Left Decades Ago, Deprogramming for 3 Years

Opter

Silver Meritorious Patron
Thank you everyone for the greetings! I am having that same feeling I had when I first joined $cio decades ago. You all seem to be good people as it was with everyone 'on lines' way back when.

I am reminded again that the main problem with Co$ is NOT the people in it: there were for the most part good people and some became my best friends. We had great times and much fun. Sadly, we were all brainwashed and just kept doing what we were told, mindlessly until each of us either blew or died. That is, save for a very few that sadly have become lifers. The problem with this cult (it took me 25 years to say that word) starts with hubbard and continues now with miscavige and, like back then, a handful of hopelessly lost puppets.

Having been part of the illusion I can honestly say that we cannot just stand by and let the Co$ continue, unmonitored, untaxed and falsely represented as a church, continuing to ply their hypnotically repetitive brainwashing techniques and gestapo like enforcement on the uninformed and spiritual wounded and unguarded public.

Really, back then I was just looking for God and ended up being tricked by the devil himself. To this day I blame my desire to 'Obtain Absolute Power and Control over Matter, Energy, Space and Time' (you all know the blurb). That's God's job, not mine. How dare I desire to have the power of God?

Thank you all for being here.



:goodposting:


:welcome2: TGZ

Opter
 

Wisened One

Crusader
:welcome2: to ESMB, Zorg!

Be gentle and kind to yourself. I found that there are a bunch of stages that one seems to experience when they leave scn. (STILL finding out that there's more of em even years later, btw).

I hope you are starting to enjoy your life more as time goes by, tho! :yes:

Reading and posting may help you as well.

Can't wait to hear more of your stories when you're ready!

Michelle
 

AnonyMary

Formerly Fooled - Finally Free
Thank you everyone for the greetings! I am having that same feeling I had when I first joined $cio decades ago. You all seem to be good people as it was with everyone 'on lines' way back when.

I am reminded again that the main problem with Co$ is NOT the people in it: there were for the most part good people and some became my best friends. We had great times and much fun. Sadly, we were all brainwashed and just kept doing what we were told, mindlessly until each of us either blew or died. That is, save for a very few that sadly have become lifers. The problem with this cult (it took me 25 years to say that word) starts with hubbard and continues now with miscavige and, like back then, a handful of hopelessly lost puppets.

Having been part of the illusion I can honestly say that we cannot just stand by and let the Co$ continue, unmonitored, untaxed and falsely represented as a church, continuing to ply their hypnotically repetitive brainwashing techniques and gestapo like enforcement on the uninformed and spiritual wounded and unguarded public.

Really, back then I was just looking for God and ended up being tricked by the devil himself. To this day I blame my desire to 'Obtain Absolute Power and Control over Matter, Energy, Space and Time' (you all know the blurb). That's God's job, not mine. How dare I desire to have the power of God?

Thank you all for being here.

:)

I actually had a dream the nite after reading your post. It was the first time I have had a dream, that I am aware of anyway, concerning scientology. In it, I was out but for some reason, over at an org. There was a female staff member talking to me in a friendly way, chit chatting, but In it I am aware that the goal is to get me to come back into the org. She asked to use my hairbrush because she didn't have one with her.... as she was combing her hair, I noticed her second hand clothes and need for a hair cut. I felt compassion for her and her personal plight but I felt that endearing pressure to bond me into coming back, even though she was not pressuring me in the least. She was just talking to me like girls talk to girls... yet it scared me to see how ARC, for lack of a better term, was used in this way to such me into something so bad. The intent was not malicious on her part, it was a desire on her part because she believed in what she was doing in Scn. Yet, for me it was like being pulled into a dark tunnel and I had to set my mind straight to not allow the ARC to throw me off lest I wind up bck into that dark tunnel.

I woke up relieved that I'd escaped it in a cordial way but it really stirred me to see how effected I was, this many years later, at the thought of being lured into scientology despite all I disagree with. I felt powerless at one point and that was what really scared me. Almost as if I'd been hypnotized to respond despite not wanting to. So glad we are out!

ps: I truely know what you mean by that last paragraph!

Mary McConnell
 
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The Great Zorg

Gold Meritorious Patron
:) (snip)

ps: I truely know what you mean by that last paragraph!

Mary McConnell

Anony Mary,

I have been involved with mystical events all of my life. When I was in $¢io some of the gifts I was born with would come through and be attributed to $¢io and their true source. I just kinda drifted along, making friends, getting into ethics trouble, causing chaos because I wasn't really supposed to be there I guess.

I think I missed out on decades of spiritual development because I was still stuck carrying around all that programming from my few years on lines.

Regarding your 'dream'... my exposure to the greater things in the universe and the people that are aware of them would lead me to suggest that you were really not dreaming:unsure:. We apparently do all kinds of really strange, unbelievable things while we sleep (or rather our bodies rest and , I dunno:confused2:... we get bored?). My best guess is that you had actually met someone still on lines and you had this meeting because perhaps you needed to learn something. 'She', who ever she is, was having the same dream at the same time and likewise was there to experience and learn.

That's just my take on your dream.

