Me, Patty, OSA, Gavino & those logs

Emma

Con te partirò
Administrator
I posted this to ars and now I'm posting it here for those who don't read ars and want to read it.

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I've been thinking about this for days trying to decide exactly how much or how little to tell about this but to still get the real story out without boring everyone into a coma. I finally decided the best way is to tell it exactly how I told it to Patty P on March 3rd 2006.

This letter is exactly the same letter I sent her except I have edited out my daughter's & ex husband's names and any personal details that are completely irrelevant to this situation.

Warning: this is long and boring in parts but at the time I felt I needed to say it.

Note: I began this letter on 10th Jan 2006 and left it undone. I left it unfinished until 3rd March 2006.
Note 2: ARS refers to this news group. #ars refers to the IRC channel #altreligionscientology

START LETTER

Hi,

I started writing this on January 10th 2006. I got ½ ways and stopped. I knew you should know all this before you posted as Patty but I just didn’t have the guts to complete it. I can’t express in words my remorse in all this. I’m just going to tell you the truth and leave the consequences up to fate. You have the right to decide what to do with this information. By my actions I’ve lost any privilege.

Hi Patty,

There is something I need to tell you. This marks a turning point in my life both for better and for worse. The net result will put me in a worse position than where I was 5 years ago – Out of Scientology but this time I’ll also be out of the critics group as well.

I’m talking about deception, manipulation and cowardice.

Let me give you some background which might help you understand where I’m coming from. Please understand, I’m not justifying my actions, but I do hope it might help you to understand where I’m coming from.

I march 2001 I was dismissed from staff. I’d been on staff for over 7 years and in Scientology for 9. I won’t go into the horrors and mind fuck that existed at that time. You know about it and have experienced it. At times I was definitely suicidal. I recall climbing the stairs to the roof and seriously contemplating just jumping off. The only thing that kept me from doing that was my daughter and my love for her. I couldn’t see a way out of the trap. If I routed off I’d be hit with an enormous freeloader that I’d never be able to pay and my “eternity” would be put in serious jeopardy. I was fully indoctrinated and believed that my future depended entirely upon my actions within Scientology. But to stay, on a five year contract, that had never even commenced after 7 years, I was looking at the next 7 – 10 years minimally on staff, and in poverty and slavery (even back then I felt it was slavery).

At the time I was auditing a couple of PCs on Div 6 intro stuff. Both had been blown off by family members showing these people stuff from the net. There was also an OT5? who had been found out to be posting to forums (I imagine it was ARS but I never found out for sure). He was in serious trouble and a declare was pending. There was also a staff member who had read “Messiah or Madman” and was instantly dismissed from staff. All this went on in a fairly short period of time so the climate was very touchy regarding the net.

I had gotten in ethics trouble at the time to for nattering about “Internships that can’t be completed” and “endless staff contracts”. My husband had routed off a few months earlier after completing his staff contract and it was horrific. He was yelled at, abused, degraded, threatened and made to feel like shit. This had a profound effect on me. Needless to say I was looking like ethics bait and an “invest” was done on the morale of the TTC and interns and I came out as “the Who”. I was given a program to do. I begrudgingly did this to stay in good standing. Then I was ordered to a HCO sec check which was completely fucked. The auditor was terrible, my ruds wouldn’t fly and I knew I was being ordered to do this because I had dared to question the actions of Execs. I’d KRd the ED and C/S to RTC several times over the internship, GAT and XXXXX's treatment. This was my punishment. In the total of about 6 sessions I red tagged every time and the first question is still unflat ;-)

Somewhere in all this I was given a non enturb order. I know I was mid the sec check and I was stirring up trouble with other auditors. Being there was a living hell. The ED was/is an evil evil woman who is married to, and has complete control over the Snr C/s / Qual Sec (double hatted). She was making my life an absolute misery. She had a personal vendetta against me because of my KRs to RTC about her and her hypocrisy (A whole other story I’ll tell one day). I had stood up to her in the past but had paid dearly for it.

Anyway, the day I was handed the non enturb order something snapped in my head. I actually think I’d been subconsciously planning the following action for some time. I’d bought a pc and modem in the weeks before and had learnt how to use Google etc. I went home, Googled “Scientology” and read everything I could. XXXXX was working late so I had most of the night to myself. I read from about 7 – 11pm until XXXXX came home. I read the OT levels, the Clear cog etc. I‘d read a lot of Xenu.net and some or Arnie’s material. I had no where near covered everything there is to know about Scientology and LRH but I’d seen enough. I told him I wouldn’t be going back. We argued and he called the EO’s mobile phone and left a message that I was off the rails and said I wouldn’t be back.

