KEEPING CONS WORKING: The Cult Repair List

HelluvaHoax!

Platinum Meritorious Sponsor with bells on
Urgent! You are ordered to attend a mandatory briefing in order to help save the Cult of Scientology. The divine con game that Ron gave us is crumbling due to non-standard ScamTech.

Ron's perfectly & powerfully profitable Hoax Technology has been squirreled nearly to death! So many things are wrong with it now that all the Con's Horses and all the Con's Men cannot put Hubbardy-Dumpty back together again. What to do, what to do?

So, if International Con Management cannot fix it, it is OUR RESPONSIBILITY to help. But first we have to determine what is wrong (the "WHY") and what can be done about it. That's where the CULT REPAIR LIST comes in handy.

Please donate some QUESTIONS & the handling if it reads. Let's really put in Keeping Cons Working and get this scam rock-n-rolling at full speed for another 50 years!

ML

HelluvaHoax!



KCW REPAIR LIST

Was there nothing wrong with the con in the first place? (Handling: use 1.1 like Ron used to do, to hide the scam real good instead of those recent, obvious 1.5 staff beatdowns)

Failed to destroy the enemy without remorse? (Handling: life-sized clay demo of how Ron would shatter Anonymous, Critics, Media & Psychs; Then, Fair Game all them SPs with some old-school GO Gangsta Ops!)

Did a sucker punch from the Internet F*ck Up Your SuperSecretScam? (the super-secret handling of this super-confidential WHY will be released simultaneously with the opening of the SuperPower Building. If you doubt we know what to do, you're wrong! We do! You'll see, just wait....)

No sudden deaths from WOGS reading about XENU? (Handling: Out create the scarcity by posting 100 fully-hatted Obituary Writers and Promote! Then prepare to deliver a bunch of "dead wog pneumonia victims" using those DB's in the RPF).

Something about OT VII's and VIII's Dropping like flies? (Handling: Make it a Super High Crime to invalidate the tech by dropping dead if you are on OT levels. Get OSA to hack private medical records and get any terminal cases Declared before they have a chance to betray CoS by unexpectedly dying)

Did nearly everyone figure out that your "church" is an unholy fascist cult?
LFBD - ROCK SLAM - DIAL WIDE FLOATING TONE ARM
(see full handling in upcoming post..........)
 
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Operating DB

Truman Show Dropout
Hubbardy-Dumpty


Did nearly everyone figure out that your "church" is an unholy fascist cult?
LFBD - ROCK SLAM - DIAL WIDE FLOATING TONE ARM


NICE! A new nick for the 'tard!

A dial wide floating tone arm followed by a rock slam followed by a LFBD? Now that's MY kind of SP!!!! Even better would be an e-meter super nova-ing and blowing the cult out of space/time forever!
 

HelluvaHoax!

Platinum Meritorious Sponsor with bells on
Free strategic consulting to the CoS, based on the WHY found on the CULT REPAIR LIST.
CONTINUED:

Did nearly everyone figure out that your "church" is an unholy fascist cult?
LFBD - ROCK SLAM - DIAL WIDE FLOATING TONE ARM

I shouldn't do it, but I kinda feel sorry for the cult of scn, flailing about helplessly in the water, drowning and whatnot...

Call it a Mercy Repair, call it a Bailout....whatever you like. But I call it:

THE CoS IS SO DUMB THEY WOULDN'T KNOW WHAT TO DO EVEN IF THE RIGHT HANDLING FELL IN THEIR IN BASKETS DIRECTLY FROM RON'S DEEP SPACE RESEARCH OFFICE.

Here's a freebie GET OUT OF CULT JAIL FREE card for the CoS:

1. Successful cults (and religions) have saintly charismatic leaders espousing messages of messianic love and kindness. Sure some nasty cult leaders (e.g. Hitler) have short lived success but they get knocked off cuz the terror/intimidation thing only works temporarily until somebody gets close enough to pull the trigger.

2. Ron had some of those qualities, but also cheated too much. He was repeatedly caught taking too many shortcuts like re-writing his personal history and other more serious criminal exploitations.

3. DM is Hitler without political footing & guns. He is going, going, gone. People are afraid to NOT follow him. Most would hit the lifeboats if they didn't think they would be hunted down by OSA speedboats and blown out of the waters of eternity.

4. Tommy Davis (and other "face of Scientology spokespersons) are doubly hysterical; laughable AND emotionally unstable. They are, vulgar, anti-inspirational and will be gone momentarily. Parishoners want Gandi, not sweaty, amateurish children of actors having mental breakdowns during live coverage.

5. CoS needs a loving,inspirational Jesus-like Messenger of Source in a business suit. Not Tom Cruise, he already auditioned for the part and didn't make it thru to the first call-backs. Parishoners want a kindly, all forgiving "twinkle" not a "dedicated glare".

Scientology once had such a person. Clear #1, John McMaster. All loving, melifluous voice, made Depak Chopra come across like an infomercial pitchman. But Ron got jealous, angry and worried enough to have him whacked out. There were others in the past that had "it" too. Probably Yvonne Gillham was a magnificently loving (and loved) indidividual that could have pulled it off. But she was a mortal and died. That's bad for business when you are selling immortality.

It would have to be someone that people could not help but love. Someone with the heart of John Travolta.

It would have to be someone of unquestionable sincerity. Not corny goofballs like Heber Jenzsch. Someone like (non-scn) Bill Moyers, American journalist and commentator.

It would have to be someone of wit and good humor. They would be able to defuse a tense confrontation with a contagious smile and light-hearted rejoinder. Someone like (non-scn) Jay Leno.

It would have to be someone that positively inspired people to offer up their whole-hearted support. Think Obama, Martin Luther King, Gandhi...and many others who inspired a common vision of the great future that lies ahead.

In the absence of all those cosmic qualities, CoS could still cast the part of FIGUREHEAD by just recruiting a twinkly-eyed, kind, humble individual that could play Santa Claus, absent the beard and red suit. All they really have to do is be sweet and honest and smile with genuine warmth a lot.

If CoS was smart that's what they would do.

They'd post SANTA CAUSE.

Santa Cause would do kindly and generous things. Like get rid of fascist
policies that hurt people. And make it look like Scn was a loving religion. Even if it didn't make any Clears or OTs, people wouldn't hate it so much.

That alone would probably get rid of half the skeptics, critics, anons and fence sitters. That would be a real good start. They could boost con income back to the stars. The hoax would enjoy a new golden age of prosperity selling a dream. But they are too dumb and too mean to fix their own scam.

Oh well, I tried. I am going to miss the laughs of having them around....
 
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HelluvaHoax!

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HUBBARDY DUMPTY

NICE! A new nick for the 'tard!

I don't want to give you verbal data, so here is the reference:

HUBBARDY DUMPTY SAT ON A WALL (OF FIRE)
HUBBARDY DUMPTY HAD A GREAT FALL ( AND HAD TO RETIRE)
ALL THE KING'S HORSES AND ALL THE KINGS MEN (AND ALL THE KING'S HOMO NOVIS)
COULDN'T PUT HUBBARDY BACK TOGETHER AGAIN (THE OT'S DEAD? HELL,YEAH I NOTICED)
 
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