It didn't help

rewired

Patron
Wow, I carefully crafted a response to you Schwimmelpukel, hit the wrong button and "it" ate it!

Let's see if it's still in here...hmmm. O.K. Ironically I have been researching the conspiracy stuff like the MK ultra mind control program and the connections the secret societies have through governments, business. education, and religions. These guys (and they are men) play silly games with one another and accuse the others of evil doing...they are all in on it! There are common threads and people at the top of their pyramid empires, Hubbard's name has been mentioned with the Satanic aspect of the cult religions (not Scientology, it's different, it's ritual black magic.) He actually fits the profile quite perfectly and if it walks like a duck...well...you know. Religions like the Mormon church, Jehovah's witnesses, Catholics all have creeps like him at the top of their organizations, their symbolisms are similar and the way they traumatize their children is also similar....it is part of the system. People would be astounded at the weird fucked up rituals that are done by many who hold high offices in all aspects of institutions on our planet, Hubbard vilified these institutions who to a certain degree are evil, but like the others he set a different/but the same mind trap. it's like follow the crumbs... truth... truth... truth... truth... LIE...truth...LIE....truth... LIE and suddenly you're fucked in a cult that won't let you leave. Scientology and other churches aren't the only ones out there... sororities do it too. This stuff is dark, it's in front of us but it's so overwhelming most people can't look and choose to believe it doesn't exist. These guys get away with it because of secrecy, oaths, fear of retribution, compartmentalization within the organizations and because of the separation of church and state. The government actually benefits because mind controlled citizens are waaaay easier to deal with. The mind rape of little kids is probably the single most threat to our humanity that I can think of.
Ironically here I am looking into this stuff not realizing my own "programming" was still in place...FUUUCK! Don't you hate it when that happens???
If we could get all the ex-Scientology's to channel their altruism toward protecting the children of this planet from the mind prison of organized religion, we could change the world!
That said my new hero is a priest named Kevin Annett, he is going after the Catholic church in a big way. His movie "Unrepentant" has won all kinds of awards and can be seen on his website www.hiddenfromhistory.org This is the RECENT story of the genocide of the aboriginal children of Canada perpetrated by the church, the throne and the government of Canada. This guy has BIG BALLS. I support everyone who has the guts to speak up for the kids being hurt, and hold accountable the brainwashed religious authority/followers that allow it to happen. It's all done for power and money...bottom line. You can throw all that other bullshit about helping people out the window...the sheeple always fall for it because many actually love, need love and want to help make the world a better place.

Anyway....thanks for you input.....I like this place!


Warm hugs that respect who you are as you are!
 
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rewired

Patron
The Volcano on the Cover of Dianetics looks like a pyramid

The pyramid with the end cap missing is an Illuminati symbol, my own observation is the Dianetics cover looks like this....not a coincidence I think. There is a pre-Sanskrit artifact with this same pyramid that also has the orion constellation embedded with gold on the base of it and says something like "the son of god has arrived" it's thousands of years old and many believe it points "visitors" that ain't from around here. Found this other stuff too.
This site covers symbolism of the secret societies, I am convinced Hubbard was one of these guys. Another interesting thing...Hubbard hated the FBI... so does the CIA. Many higher ups in the CIA are part of these black OP cults.