The next day I woke up early, took my daughter to Kinder and came home to do more reading. I read from 8am until about 12pm when the EO showed up. He convinced me to come in the next day which I did. The next day I had a session and did feel a bit better. Then I was given a program and conditions. I got through the program and the conditions which of course included a ream of O/W write ups, and I had just about succeeded in reprogramming myself. My next step was Qual where I was ordered to a retread of Level II and IV because I’d committed overts. I snapped again. This was completely out tech. My auditing of Level II or IV tech had never been questioned before, but because I dared to look at entheta I’d have to retread II and IV. I went home again and got on the net. This time I read until 4am, seeing more and more lies melt away.

I went in the next day at midday and went straight to the EO. I told her what I‘d done and was told to write more O/Ws. This time I went to town. I wrote as exactly as I could remember about ALL the OT levels, the Clear Cog, LRHs Navy and academic career. I wrote the words “Xenu” “BTs” “Clusters” “Teegeack” etc. In short I wrote a “freak out” O/W write up. I left it on her desk as she’s left for the day.

The next morning I went in (out of duty I guess) I was pulled out of my auditing room (I’d been setting up for some book 1 auditing) and pulled up the stairs and treated very roughly. I was told to start cleaning. I objected and fought with the little Hitler from HCO. I was then told to write O/Ws until someone would see me. It was such a strange feeling. I knew I was in big big trouble and I was terrified, yet I felt defiant. I was shaking and just sitting there waiting for the axe to fall. There was a lot of whispering and movement going on outside my little room. Occasionally someone would come in and check on me to see if I was writing. I wasn’t and refused to. Then they’d leave. After about 3 hours of this I decided to leave. Something I’d dreamed of and fanaticised about for years. I wondered if anyone would stop me. So shaking, I picked up my handbag, walked down 3 flights of stairs and out the door. I guess they were all in meetings or on course. I hurried down the street and to the train station. I kept expecting someone to appear on the train platform but they didn’t. Finally my train arrived and I got on it. I picked up my daughter from Kinder and announced to the Carers that I was finally free. Little did I know how wrong I was.

The next day the EO arrived and handed me my dismissal notice. Never had I experienced such relief. The order included that I not communicate with any other Scientologist except DSA and HCO effectively disconnecting me from all my friends. And of course I wasn’t to communicate with XXXXX about it as it was entheta. So I had absolutely no one to talk to about this. At the time it didn’t worry me – I was just glad to be free. But soon after that I was in dire need of someone to talk to. I felt I was going mad

(I’m sorry to bore you with this long winded story, it’s just the first time I’ve written it down and it’s long overdue.)

Over the next few months I was active on OCMB and read ARS. But the CoS shut down OCMB for a week or two in 2001 and I had no terminals. That’s where I found IRC.

In the subsequent months I was Comm Eve’d, PTS declared, Illegal PC declared and dead filed. During this time several people were in comm with XXXXX trying to convince him to leave me. I was terrified about this occurring. I had a daughter to support and NO wog skills to get a real job to support myself. I got a few different cleaning jobs initially but knew I couldn’t survive without him, either emotionally or financially. So I started to play the game of dual personality and have played that game up until very recently. When I was on line I could say what I felt, but at the same time I had to make it look to him and the “Church” like I was making attempts to handle my situation. I did some conditions and made lots of “I want to get back in good standing” noises, enough to keep an SP Declare from appearing anyway. My greatest fear was a Declare because I knew XXXXX would leave me for sure. He’d have no choice. I wrote comms to the right people, handed in a few conditions that I’d written to satisfy HCO but I stalled on Liability. I just couldn’t bring myself to do any amends or “strike a blow”. I created a web site to warn other disaffected Scios about reading entheta on the web but DSA disallowed it. They wanted me out dropping pamphlets, or selling books or making huge donations. I just couldn’t do it.

From time to time someone would pick up the cycle and try to push it through. Melbourne Foundation staff tried to help but MelD always stopped them. The ED MelD wanted me out here on my own. The terminals on MelF became allies. At XXXXX’s and the ED of MelF insistence I requested a Board of Review to CLO ANZO on my cycle as there was a lot of out sequence and off policy stuff to argue. This was ignored. This gave me an excuse to just drop it for a while.

