I tried to sleep, I have to go up early next morning, but I can't sleep, until I have written this... The next days I will stay a while away from ESMB, so I want to do it now...
Mark, you called me a bitch, a OSA spy and some other evil things... Because I am knowing what you are going through, especially the paranoia, that everything is evil (an enemy) I will forgive you this. In the state you are right know you will think now, shut up b*tch.
But please listen to the nice people here on this board, espcially to your critics... This persons want to help you, they are not evil, bad, OSA or enemies... It are people with a good heart.
I tried to explain this sometimes and you never listen, because imo you think I want to hurt you or damage your image... This I do not want, I want that you are able to see behind the lies of Scientology. You haven't lost your career because of critics, you lost your career because of Scientology. Every Ex has lost something their. Some their kids, some their parents and brothers, some has lost their childhood and some Scientologists lost their live.
You have "only" lost your career and money. From my point of view, you had luck! Please enjoy your live and don't fuss! (Jammer nicht rum!) You are whining from a very high level. ...and when you have time and forget for a while your hurted ego, think a minute about the victims of Scientology! About the kids that have no childhood, about all the people in RPF, about the Sea Org "slaves", and ... and ... and...
Nicole Scheffler
Hello Nicole Scheffler, this is Mark Janicello.
Thank you for posting your name and thank you for your message.
I do not hate you. I do not hate anyone.
I don't know any of you.
Neither do any of you know me.
You, and a few others have pretty much attacked me and my book non-stop from day one. If people attack me, I defend myself. It is nothing more than that.
I do not think you are a bitch.
I do not know nor do I actually care if you worked for OSA.
I am not afraid of OSA or anyone else at this stage of the game.
From this day forward I will never call you a bitch, or ever accuse you of working for OSA ever again. I respect your courage in posting your name here. Please accept my apology. You have put your "money where your mouth is. I promise you, it won't happen again.
Probably if we met somewhere in Germany, we would like each other and drink a coffee together, despite our differences of opinion. All of the "critics" here are working without all of the information. More than that, assumptions have been made about me and my mentality, that have NOTHING to do with reality.
I understand that my story and my point of view does not fit the "mold" of how my "critics" here feel I should think or act. My experience was different than most people's in SCN. That my experience is out of the realm of "the possible" for any normal person neither surprises, nor bothers me. However, it doesn't change the fact that it happened.
That I am not willing to expose some names or documents here, has to do with the fact that I dealt with OSA for a good 8 years, and dealt with the Verfassungschutz for more than 6 years. I know how the Verfassungschutz works and I know what can happen. That the Americans on this board can't understand that, is clear. I am not afraid of the Verfassungschutz, but I don't want any more court cases. I spent 4,5 years in court. Been there. Done that.
I can certainly understand that people would like some documentation.
The people exist. The documentation for a lot of things exists.
I have written the book in such a way as to avoid ANY legal action by either the persons involved, the ever-so-happy-to-sue SCN Organization, and by members of certain government offices. I have chosen to tell this story in a way that protects me and my family. Nothing anyone here can write is going to change that. This you will simply have to accept -- or not.
I have written my autobiography. You can choose to believe what I wrote or not. I owe no one an apology for my book, for my point-of-view, or for my life. I did what I thought was the right thing at that time.
OSA doesn't have clean hands. I know that. My trust in the system of SCN
in any form DIED in 2003. SCN is a business and should be treated as such. It has no right to call itself a religion. There are human rights abuses within SCN. People are being "fair-gamed" Families are being torn apart. To all that, I am hopeful that a legal solution will eventually be found to hold SCN accountable for their actions world-wide.
Whatever blackmail, and influence they may have -- OSA doesn't run the legal system in Germany or german-speaking Europe. The Verfassungschutz, has much more influence. I guess that we both know that.
Nicole, I have been gone from Scientology for 8 years.
I have no intention of ever going back.
I have a wonderful life now.
I have an amazing place to live.
I have great friends and I have very interesting things to do.
Like I wrote in "Push It Now"
"Thrown away the bullshit
Ripped out all the lies.
Scratched off all the polish
And looked you in the eyes.
I saw the pressure and the fear
I saw you've "lost your map."
I thought you were my savior
But it was all a trap."
My music speaks for me.
I wish you well and thanks again for being forthcoming.
Mark Janicello