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Lost my love

Discussion in 'Fair Game and Disconnection Victims' started by maxbenn, Aug 27, 2014.

  1. maxbenn

    maxbenn Patron

    Hi everyone!

    I'm a member of this site for about a month now and this is my first post. I became one, cause my now ex-gf is a Scientologist. I wanted to get as much information as possible about this (there is no way to call it a religion) cult. I couldn't believe, that this can damage our relationship. Before the day she told me, that she is a scientologist, I've never heard about that cult! She warned me, that there is a lot of negative information about it on the internet and that I can get some real info from her if i want to. Well... I ALWAYS listen to both sides! If someone is telling me, that I'm doing smth wrong, than I listen to this guy... think about it and when i feel, that he/she is right than I thank for his/her advise and move on or have a discussion until I get the point or the otherone gets mine. That is how it worked for me till several months ago.
    The problem is, that I cannot really talk with anyone about it, cause they don't get it, that actually Scientology is the reason for our break up. And I do blame them not her! As I sit here and write this... tears are coming to my eyes, because it is really hard to understand, that this can be a reason for a break up!
    I even dont know what to say or where to start... I just need some help guys! This situation is killing me... Just because I've told her, that I'm fine with what she is doing but I wont become one of them she started distancing from me... It's like: "You like skydiving but I do not... let's break up." That is how I see it... I know though, that it's not a hobby.... It's a lifesyle. What so ever... this should not be a problem due to Hubbard! I guess it is one for Miscavige or who ever came up with this policy how they treat "Wogs"
    I've not only read the negative stuff on the internet... I've tried to find some positive as well, what is very very difficult. As Hubbard says that this is how it was back in the days and that they will change it?!?!?!

    "The extreme impatience of people trying to get something done in a society will eventually center upon those who will not work and, in the case of kings or tyrants, such people have very often been done away with. Thus the precedent is very old of a society cleansing itself by removing from its ranks the non-workers."
    - L. Ron Hubbard (The Technical Bulletins, Volume I, page 476)

    It's like beeing a scientologist and not beeing one. I was never against it... and never a fan of it... I was trying to be neutral. The problem started, when I've started to ask questions about what they were doing... Like the whole family are Scn's. Both Parents are OT VIII's and her brother and sister are doing the PC stuff. She is also still a PC...

    sorry... can't think right now... as soon as I'll calm down, i'll continue.

  2. Purple Rain

    Purple Rain Crusader

    There's no easy way. You just have to go through the pain. I hope you have some good people around you. If this had gone further, though, you might have also lost your children. Anyway, I'm so sorry. Disconnection sucks. Scientology sucks. I strongly recommend a counselor if you can afford it. It's nice to have something to hold onto and some time for yourself with someone who knows what they're doing and has some tools such as mindfulness to get you through the worst of it. If not, there are many good books on mindfulness.
  3. Dean Blair

    Dean Blair Silver Meritorious Patron

    Welcome to ESMB. I am sorry to hear that you have lost your love. I have lost a few in my life but you do recover and when you find someone more compatible you will forget all about the earlier love interest. It can be devastating at first but trust me, you will get over it.

    You are lucky she didn't string you along and marry you and have kids. That would have been a disaster and one from which you might not recover. I wish you the best my friend.
  4. Dulloldfart

    Dulloldfart Squirrel Extraordinaire

    Like many people on ESMB I did Scientology 24/7 for decades. And yes, it is exactly like that: if you are offered Scientology and turn it down, especially over a long period, then in their eyes you are blind and not worth associating with.

    Sorry, but that's the way it is. A long-term Scientologist in a Scientology family — especially whose members have achieved highly expensive statuses that took decades of hard work and hundreds of thousands of dollars — has a lot invested in the status quo, business and friends too.

  5. Intentionally Blank

    Intentionally Blank Scientology Widow

    Oh maxbenn, I am so so sorry. I can tell it's still very raw and painful for you. What a terrible, terrible, thing this cult is.

    I am also a never-in. My spouse of many years is a multi-decades scientologist. Many years ago I was much like you - I asked questions and expressed doubts about some of the things I heard. Eventually my less than stellar support made its way back to the org. People there tried very hard and nearly succeeded in ending our marriage. I made a very hard choice to keep my doubts and questions to myself. It's not a road I would suggest for everyone -but we had a long (mostly really good) history and several children. Today, years later, I still live in fear of saying or doing the wrong thing. I am very careful about what I say and how I say it. I do a pretty good scientology stepford spouse act. I wouldn't wish that on anyone.