http://www.whale.to/b/symbols_h.html

This what it says about the symbols in Scientology

SCIENTOLOGY'S SYMBOLS AND THE SATANIC
The "S and double triangle" motif of Scientology's main symbol probably derives from the black magic use of the snake symbol (the "wise serpent" or Satan) combined with a deconstruction into two triangles of the Star of David (rather like the reverse ritual of hanging the Christian cross upside down to signify devil worship). This symbol - the magical hexagram - was used by Hubbard and Parsons during their attempts at incarnating the Antichrist in human form.
The RTC (a main Scientology corporation) symbol contains the Dianetics triangle, which is a common magical symbol, representing the door of the Cabala, the letter Daleth. Hubbard indeed assigned it to the Greek equivalent of Daleth, Delta. The triangle on its base is also the symbol of Set, the Egyptian god called by some "the destroyer of man", the male equivalent of Babalon. Indeed Crowley equates Set with Satan. Hubbard also used the "Daleth" triangle of the Egyptian destroyer-god Set as the Dianetic symbol.
Hubbard copied the back of Crowley's Tarot-cards, a distinctively marked cross, which he used for his main Scientology church cross and symbol.
The Sea Organization symbol of Scientology's elite paramilitary division is also interesting. The five pointed star, or pentacle is the most commonly known symbol of magical power. It is held between two thirteen-leaved laurels.
The theta symbol used by Scientology is the central symbol of Crowley's Ordo Templi Orientis, where it denotes "Thelma" or the will. Perhaps Hubbard's "thetan" is pronounced to match with a lisped "Satan"? He was, after all, wry in his humor and such a subtle perverse twist and deceit of lower initiates would be entirely congruent with classical Satanism.
Crowley's order - the OTO - had a common origin with the Thule group to which several members of the Nazi hierarchy belonged (including deputy party chairman Rudolph Hess). The sig rune used by the Nazis - appears on the Scientology International Management Organization's symbol - a red square enclosing a white disc and set off by four lightning flashes or sig runes. The swastika of the Nazi flag has been replaced by the Scientology "S and double triangle". The symbol of the Religious Technology Center is surrounded by sig runes. The sig rune is otherwise peculiar to the Nazis.
L. Ron, junior, was sure that the teachings of the pre-Nazi Germanen Orden and the Thule secret societies had passed directly to his father by courier. No explanation is given for using these sig runes by Scientology. At the time that both of these symbols were introduced, Hubbard also created the International Finance Police, headed by the International Finance Dictator. An significant choice of words. Hollywood, Satanism, Scientology and Suicide
 
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rewired

Patron
Hi Again,

The more I look at this, the more pissed I get...to think that I and my brothers were systematically neglected and psychologically abused really pisses me off. It seriously never occurred to me that the church deliberately treated kids this way...IT'S REALLY FUCKED UP! I'm also recalling my severely head injured uncle spending his entire settlement on the church courses to reverse his paralisys...guess what??? He's still paralyzed.

I want tribunal hearings! I want prosecution for crimes against humanity! I want the tens of thousands of dollars back for the life I never got, the education we could never afford. I want the love, support, comfort, encouragement, security, nurturing that was robbed from me.

How have parents made amends to the kids for these mistakes cuz I haven't even gotten a "oops!, guess I fucked up!" Still just righteous defiant "did my best, you just have to deal with the fall out." sort of bullshit. I want amends, detailed amends.

I want a tribunal....I want hearings....I want this to stop!
 

Arthur Dent

Silver Meritorious Patron
Hey, so glad you're rewired and now here! Welcome!!
Thank you for posting your story that is just all too typical in scientology. There is nothing "typical" about it when you and your siblings are the kids involved though. It is about you. And being pissed sounds pretty appropriate!

Sounds like your mom left scientology but it stowed away in her suitcase! Scientologists are taught to be control freaks. It's what we do...or...ummm...did.

One, and I am a testament to this....can learn not to do this and learn the harm and insanity it creates. It sound like your mom just hasn't embarked on actually leaving scientology for real. I think this has to include some looking and reading.

I understand, although I haven't yet read them but intend to...that Steve Hassan's books about leaving cults are very good.

Sounds like if you got your mom to look she will start to unravel....but in the end will land in a good place and enjoy her life more as well.

Hassan also does phone interviews/counseling and also counseling at his location (Northeast US, I believe). May be worth it for both you and your mom to give him a call. Perhaps he can refer you to someone near you.

I'm sure you'll find a lot of help on the board.
Best of luck to you, rewired!
 

TR'SIN

Patron with Honors
:congratulations: You managed to get OUT and you haven't suffered the same fate as your brothers.

:welcome: Glad you have found this place. You'll see as you write more and engage with others on this board, how it all helps to wash the yuck off.

