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Kicked The Cult In 2012. Still Decompressing And Finding MY Way.

Discussion in 'New Member Introductions' started by Voodoo, May 7, 2019.

  1. Voodoo

    Voodoo Free Your Mind And Your Ass Will Follow

    Hello everyone. I've been lurking here on and off for a bit and finally decided to open a comm line to all the other DB SPs. :cool:

    I joined the cult in 1973 when I was just 19. I had tremendous wins from doing the original Comm Course at LAFDN on 9th Street in Los Angeles. Larry Gorman was the sup and he was very good. He made sure we raw meat students really, really duplicated the materials and performed the TRs to perfection.

    It was a very different time, and most people had honest, beneficial wins applying Scientology. The character and ambience of the orgs was completely different than what you see today. There was real care on the part of the staff, who weren't subjected to nearly as much of the emotional violence and psychological torture they're subjected to today. Old timers have attested to this many times.

    But that was long ago and far away. May as well have been a different world. Actually, it was. Today's church bears little to no resemblance to the old orgs. The culture evolved and morphed into a distilled and perfected version of everything that was woefully wrong with the old organization. Along the way, the organization suppressed everything that was right with the organization right out of existence.

    I'd have to say that the CoS became what they resisted, don't you think?

    In my estimation, that's why most of us eventually wound up out here. Betrayal after trust is always a deal breaker. At least it is for people who haven't had the very last ounce of their humanity and personal dignity crushed out of them.

    What has been seen cannot be unseen.

    I officially resigned from the organization after reading Debbie Cook's New Years Eve email in early 2012. I'll be forever grateful to the friend who sent it to me because it connected the dots on so many of the outpoints I'd observed for so long. In short order, I granted myself permission to look at everything I'd willfully blinded myself to over the previous decades.

    And the rest, as they say, is history.
  2. strativarius

    strativarius Inveterate gnashnab & snoutband

    Welcome to esmb Voodoo!

    Yes, taking the plunge and finally taking a peek at what is forbidden by the church usually shakes the foundations of one's prison of belief until the whole edifice comes tumbling down.

    If you don't mind me saying so, using cult phrases like 'open a comm line' doesn't help when trying to throw off the shackles. I appreciate how difficult it can be, but avoiding thinking and speaking like a scientologist is a good policy when attempting to decompress.
    Last edited: May 7, 2019
  3. Leland

    Leland Crusader

    Hi Voodoo!

    Welcome to ESMB!

  4. Voodoo

    Voodoo Free Your Mind And Your Ass Will Follow

    Thanks for the welcome, Strat.

    I don't speak Scientologese much these days, but in a place like this, those terms are well known by most, and communicate the precise thoughts about Scientology and the cult faster than any other terms I can think of.

    In the interests of full disclosure, I still agree with some of Hubbard's tech, and consider it part my toolkit for life. I don't consider myself to be an ex Scientologist, but I'm definitely not a true believer, either. In my view, much of the lower level tech is helpful and valid.

    So what does that make me? I don't know about labels, but I consider myself to be a free man who looks for himself and accepts or rejects ideas based upon my own evaluation. If something makes plain horse sense to me, it's going in my tool box.

    I hope that doesn't make me an instant pariah around here, but I've got to true to myself and honest with others.

    I'll try to lay off the lingo :)
  5. Voodoo

    Voodoo Free Your Mind And Your Ass Will Follow

    Thank you, Leland! Much appreciated.
  6. strativarius

    strativarius Inveterate gnashnab & snoutband

    Yes, you're right, we all know what you meant, but scienospeak is one of the things we are glad to be rid of IMO. My personal view is that 95% of scientology is a crock of shit (newspaper tek for cleaning windows was very helpful though, and the number of attractive young ladies that gravitated towards the org I worked in was a major plus point too, but apart from that ...).

    If you have derived some long-term benefits from it, good for you, I never did.
    Last edited: May 7, 2019
    Enthetan and Type4_PTS like this.
  7. Leland

    Leland Crusader

    I've a similar starting history to your's....

    Started in 1972 at age FCDC.

    Wound up in LA in 1983 for OT 1-3.

    Left the Cult in 2001 or there abouts...

    Been out for 18 years...
    Voodoo likes this.
  8. JackStraw

    JackStraw Silver Meritorious Patron

    Welcome, Voodoo!

    No, this won't make you a pariah here. (If so, I'd have been brow-beaten out of here by now!)
    I, too, had some gains from scn back in the day, but those days passed, and the and the shit storm just grew and grew.

    When someone went on an extended rant about how totally useless ALL scn was/is I have, on a couple occasions, briefly, let me emphasize: BRIEFLY told about how this little piece had a beneficial effect for me, personally. I don't try to contradict the posters assessment of their experience. That's theirs and that's fine. I'm quite judicial about what I'll say and then drop it. I don't engage in flame wars about it.

    I just passed my ten-year anniversary being on this message board and it's been the best thing for me, upon leaving scn.

    So, once again, WELCOME! :cheers:

    Enthetan and Type4_PTS like this.
  9. Bill

    Bill Gold Meritorious Patron

    :welcome: Good to have you here.