    It's hard enough when relationships end. It seems so much worse when the ending is due to something as stupid as the inability to have a rational and respectful conversation about religious and philosophical differences. I am so sorry this happened to you. I hope you find some info and support here. I understand completely not having anyone or anywhere else to talk about how scn messes with relationships - unless they've been there they really don't get it. Scientology is an evil, greedy, perverted cult. It ruins lives. I'm sorry someone you love is another victim caught in its web.

  6. strativarius

    strativarius Inveterate gnashnab & snoutband

    Hi maxbenn

    Yours is a very sad tale indeed and I recognise the pain you are in at the moment.

    A person so strongly indoctrinated that sacrificing her relationship with you in favour of Scientology (if I know anything about Scientology) is probably lost to you at the moment. That could be a clue as to how important you were to her, but, given the pernicious nature of the cult's ability to brainwash people, not necessarily the final word.

    You say you cannot talk to anyone about it. Well, you have just talked to tens, hundreds, thousands of people, and many are here to help.

    One bright aspect of this is that you have manage to evade the clutches of the cult yourself and that's a good thing.

    As a previous poster has suggested, finding someone new is a great antidote to a broken heart. (Not very poetic but true nonetheless.)
  7. AngeloV

    AngeloV Gold Meritorious Patron

    I'm sorry to hear about your girlfriend. There has been some good advice so far, and I have one other thing that you should really think about:

    Don't, under any circumstances, consider joining scientology to be with your ex-girlfriend. Don't even think you can 'fake' being interested just to be with her. This would be lead to yet more pain and sorrow.

    Try to move on. You are now yet another unfortunate victim of l. ron hubbard's cult. From the grave he continues to hurt people.
  8. Enthetan

    Enthetan Master of Disaster

    Agreed. And to amplify: if she really loved you, she would have chosen you over Scn. You should consider yourself blessed that you found out now rather than after marriage.
  9. Lurker5

    Lurker5 Gold Meritorious Patron

    So sorry for your loss, Max. That is the way of scno/co$ though. Someday you will appreciate your extraordinary good sense and luck, to have dodged the bullet of becoming one of them. :yes: Until that time, just grieve. :hug: :console: :grouphug: :rose:
  10. R2-45

    R2-45 Silver Meritorious Patron

    Your 2D is on a mission.
    It is the most important mission imaginable.
    Your 2D is out to clear the planet.
    Then after that, to clear this sector of the universe.

    But first, you must be 'cleared'

    According to their "scripture" you are a "CICS" and should be "desposed of quietly and without remorse or sorrow"

  11. Magoo

    Magoo Gold Meritorious Patron

    Hi Max.........

    All of what people have said here is one thing: TRUE.
    No...actually for you: VITAL also. Listen up, from someone who met my "love" when "in"
    $cientology, and spent 30 Y E A R S trying to make it work.

    We married in 1974, had a wonderful son. We both went up to the "Top of the
    Bridge to Total Freedom", he being "OT 8" (and completely SCREWED UP). I was OT 7...100 pds
    over weight (which they would NOT help, at all. I lost the 100 pds thanks to Weight Watchers). Plus
    we were broke---having given them over $200,000 just for OT 4-8. :duh:

    In July of 2000...I woke UP, realized $cientology was exactly what all these "Evil critics" had

    A CON

    Prior I honestly did not believe $cientology
    used "Fair Game"...until THE day I went to escape out. They cancelled my van to LAX.
    The Vice Pres was at LAX to follow me, get all the flight info. My Husband was flown into
    Chicago where I had to switch planes...saying what, after 27 YEARS of marriage?

    "We need to go on a vacation".

    He didn't know what that meant, but I did: They were going to capture me, lock me up and gawd
    knows what else. (see for one example).

    I got on the plane----------arrived in Tampa at 1:45 am to see a mob of OSA (their secret police), :omg:
    the POLICE---who my new friends had called, telling them I was escaping out of a Cult and $cientology
    would be there, which they were :eyeroll:...............and my 3 new friends. :thumbsup:

    Keep reading, talking, looking, learning. You did the right thing! Had you ONLY gets worse.
    Learn about others at
    or my YT site:
    or or many others.

