HelluvaHoax!
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Handwringers Alert: This is a coldblooded factual account of your last 1,845,504,000* seconds as a religion. This thread may be hazardous to the health of your warm & fuzzy feelings about Scientology.
Yes, good parishioners & SP's alike, that's how many seconds have elapsed since Ron Hubbard first began orchestrating his outrageous symphony of lies, treachery and betrayal.
Wait, I hear commotion and grumbling in the Patron section--Oh, people are leaving already? Oh well...
Let's put it another way that may be more palatable, because I'd hate to offend anyone in the audience. I promise to try to say it as nicely as I can....
Ron conned your ass to death....and you helped him do it.
Shit! Now Marty and his Loyal Indie Officers are gettting up and leaving! Sorrrrrrrrrry, wait, wait, wait, wait.....I promise I will try to do better I promise. Damn, I lost more of my congregation!
You know, it's funny. Everyone leaving this thread did the same thing before making their dramatic exit. Raised their solidarity fist to the sky and said "We are with you Ron, we know the problem is COB, don't worry!" Hmmm, wonder what that's all about?
Well, I guess my amusing-schmoozing warmup remarks are loosening the audience members too much (from their seats) so I might as well just get on with the Sunday sermon. What the hell am I talking about?
Misdirection.
That's what I am talking about.
The magician's tech.
Gets you to look at a picture of a cat while he lifts your wallet.
Well, technically that's the pickpocket's tech. Uhh, same thing I guess.
What are the most popular misdirections du jour?
(mass exodus alert...) Coming in at NUMBER 1 on the list of most-cherished-myths is the:
MYTHICAL MISCAVIGE MISDIRECTION
Apologies to all the people sitting in the handwringing "I just want to stop the abuses" and "All we need to do is get rid of COB" sections.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, he's an abuser. I know.
But, please let's hope his reign of terror is not prematurely cut short while he remains the greatest single (unwitting) Freedom Fighter in the war against Scientology. That boy has got the best stats of Clearing both the CoS and Scientology of adherents of anyone in history.
In the same way that my freaky sermon is losing cyber-parishioners in the Church of Hoaxology left-and-right, that's nothing compared to COB's ghost-town Tech.
How long would I like to see Miscavige in power?
Until that tiny arsonist's tiny fires have spread into a major conflagration and both the Church and the Tech are engulfed. It will happen if he stays there long enough.
And why oh why can't I just get along peacefully with the "religion" of Scientology--the tech?
ANSWER: Misdirection.
It's not Miscavige that's the problem. Keep looking....
It's not the Church of Scientology that's the problem. Keep looking....
It's not L. Ron Hubbard that's the problem either. (yup, I said it, keep looking...)
It's the Tech, stupid!
As long as people are applying "the Tech" there will be Tech-Terrorism.
But, but, but....Can't we just all get along and only apply the good Tech?
No.
Good Tech = Misdirection.
If you still don't get it, here is the process you can run, solo.
RUN COMMANDS IN SEQUENCE, REPETITIVELY TO END PHENOMENA:
* 60 years = 1.8 billion seconds
Yes, good parishioners & SP's alike, that's how many seconds have elapsed since Ron Hubbard first began orchestrating his outrageous symphony of lies, treachery and betrayal.
Wait, I hear commotion and grumbling in the Patron section--Oh, people are leaving already? Oh well...
Let's put it another way that may be more palatable, because I'd hate to offend anyone in the audience. I promise to try to say it as nicely as I can....
Ron conned your ass to death....and you helped him do it.
Shit! Now Marty and his Loyal Indie Officers are gettting up and leaving! Sorrrrrrrrrry, wait, wait, wait, wait.....I promise I will try to do better I promise. Damn, I lost more of my congregation!
You know, it's funny. Everyone leaving this thread did the same thing before making their dramatic exit. Raised their solidarity fist to the sky and said "We are with you Ron, we know the problem is COB, don't worry!" Hmmm, wonder what that's all about?
Well, I guess my amusing-schmoozing warmup remarks are loosening the audience members too much (from their seats) so I might as well just get on with the Sunday sermon. What the hell am I talking about?
Misdirection.
That's what I am talking about.
The magician's tech.
Gets you to look at a picture of a cat while he lifts your wallet.
Well, technically that's the pickpocket's tech. Uhh, same thing I guess.
What are the most popular misdirections du jour?
(mass exodus alert...) Coming in at NUMBER 1 on the list of most-cherished-myths is the:
MYTHICAL MISCAVIGE MISDIRECTION
Apologies to all the people sitting in the handwringing "I just want to stop the abuses" and "All we need to do is get rid of COB" sections.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, he's an abuser. I know.
But, please let's hope his reign of terror is not prematurely cut short while he remains the greatest single (unwitting) Freedom Fighter in the war against Scientology. That boy has got the best stats of Clearing both the CoS and Scientology of adherents of anyone in history.
In the same way that my freaky sermon is losing cyber-parishioners in the Church of Hoaxology left-and-right, that's nothing compared to COB's ghost-town Tech.
How long would I like to see Miscavige in power?
Until that tiny arsonist's tiny fires have spread into a major conflagration and both the Church and the Tech are engulfed. It will happen if he stays there long enough.
And why oh why can't I just get along peacefully with the "religion" of Scientology--the tech?
ANSWER: Misdirection.
It's not Miscavige that's the problem. Keep looking....
It's not the Church of Scientology that's the problem. Keep looking....
It's not L. Ron Hubbard that's the problem either. (yup, I said it, keep looking...)
It's the Tech, stupid!
As long as people are applying "the Tech" there will be Tech-Terrorism.
But, but, but....Can't we just all get along and only apply the good Tech?
No.
Good Tech = Misdirection.
If you still don't get it, here is the process you can run, solo.
RUN COMMANDS IN SEQUENCE, REPETITIVELY TO END PHENOMENA:
1. "Recall the Good Tech"
2. "Recall the OT abilities that the Good Tech promised you."
3. "Recall the criminal terrorism and suffering the Good Tech has brought into the world in the past 60 years."
4. "Recall who you were before the Good Tech handled you."
2. "Recall the OT abilities that the Good Tech promised you."
3. "Recall the criminal terrorism and suffering the Good Tech has brought into the world in the past 60 years."
4. "Recall who you were before the Good Tech handled you."
* 60 years = 1.8 billion seconds
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