It seems that you've found your voice and your mind is stimulated enough to seeks answers and look for more questions to help resolve the balance in your life. That sounds very healthy.

I might add a note that, we use Scn jargon at times because its the only thing that captures the exact meaning. Many of the terms we used with one meaning in Scn and a dictionary meaning if you were not a Scn. So to refer to a time when someone was a part of the group - well the only thing that can describe being "out-pointy" is that word.:D

I encourage you to write as much and as often as you feel the need.:clap:
 

Cherished

Silver Meritorious Patron
Wow, I've just observed something, every time I try to express myself surrounding Scientology and it's effects on me I freeze up. Even writing this now there is an apprehension of not doing it right or possibly being attacked or humiliated. At least I am able to consciously observe this and persevere.
Hi rewired! You are obviously thoughtful and self-aware, able and willing to reflect on your actions and feelings. These are qualities that will help you grow and no doubt have already. (A tip in case you're anything like me - it's important not to over-think/over-reflect, as that can become damaging in itself.)

My exposure was at such a young age but it was pretty intense for me and I feel now I have at least found the origins of the thread that has been strangling me for all these years.
Neglect of a child can be just as damaging as other forms of abuse. Significant events in our earliest childhood do have a way of becoming foundational and defining - but they don't have to control our lives forever.

I don't know how one would go about deprogramming unless they took apart each agreement/concept and inserted logic, discernment, exposed the flaws and "allowed" the person to express their feelings about it without fear of judgment or reprisal.
I think a lot of people find posting on ESMB can be helpful in this regard. I hope you find it to be so.
What is really a bummer is that some of this crap has spilled onto my kids and I'm trying to figure out what to do about it. I recognize now that I may have unconsciously parented them in similar ways, but not near as extreme, but perhaps still harmful...I'm having difficulty describing again...but it makes me feel sad and angry.

hmmmm
No parent is perfect, of course. But what you've done for your kids is to break the cycle of neglect in many (most? all?) respects. And if they don't understand that yet, one day they will. We learn to parent from our parents. You had a rough example to follow. But you decided to do your best to parent your kids better than you were parented. You should be proud of that decision and everything that you achieved as a parent.

A book that I found really insightful about early childhood trauma and its effect on us as adults is by Harville Hendrix: Keeping the Love you Find. I found Part II, on Childhood Nurturing to be transformational.

I wish you all the very best. You deserve it.
 

rewired

Patron
Hi, thanks for the great thoughts and well wishes...I'm overwhelmed with the information and all the stories...it takes a lot of guts to make a u turn on a road like this and I applaud you all for having the courage to do so.

I ordered the book today Cherished, thanks.

Tried to lay it on the line with mom today, but alas, she is really NOT approachable on this subject, sadly I think our relationship is going to have to go away, at least for awhile. All I really want is for our family to finally speak openly about the weird shit that happened when we were kids...but noooooo can't talk about that can we? Well, I can talk to you guys about it, so na na na! My kids screamed abuse for not being able to watch rated R movies, should have let the little shits spend a weekend doing TR's.
Anyway I appreciate you all and think you're creating the big bang this universe needs to explode the shadow!
 

FinallyMe

Silver Meritorious Patron
Rewired, I strongly encourage you to talk with your family, or talk AT them to let them know how you feel. Here's one alternative if you don't say anything -- my sister and I have not spoken for 14 years, and I only know where she is because of the Internet. My brother and I politely exchange e-mails now and again (and he's a Scientologist to whom I have never said that I've been out for 28 years). It gets really lonely.......
 

