Just My Luck

Wirestripper

Patron with Honors
I've been thinking lately of using all my spare time to write an autobiography of my experiences regarding scientology. The fact that I was born into a scientology family means that a full AB is the only way to cover it all.

Please forgive me if these various snippets are chaotic and out of order. I'm writing them down as I occasionally recall them out of the blue. I am also trying to keep it totally un-OSA-able, as my parents are still way way in.

So, the first ambiguous snippet for your enjoyment:

I was on the EPF. Jim Garrett was the EPF I/C. About 3 days into my life-changing EPF experience, Mr. Garrett ordered us to The Shrine auditorium to help Gold build a set for an event. I don't remember which event, but I do remember my first time realizing that not everyone believes that all humans are equal. I asked the Gold guy in charge of us what his name was.

He looked at me like I was from another planet and said "JT". Later on, He told a group of us to arrange some truly massive gold-and-silver painted foam wedges into an arch. Our group of about 10 seemed to be having a lot of trouble lining them up correctly. So, being the kind of person who has no problem telling others what to do, (big mistake on the EPF) I called out "Hey JT! can you stand at the bottom of our "arch" and let us know when it lines up?"

He looked at me as if I had grown three heads, with bleeding, puss-filled sores covering each one. He walked over, snatched my arm like a snake going after prey, and proceeded to scream at the top of his lungs: "That's SIR to you you little shit! What the fuck is wrong with you! I'm at one of the most senior orgs on the planet! Who the fuck are you to tell me what to do! If I ever hear shit like that again, I'll..."

That was the gist of it, but with more swearing. I was crushed. I had gone from the newly felt "one of the elite of the elite" to "The dog shit that the real elite wipes off his boots". But for his help, it would have been done that minute, as it was, having not slept in 36 hours, I wound up on my back underneath one of the big wedges, re-painting the never-to-be-seen-by-another-living-soul backs of the wedges where they were scraped by tired EPFers not lifting them off the ground when they shifted them back and forth to line up in a proper arch.

A few hours later, the fact that I was laying on my back under a spot-light-blocking foam arch helped me fall fast asleep. I was awoken by JT. The manner of said awakening was multiple kicks to the ribs. I received another bout of yelling, which I was too tired to even register, and thus don't recall. He lined us up military style, (arms length to the right, arms length to the front) and proceeded to tell us what terrible screw-ups we were, and how we were never going to make it in the Sea Org with counter-intention like we had.

After winding down, he told us we could go get some sleep. I found out later that Mr. Garrett had actually called the events I/C and screamed at him until whoever it was agreed that it was wrong to subject prospective SO members to be driven off by prison-camp-style labor.

Anyway, It worked out that the first truck ride back to the PAC base would be able to sleep. I caught wind of it just in time by overhearing JT talking to some other Gold chick. They had to stop the Counter-Intention to Command-Intention and keep the EPF there. This, I could not handle.

Luckily, 1/3rd of the EPF would be rotated out every 24 hours for sleep, all of whom were part of that first truck ride. Although I wasn't picked, I managed to stow away. Imagine if you will, an open-faced metal box 3 feet long by 1 and 1/2 foot deep by 1 and 1/2 foot wide welded to the undercarriage of a flatbed truck with those fence-sections as walls to said flatbed. I squeezed myself into this tiny, extremely unsafe area and fell asleep watching the freeway fly by 8 inches below me.

I got back to PAC Base and slept for the next 6 hours....

Another random memory soon to come!

-PS...the thread title will become clear (hopefully) in subsequent posts.
 

Wirestripper

Patron with Honors
Ya know I love ya IKTM! I'll post another as soon as one occurs. Going through my old SO pics for inspiration. The ones that got past security anyway...

DING! Memory Achieved!
 

Wirestripper

Patron with Honors
About 6 months after I got off the EPF, I had saved up enough money to buy an IKEA cabinet. The idea of a space to lock up my stuff where the 12 other guys in my room couldn't get it was appealing to say the least.

Luckily, my parents drove past the IKEA warehouse at the base of the Grapevine every week as they came down to AOLA to do their OT Levels. So, I got it, and I built it one Sunday over CSP. Coincidentally, At the same time, I got a laptop as a gift from my grandfather.

One day, I got back to the dorm after a looooong days slavery. Immediately upon entering, I noticed that my IKEA cabinet was tipped open, the lock broken, the doors hanging off their hinges, and my laptop was missing.

I jumped the main building stairs a landing at a time, and carded my way down to the entrance to base security. Breathless, I reported the theft.

"Some motherfucker broke into my locked cabinet and stole my new laptop!" I said. My being in front of one of the 5 cameras near the security door, they had no need to ask who I was. Soon enough, Alex Duvall came out, and proceeded to say:

"Oh, we took it. We needed to make sure you didn't have a wireless router built-in to your laptop. You will have it back in a few weeks." I was stunned. Not only did I have the slightest clue what a wireless router was, (at the time) but security were the ones who actually broke open my cabinet and stole my personal property...I thought I was going insane!

