Manipulation

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Free Being Me

Crusader
Manipulation, it's one of the common bond experiences having been through a cult. In fact, manipulation is the nexus that defines a cult, it's a poisonous agenda warping all it touches with sinewy tentacles.

One thing I can't abide is manipulation, not from a cult or when I see it here. Contributing a statement, dox, a funny observation, an opinion germane to a conversation is fantastic, the more people speaking as one against the cult the better. Disagreement is one thing, stooping to the below tactics to the detriment of others is another. Here's how this generally plays out:


Shaming - Sarcasm and insults can be used by the manipulator to increase self-doubt and fear in the victim, to make the victim feel unworthy. This may be accomplished by anything from a very subtle fierce look or unpleasant tone of voice to a rhetorical comment. This may make the victim feel badly for daring to challenge them, which also fosters a sense of inadequacy in the victim.

Attempts to turn the tables and make you look like the abuser: These skilled manipulators have an arsenal of tactics at their disposal, and they will be pushing as many buttons as possible to get you to lose control. They can inflict so much psychological warfare and make you suppress so much emotion that you can be backed into an emotional corner. When this happens, the intense frustration you feel, but can’t express through normal communication, will cause you to react in self-defense. Emotional reactions in self-defense to an abusive situation do not make you an abuser.

Denying/ Invalidating reality: Invalidating distorts or undermines the victim’s perceptions of their world. Invalidating occurs when the abuser refuses or will not acknowledge reality. For example, if the victim confronts the abuser about an incident of name calling, the abuser may insist, “I never said that,” “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” The same as gaslighting, really, a tactic which is explained below.

Gaslighting - Gaslighting is a form of mental abuse in which false information is presented with the intent of making a victim doubt his or her own memory, perception and sanity.

Minimizing: The manipulator will tell you you’re making a big deal out of nothing or that you’re “exaggerating” when you confront him with something he’s done.

Feigning Confusion - The manipulator plays dumb - pretending she or he has no idea what the victim is talking about, or is confused by the topic at hand.

Playing the Victim - The manipulator portrays themselves as a victim of circumstance or other people in order to gain pity, sympathy, or compassion from their conscientious victim.

Vilifying the Victim - A powerful method of putting the victim on the defensive while masking aggressive intention.

Projecting the Blame - Scapegoating in subtle ways, blaming the victim or other people for the negative actions or consequences of their actions. This helps to portray the manipulator in a more positive light, and can actively harm the victim's relationships with other people, who may not even have been involved.

Guilt Tripping - Guilt trips are a form of verbal or nonverbal communication in which a guilt inducer tries to induce guilty feelings in a target in an effort to control their behavior. As such, guilt trips are a clear form of psychological manipulation and coercion.

Proxy Recruiment - A way of controlling or abusing another person by manipulating other people into unwittingly backing you up, speaking for you or "doing your dirty work" for you. The goal in proxy recruitment is to gain the upper hand in a relationship or in a conflict by getting other people involved. This often takes the form of false accusations, smear campaigns or distortion campaigns in which the victim is portrayed as an abuser.

http://www.bandbacktogether.com/psychological-manipulation-resources/
http://psychopathsandlove.com/covert-emotional-manipulation-tactics/
http://outofthefog.net/CommonBehaviors/ProxyRecruitment.html
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gaslighting
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog...305/the-psychology-and-management-guilt-trips

Rinse and repeat. The above Machiavellian tactics are the cowards way via character assassination. It's how the cult operates and sadly enough I've seen those same tactics used here. It's a very effective method of staging specifically aimed nasty attacks with vague innuendo while hiding behind a cloak of denial. What's tragic is when people don't see through it and are tricked into defending such douchery.

As I said, I don't abide manipulation. Nor do I abide anyone trying to sell me a bridge that someone needs to fill a needed role here in the name of board diversity while using the above malicious cultist tactics that people are speaking out against this very minute.

Something to think about, I hope the irony doesn't escape you, Pooks and Panda. I had enough of this bullshit when MAB and Claire were tag teaming critics with the same modus operandi. If nothing else, Sautez being gang bang sec checked on Face Book and ostracized is example enough.

/Board
 

I told you I was trouble

Suspended animation
Manipulation, it's one of the common bond experiences having been through a cult. In fact, manipulation is the nexus that defines a cult, it's a poisonous agenda warping all it touches with sinewy tentacles.

