When you walk away from it like that it confuses them I think to a degree. I think all of might have had some small degree, still "know". I have had people walk out of scientology like that on me when I was on staff. It shook me up the two or three times it happened. Once was in a recruitment interview.
The woman was a masculine gay woman who I just gave my standard speach to (you know for the non-scientologists about joining staff - haha). Well after I was done, she just looked me in the eye and asked me, like she really personally wanted to know:
"And you are *happy* being here, you are happy working *here*?" I was dumb founded. I didn't know what to say, I wasn't expecting that. So I asked her, "What do you mean?" She gave me back the speech pretty accurately (which suprised me, you know, being that "wogs are so dumb, inept") And asked"Can you truly say that this makes you happy?" and you know with a knot in my stomach I said "yes".
It was a weak response and even though this woman did not know me at all, she clearly saw that I was lying. Of course the missionaire that was in with me on the recruitment interview explained it all away that she was gay and 1.1., and did that to "introvert me" and all that jazz. I was visibly shaken. No matter what this Int missionaire said, I knew what had just happened. And she couldn't explain it away with any of the scientology 'tech'.
This is why I will always be willing to take responsibility. I think being brainwashed is a horrible thing to have happen to someone. I also think it requires a constant effort to remain that way. I remained on staff after that for years and went through some things people shouldn't have to go through. I also witnessed others going through things worse than me. I have been told "but you were second generation, you didn't know any better" that just makes me cringe in side. Though I am not sure why.