At this time I really slipped back into their mindset too. I even signed another staff contract in 2002 for Melbourne Foundation (I was originally on Day). They were being very helpful and seemed to really care about me and handling the cycle. I was still very indoctrinated. I felt like a pendulum swinging from one side to another. I couldn’t make a decision. One day I’d be a critic, the next I wanted to be back in the group. I couldn’t stop reading information about Scientology, yet I still couldn’t break away.

Over the next year or two things calmed down on the Scio front. I guess other Hill 10s presented themselves and I was put on the backburner. But it never went away at home. XXXXX and I argued time & time again over the cycle. I had gotten back into the workforce and felt a lot more independent too. I’d tell him what I knew about Scn but he wouldn’t listen. He’d tell me it was all crap etc and that I just needed to sort out the cycle. We put out the spot fires but the major disagreement never went away. I believe at this time I was still much more indoctrinated than I thought I was because some of what he said made sense. He talked the Scio talk, validated me and promised me that together we’d work it out. I believed him and a part of me still thought I was just “over restimulated” and one day I’d look back on my present attitude and be ashamed, but the other part of me couldn’t ignore everything I ‘d read and actually believed in my heart..

[Snip personal irrelevant info]

I broke down at work one day. I started to cry and then I couldn’t stop. I went home and cried and cried and cried. XXXXX came home and saw me in this state and wanted to know what was wrong. So I told him. I told him everything. I told him about mIRC, ARS, talking to SPs, posting and how I felt I was living two separate lives. I previously had promised him that I wouldn’t look at entheta again. [snip more personal irrelevant data]. I was sure he’d leave then and there but he didn’t. He asked me if I wanted to fix it. He said he wanted to stay with me and get past all this. I couldn’t believe it. I felt an overwhelming gratitude to this man promised to do all I could to make things right. This of course included my situation with Scientology. At this point I would have agreed to just about everything. My world had fallen apart and he was willing to help me pick up the pieces.

I did 2D conditions up to and out of Liability, wrote O/Ws and showed him and was pathetically “in debt” to him for many months. I couldn’t believe someone could be so compassionate. Later I realised it was simply his fear of being alone that drove his decision. He later told me he regretted not leaving me back in 2001. But anyway at the time this is how it was.

Part of my agreement with him was to put things right with Scientology, so I left messages with the Cont Justice Chief and Snr HAS in Sydney but nobody ever returned my calls. I thought that if I just completed my Comm Ev F&Rs I’d be back in the good books. One night I called the ED MelF to ask for her help. She said she’d do what she could.

A few weeks later, around August 2004 she calls me up and tells me that she has two very good SO terminals from Sydney who would like to help me on my cycle. I agreed for them to come to my house. Later that day they arrived. To my shock & horror I was introduced to CO OSA ANZO and PRO OSA ANZO. I shat myself.

We sat down and started talking about the off policy actions that had occurred and that they felt they could easily address it and fix it. I was pleased with this. Then CO OSA drops the bombshell. She says “We know you are posting to ARS and chatting on IRC as Emma.” I nearly died. I denied it initially but then admitted it. She said that this could be addressed fairly easily if I cooperated. She was very calm and very nice throughout this whole afternoon. I was in a state of shock. I thought once I had admitted this she’d leave immediately and send me the declare in the mail but she didn’t. She was laughing about it and said she understood how these things can happen but that it can all be fixed. We got talking about other critics in ANZO and I was blown away by how much she knew…(whoosh, the pendulum swings again). I was overcome by that warm fuzzy feeling of the promise of being back in that group again with all my friends and putting all this behind me. XXXXX came home and was really happy.

(As an aside, I still hadn’t really made any new friends outside Scn. If I had managed to do this then perhaps things might have been different. It’s amazing what your tricks your mind will play on you if you are craving a feeling of belonging and worth).

They had agreed to do a B of R at Cont level and get this whole thing sorted out and they left with us all the best of friends. I can’t describe or explain how or why this happened. It might be the phenomenon that you experience when someone seems to accept you – warts and all, or someone offers you a life line, or forgives you for some horrendous act against them. I’m not sure how or why I ended up shifting my allegiance but I did.

And here’s where it gets really ugly and very hard to write.

On October 31st 2004 (I remember this because I was at a Halloween party) I got a call from the PRO. She wanted me to log onto IRC and just snoop around a bit and see if there were any pickets planned. (I think they were worried about some event or Lisa McPherson’s anniversary) so I did and I emailed the log to her the next day.