    In my opinion, the reason for avoiding Scientologese is to train the mind to think in a healthier way. When you have to translate from Scientologese into English, you learn that Hubbard didn't create/discover/uncover any new concepts -- he just named them differently. And his new names were designed to restrict and misdirect ones thinking.

    The same goes for any Scientology "gains". If you narrowly think "Scientology process --> gain" you remain in the Scientology thinking trap. If, on the other hand, you see the Scientology "gains" are no different from what almost everybody experiences at one time or another: Feeling wonderful, feeling better, seeing some part of life better or clearer, etc, etc, you can finally see that the causative process came from within not from Scientology.
  10. Voodoo

    Voodoo Free Your Mind And Your Ass Will Follow

    I don't feel my early gains from Scn quite like I did when it was a fresh experience for me, but I did get them. I'll never disavow them because they came about through my own diligent application of the information I was studying.

    I'll never know if I could have gotten similar gains from some other practice. More than likely I could have, but Scientology was the practice I was attracted to at the time.

    As I said before, I find a lot of the stuff at the lower levels of Scientology to be valid, workable self-improvement tech. The stuff on the upper levels......not so much. As far as I'm concerned, pretty much anything past Clear is the product of Hubbard's own case, and his fertile, drug addled imagination.

    Xenu and BTs? Get the fuck outta here with that nonsense. ;)

    Add to that, most of the lower conditions, the insane fixation on withholds, PTS SP tech, implants and implant stations, invader forces, the Purif, Scn Ethics & Justice, objectives, touch assists, and any study tech beyond the simple "three barriers to study" (which I still find quite useful).
    programmer_guy likes this.
  11. Voodoo

    Voodoo Free Your Mind And Your Ass Will Follow

    Good for you. I only wish I'd wised up then. Would have saved me a ton of psychic damage I received from my last church auditing in 2005. If I didn't know better, I'd have thought they were deliberately trying to drive me insane. I wound up blown and severely red-tagged for months.

    I've since had some great repair auditing in the Indie field to handle it.
  12. Voodoo

    Voodoo Free Your Mind And Your Ass Will Follow

    Sounds like sage advice to me. I'll make sure to remember that.

    Thank you for the kind welcome!
  13. Type4_PTS

    Type4_PTS Diamond Invictus SP

    Hi Voodoo,


    I got in a bit later than you. Got in around '79 (at age 21) and got out in the spring of '89. Was on staff over 95% of the time, making stops at Boston Org, SOCO INT, and the SMI INT Expansion Office in Clearwater.

    While many people (including yourself) felt they received benefits on the lower level stuff, I see ZERO evidence that even a single Clear or OT has been created (with the abilities promised by Hubbard).

    And because of that, I see Scientology as a scam and Hubbard as a con artist. And that some people benefited from some of it doesn't change that. Not a single individual is able operate fully exterior with full perception on stable basis, or even close. Even Mary Sue Hubbard, who had access to the top auditors & C/S'es (including LRH) wasn't able to go exterior, not from Scientology anyhow.

    If you look at all that LRH promised over the years, and look at the condition that HE was in, it's telling. He couldn't resolved his OWN mental and spiritual health issues, so I don't understand why someone would be attracted to the Scientology "tech".
  14. Voodoo

    Voodoo Free Your Mind And Your Ass Will Follow

    Quoting Bill:
    "In my opinion, the reason for avoiding Scientologese is to train the mind to think in a healthier way. When you have to translate from Scientologese into English, you learn that Hubbard didn't create/discover/uncover any new concepts -- he just named them differently. "

    Well Bill, after 45 years, the language of Scientology is just that to me. An arcane, specialized jargon, that describes the bits and bobs of a particular belief system and its organization.

    Those words have no command value over my mind.

    Frankly, since being out of the cult, I don't find many places or occasions to use them at all, but when the subject comes up, I can easily turn that vocabulary back on.

    I very much appreciate your concern, but really, my thoughts and considerations about Scientology are 100% my own, and are not influenced by the innies, the outees, LRH, or any other person. Factually, they always have been. I was never a robotic sheeple, even when I was in the cult. LRH said from day one to make my own observations of his tech, and to subscribe to only those things that are real to me. That seemed like a fair deal to me, and I kept that in during my entire tenure with the CoS.

    It's probably why I never got sucked into a fraction of the crap my friends and family got into. I pretty much went my own way the whole time I was a member. I guess what I'm saying is, I never really did drink the Kool-Aid. At least I didn't guzzle it :D
    formercosmod and Bill like this.
  15. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Platinum Meritorious Sponsor with bells on

    I duplicate your com, but u really need to take a look at some stable datums in respect to your lower toned, entheta, critical comments about the tech.

    Research has proven that criticism of Scientology as well as abandoning a course of study is due to the misunderstood word. So the greatest good for your dynamics is to find a fully trained professional word clearer who can assist you to locate your word by using the scientific diagnostics of an e-meter.