Thanks for the for the reply:thumbsup:
 

Lurker5

Gold Meritorious Patron
not that this compares

:)

I actually had a dream the nite after reading your post. It was the first time I have had a dream, that I am aware of anyway, concerning scientology. In it, I was out but for some reason, over at an org. There was a female staff member talking to me in a friendly way, chit chatting, but In it I am aware that the goal is to get me to come back into the org. She asked to use my hairbrush because she didn't have one with her.... as she was combing her hair, I noticed her second hand clothes and need for a hair cut. I felt compassion for her and her personal plight but I felt that endearing pressure to bond me into coming back, even though she was not pressuring me in the least. She was just talking to me like girls talk to girls... yet it scared me to see how ARC, for lack of a better term, was used in this way to such me into something so bad. The intent was not malicious on her part, it was a desire on her part because she believed in what she was doing in Scn. Yet, for me it was like being pulled into a dark tunnel and I had to set my mind straight to not allow the ARC to throw me off lest I wind up bck into that dark tunnel.

I woke up relieved that I'd escaped it in a cordial way but it really stirred me to see how effected I was, this many years later, at the thought of being lured into scientology despite all I disagree with. I felt powerless at one point and that was what really scared me. Almost as if I'd been hypnotized to respond despite not wanting to. So glad we are out!

ps: I truely know what you mean by that last paragraph!

Mary McConnell

Not that this compares to your dream, and your experiences with scn, but when I quit smoking (decades ago), I had dreams, for years, where I'd smoke. I'd wake up horrified, thinking I was addicted again, believing I'd never be able to quit again, it had been so hard to quit. Then I'd realize it was a dream, and be so relieved that I hadn't screwed up - I was still OK - I wasn't going to die of smoking.

Your post just reminded me of that feeling - of being helpless - in the face of something that has such a hold on us, long after it is no longer a presence in our lives.

Praise to us both, for getting free :) - for changing our lives - literally.
 

Boojuum

Silver Meritorious Patron
I get it

Hey Zorg

You're really going to enjoy the posts here. There's an incredible wealth of data in the form of stories and opinions that will help you sort out your experience. At least, it did as much for me. Enjoy. As you read the various stories you'll see that you're not so different as the rest of us and life ain't so bad after all. I've been out for nearly 20 years and life gets better every year and I'm still sorting various pieces out.

:thumbsup:
 

looker

Patron Meritorious
Hey Zorg

You're really going to enjoy the posts here. There's an incredible wealth of data in the form of stories and opinions that will help you sort out your experience. At least, it did as much for me. Enjoy. As you read the various stories you'll see that you're not so different as the rest of us and life ain't so bad after all. I've been out for nearly 20 years and life gets better every year and I'm still sorting various pieces out.

:thumbsup:

^^^^^ THIS ^^^^^ Welcome! It may be a grand and bumpy ride but We are here for every one NEW to ESMB... I still gots *wants handled* stuff too. And, Might I add getting it handled the more I investigate..:happydance:

A thousand Monks a Thousand paths.... Don't be ascaird of the Scientology lingo We (All EXs) had used it and know it as a short hand. Just like Stock market traders, Carpenters, Printers, Artists, Tractor drivers, Musicians, and AnnonFags, its all slang lingo and EX's (Most Ex's) are tolerant of it.

And the more profanity, ( in Ernest) against the COS the better you may feel.

Moast folks here wont *ding* you for saying the word FUCK when its felt.

Yes, search ESMB read everything. The FCDC thread (totally a crack up) may take weeks and the Idenics thread and elsewhere. But it all will restimulate a little and more over, miraculously heal. It becomes very addicting.

I have been here nearly a year and I haven't read everything.

Looker
 

Cherished

Silver Meritorious Patron
Zorg baby, welcome. I suspect those tears are because, by posting here, you were shrugging off some chains. Freedom is big.

Feel free to ignore all our advice. That's one of the beauties of life when not in a cult. :)

I hope you'll be kind to yourself.

<3
 

Kookaburra

Gold Meritorious Patron
Welcome, Great Zorg. I think you will find what you are looking for here.

Here is an excerpt from something Arnie Lerma wrote that really resonated with me. And the link it came from.

http://www.lermanet.com/scientologyhelp/main.htm

This was a long explanation, but what do we get from getting people out of scientology? We have a group of individuals have become Houdini's of all mind traps.. folks who won't be fooled again. People who can deprogram , People who can spring mental traps.. We create, by freeing someone of scientology, a being who has the ability to break the strongest slave chains of all.

Those forged of lies.

What is Scientology?

Slave chains forged of lies
are stronger than fine steel

And those enslaved see
neither shackle nor lock.

The mission must be,
in order to set them free:
show them how their
chains were made

and where lies hid the key..

by Arnie Lerma

The Real Wall of Fire is Leaving Scientology,
 

The Great Zorg

Gold Meritorious Patron
Welcome, Great Zorg. I think you will find what you are looking for here.