She asked me to do this for ½ hour a day, just to keep an eye on the critics. So I did this.

A week or so later I got a call from a guy who called himself “Frank”. I later learned this guy was Gavino Idda from OSA Int.

http://www.xenu.net/archive/personal_story/tory/osa101-5.html

(That is where I left it. I am a coward and an asshole. I found the next bit of it too hard to confront telling you. I’ve just gotten off the google phone from you and I’ll now finish this story.)



“Frank” as Gavino was calling himself said that he was from OSA Int and was very interested in finding out what I knew about the critics on #ars and had a special interest in Tory & you. He said he’d help on my cycle of the B of R if I was willing to help him. He also made it clear that if I decided not to help him he “knew” all about me and my past and could make life difficult. After all this was war and he wasn’t pulling any punches.

I admit I felt flattered and important. I also was scared out of my mind about the consequences of not obeying him. At this time I was still trying to save my marriage and do the best by my daughter. I was caught right in the middle of the mind fuck yet again.

He asked me if I knew who Cerridwen was. I said that all I knew was that her name was Patty and she’s in the Boston area. He was delighted by this and told me about Maureen visiting you that first time and that they knew it was you but couldn’t prove it. At this stage I had kept logs (God knows why) and he said he wanted them – all of them including our conversations. So I sent them – hours and hours of them. I don’t know what was on them because after I sent them I deleted them but I’m certain that there were conversations between you & I that incriminated you as Cerridwen.

A couple of weeks later that RFW page went up about you. I swear I didn’t know that he was going to do that. He had convinced me that he only wanted to be sure who you were so that he could keep an eye on you.

I was furious. The next time he called I got very angry at him and accused him of lying to me and betraying me. I told him that I wasn’t going to be his little spy any longer. I told him that I really liked you despite your SP activities and thought that you could have been salvaged but that now there is no hope. (I actually never really believed this but I needed a justification for having a lot of affection for you). He got angry right back at me and told me that I’d better decide where my loyalties lay. He said he’d call me back in a few days after I’d calmed down. The next time he called I was calmer and told him that I still wanted to handle my situation but would no longer spy for him. He agreed and I disappeared from #ars for a long while.

He called a few times after that to try to get me to officially hand over my logs to RFW so that they could be used. I wormed my way out of it each time by telling him that I was scared of the consequences of the critics finding out what I’d done. The truth is that it was dawning on me what I’d done and I didn’t want to hurt anyone any further.

Over the next couple of months (I honestly can’t tell you when this happened as it’s a big blur) I started to get back on #ars again (never keeping logs) and chatting to people. I never stopped reading ARS and looking for stuff on the net. The whole time I was scared that Gavino would catch me on #ars and call to find out what I was doing there. But I was drawn there. It was where the truth lived. I had to stop pretending. At the same time my pretend marriage was falling apart. I didn’t love him (I really doubt I ever did). We still argued over Scn. He was still failing in his business but refusing to do anything to fix it. It was horrible at home. That’s when I decided to leave.

In August 2005 I told him I was leaving and moved out in September. This broke my daughter's heart but I just had to do it. I was dying. I knew I was finished with the marriage and with Scientology. The B of R was still “IP” but I suspected it would never be done as I wasn’t spying for Gavino anymore and I was pretty sure he knew I was back on #ars. I still wanted the B of R to be done as I wanted the wrong justice actions cancelled for his sake. He wanted to be a Scientologist and I didn’t want to stop him because of my actions. It was clear that he was completely indoctrinated and lost without them.

I got the odd call from OSA ANZO over the next few weeks telling me that the B of R was almost done. I had already moved out so it didn’t mean much to me but XXXXX was very excited.

In November my work flew all employees to Sydney for a function. I met CO OSA and PRO OSA at the Hilton Hotel (where we were staying) and she gave me the B of R. It cancelled my gag order, PTS declare, Illegal PC declare and a few other things. I’ll attach all these documents so you can read them for yourself. I pretended to be very pleased by this but was grateful that I had a plane to catch. I promised I’d be back to Sydney really soon to do my program and start over.

It’s now March and I haven’t been back. I’ve made all the excuses under the sun to not go.

A week ago I told XXXXX that I was going to Sydney (which I am for work) and I’m going to tell CO OSA that I’m finished with Scientology. And I will. I have made my decision (the same one I made in 2001) but this time I mean it.