    Also, type in "Mind Control" in that IS what your "GF" is in.

    Love and hugs to you :hug:

  12. Free Being Me

    Free Being Me Crusader

    :welcome2: Max. I feel for you. Here's some books by Steve Hassan that I hope you may find beneficial. Good luck!

    Steve Hassan - Freedom Of Mind
    Mind Control – The BITE Model

    Combatting Cult Mind Control:
    The #1 Best-selling Guide to Protection, Rescue, and Recovery From Destructive Cults

    Freedom of Mind: Helping Loved Ones Leave Controlling People, Cults, and Beliefs

    Releasing the Bonds: Empowering People to Think for Themselves
  13. R2-45

    R2-45 Silver Meritorious Patron

    Pay attention to Magoo, Max.

    She's been there.

    As have most of us who post here.


  14. Purple Rain

    Purple Rain Crusader

    The other thing I'm thinking is you deserve to be a bit mad. You might not have known that you had to be a Scientologist, or approve of Scientology, to have a relationship with your girlfriend.

    BUT SHE DID!!!

    And she still led you up the garden path, KNOWING she would not be with you unless you converted.

    That's a really shitty thing to do - even for a Scientologist.
  15. Sindy

    Sindy Crusader

    Thank you so much for trusting enough to confide in people you've never met. Your first comment here shows you to be a sweetheart.

    This may sound harsh (and it's not meant to be) but YOU DODGED A BULLET aimed right at your head.

    If she had not distanced herself, and then had given you ultimatums that you eventually caved into, you would be in a hellish nightmare situation. It's not worth it. If you were in the cult with what you know and how you think for yourself, you would by praying and begging for the freedom you now have.

    You are free. She is not. As hard and heartbreaking as it is right now, that pain will pass and way better things are around the bend for you.

    I am not being insensitive (as I do understand the absolute injustice of it all) when I say, you're lucky to be rid of where that path would have led.

  16. Leland

    Leland Crusader

    Max, is it at all possible that you were "targeted" by your ex-girlfriend......that she purposely started a relationship to get you into Scientology?

    The C of $ is known to have programs to target certain people...and get them into their cult..

    I am just curious.

    Is it possible?

    Perhaps you could post a bit more about any attempt by your get you to read a book....or go to an "event" or talk to someone she knows.....some such thing.....
  17. cleared cannibal

    cleared cannibal Silver Meritorious Patron

    I don't have a lot to add but something in your post almost seems to have made you ineligible for scientology." I am the kind of guy that listens to both sides". The scios call this an open mind and it is not tolerated .

    The reason you can't talk to any one about it is that no one that hasn't experienced it will believe you. If the stories you read here were put in a novel the critics would say it is unrealistic. That's the reason I'm here and that is the value of ESMB.
    Last edited: Aug 28, 2014
  18. Arthur Dent

    Arthur Dent Silver Meritorious Patron

    Hey Max,
    Welcome! :welcome2:

    Please add "Are you or have you ever been a scientologist?" to your first date questions. :)
    Single scientologsts are always 'prospecting' for new recruits. They want you to be in the fold. You not being in the fold means a lot of discomfort
    for them, a lot of questions from others, and much pressure to "handle" you over time, as surely your views won't align on importances.

    Please consider yourself very lucky that you didn't 'go along with the program' because you loved her only to find yourself emotionally, physically,
    socially, financially, and spiritually ripped off thirty some years later and having to start over because you realized scn never was for you.
    None of us thought that would happen to us but it did. The fact that you didn't go along with it shows your strength of character.
    So, rip off the band-aid and try to carry on.

    Your ex is misguided but each has to realize that in their own time, and once in the grip of scn., it can slow the process considerably. They are
    constantly on the lookout for any indication in a member that looks like they want to leave. They then jump all over them and pull out all the stops
    to prevent them from leaving. Anything from stroking one's ego, extracting more funds so one is then even more invested, cajoling, and downright threatening.
    Some leave after the first interview; some not for decades upon decades.

    I'm so sorry this happened. But, you really are lucky.
  19. rich

    rich Silver Meritorious Patron

    Well, you could try taking her skydiving. It tends to change people. Maybe she'll see the light.
  20. Leland

    Leland Crusader


    Another thing to look out for is getting "love bombed." Scientologists might do this at first trying to get you into their cult.