Jenna tells more of her leaving story...

Wisened One

Crusader
Hope this isn't a duplicate. But if it is, please delete.
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Jenna's post from here:

http://www.exscientologykids.com/eskforums/viewtopic.php?t=2103


Here is part of the story of us leaving that I was writing for a book. It is really long and written for people who know nothing about Scientology. Also I tried to take out all the swear words but I may have forgotten some
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Here it is:

The bumps on the ceiling of my room resembled cottage cheese as I stared at them while lying on my bed. The ceiling fan was the only thing that was keeping the room below 90 degrees. I watched hypnotically as the black wooden arms spun round and round.

My room was about 15 feet by fifteen feet. Just enough room for a bed a dresser and a small closet. My husband and I were one of the lucky enough couples to have a mini-fridge in our room which my Dad had bought for us when we got married.

I got up to use the toilet. It was located outside of our room end the end of a short hallway that was flanked by our room and the couple’s room who lived across the hall. We shared this small bathroom with them as well with the couple up the hall and the entire boy’s dorm who lived across from them which held about 8 boys.

As I stood up to go to use the bathroom I went to unlock my door. I hesitated…was someone out there in the hallway? I didn’t want anyone to see me. I didn’t want anyone to ask me questions.

I quickly ran into the bathroom and locked the door. The bathroom was about 5 feet by 5 feet with a small tub. I quickly washed my face, brushed my teeth and used the toilet. I made sure to bring all of my supplies back with me to my room because often if I left them in the bathroom, they would wind up empty the next time I tried to use them.

I put on my comfortable clothes again and sat down on my bed. I wasn’t used to wearing whatever clothes I wanted to. In fact from the age of 6 until this very day when I was 22 years old, I had been required to wear a uniform every single day.

I went to the mini fridge to get something to eat. I had some crackers with cheese and salami. I ate it and it was delicious. My husband Dallas had snuck out to Ralph’s the night before and brought it home so I could have something to eat during the day. Unfortunately this meant that he had to spend all of his pay for that week (and I hadn’t been paid in weeks), but it was worth it so we could snack on them at night. The food we were served at the base was gross. Just a few days ago when I had been there for lunch, they were serving a pan full of chicken wings that were mysteriously grayish green and practically meatless while the pan they were served in was half full of grease. There wasn’t even enough for all of the staff to eat. We all had to wait in line to get our food and there were hundreds of us. And we only had 15 minutes to get our food and eat. I just ended up eating a piece of bread with butter instead. This was normal, only rarely was the meal something the staff would eat. So most of the staff pay way spent in the Canteen, a small snack store inside the building, where they would buy microwave corn dogs or power bars. We were forbidden to go to get food at a restaurant, or the pizza shop downstairs.

So this cheese and crackers was a real treat.

When I was finished eating I lay down on my bed again. I was wondering where Dallas was. He had said he would be here by now to visit me. But there was no sign of him. This got me wondering what had happened to him. I pulled out the cell phone that I was hiding under my pillow. I dialed the number for Reception at the base. While the phone was ringing, I thought about what I was going to say when they asked me how I was calling.

“Reception” a gruff voice rang in my ear.

“Hi can I please speak with Dallas Hill”

“Who is this?” the woman asked.

“This is Jenna”

Then she asked the question I had been dreading, “How come you are calling from a cell phone?”

“Because I have permission” I lied.

“Hmm, I see” she said sounding doubtful. After a moment of pause she decided she believed me and put me on hold. Perhaps because she assumed that because my uncle was who he was, that it was possible that I had obtained some special permission.

I listened to the hold music for a while, until she came back on the line. She said that he wasn’t in his office.

“Would you like me to have him call you back?” An odd question because he didn’t have a cell phone (and even if he did, if he was caught using it, he would be in big trouble) and I knew he didn’t have a phone code. The phone system on the base would not allow anyone to call an outside number unless they had a phone code, which was not provided to the general staff. I knew he didn’t have any money because he had spent it all at Ralph’s that night so he wouldn’t be able to use the pay phone. I just told her I would try back later.

I hung up. I hid the phone back under the pillow so nobody could see it. I fluffed my pillow to further disguise it.

I tried to think about what I was going to do for the rest of the day now that Dallas hadn’t showed up. I had a laptop, but no connection to the internet as this was forbidden. Even if I could access the Internet, I wouldn’t have because the rumor was that there was confidential information on the net which if read by someone like me, I would become physically and mentally ill and needless to say I didn’t want that.

I had a few DVDs but I didn’t want to watch them because it would be unethical. Finally I just laid down and I fell asleep.

I was awaken a few hours later by a knock on the door. I was startled. “Who is it?” I demanded.

“Its Kirsten” responded a woman’s voice.

“Oh, one sec” I said, as I rolled my eyes and got up to unlock the door. I opened the door for her to come in.

