Intentionally Blank
Scientology Widow
I don't read your words/views as whining. I see someone finding their voice.
Keep going if it helps. I admire what you are trying to do.
Thank you!
I don't read your words/views as whining. I see someone finding their voice.
Keep going if it helps. I admire what you are trying to do.
Thanks, that helps.
S/he may be pressured about me not being in the church. I know that was the case in the past and it came within about a quarter of an inch of ending our marriage. I am very very careful about what I say. (And, right here, there are things I would like to say but think it would be imprudent.) I think it's a feeling of failure. Not participating in enough courses/services. Not advancing. And feeling that if s/he could only do more then the rest of life would be better. I wonder, though, if I'm being blamed for the lack of engagement. Our finances are completely separate and have been for our entire marriage so it's not that I hold any purse strings or control over where s/he spends money.
WoW, I can really feel where you are coming from Intentionally Blank.
From my initial thoughts, which I had, and were posted by afaceinthecrowd, your spouse is definitely under some stress and it is hard on you too as you are not sure what to do. My ideas, depending on how well you talk with your spouse, is to just come out and mention his/her lack of concentration and lack of remembering when they happen and say you noticed it and you are concerned as a loving spouse and would like to help him/her get through this difficult time by discussing what is on her or his mind.
Of course there could be a nutritional component, a sleep component or a work or medical condition. Have you talked about those?
With those in mind, I do lean towards what aface said and since I am not by any means an expert I would recommend you getting the ebook mentioned here.
http://freedomofmind.com/Media/bookFreedom.php
It might give you an enhanced understanding and lead to a resolution and your spouse being whole again. I recommend you read it before following any ideas I had posted above.
very sincerely I wish you the best.
Thank for the addtional information.
It's possible that you are being blamed. Scn and Scns play the "Blame Game", Big Time. However, as they are losing Folks right and left and pretty much can't get new Bantu Fodder they are, IMO, cutting more slack than in the past. The feeling of failure is, secretly widespread amongst the majority of Scns. They are indoctrinated and have bought into the "Reality" that any failure to not get what they want from the "Tech" is due to their own "Case", "Out Ethics" and others "Suppressing Them" and just haven't done enough Auditing or Training or "Contribution" to get their case "Cracked" or "Handled" or "Flying".
You've done remarkably well dealing with this to date. There' a whole lotta stuff coming down the pike in the next few months that, IMO, is gonna rattle Scn and the psychologically caged membership. If you can just cintinue to be like the Fonz for a little while longer this may all feather itself out.
Face
Thank for the addtional information.
It's possible that you are being blamed. Scn and Scns play the "Blame Game", Big Time. However, as they are losing Folks right and left and pretty much can't get new Bantu Fodder they are, IMO, cutting more slack than in the past. The feeling of failure is, secretly widespread amongst the majority of Scns. They are indoctrinated and have bought into the "Reality" that any failure to not get what they want from the "Tech" is due to their own "Case", "Out Ethics" and others "Suppressing Them" and just haven't done enough Auditing or Training or "Contribution" to get their case "Cracked" or "Handled" or "Flying".
You've done remarkably well dealing with this to date. There' a whole lotta stuff coming down the pike in the next few months that, IMO, is gonna rattle Scn and the psychologically caged membership. If you can just cintinue to be like the Fonz for a little while longer this may all feather itself out.
Face
My partner was being regged by the Flag IAS rep for making a donation to the IAS, my partner being on 6 month sec check at the time at Flag. Me partner says let me call my partner, IAS rep says don't do that, he/she will say "no". This pissed off me partner. Of course I said No, I said what about me going up the bridge, me partner says I know, I just had to call you know. This was of course was when I was under the spell. Anyways, I was thankful my partner called me, we do have combined finances, we are trying to survive as a unit, like regular people.
My partner was being regged by the Flag IAS rep for making a donation to the IAS, my partner being on 6 month sec check at the time at Flag. Me partner says let me call my partner, IAS rep says don't do that, he/she will say "no". This pissed off me partner. Of course I said No, I said what about me going up the bridge, me partner says I know, I just had to call you know. This was of course was when I was under the spell. Anyways, I was thankful my partner called me, we do have combined finances, we are trying to survive as a unit, like regular people.
