L.Rum Hubturd has been taken care of.. Read this completely true account of my encounter with him:
So no worries..Last night I woke with a jolt! - My hair stood on end all over my body. I had no idea why i suddenly woke... maybe something I heard.. Maybe someone was in the house! - I raised myself on the elbows.
What I saw shook me to core!
There was a big fat bloke in the bedroom mooning me with his pants down!!!
"Shit!", I yelled, "Get outta here!"
"Look!", the guy shouted and pointed to his bare ass with his finger. I'd seen that more than I cared to already. There was a collection of small angry reddish marks on his buttock.
I freaked! - "Just get the hell out! - I'm not into that kind of stuff! - I'm so square the corners will hurt you, so just ferget it! - Out!!!"
"They murdered me!!", screamed the guy and turned to look imploringly at me.
I was to be even more startled! - It was L. Ron Hubbard!!!!
This guy died in 1986! I was at a loss for words, but not of goosebumps!
Hubtoad leaned over me and screamed in my face, "They pumped me full of vistaril!! - They murdered me!! - The little runt! - Kilt me with a psych drug!!!"
"Yeah, I know!", I stammered. "Figures.."
"They stole my religion and my money! - They've used it all up!! - They alter-is and drive the church into the abyss!!"
"So what! - Your religion is a fraud!", I said belligerently.
"It works!!", argued Hubtoad haughtily.
"Oh! - Does it? - How?"
"Earned me heaps of money!", snapped Hubtoad. "You judge that by statistics, and income is THE vital statistic! - You ought to know! - You're trained!!"
I made a derisíve farting sound, "You're full of shit! - How about using your own fake Purification Rundown and get those psych drugs out?"
"Think it'll work?", asked Hubtoad incredulous.
"Yeah! - Only thing wrong with it was duration! - You have to be in the sauna for millions of years. Won't work otherwise!"
Hubtoad stared at me, "True? - Your'e not trying to pull my leg or anything?"
"Nope! - Cross my heart and hope to die!"
With that Hubtoad disappeared and I lay down to sleep again. Satisfied that he was in a sauna somewhere and out of the way for a good long time!