It was a revelation. Security weren't protecting us, they were guarding us!

Again, more to come...eventually.
 

Operating DB

Truman Show Dropout
God! The horrors! No one in Hollywood could write a script as horrifying as the experiences of the SO! I just can't imagine anyone going through all that BS!
 

Wirestripper

Patron with Honors
Oh, by the by, as soon as I get settled into my new place, I'll scan in a few pics of the one SO day I got to go to (two of them I was in lowers, one was cancelled), as well as a pic or two of my various dorms.
 

Wirestripper

Patron with Honors
When I was at AOLA, there was a fellow who lived in the "other" decks dorm (There were two when this happened).

I had a really good buddy on the decks. We were forbidden by security from talking to each other. His non-communication order came from CMO, mine came from RTC. Bad news all around.

Well, my buddy was on the decks. I had a penchant for cigars at the time, and had collected them in my little cheapo humidor for the last year of my SO career. I couldn't under penalty of declare speak to my buddy, so I decided to leave him reminders of my friendship in the form of a random cigar or two placed on top of the deckies' door frame once a week or so.

Every time I saw this buddy running around on decks, he seemed more down. I couldn't figure it out. I was very close to this person, so I noticed. I inquired around with the service org execs on the base, and found that there was another fellow on the decks, who happened to be a kleptomaniac. I mentioned this to security, and was kicked twice for my temerity. "kleptomania" is a psychological term, and Ryan Boswell did not approve of that title, as it smacked of psychiatry!

Regardless, I eventually worked out a place where I could drop cigars, and my buddy was more "up" while he was on decks...until CMO found out...more on that sometime later....possibly much later!
 

Wirestripper

Patron with Honors
Ummmm. Seems quiet, I'm still gonna post my next O/W...
I mean, memory:

In CTO, the way to prevent the supes from surprising you was to sit in a corner, with large stacks of dictionaries to either side of you like walls.

One day, myself and a Bridge staffer named Neto Cepeda were tucked in a corner surrounded by a truly massive pile of dictionaries. In the midst of a truly revolutionary recitation of random pig noises. Neto shushed me.

Said I: "What the hell are you doing?!?!?"

Said he: "Just check it out, I want to try something"

He shushed me again. Keep in mind, this was the Practical Courseroom at CTO. A background roar was normal. Again I asked "WTF are you doing"

Again he said, "Just wait, This will be hilarious....Shhhhhh!"

He repeated the "Shhh" twice. On the second time, it spread.

"Shhhh", "be quiet", "Shhh", "Shhhhh" repeated around the room.

Soon enough, these ronbots, used to going silent at the sound of "shhhh",(touch-assist) were all completely silent. Every. Single. Person.

The CTO Practical room was a tomb. You could hear a pin drop into a pile of feather pillows. The "silent-for-touch-assist" drill had been so ingrained in these ronbots that any "be-silent" command was followed.

Approximately one minute of pure, blessed silence later, the LRH PPRO WUS screamed out "What the fuck! Get back to your studies!" in her weird, cup-haircut old Aussie accent.

But the moment had indeed come. One person saying "shhh" had set off a revolution of quiet for about a minute.

It was never to happen again. Neto's beautiful wife left him, and he blew back to Canada.

More again when it occurs.
 

HappyGirl

Gold Meritorious Patron
OMG, Wirestripper, I am soooo hooked to your little vignettes. :drama: Keep 'em coming. BTW, it is obvious what locale you are talking about, if you're from there yourself, but I won't give it away. :) That "Shhh" story was awesome.
 

Rene Descartes

Gold Meritorious Patron
You were the "elite" and you were treated like Shizzit!!

Imagine if you were a degraded being?

Holy craparooski!!

Keep 'em comin'!

Rd00
 

Alanzo

Bardo Tulpa
About 6 months after I got off the EPF, I had saved up enough money to buy an IKEA cabinet. The idea of a space to lock up my stuff where the 12 other guys in my room couldn't get it was appealing to say the least.

Luckily, my parents drove past the IKEA warehouse at the base of the Grapevine every week as they came down to AOLA to do their OT Levels. So, I got it, and I built it one Sunday over CSP. Coincidentally, At the same time, I got a laptop as a gift from my grandfather.

One day, I got back to the dorm after a looooong days slavery. Immediately upon entering, I noticed that my IKEA cabinet was tipped open, the lock broken, the doors hanging off their hinges, and my laptop was missing.

I jumped the main building stairs a landing at a time, and carded my way down to the entrance to base security. Breathless, I reported the theft.

"Some motherfucker broke into my locked cabinet and stole my new laptop!" I said. My being in front of one of the 5 cameras near the security door, they had no need to ask who I was. Soon enough, Alex Duvall came out, and proceeded to say:

"Oh, we took it. We needed to make sure you didn't have a wireless router built-in to your laptop. You will have it back in a few weeks." I was stunned. Not only did I have the slightest clue what a wireless router was, (at the time) but security were the ones who actually broke open my cabinet and stole my personal property...I thought I was going insane!