I’ve had lots of realisations in the last few weeks. Mainly about who I am and what I believe. About that is courage and what is cowardice. But mainly about where my future lies and what I want in it. Scientology has no part in my future. I only want truth – even if it is ugly. I believe that truth is the only thing that saves you from yourself.

You probably have loads of questions. I’ve anticipated some of them and will attempt to answer them the best I can here, but it will be easier when I talk to you.

Q: was I always an OP?

A: NO. It was over 31/2 years I was on #ars as myself. I made friends with people who I subsequently betrayed. I was a spy for approximately 2 months out of that whole time.

Q: Do I understand the consequences of telling you all this?

A: Yes I do. You could do anything you like with this data and I’d be powerless to stop you. I deserve the same betrayal I gave you. You could tell everyone on #ars and everyone on the planet and I’d deserve it. But you know what? It’s the truth and I can handle it because I’m sick of pretending.

Q: did I first email you as an OP?

A: No. If I’d known what was ahead I’d never have put either of us in that situation. You always had my respect and admiration as Cerridwen well before I knew you as Pookie or Patty.

Q: Have I passed on any ExSO list emails?

A: No – absolutely not

Q: Am I still on the fence regarding Scientology?

A: No. I don’t think I ever was. I was craving group acceptance. I was craving attention, revenge, altitude, a happy marriage and peace. I was scared of the consequences of telling OSA how it is. I was scared of losing face. I was worried about the world finding out about my past. It was all fear driven. Never have I wanted to go back to that group because of anything positive. I don’t believe in a reactive mind, BTs or Clear. I don’t believe Scientology delivers anywhere near what it promises. I do believe that they offer some good things at the Div 6 level and grades processing. Reflecting on your life and letting go of harmful emotion is a positive thing to do, but when you wrap it in a cultish environment it loses it effectiveness and the experience becomes harmful.

Q: Am I ashamed?

A: More than you can imagine

There are probably loads more questions and I’ll happily answer them for you.

What I plan to do now is to go to Sydney and tell OSA it’s over. I need to be honest with them and fuck the consequences. I’m sick of being scared and feeling powerless. I’m sick of the subtle threats and innuendo. I need to be honest with myself and everyone else. If it results in a declare and custody battle then so be it. I’ve reached a point in my life where I can cope with this and I’m ready for whatever they throw at me. My only concern is still my daughter. I just hope XXXXX has the guts to do the right thing by her.

So there you have it. The truth. Yes I was blackmailed but I still made the decision to do it. I betrayed you in the most despicable manner and I don’t expect you to forgive me. You sounded very understanding on the phone but this was just new to you and you need to be able to digest it.

I said at the start of this (In January when I first started writing) that I expected to lose my critic friends. I still do. But that pain is nothing compared to holding all this in and continuing to betray those closest to me. My friends on #ars do mean the world to me (Believe it or not) and I think I’d have completely lost the plot years ago if I hadn’t had that support. I know you’ll need to tell Rob, Dave etc about this and I understand why. I just won’t come to #ars anymore because I couldn’t stand the humiliation. It’s actually a small price to pay.

In closing, I want you to know that you mean more to me that just about anyone. I felt such a connection to you from the moment I read your first post as Cerridwen. Getting to know Patty has been a privilege and honour and I’m so glad to have shared things with you. I want you to know that I never knowingly tricked you into saying anything just so I could send it uplines. The damage was already done before I got into that stupid game.

I don’t expect you to trust me. How could I. But despite that I want you to hear that I’m so incredibly sorry for what I did. I don’t know how to make it up to you. I doubt I ever could.

I’ll be waiting for you on Saturday night (Your Sat morning). If you don’t want to talk I will completely understand.


- Michelle

END LETTER

What prompted me to finish this letter on that day was that Patty first posted as herself on March 3rd 2006 beginning with the post "Hello, My name is Patty Pieniadz"

http://groups.google.com/group/alt.religion.scientology/browse_frm/thread/cce40278689bc63a/fdf55b8c717d3325?lnk=gst&q=patty+pieniadz#fdf55b8c717d3325

and subsequent posts regarding Bob Minton and other OSA dirty tricks programs.

When I came home from work and saw that Patty had written these posts my heart sunk and I knew I had to tell her what I'd done. We started chatting by IM but then finished the conversation on the phone. After I got off the phone I finished the letter and sent it to her.