She stood there with her pale white skin and her makeup-less face, her hair was pulled back into a simple ponytail, and she wore a military-style uniform complete with a name tag. She held a briefcase. I could see that she was about as happy to see me as I was to see her. But we both needed something from each other and so we remained civil.

“Can I sit down?” she asked.

“Sure” I said, as I motioned toward the bed.

We both sat down. As we sat the phone slipped out from under my pillow. She looked at the phone and looked at me. With my eyes I said, “Yes?” challenging her to bring it up to me. She said nothing. Usually I wouldn’t have been so forward, but the last week had been a particularly rebellious one for me and things had changed.

Instead of me being afraid of them, they were now starting to be afraid of me and my non-conforming behavior.

I asked her if she knew where Dallas was and explained to her that he was supposed to come to see me at lunch time. She said she didn’t know, but I could tell she was hiding something by her forced tone of nonchalance. My brother’s words flashed through my mind, “Kirsten is a liar Jenna”, but I wrote it off as my own paranoia.

She opened the briefcase and pulled out a small packet of legal size papers that were stapled together and she said, “Okay, so this is the checklist for leaving staff”.

I squirmed at the sound of the words “leaving staff”. Never in a million years did I think that I would every be the one doing the “leaving staff” checklist. Literally I had never even considered it before these last few weeks. But I took comfort in the fact that I had tried everything I could to make it work. These people didn’t even care about their own policy anymore.

She showed me the various steps on the routing form. The first step said that I was required to receive a confessional. This gave me the chills.

A confessional is a Scientology investigation procedure where you are attached to an electropsychometer which is a device similar to a lie detector or a polygraph machine. You are required to hold two soup cans so that the e-meter can detect your thoughts. There is a person who operates the machine and interprets the meter’s reading by carefully watching the motions of a needle.
You are required to answer questions while connected to the e-meter which can tell whether or not you are telling the truth.

In a confessional, the meter operator asks you about bad things you have done or embarrassing things. It usually takes weeks if not months to complete a confessional. A confessional is given in daily sessions which are usually on average 6 hours daily. I had had quite a lot of experience with confessionals (having received about 20 or so in my life) and what I hated the most is that they do not allow you to leave the room when you want to. They will physically restrain you should you try. Also they do not believe a word you say, they only believe the e-meter, so to get it over with, most people end up making up “bad” things they have done, until the e-meter is satisfied.

L.Ron Hubbard, the founder of Scientology, wrote that the only reason people leave staff is because they had done bad things which they are hiding from others. He said that taking a confessional and admitting to their actions before they leave will help them live with themselves when they leave and possibly even convince them to stay. This is why the confessional is a requirement for anyone leaving staff.

If you refused the confessional, you would be Declared a Suppressive person. To a Scientologist, being declared a Suppressive Person is equivalent to eternal damnation. It also means that you will not be allowed to have any contact or communication with friends and family who are members of the Church. It is the worst thing that could possibly happen to you.

The thought of this scared me. Of course I would go through with the confessional as I had so many times before. But I had grown intolerant and less submissive, so I knew this would be the hardest one yet.

Kirsten read the next step on the checklist which called for me to sign a bond. I asked her what that was. She explained to me that it was a document that I would be required to sign in the presence of a security guard while being filmed, swearing that I would never speak out against the Church. And if I ever violated this bond I would have to pay $10,000 for each violation. I asked her why anyone would need to sign such a bond? She told me that is what is required or else I would be declared a suppressive person. When I inquired as to where in L.Ron Hubbard’s writings, he required such a bond to be signed she told me he didn’t. I didn’t get it. I asked her why she was requiring it then. She got aggravated and told me that this was the new policy and that I was going to do it.

I didn’t like her tone or her attitude. I told her that I would not sign anything but that I would do my confessional which I had been waiting to receive for several weeks now and nothing was happening.

She burst out yelling at me stating that I was unethical and being a suppressive person because I refused to sign the document. She put the checklist on the bed, saying that I was to read it.

I went over to the bed and picked up the checklist and took it into my hands while I shredded it into a hundred of pieces and told her to get out of my room. She was shocked and taken aback. She was not used to being stood up to. I told her again to get out.

She shot me a look of disgust before she stormed out of the room all the while screaming at me that I was not going to get away with this.

I slammed the door. My face was flushed with anger. I went to the mini fridge and got a drink and ate more cheese and crackers. I still hadn’t heard from Dallas and I was getting worried.

To take my mind off of what had just happened I picked up a book and started reading it. I decided to wait until Dallas got home.

Finally at 1:30am he walked through the door. He looked tired and not particularly happy to see me. I was confused, but I didn’t want to have another argument.

Are you okay? I asked him. He said he was fine. He changed out of his uniform and laid down in the bed next to me while saying nothing. I got the idea that he was angry with me. I asked him if he was. He said he wasn’t, but I sensed that there was something different.

