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Kicked The Cult In 2012. Still Decompressing And Finding MY Way.

Discussion in 'New Member Introductions' started by Voodoo, May 7, 2019.

  1. strativarius

    strativarius Inveterate gnashnab & snoutband

    I've experienced what I'd call being "in the zone". To me it means that one's concentration is so intense that the activity one is engaged in becomes effortless and free-flowing. It used to happen when (don't laugh) dealing roulette at a packed table. The ball's spinning and you've got people throwing chips and money at you while shouting out their bets, and you're doing all this mental arithmetic, and it's a stressful, frantic, frenetic situation. Then all of a sudden it's like things start happening in slow-motion and you find it all so easy to cope with. That to me was being 'in the zone', and it was wonderful while it lasted.
  2. JustSheila

    JustSheila Crusader

    Thanks, Voodoo. :) Your comments are food for thought,

    The way I see it, we generate energy, especially in our prime years. Some like to divert or channel that energy for their own benefit. Even that isn't enough for some jerks, they want a person to acknowledge them as the source of a person's own energy and by doing so, become their puppetmaster.

    To say Scientology was the source of a person's achievements or gains mis-assigns a person's personal power to Scientology and depowers an individual.

    To be "in the zone" for any activity requires clear-mindedness. By taking over a person's thought processes, Scientology clears a person's mind in the worst possible way, replacing personal thoughts with Scientology think. Does it feel good? Is there an initial feeling of freedom? Sure! No responsibility for your own decisions, everything has been figured out for you as long as you do what the puppetmaster says.

    There are huge repercussions if you don't, though, and start thinking for yourself again, so Scientologists must live in a bubble world, working for and enhancing Scientology, slaves to someone else's goals, continually reinforcing each other with talk about their "wins" and "gains" because of Scientology (not because of their own cleverness, hard work, good luck or skills - they can never acknowledge themselves) while shutting off any honest evaluation of Scientology's methods and silencing any who dare do anything but promote it.
  3. JustSheila

    JustSheila Crusader

    Voodoo, how about telling us one of your stories?

  4. Voodoo

    Voodoo Free Your Mind And Your Ass Will Follow

    Hoo boy. I just knew someone would ask eventually. :redface:

    I've been thinking about sharing more of my history with the cult, but I keep comparing my personal experiences with those I'm reading on the board, and they just seem so trivial and boring to me.

    I was never punched by DM, but he did once glower at me after I'd complimented our crew, and stormed off with a "Harrumph!"

    I didn't have to 'escape' Scientology like so many SO and org staff have.

    I wasn't robbed of hundreds of thousands of dollars for the privilege of being sec checked to death, while spending a decade or more running Ron's personal case as my own.

    I didn't sacrifice having a home and a family for Scientology, like so many others have.

    I was never imprisoned against my will, nor did I endure the RPF. I have no idea what it's like to be subjected to endless sec checking and other such mentally devastating cruelties. I was never busted off a post and forced to re-do my training. I was never forced by church officials to divorce a beloved wife, nor have I ever lived 24/7/365 within the confines of a five hundred acre, fortified compound.

    No, I'm afraid I've never even had my 'face ripped off', so what experience could I possibly relate that could compare to the atrocities so many others have endured?


    Well, I've got experiences good and bad from my forty years inside. At least from my perspective, many of those experiences are worth relating to others, but man do I feel humble about doing so, in light of the above.

    Let me think on this a bit, and I'll compose something.
    Karakorum and Wilbur like this.
  5. Anonymous100

    Anonymous100 Patron

    Hi Sheila can you elaborate pleaae what does messed up mean and abused here....tia.
  6. Wilbur

    Wilbur Patron Meritorious

    Voodoo, when you say you did the 'Clear step', do you mean the CCRD (or whatever its forerunner was), after doing NED, or did you do the Clearing Course?
  7. Voodoo

    Voodoo Free Your Mind And Your Ass Will Follow

    I went Clear on (what I can only presume was) Dianetics last lifetime. That didn't get acknowledged until 1994, after I'd been in Scientology for 21 years. It all came out during the CCRD.
  8. Wilbur

    Wilbur Patron Meritorious

    OK. I see. Thanks. The reason I asked was that I was intrigued by your comment that the 'mental chatter' stopped after your 'Clear step', so I was curious as to which Clear route you had taken.
  9. Voodoo

    Voodoo Free Your Mind And Your Ass Will Follow

    Oh yes, the mental chatter. Funny thing about that, is that it stopped being so noisy in my head after the CCRD.