One thing I can't abide is manipulation, not from a cult or when I see it here. Contributing a statement, dox, a funny observation, an opinion germane to a conversation is fantastic, the more people speaking as one against the cult the better. Disagreement is one thing, stooping to the below tactics to the detriment of others is another. Here's how this generally plays out:


Shaming - Sarcasm and insults can be used by the manipulator to increase self-doubt and fear in the victim, to make the victim feel unworthy. This may be accomplished by anything from a very subtle fierce look or unpleasant tone of voice to a rhetorical comment. This may make the victim feel badly for daring to challenge them, which also fosters a sense of inadequacy in the victim.

Attempts to turn the tables and make you look like the abuser: These skilled manipulators have an arsenal of tactics at their disposal, and they will be pushing as many buttons as possible to get you to lose control. They can inflict so much psychological warfare and make you suppress so much emotion that you can be backed into an emotional corner. When this happens, the intense frustration you feel, but can’t express through normal communication, will cause you to react in self-defense. Emotional reactions in self-defense to an abusive situation do not make you an abuser.

Denying/ Invalidating reality: Invalidating distorts or undermines the victim’s perceptions of their world. Invalidating occurs when the abuser refuses or will not acknowledge reality. For example, if the victim confronts the abuser about an incident of name calling, the abuser may insist, “I never said that,” “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” The same as gaslighting, really, a tactic which is explained below.

Gaslighting - Gaslighting is a form of mental abuse in which false information is presented with the intent of making a victim doubt his or her own memory, perception and sanity.

Minimizing: The manipulator will tell you you’re making a big deal out of nothing or that you’re “exaggerating” when you confront him with something he’s done.

Feigning Confusion - The manipulator plays dumb - pretending she or he has no idea what the victim is talking about, or is confused by the topic at hand.

Playing the Victim - The manipulator portrays themselves as a victim of circumstance or other people in order to gain pity, sympathy, or compassion from their conscientious victim.

Vilifying the Victim - A powerful method of putting the victim on the defensive while masking aggressive intention.

Projecting the Blame - Scapegoating in subtle ways, blaming the victim or other people for the negative actions or consequences of their actions. This helps to portray the manipulator in a more positive light, and can actively harm the victim's relationships with other people, who may not even have been involved.

Guilt Tripping - Guilt trips are a form of verbal or nonverbal communication in which a guilt inducer tries to induce guilty feelings in a target in an effort to control their behavior. As such, guilt trips are a clear form of psychological manipulation and coercion.

Proxy Recruiment - A way of controlling or abusing another person by manipulating other people into unwittingly backing you up, speaking for you or "doing your dirty work" for you. The goal in proxy recruitment is to gain the upper hand in a relationship or in a conflict by getting other people involved. This often takes the form of false accusations, smear campaigns or distortion campaigns in which the victim is portrayed as an abuser.

http://www.bandbacktogether.com/psychological-manipulation-resources/
http://psychopathsandlove.com/covert-emotional-manipulation-tactics/
http://outofthefog.net/CommonBehaviors/ProxyRecruitment.html
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gaslighting
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog...305/the-psychology-and-management-guilt-trips

Rinse and repeat. The above Machiavellian tactics are the cowards way via character assassination. It's how the cult operates and sadly enough I've seen those same tactics used here. It's a very effective method of staging specifically aimed nasty attacks with vague innuendo while hiding behind a cloak of denial. What's tragic is when people don't see through it and are tricked into defending such douchery.

As I said, I don't abide manipulation. Nor do I abide anyone trying to sell me a bridge that someone needs to fill a needed role here in the name of board diversity while using the above malicious cultist tactics that people are speaking out against this very minute.

Something to think about, I hope the irony doesn't escape you, Pooks and Panda. I had enough of this bullshit when MAB and Claire were tag teaming critics with the same modus operandi. If nothing else, Sautez being gang bang sec checked on Face Book and ostracized is example enough.

/Board



Free Being Me ... you are now doing what you say you dislike so much.

None of us are perfect ... we probably all manipulate (or try to) at certain points in our lives (or in our day!) to have things go "our way" ... I certainly do.

I realise you got upset a few weeks ago and I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings with my post at the time but you simply cannot tell us how to post and how to act and how to "be" ... you won't win.