I asked him if he still was going to leave with me like he had promised.

“I don’t know” he said.

“What do you mean you don’t know?” I was shocked. I couldn’t believe that he had turned his back on me and wasn’t even going to say anything.

“Well I just don’t know, you aren’t really cooperating and getting through your confessional like you promised” he said.

I was taken aback. “What do you mean? You know just as well as I do that I have been sitting here for 2 weeks waiting for them to give me the confessional and they haven’t”

“Yes well that’s only because you won’t agree to finish your Scientology counseling first” he said.

“That’s right and I don’t have to. I am waiting to get my confessional, I don’t want anymore counseling, I just want to get my confessional and get out of here!”

“Well if you would just cooperate, then you could”. He said stubbornly.

“So does this mean that you won’t leave with me unless I do the counseling?” I asked.

“Well I don’t want to leave”. –an indecisive answer.

“So you are saying that you wont leave with me no matter what?”

“I don’t know I don’t want to”. He looked ashamed.

“What????? You promised me!!” , “Who have you been talking to?”

He looked like he had expected this question, but he said, “Nobody, I just don’t want to leave”.

“You are lying, who have you been talking to??’

“Nobody, I swear.”

This was the same conversation we had every night for the last 3 weeks and many nights before that. I was tired of it. So was he. I could tell that in his mind he was finished with me. He saw me just how Kirsten did, just how members saw anyone who was leaving.

We spent another few hours arguing. I finally told him that I couldn’t do it anymore. If he wouldn’t leave with me, then I had no reason to go through all of this. I had been enduring it because when I thought he was leaving with me, I didn’t want to ruin his chances of speaking to his family again. Although we hadn’t seen his family in months and never saw them for more than a couple times a year anyways because we couldn’t get time off on weekends, I didn’t want to ruin the possibility.

We were crying our eyes out while we decided that I was going to leave and he was going to stay. There was no other solution. We were both devastated, but I knew that I would not be able to keep a hold of my sanity if I stayed there any longer and we both couldn’t argue with anymore. We came to this agreement at 4 o’clock in the morning.

So I spent the rest of the night packing my bags and he helped me as we both cried. I wrote a letter to his parents, that he was to give to them, telling them that I loved them with all of my heart and asking them to take good care of Dallas for me. I packed my things, but he gave me a couple of his sweaters and boxers to bring with me to remind me of him.

The morning came and Dallas had to go to work. He told me that he would be back to see me. I feared I would not see him again.

During the day I called my Dad and told him what we had decided as I bawled on the phone. I told him that I wanted to go and live with them in Virginia. He said he was sorry and he and my mom tried to comfort me. He said he would book a flight right away.

I spent the whole day crying about it. Finally at around 8 o’clock at night, Dallas came into the room. He looked tired and out of it. We hugged immediately.

Where were you? I asked him. He hesitated and said he was just getting some work done. I saw someone standing in the door behind him. I looked to see who it was.

“What is she dong here?” I demanded. It was Kirsten, standing behind him as if she was a part of our conversation.

“Well hello to you too!” she said in a sarcastic tone as she gave a false smile.

Dallas spoke to her in a placating tone saying something on the order of, “just let me speak to her” and she hesitantly backed off as he closed the door. She waited outside.

Dallas sat down and took my hands in his. He said, “Okay, so they are going to let you leave”. I asked him what he meant. He said, that I was going on a plane tonight that they paid for, to go to my parent’s house and I didn’t need to get a confessional.

“Are you coming?” I asked hopefully.

“No” he said. We both looked at each other, our current situation coming to us all at once and we both started crying. I wasn’t ready to say goodbye to him. Even though I couldn’t stand to be in this place a minute longer, I couldn’t imagine how I could get through this with Dallas left behind. I loved him and he had taught me so much. I had tried everything to convince him, but I couldn’t. It was my biggest failure of all.

After a few minutes I got up and grabbed my luggage and we started leaving through the door. I asked him if he would at least take me to the airport. He looked uncomfortable, but he promised me that.

We walked out the door and Kirsten said, “Are you ready?” I looked at her and was just annoyed that she could enjoy the fact that she was splitting up Dallas and I. I hated her.

“Was Dallas with you today?” I asked her.

“No, I have no idea, he just told me he was studying scriptures, but I don’t know” giving an uncertain look.

Dallas just told me that he had been working. I looked at her face and saw that she had just made it up on the fly and was looking at Dallas to confirm her lie. Dallas just looked away.

“You are such a liar! My brother was right about you, you are a total fornicating liar!”

Knowing that it was too late, I just kept walking. She didn’t seem too keen to get into it with me because I would be gone in a short time anyway.