rewired

Patron
It's been a few weeks since I posted, and am enjoying my new found freedom having realized the source of my neurotic guilt ..Scienfuckingtology! I still haven't talked to my mom since our big fight...I've refused to because I'm not going to sweep everything under the rug and allow her to go back to hyper-judgment, hyper-codependency, hyper-insert herself into my life, then fuck it up, mode. I know I can't change the past but I'm sure as hell not going to let this destructive force that is Scientology via my mother close to me....I want to wake her up, but she's meaner than shit and frankly I think she can take me! It saddens me because I have great compassion for the the mind prison that "over auditing" created for her. The wreckage the philosophies and techniques of Scientology created in our home was devastating on sooo many levels, but what is the most troubling has been my mother's inability to maintain any sort of stability for a sustained period....ever! I have been her rescuer for years, because frankly she alienated damn near everyone and I was easily manipulated to do it....fucking brainwashed and bullied into doing it....I mothered my brothers and her my mom my whole life and still felt like I was somehow a piece of shit because they couldn't get their acts together...frankly I'm fucking tired of it. No more guilt. I don't know how this is going to come out for my mom and I, but I can tell you all that I feel sooo much gratitude that I can come here to have the harm acknowledged instead of being told it was good for me. Those years when I was so little and needed to feel love and safety will never be returned to me, but at least I know it was because some really fucked up shit happened to all of us...including my mother. Your willingness to look at it warms my heart and makes forgiveness comes more easily because there is communication and acknowledgment. Thank you.

Katie if you're reading this....take Suri and RUN!!!!
 

Free to shine

Shiny & Free
It's been a few weeks since I posted, and am enjoying my new found freedom having realized the source of my neurotic guilt ..Scienfuckingtology! I still haven't talked to my mom since our big fight...I've refused to because I'm not going to sweep everything under the rug and allow her to go back to hyper-judgment, hyper-codependency, hyper-insert herself into my life, then fuck it up, mode. I know I can't change the past but I'm sure as hell not going to let this destructive force that is Scientology via my mother close to me....I want to wake her up, but she's meaner than shit and frankly I think she can take me! It saddens me because I have great compassion for the the mind prison that "over auditing" created for her. The wreckage the philosophies and techniques of Scientology created in our home was devastating on sooo many levels, but what is the most troubling has been my mother's inability to maintain any sort of stability for a sustained period....ever! I have been her rescuer for years, because frankly she alienated damn near everyone and I was easily manipulated to do it....fucking brainwashed and bullied into doing it....I mothered my brothers and her my mom my whole life and still felt like I was somehow a piece of shit because they couldn't get their acts together...frankly I'm fucking tired of it. No more guilt. I don't know how this is going to come out for my mom and I, but I can tell you all that I feel sooo much gratitude that I can come here to have the harm acknowledged instead of being told it was good for me. Those years when I was so little and needed to feel love and safety will never be returned to me, but at least I know it was because some really fucked up shit happened to all of us...including my mother. Your willingness to look at it warms my heart and makes forgiveness comes more easily because there is communication and acknowledgment. Thank you.

Katie if you're reading this....take Suri and RUN!!!!

I'm so glad to hear you are enjoying your freedom. I know that when we are able to really stand back and look at the tangled (scio) family web, it is shocking how manipulative the whole thing can be. Awful stuff and you seem to be coping well with any guilt trips sent your way.

Hard as it may seem it is better that your mum sort herself out by herself, this is a choice thing. And you have made a courageous and good choice.
May all the blessings you deserve come your way. :)
 

LongTimeGone

Silver Meritorious Patron
<snip>
Hard as it may seem it is better that your mum sort herself out by herself, this is a choice thing. And you have made a courageous and good choice.
May all the blessings you deserve come your way. :)

Thanks for your story. I agree with Free to shine, your mother has to sort herself out, which may or may not happen.

The guilt for all of this is with her, not you, and it does not fall upon your shoulders to make amends. The neglect of children by their parents is shameful.

My guess is that it's the guilt which makes her unwilling to talk about it; it is probably too painful and so any attempt to talk about it will just backfire.

It is YOUR life now and the decisions you make for yourself and your family are all yours.

Most of the people on ESMB have eventually been able to battle through the anger, hurt, nightmares and fear and been able to learn from the experience and move on. It is not easy though and it takes time.

Welcome and good luck. You write very well.

:heartflower:

LTG
 
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