not one.

I am guessing that anyone who received these miraculous handlings did not "Accelerate" and get "De-Bugged"-- but instead De-Accelerated and Bugged-Out of Scn.

 

[Anonycat]

Relevant: http://forums.whyweprotest.net/123-leaks-legal/flag-email-leaks-71072/22/#post1373254

 

[looker]

I think HASI (Hubtard Association of Scifaggotry International) Cards used to be free for the first year. You couldnt get discount auditing or training without it. I think LT cards were $250 in 1970s That would roughly be $2000 in todays money.

But, then the HASI funds were stolen to publish books or sum such horse shidt. I dont know what came after that maybe it was IAS but you had to buy it all over again to keep going. And oh you couldnt natter about it either.

You could groan go BIs and scuff yer foot on the floor but you couldn't say anything without going to the EO for a good justification as to why it was "good for the planet and its only your bank that is making you resist so you need more auditing to get rid of that bank". ::Sheesh::

 

[Nurse Pinch]

The next step to extract more cash will be for DM to disband the IAS, as a bunch of SPs. In fact, it was recently discovered that due to an evil transcriptionist's errors the old IAS was not set up in accordance with LRH's wishes (all hail DM for finding these sacred scriptures just in time before Scientology fell in the hands of big Pharma- we were literally days away from losing the tech forever!)

Of course the good news is that its all different now- DM has bought about the "Scientology Golden Age of Memberships" (SGAM). Naturally any previous membership or status you purchased (sorry, donated towards) are now void, we cant really have you being rewarded for giving money to an SP group now can we (a thetan KNOWS, you know).

If you BUY NOW, you can get the special "koolaid package" which for just $10,000 gets you a new "SGAM" lifetime membership AND we will give you a FREE T-shirt and matching pair of brown undies (which will come in very handy for that next trip to ethics)

Time for another martini.

Luv, Pinchy.

 

[Zinjifar]

The next step to extract more cash will be for DM to disband the IAS, as a bunch of SPs.

That's interesting. As some of you know, Marty Rathbun has been promising a 'Birthday Surprise' next year. My speculation has been that David Miscavige will use the Event to announce his *retirement* from 'management lines'. (just like Ron)

What you're suggesting fits in well with that. Nothing has come up for such scorn as the IAS, which is generally portrayed as Davey's slush fund. So, how convenient, Davey retires and the IAS is disbanded...

Meaning, we need a *new* membership organization!

Zinj

 

[Free Being Me]

It's only a matter of time before the IAS has a blue-streak cognition and bright idea on how to reg even more money....

Dear IAS Member,

Very well done on purchasing a Lifetime Membership for everyone in your family. The donations you made are really theta and sure come in handy with the Holiday shopping and all! (We are almost at our goal of buying COB a Bluebird Motorhome in every major city )

However, it has been discovered that the LIFETIME MEMBERSHIPS you purchased were actually for your lifetime on the 1st Dynamic.

Naturally, in order to survive you will need to buy Lifetime Memberships for all your other Dynamics as well.

Please make the necessary donations immediately to avoid penalties and interest and this turns into an ugly Justice cycle!

ML,

Billy Blowdown
IAS Compliance Officer​

OMG, Hilarious! Are sec checks required before each dynamic purchase?