I normally love your posting style (lots of facts and very funny) but you are taking things a bit too seriously lately IMO ... this is just a message board (a wonderful one) and many of us just come here to chat and laugh ... a lot, isn't it fantastic that we can without worrying about being psychopaths or manipulators!

I left the cult behind and all the guilt and shame that went with it.
 

JustSheila

Crusader
Thanks for posting this, FreeBeingMe.

Before I take a hiatus from ESMB (no one is forcing it, I've just found recent events disturbing and need some breathing space) I'd like to comment.

There is an old core of ESMB members here who are personal friends with each other and with Emma. It seemed to me that for a time, one of the priorities here was looking after those original ESMBers. They got away with a lot.

That changed. Emma changed. ESMB changed. It is much more fair now, but certain individuals still have an attitude about who they like or dislike and use ESMB as a tool to have a go at those individuals whenever they can.

I'm no angel, but more often than not, I just put my foot in my mouth and mean something one way but it comes out another. IF/when that happens, I'm not above admitting a mistake, apologising and clarifying. That doesn't stop the long-term grudge holders from jumping in, though, and making the most of a situation to try to make me look like a villain. That's usually done with cries of OSA OSA OSA, or insinuations of SP characteristics or OSA actions, or broad character criticisms or even accusations that are outright lies.

It has been that way since I first arrived here as Gottabrain, though it certainly hasn't been continual. It makes no difference that I've done two television interviews, a bunch of vids and written every scrap of information I could about crimes committed by COS and personally helped a number of people who were badly hurt by COS. Certain people decided they didn't like me, and no amount of communication between us could ever change my being their personal play target to attack and demean whenever someone else had a tiff or even a mild disagreement with me.

I'm absolutely amazed at how little it takes for one of these individuals to get offended over how they interpret what is said to someone else and go off on a full character assassination, including accusations of imaginary things said or done that weren't, or invalidating IRL certificates or degrees, or grossly exaggerating what they perceive as something said that was wrong... there seems no limit. Apologies don't matter, they just keep on and on and on when the opportunity arises because the intention is not to correct a situation or statement, but to personally attack the individual and smash him or her down for any slightest offense to one of their core, original ESMB group.

None of that ever has ever had anything to do with the subject under discussion. It's wrong. It's destructive. But they are original ESMBers and all friends.

Emma has tried. She put the line in the sand more than once.

Now I'm sure those individuals are going to jump right in here and so they should. Go on. I expect no less. Prove my words. Then nobody needs to be named. It's an opportunity, after all, because I am taking a hiatus. The fight against COS is often less important than taking revenge on some individual over some minor thing that personally offended you, or a misunderstanding, right? Never mind that the person has been fighting COS right along your side. Revenge goes on and on and on and on... for years. For so long, it doesn't even make sense to me.

OR - we can all draw our own line in the sand.

Can we stop the personal insults, criticisms, and character assassinations, please? Can we all try to get along and help enhance communication when there are misunderstandings or blunders, rather than exaggerate things and blow them all out of proportion?

Can those of you intent on revenge or not liking another just let it go? Please?
 

I told you I was trouble

Suspended animation
Sheila,

You are never going to stop people from doing what people do, especially here ... we all have our moments when we lose our rags and can become a bit feral but you too are now doing what you are saying you are against by dragging up the past and presenting it from your viewpoint (that's manipulative! I'm joking BTW ... it's not manipulative to have a view and express it and manipulation can be used for good too and often is) but it won't end well if the people you are digging at decide to get involved.

A healthy board (IMO) would be one where we are being ourselves without looking over our shoulders but (as you rightly say) without holding onto silly, pointless grudges from long ago.

Manipulation can be in the eye of the beholder ... I quite like being manipulated on occasion (lol) it keeps me on my toes.

You are part of this madness ... so don't go yet (it will be getting really interesting soon with Mosey's court case).


:flowers:
 

Emma

Con te partirò
Administrator
Gawd, is there nothing going on in Scientology Land again?

Must be time to eat each other.

Manipulation is what this thread is about but it's also what this thread is - an attempt to manipulate. Lets take a subject close to our hearts (scientology) and build an emotional argument around it to point the finger at people we don't like.

It's transparent & pathetic.

Thread closed.
 
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