Should I be nervous that there are guests browsing this thread? I feel so cloak and dagger wondering who is watching me, keeping notes, and trying to figure out who I am. It's like a nightmarish game of Clue and the villain is me. Intentionally Blank, on the forum, with the ...... Marriage over.
Yes, it's true, I sometimes have a dark sense of humor.
I really want to tell you about this dear person I am married to and my confusion about how scn is probably causing harm. I don't even know where to begin and I don't want to, can't, give details that would identify who we are. garrrrrrrr......
I think s/he's depressed. Possibly severely. I wonder if it's created by scn. S/he has memory issues that are debilitating. They may be family trauma related........ but I think the "church" may have made them worse.
S/he's been off, if you will, since the NYE event. I didn't attend - but it's a phenomena I've noticed before. It could be my imagination but there seems to be .... distance and fogginess .... after events at the org.
I might add me partner do not know I post here. Double agent I am. Kind of fun with all the new stuff happening regards books and TV/internet stuff.
(My bold)
No, I don't think you should be nervous. One of these guests was me - I only log in when I want to say something, so about 80% of the time I spend here, I'm just another "guest".
Oh, and IB!
So, Gib, are you out now? Is your partner also? What helped you to wake up?
Ah ha. So you are out and your partner is still in? Good for you. I hope s/he joins you very soon!
The daily news of imploding cos is interesting. I have a good friend, the only one in RL who I talk to about this, who sends me secret updates from around the world.
So, if the only options right now are scn options, are there any benefits from things like assists? Touch assists seem, to me, to be a basic method of bi-lateral stimulation not unlike emdr. Are they helpful or do they feed the addiction? What about locational assists? I know less about those and I tend to find them annoying - but is there any thought that they might be beneficial? I have such mixed feelings about offering to do these things. If it brings relief it seems a good thing. But if it brings relief followed by a need for a bigger fix.... well .... that doesn't go anywhere good.
Blanky
You could do the 1.1 thing and play devil's advocate. Asking why there isn't any tech to fix the problem. ......
The thing is, you need to always leave yourself a way out. So don't ask "show me a mofo Clear." Ask sincere questions about why the cult can't help with the current batch of problems, and it raises the level of cognitive dissonance through the roof.
Oh, and always be really sorry if you offended them. It's just that you want to understand because you care so much for them. Empathy is low on the tone scale so they don't give it to each other. But it's something everyone wants / needs - convince your spouse that s/he misses it.
Bold = debbie cook email, which I didn't receive personally, me partner forwarded to me asking what I think. I said I agreed, then I started looking on the internet. Not known to me partner, and still not known.
Then I woke up connecting lots of dots based on my experience and not what people wrote here or on other sites. I connected experiences in scientology vs learning about it and living it too with stories hear and elsewhere, and with my experiences with regular old folks not involved.
Mmmm.... I did that once, a long time ago. It was Not Good. I suspect, in retrospect, the very unpleasant and defensive reaction was due to a rising level of cognitive dissonance. It also came with "I want a divorce because you are an enemy of scn." I can't say I'm up for a replay of that episode.
There are other issues with receiving services that I can't discuss. S/he is convinced that if only those could be resolved all would be well. So we are at an impasse. Empathy I can do. Low on the tone scale? That's funny - on the rare occasions we argue I always insist on empathy rather than an apology. Who knew.
Blanky
Mmmm.... I did that once, a long time ago. It was Not Good. I suspect, in retrospect, the very unpleasant and defensive reaction was due to a rising level of cognitive dissonance. It also came with "I want a divorce because you are an enemy of scn." I can't say I'm up for a replay of that episode.
There are other issues with receiving services that I can't discuss. S/he is convinced that if only those could be resolved all would be well. So we are at an impasse. Empathy I can do. Low on the tone scale? That's funny - on the rare occasions we argue I always insist on empathy rather than an apology. Who knew.
Blanky