We walked through to the end of the hallway, when we reached the stairway landing they both paused. She gave Dallas a “you know what to do now” look. Dallas pulled her aside and said that he wanted to take me to the airport. She got angry and said, “No way! You just put her in a cab and this is done with!”

I overheard this and I was furious. I started screaming at her. “Who the f*** do you think you are? This is not up to you! This is the last time we will ever see each other again and you think that you can say no? You are an evil b****!!”

Finally after Dallas pleading and convincing her and making several phone calls to whoever it was directing her actions, she said that Dallas could drive me, but she had to be in the car at all times.

I wanted to disagree but Dallas stopped me and told me that he didn’t want me to ruin this chance.

We got into the car. Dallas drove and I sat in the front seat. Kirsten sat in the back seat in the center so she could make sure to invade our privacy as much as possible. Both Dallas and I were holding hands and crying the entire way to the airport and telling each other how much we would miss each other.

When we arrived to the airport there was still 2 hours before my plane left. I had already checked in my luggage. Dallas and I sat on a bench and were hugging and crying trying to steal our last moments together.

We were sitting on the bench when Kirsten came up and coldly said, “Ok Dallas, we need to get going, I need to get back to work”.

This flipped my lid. “ Get the f*** out of here you insensitive b****! Do you have to get back to work to go ruin someone else’s life? This is the last time Dallas and I will ever see each other again. You will be getting what you want in a few minutes so for now you can get lost!!!”

“Stop making a scene, this is horrible PR for the Church!” she whispered dangerously back to me.

“DO I LOOK LIKE I GIVE A FECES?”

She walked away reluctantly, she had no choice. PR was the most important thing to a Church member, especially someone who worked in her department, “External PR”.

I sat down and Dallas and I continued hugging. I thought about the situation but I just couldn’t bear the thought of leaving him. I just couldn’t.

I stood up and told him I had to make a quick call. I called my parents.

“Dad, I can’t get on the plane. I love Dallas and I can’t leave him. I just can’t”. I expected my Dad to be angry, he did sound disappointed, but he also sounded like he understood and it was the first soothing voice I had heard in a long time. Then I hung up.

I walked back over to Dallas and I said, “I can’t leave you here, I don’t know what they will do to you when I am gone. I love you so much, that I can’t leave and I don’t want to be without you”.

Dallas looked shocked and all of a sudden hugely relieved. He gave me the biggest hug ever. He said, “So you are going to stay?” and I said yes. We talked about me staying for a minute and he agreed to help me to make things better if I stayed.

Then he told me to come with him. He pulled me around the corner to outside of the airport to a corner where nobody could hear. He took my hands in his and he said, “Jen, I need to tell you something…”

“I have been meeting with Kirsten and Mr.Rinder the last couple of days”. They told me that if I left I would never see my family again. They made me promise not to tell you I was talking to them because otherwise they would have separated us earlier.” He proceeded to tell me that they had made him submit to a confessional. They had prevented him from coming to see me during lunch. They had him shacked up in a board room and they were telling him that I wasn’t cooperating and that I was no good and that that my family was no good to convince him to leave me.

My mouth dropped, I knew it.

But I couldn’t believe that anyone’s heart could be so black. My Dad had warned me and I knew what they were capable of, but I wanted to believe that they were good at heart.

Dallas looked back at me waiting for me to say something.

Before I had a chance, my phone rang. I looked at the caller ID, it said “KIRSTEN”………
 

uniquemand

Unbeliever
Jenna needs to get a ghost-writer and put her story together, and release it as a book, and go on the talk-show circuit. She obviously wants her story to be told, and she's doing a good job, here, on the boards, but if she wants to have a real impact and do some serious damage to the Church (not that she hasn't already by being on TV), a book is just the thing, followed by a tour.
 

Carmel

Crusader
Cor Blimey!

Thanks for posting WO!

Crikey, I can't help but think that Rinder has much to answer for. I wouldn't want to be sitting in the place where he would be right now, for a billion bucks!
 

JustMe

Patron Meritorious
........
Here is part of the story of us leaving that I was writing for a book.………

WOW!

This is heartbreaking and painful to read.

But it rings so true based on other things I know of including their trying to do this sort of thing with my own daughter when I helped her escape.

Jenna could be any of our children. And the most painful part of this is that this sort of thing continues and continues to happen and is happening right now throughout the world of organized scientology.

And it pains me if an indie scientologist who might have been part of doing this to another does not admit it and then help to see such abuses end.

This is the legacy of L Ron Hubbard's scientology.

I preordered Jenna's book weeks ago and cannot wait to get it.

Were I her parent I would not want to stop hugging her. I am so proud of Jenna for 1) making it though all this while being guided by her heart and 2) having the courage to bring this story to the world.

If we raise enough public awareness of this perhaps we may yet end this.

Jenna if you are reading this, from the bottom of my heart I love you and I thank you.
 
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