(Quote)This was a long explanation, but what do we get from getting people out of scientology? We have a group of individuals have become Houdini's of all mind traps.. folks who won't be fooled again. People who can deprogram , People who can spring mental traps.. We create, by freeing someone of scientology, a being who has the ability to break the strongest slave chains of all.
Here is an excerpt from something Arnie Lerma wrote that really resonated with me. And the link it came from.

http://www.lermanet.com/scientologyhelp/main.htm

That quote sounds about right... I have another post about the Falun Gong: It took me the whole of about a day or so to get caught up in this cult and release myself from it, thanks to my exposure to scientology.:thumbsup:

I believe that this site has a lot of what I'm looking: I am convinced that I still have a lot of mind clutter and I work at not 'thinking' in scientologese.:duh: It's funny though, when I see someone doing work that is ass backwards and wasting time and I still use the thought "Dev-T".:unsure: It's easier than using a phrase like "That's a waste of time and absolutely unnecessary: you're actually creating more work" as opposed to "That's Dev-T!"

It is becoming easier when I talk to friends that are still mesmerized and not get caught up in the lie machine again: "Hey, how's it going? Are you back on lines? Did you hear that Ron's books have all been republished and re-issued? Yeah, I hear that the books were originally issued out of order... now that's been fixed. When are you going to get back on the Bridge?":duh:
 

Mystic

Crusader
Hi.

Yikes! I started crying as I began to write this intro... wtf?

My mind and decades of my life have been destroyed by Co$.

I realized only 3 years ago that virtually EVERYTHING I had learned in $cientology was and is a lie. Then came the dizzy gut wrenching beginning of my return to reality. It has taken me years to continue snipping out the programming and $cio-speak: their weird brainwashing technique of replacing your language with their own.

I still work, less often now, at removing everything I've ever been programmed with: all those $%#@$#$% courses and retrains and misunderstoods and cramming and %#%$#^$%& TR's!!!

This is, I guess, no time to feel sorry for myself.

I do wish to apologize to everyone I've ever attacked, defending hubbard's greedy satanic cult. Sweet Mother of God in Heaven I was a basta*d!! I am sorry. I would undo it all, if I could. I can't. A million all-apologies.

I just wish I was stronger and could talk my friends out of this cult when I bump into them. They still prattle on about new missions opening, taking over the planet, getting back on lines, etc. What am I supposed to do?

Not much of an intro maybe, best I could (lol - I was going to type 'muster') come up with.

If it helps any, Zorg, I was a techie. I put in around 28,000 hours in the auditing chair. About a year ago I apologized for every F/N I ever indicated.
 

looker

Patron Meritorious
If it helps any, Zorg, I was a techie. I put in around 28,000 hours in the auditing chair. About a year ago I apologized for every F/N I ever indicated.

Aside from the "tech of the cult", caring and really listening is what got the folks releases when they needed them so desperately. Thank you Mystic for caring. Thank you for helping people in spite of "the tech" just by really listening. Lots of people are better because of you. Hundreds of people can forgive you for the "FNs" but, they cant forgive you for helping.
them.

Welcome Great Zorn. Mystic is one of the great souls who really cared and who really helped. US Sam said it in the FCDC thread and you can tell it it the tone of Mystics posts and especially on the chat board.

Dag Nabit :ohmy:Mystic, 28,000 hours divided by 2200 hours in a normal 40 Hr work week per year is 12.72727272 years in the chair. That must be a record or near a record.

Thanks for all you gave up during those years. Thanks for being here on the ESMB that we might know you. happydance:
Looker
 
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TG1

Angelic Poster
Originally Posted by Mystic:
If it helps any, Zorg, I was a techie. I put in around 28,000 hours in the auditing chair. About a year ago I apologized for every F/N I ever indicated.

Good grief, Mystic! While lurking here and seeing your frequent terse rejoinders, I had no idea you were such a long-time auditor. Is your departure-from-Scn story online here where I can read it?
 

TG1

Angelic Poster
Mystic, never mind ... I'm reading about you now at an old thread called "OPENING PANDORA'S BOX Part One."
 

scino

Patron
The Great Zorg wrote "... I realized only 3 years ago that virtually EVERYTHING I had learned in $cientology was and is a lie. ..."

I don't know when TGZ left and how much time passed between leaving and the final devastating cognition:

"They are lying. - I believed it. - Scientology is a con."

Speaking the words don't prove the cognition took place. Only physical evidence of deep shame and tremendous pain does. - When Jason Beghe bravely spoke the words "Scientology is a con." in the interview by Mark Bunker he hadn't even entered the de-programming phase yet. It seems JB is still lost in the freezone. - TGZ had the cognition and posted about it, authentically.

After the cognition the healing starts. The question is what to do with "half wake" friends. Around the Awakened people might say...
- " I left the Church, but Scientology works! "
- " Listen to me, respect pls, I was an OT7!..,"
- " Everything went wrong when the Church was infiltrated by the Illuminati. "
- " DM is an SP. ..."
- " At least I can get standard tech in the FZ. ..."
and so on, all spoken with a strong Scientologese dialect. To continue the deprogramming you have two options: handle or disconnect ( ... ). Handle by communicating the truth. "They hypnotized us so that they could take all our money, including what we could possibly borrow". - If they can't confront the truth then there is only one option: disconnect.

Does this make sense at all?
 
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