It was a revelation. Security weren't protecting us, they were guarding us!

Again, more to come...eventually.

I love this one!

I was work/study at the Manor hotel back in the 1980's. I had been working 7 days per week for months and I could not take it any more. I drove up the coast to Monterey and came back a day and a half later.

All my stuff was gone!

It had been taken by "Security" because I was blown for a day and a half.

Once I worked myself up through the conditions, I only got half of it back!

Assholes!

Keep em comin - this guy's like Henny Youngman here!
 

Lesolee (Sith Lord)

Patron Meritorious
...
"Some motherfucker broke into my locked cabinet and stole my new laptop!"
...
"Oh, we took it. We needed to make sure you didn't have a wireless router built-in to your laptop. You will have it back in a few weeks."
:wtf: Were they sending it back to the manufacturer by donkey then for it to take WEEKS?



Keep these stories coming, they're great. :clap:

:drama: :drama: :drama: :drama:
 

SchwimmelPuckel

Genuine Meatball
What incompetent imbeciles! - I can tell if a PC has a router in 30 seconds flat!

And any civilized 'security' would have ASKED to see the computer to check it.

But I'm not surprized.. This IS Scientology.. And the new World Order...

:yes:
 

Wirestripper

Patron with Honors
Thanks guys! I will keep posting as I have a chance.

Here's one that made me wince and laugh at the same time.

In 2002, I was out of the Sea Org, living at home. There was a really nice girl named Amy who I occasioned to call on...

What I really mean is: I wanted to bang her like a tweaker playing a drum solo at a rock concert. She had been in the Sea Org at around the same I had. We had stayed in touch since leaving, and were always making plans to see each other that fell through.

Unfortunately, she lived in Las Vegas, and I was in the Bay Area, sans transportation. Fortunately, I was friends with a rather lonely guy who owned a truck! One promise to hook him up with Amy's hot roommate later, we were on our way to Vegas!

It went very well - for me. Lonely Guy was lonely for a reason, and while I spent the weekend...um...playing checkers with Amy, Lonely Guy tried and failed to hook up with Amy's Roommate, and therefore spent the weekend alone.

Ah well, I was happy (and tired)!

We drove back, happy to be out of Las Vegas (I hate that city). I made some commiserating noises as he expounded upon his lack of "game".

A month later, I learned that he had joined the Sea Org. While not surprised, I was nevertheless a little leery, recalling all "frank" discussions I had with him about the SO.
about 3 months after that, the Ethics Goon of the local org forwarded me a letter.

In said letter was a KR! I will type it out here, bad grammar included (minus my name of course)!

"When I was still living in Sacramento, I noticed that Wirestripper had some out-ethics on the 2D. I remember him saying that he doesn't like to be with just one girl, and he just likes to go out with many girls. At the time I didn't think much of it, but since I joined the SO some things have come to light. That made me realize what he was doing was out-2D. I remember one time when we went to Las Vegas to visit a friend of his. The only reason for this trip was to have sex. He wanted to have sex with her. I went with him because I wanted to sex from her other roommate. I didn't. He later told me that he had sex with her saveral times. It was just for pleasure and not anything else. I realize it was wrong he needs to fix his 2D. This is True, xxx xxxx-xxxxx."

Of course, we all know what this means. Lonely Guy had gotten his first liability condition for reining-in the baloney pony. I wonder if the KR was an effective enough blow to the enemies of the In-2D group - me!
 

Lesolee (Sith Lord)

Patron Meritorious
What incompetent imbeciles! - I can tell if a PC has a router in 30 seconds flat!
Ah, you mean by seeing the LED next to the little antenna symbol. :melodramatic:

But what about a USB wireless adapter or a pcmcia wireless adapter? Or other non-factory fitted option. Then you might have to boot the computer and check to see if there were additional drivers. Then you have to hack the admin password of the laptop to get access. We might be up to 15 minutes now.

New Rules for Int Base. Intenal body cavity search to make sure you haven't smuggled a wireless USB adapter internally. :eyeroll:
Heaven forbid a Scientologist being allowed to communicate. :angry:
 

SchwimmelPuckel

Genuine Meatball
Yeah.. And of course, the Sea Org and code red paranoia as per policy demand that they must assume a super secret CIA networking device like the ones Q gives James Bond... Hell, that kind of thing could be hardwired into the guys brain!!

Hehehehe.. They never suspected that the laptop was MEANT to be stolen and pilfered with.. They got all those microscopic mikes on thir fingers and got 'em wiped off everywhere in their offices!

:duh:
 

SchwimmelPuckel

Genuine Meatball
And actually 2D is 'creativity' now.. Dainty Davy redefined that 'dynamic'!

Means that if you don't make up new stuff and ideas you are out 2D.. Make's being bored stiff kind'a sexy... Or what?

:yes:
 
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