Patty has earlier stated in her "moral crisis" thread and in a private email to me that she'd never read this letter. I don't believe this is true as I remember her telling me at the time that she'd sent it to the channel members who were affected, namely Rob Clark, Deanna Holmes, Scott Pilutik, Kady O'Malley, Dave Touretzky & maybe one or two others. These people could probably verify this. I know that minimally Kady read the letter and DST because I discussed it with them briefly at the time. No one would have been able to read this letter unless Patty had forwarded it on to them as she was the only person I sent it to.

It was decided to keep this information regarding the logs quiet to avoid hysteria.

On the 8th March 2006 I sent a disconnection letter to OSA ANZO. This recommendation came from Patty as she had written one to Maureen and found it to be effective. The letter is as follows:

START LETTER

To Vicki and Virginia,

I’m writing to inform you of an important decision I have reached regarding any future involvement in Scientology.

Firstly I want to thank you for your help over the last 12 months. Getting that B of R done has certainly made a big difference in XXXXX’s life. He is back on lines at Melbourne Day and doing well at his WISE group. I was pleased with the outcome for myself as well. It has undone a lot of injustices that had affected my life over the last 5 years.

Despite this, I’ve reached the decision to end my association with Scientology on any level.

I’m not going to go into the specifics as it would be counterproductive and unnecessary. Let it just be said that I’ve read too much information regarding Scientology, LRH and the history of the Church. Even if only half of what I’ve read is true, it is still too contradictory to what I’d previously believed to continue my involvement.

I would like an atmosphere of “peace” to follow this decision. XXXXX still very much wants to continue in Scientology and he has my support to follow whichever path he chooses. If I were to be declared a suppressive person it would have a serious effect on our relationship and that would adversely affect our daughter. I will do my part in this process by not publicly airing my views in any type of media including the internet.

I would appreciate it very much if I wasn’t contacted by anyone regarding this decision except to say that it has been received and accepted. I don’t want to discuss it with anyone or have anyone attempt to get me to change my mind. This decision has been a long time coming and I feel very comfortable in finally reaching it.


Would you please forward this to Gavino and any other terminals that need to be informed, including those at Melbourne Org.

I wish you both success and happiness in pursuing your chosen path and hope that you can allow the same for me.

Regards,

Michelle

END LETTER


I can only presume that my email made it to Gavino because the following day he posted to ars pretending to be Dave Touretzky.

You can see the first post in this thread although the original post has since been deleted. Patty replied in that thread and captured the original post.

http://groups.google.com/group/alt....?lnk=gst&q=cerridwen+mailman#fc76850142e3a254

This sent Patty & I into a frenzy because it meant that Gavino was probably going to post the logs outing Patty as Cerridwen. You can see by the forged post that Gavino was still threatening to sue Patty for copyright infringement.

In recent days Patty has accused me of fabricating the following story to cover my own ass as an OSA dupe. This is not true. I had already (in March 2006) given up my rights to privacy in that matter when I sent that letter. Of course I was ashamed of what I had done and would have preferred that the whole world didn't find out but I wasn't going to try to cover it up. The cover up was borne out of necessity to try to counteract Gavino and his plans to trap Patty. (Which of course I had contributed to so felt completely responsible for)

So in a very hurried fashion we concocted the following story which has already been viewed by some of you in the last day or two.

http://groups.google.com/group/alt....d5058?lnk=gst&q=emmma+gavino#2372c56ce2ad5058

This was the best we could come up with on the phone in 1/2 hour.

Since that time there have been instances where Patty has pondered the possibility of coming clean as being Cerridwen but until a few days ago never did. Whenever we'd discuss this it was always the fear of the Copyright issue that stopped her and NOT my fear of telling the truth about this issue. Kady was right that the true story is a much better story as it shows how affected and manipulated a person can become at the hands of this indoctrination.

As an aside, I posted my "shore story" as emmma (3 ms) because that was the name I was most often on IRC with at the time. There is no other mystery about it. (That was just for you Alert!) ;-)
 

Alan

Gold Meritorious Patron
:lol: Emma!

What tangled webs we weave when we set out to deceive!

Having been constantly featured in many of the above IRC logs - I'm sure it caused much laughter......

Its all part of the process of getting out - don't be too hard on yourself :)

Part of being a Scientologist - is being in treason on all flows! None have escaped it! :grouch:

Alan
 

Veda

Sponsor
I posted this to ars and now I'm posting it here for those who don't read ars and want to read it.