    I had read the HCOB about the Unattested Clear many years before, and from what I remember, Hubbard stated that an unattested or unacknowledged Clear would still mock up disabilities, aberrations, and life difficulties of all sorts. At the same time, this person would exhibit enhanced abilities in many areas.

    Doing the CCRD was the correct acknowledgement for me. The noise disappeared and has never returned.
    Enthetan, Karakorum and Wilbur like this.
  10. Anonymous100

    Anonymous100 Patron

    Im beginning to think - correct me if Im wrong - that if you are persuaded the chatter is due to bank then it will cease when you are told you have no bank. If a non scientologist had mental chatter and was told hey its not real you are just making it up its just a decision you can make then it may just cease as well. Or I think it takes a real shock like when I looked on the net, and then you are catapulted into the present like a rocket because you realise you were conned and maybe the whole bank thing is just made up and actually its not there to get rid of with auditing - just the power of the mind. found this to hear comments...
  11. Voodoo

    Voodoo Free Your Mind And Your Ass Will Follow

    Well, for me the newfound mental quiet was a side benefit to doing the CCRD. No one ever told me to expect that result, nor did I expect any such thing. In fact, it was a while before I even noticed it.

    The other thing I'd like to clarify is that no one tells you that you have no bank. That's something that you originate to the auditor, and is in fact, the Clear cognition.

    Just so you know, only specially trained people even know what the Clear cognition is. Not even the auditors and C/S's know that, so it's not like they can spoon feed the cognition to you. It's these specially trained people who determine whether someone's completed Clear or not.
  12. PirateAndBum

    PirateAndBum Gold Meritorious Patron

    So your BTs were all a-buzz due to failing to be ack'd as clear and you get the ack and they shut up --- NICE!!

    lol, just joking.
    Enthetan likes this.
  13. This is NOT OK !!!!

    This is NOT OK !!!! Gold Meritorious Patron

    What "enhanced abilities in many areas" were/are you exhibiting?
  14. Voodoo

    Voodoo Free Your Mind And Your Ass Will Follow

    This is one of the reasons life on the outside is so much more interesting than life on the inside. No one would ever just up and ask such a pointed question in the cult. Not only would it be considered rude, but most likely out-tech, as well.

    I'll try to give you the best answer I can, but I comp'd the rundown 25 years ago, so my first impressions are a bit foggy to me now. It's also an introverting kind of question, which I'd normally take a pass on, but alright. Here goes.

    1. Precognition, gut instinct, hunches - much improved.
    2. Intention, postulates - stuck much better.
    3. Mental clarity, sharpness - much improved.
    4. Physical endurance, stamina - much better.
    5. Sense of self - more centered and peaceful.

    I experienced more than a bit of "woowoo" after finishing the CCRD, but I won't talk about that right now. Seems to be something of a 'third rail' around here.

    It's also very hard to put my observations about Clear into easily digestible form. You're trying to take an experience that is intensely subjective, and convert it into something objective that others can understand.

    Since spiritual advancement (or improvement) affects a person down to their core, it radiates outward and affects everything in a person's life. How do you communicate all the innumerable changes you experience to others? It's a head scratcher because you're not studying yourself like a lab rat -- you're just living your life.

    Here's another curious phenomenon regarding the state of Clear: a person tends to lose interest in their case once they've made it. It often takes a tremendous amount of pressure to get Clears to continue up the Bridge after Clear. I figure that's why LRH wrote that "Clears are at risk", and called the area between Clear and OTIII, 'the non-interference zone'. He knew the phenomenon well, and primed the orgs to dig in and push Clears further up the line.