    It is unlikely that you will be able to spot your MU because beings have lived for hundreds of trillions of years and the reactive mind and implants requires techniques that read below your analytical awareness. Once the word has been located, the word clearer will spiritually assist you to take the necessary steps to blow charge on that word and thus you will gain full conceptual understanding. How that miraculous result is even possible is well beyond the scope of this post, because it involves decades of intensive research by doctors and nuclear physicists. Let's just agree that if it weren't for Dr. Hubbard's altruism and indefatigable tone 40 intention, nobody would even know enough to use the hundreds of millions of published dictionaries on this planet.

    In the not-unlikely event that you fail to find the MU that keyed in your "Second Phenomena" individuation, overts & blow from Scientology, the next step on your program would be to see the Ethics Officer. They will assist you to apply the conditions formulas so that your awareness comes up to a point there the MU tech will begin to work. From your various posts on this message board it is clear that you are in a condition of DOUBT because you doubt that the tech works.

    Honestly, I am not trying to make you wrong but you really need to come to your senses and stop dramatizing your failed purposes. You always post that you did not get the miraculous superpowers that Ron gave to the world, but that would make you a "responsible for condition case" because you are blaming Ron for your resistive case. R-factor: Ron was not the one that committed all those wholetrack overts you did for quadrillions of years, that ultimately resulted in your degraded case state.

    You have stated previously that you were unable to remember a single time that you levitated MEST or went fully exterior with perception during your OT levels. The problem is really that you are not thinking logically. If you "can't remember" your OT wins, it means that your OT levels were obviously done over a false-attest on Clear. Because a Clear has perfect memory.

    Once you get your amends and conditions done for falsely attesting, you can get back on the Bridge and do it honestly this time. Ron states that the truth shall set you totally free. We are leaving the door open a crack for you and sincerely postulate that you stop all that psychotic counter intention and trying to enturbulate the big beings who are having big wins on this slave planet.


    BIlly Blowdown
    CASE LEVEL: OT VIII Expanded
    RECENT OT WIN: Listening to the LRH lecture of 4/01/53 entitled: "Why Some Beings Do Not Go Clear on Engrams - How to find the basic-basic Gorilla Goal Implant"

    Last edited: May 7, 2019
    Voodoo likes this.
  16. Voodoo

    Voodoo Free Your Mind And Your Ass Will Follow

    Quoting Type4.PTS:
    I see ZERO evidence that even a single Clear or OT has been created (with the abilities promised by Hubbard).

    I see Scientology as a scam and Hubbard as a con artist. And that some people benefited from some of it doesn't change that. Not a single individual is able operate fully exterior with full perception on stable basis, or even close."

    I won't argue with that, but I will say that something happened to me when I went Clear. I changed, and in a good way - and it's thus far held steady, since then.

    Funny thing is, I scarcely paid any attention to Hubbard's description of Clear. What I achieved is different than the overblown claims for Clear out of DMSMH. What I got out of it is a sort of inner peace with myself. I couldn't care less that I don't fit the textbook description of a Clear. I got what I wanted out of that auditing, and it has stayed with me for decades.

    Having said that, I wouldn't touch the OT levels with your thetan :eek:

    p.s. Sorry that I keep screwing up the quotation format. Gotta get used to this program.
    formercosmod likes this.
  17. strativarius

    strativarius Inveterate gnashnab & snoutband

    Help tip @Voodoo.

    You don't need to apologise, getting used to a new environment is always tricky at first. You'll soon get the hang of it.

    If you want to quote someone's post, instead of writing 'quoting xxx', you could try clicking the 'Reply' link at the bottom right hand corner of the post you want to refer to. That should make life easier (unless your name happens to be FAIRNINGTON of course). HTH.
    Last edited: May 7, 2019
  18. JackStraw

    JackStraw Silver Meritorious Patron

    Hey, Voodoo.

    You mentioned on one of your posts not quite figuring out the quote thang. Well, I can "reply" to a post, which quotes the whole message, but I have not yet figured out the multiple quote tool.

    That said, The above post (yours) and a couple others after that, show, to me, anyway, that you have applied the head-rightener just about perfectly, since leaving scn, so congrats for that!

    Has anyone mentioned that "We love stories!" ?

    If you feel up to it, we'd love to hear your story(ies). Keeping in mind OSA likes to lurk and suss out who is who and if you are trying to stay under their radar, be extra careful about details that could possibly be used to ID you! :hide::nailbighting::scared:


  19. Type4_PTS

    Type4_PTS Diamond Invictus SP

    I get that you don't care if you got the abilities claimed by Hubbard. Good that you got what you wanted out of it.

    That said, the achievement of the states of Clear and OT as described by Hubbard are one of the primary purposes of Scientology, one which people pay over $500,000 these days, but no one achieves these states nor anything resembling them. So that does constitute marketing fraud.

    A feeling of inner peace is certainly valuable, but other practices can deliver that state more consistently than Scientology IMO, and at a dramatically lower cost.
    Bill likes this.
  20. Gib

    Gib Crusader

    what's the inner peace you got? Care to enlighten us rebels?

    Will this be a success story? Without any logic or proof, or just words of rhetoric?