    Without all the constant pressure and pushing, I doubt many would continue. For me personally, I just had NO motivation to doe the OT levels (which I beat myself up for, for far too long). Eventually I realized why I felt the way I did. My enhanced gut instinct was screaming at me that there was nothing there, but I invalidated that due to my long term conditioning in the cult. Thankfully, my gut instinct won out, and I was free.

    Well, I know that's a lot more than what you were asking for, but I feel it's important to answer the question to the best of my ability. Given more time for reflection, I could certainly add lots more detail, but I think this will do for now.
  15. This is NOT OK !!!!

    This is NOT OK !!!! Gold Meritorious Patron

    OK.........but you attested to Past Life Clear, so you must have had those "enhanced abilities" all along from the point you went clear last lifetime. When was that by the way? So that would mean these abilities were "native" to you this lifetime...........which I can only conclude means that it was the non-recognition of your last lifetime "clearness" that was FINALLY, AT LAST resolved with the this lifetime CCRD.


    I suggest applying a little occam's razor juice to this narrative. :drama:

    Perhaps followed by a three day :booze::bong:

    And then slide down the tone scale to :gaah::cry::swear:

    I know, it's a bitter pill to swallow.
    Last edited: Jun 19, 2019
  16. Voodoo

    Voodoo Free Your Mind And Your Ass Will Follow

    This is where it gets hard to explain to others. I've had those abilities all my life, but it's like there was a kind of squelching effect that was turned on before I did the CCRD. Before doing the CCRD I was brilliant inside my own world, but not the outside world.

    For instance, I excelled at home study, but not so much in study groups. In solo activities I had great ability, but that didn't seem to translate to the world outside myself. If I made a postulate that had nothing to do with anyone else, it would stick. If I postulated something that had to do with other people, they wouldn't stick as well.

    That all changed after the CCRD. I excelled when working with groups at a whole new level. So much so, that I started my own business (which is still rocking to this day). After having been a bachelor for over a decade, I met and married the woman of my dreams within months. I decided I wanted a house in my dream neighborhood, and there it was. On and on. It became routine, and is just the way life works for me now.

    August 15th, 1947.

    In a nutshell, yes, but as you can see, it's not a 'cut and dried' thing. If a person is past life Clear they do exhibit heightened mental/spiritual abilities, but mostly on the 1st Dynamic (that is, for self). After discovering for themselves that they are Clear, a person has less suppress on their latent abilities.

    It's still "Clear on the 1st Dynamic", but at least in my case, I have more ability to reach outside myself and affect the world around me now.

    LOL .. I'm doing my best here, friend :)
  17. Veda

    Veda Sponsor

    In the lecture where Hubbard described making Clears in 1947, he described them a theta clears, not Dianetic Clears.
  18. Voodoo

    Voodoo Free Your Mind And Your Ass Will Follow

    That may be true, but I don't claim that my gains from Clear match any Hubbard definition.
  19. Veda

    Veda Sponsor

    Fair enough. When I was auditing a pc on an old, discontinued (circa 1958) Help/listing process, at a break away Mission in 1985, as an impromptu action, as he was about to leave for a family reunion in Canada for two weeks (interrupting our intensive auditing schedule), I was suddenly faced with a pc who wanted to attest to clear, but not "Dianetic Clear" which was the rage at the time.

    Although I had C/Sed all the sessions up to that point, I had another auditor/CS interview the pc and (being experienced and enlightened) recognized his "clear" state, and gave him a clean bill of health.
    Voodoo likes this.
  20. Bill

    Bill Gold Meritorious Patron

    This kind of "win" has always bothered me. I don't dispute that you believe you had this benefit from Scientology auditing, but I do dispute your labeling it "Clear".

    If you didn't get the results that Hubbard promises for Clear, then you didn't get something that should be labeled "Clear". It may have been wonderful and I would never argue with you about that.

    But if you use Hubbard's terminology and labels, and then say "I didn't get what Hubbard describes", it seems quite disingenuous to claim you "attained Clear".

    Call it something else. Hubbard promises "Clear" with specific abilities. However wonderful the state you achieved was, it wasn't what Hubbard labeled "Clear". I think the distinction is important.