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I've been thinking about this for days trying to decide exactly how much or how little to tell about this but to still get the real story out without boring everyone into a coma. I finally decided the best way is to tell it exactly how I told it to Patty P on March 3rd 2006.

This letter is exactly the same letter I sent her except I have edited out my daughter's & ex husband's names and any personal details that are completely irrelevant to this situation.

Warning: this is long and boring in parts but at the time I felt I needed to say it.

Note: I began this letter on 10th Jan 2006 and left it undone. I left it unfinished until 3rd March 2006.
Note 2: ARS refers to this news group. #ars refers to the IRC channel #altreligionscientology

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This information is very helpful, and it's good that it's there.

Scientology Inc. attempts to use good people, and has made a kind of "science" out of manipulation. The use of threat on one side, and acceptance and "ARC" on the other, is a basic manipulative "game."

It can be difficult when someone expresses "ARC" as a answer to a possible threat, and more difficult when family members are involved.

The more Scientology tactics are known and understood, the more good people will be able to protect themselves.

"Know the (dark) 'Tech' and you can protect yourself from the (dark) 'Tech'.

That Scientology Inc. uses "ARC" in a dark and manipulative way is unfortunate, but that's one thing Scientology Inc. does. Used car salesmen use phony "ARC" too, but don't follow the person home after they refuse to close the deal.

Scientology Inc. is a dark operation with an "ARC"-coating.

And affinity, true affinity, reality, honest reality, and communication, sincere communication, are still beautiful things, no matter how much Scientology Inc. has attempted to use them for its own dark purposes.

Please keep up the good work Emma, it's much appreciated.
 

Alanzo

Bardo Tulpa
:lol: Emma!

What tangled webs we weave when we set out to deceive!

Having been constantly featured in many of the above IRC logs - I'm sure it caused much laughter......

Its all part of the process of getting out - don't be too hard on yourself :)

Part of being a Scientologist - is being in treason on all flows! None have escaped it! :grouch:

Alan

Good point, Alan.
 

Lermanet_com

Gold Meritorious Patron
As an aside, I posted my "shore story" as emmma (3 ms) because that was the name I was most often on IRC with at the time. There is no other mystery about it. (That was just for you Alert!) ;-)

Emma

When the old timers read that we all thought SHORE STORY at the time..., the red OSA light was flashing.. that/or this is was our smokin' gun...we didn't buy it.. its too bad we didnt fix all this sooner, but hey, tough guys and gals are very stubborn, arn't they? that is also why they tend to stay alive in a conflict, thanks for cleaning the slate. And congratulations. I hope more people do this.

The sooner more people do this the sooner scientology will end

When an animal is mortally wounded, the humane thing to do is put it out of its misery.

Silence prolongs that misery.
 

Alan

Gold Meritorious Patron
Emma

When the old timers read that we all thought SHORE STORY at the time..., the red OSA light was flashing.. that/or this is was our smokin' gun...we didn't buy it.. its too bad we didnt fix all this sooner, but hey, tough guys and gals are very stubborn, arn't they? that is also why they tend to stay alive in a conflict, thanks for cleaning the slate. And congratulations. I hope more people do this.

I must admit back in those days I was pretty sure Emma would be "a reverter" - one who is addicted to the Cult and feels they have too much to lose to stay away.

But, I also know once one has observed the truth of LRH and Scio - there is no going back for long.

Building a new life and finding new comm lines is one of the hardest things there is to do.....but it is so freeing - :happydance:
 

chipgallo

Patron Meritorious
Thanks, Michelle. Some of this reminds me of my own "prisoner of war" period in the early 1990s. Very emotional and draining. You've done good work here and I'm sure more is to come in 2008.

Chip
 

Terril park

Sponsor
Condolences Emma. I think Kady was right about it being a devastating indictment of COS. You may wish to put it in the " My Story" thread?


"He called a few times after that to try to get me to officially hand over my logs to RFW so that they could be used......."

This is interesting. We have an FZ equivalent of RFW, Freezone survivors.


What does " officially hand over" mean? You have to sign a legal statement saying theses facts are true? I presume OSA is trying to cover their ass against slander suits?

The funniest one on FZ survivors is a guy writing that his human rights were violated because he didn't get receipts for book puchases.

This may be applicable to RFW. FZ survivors is hosted in Tonga. To
take issue with anything you need to go to a court in Tonga.

Long ago, little itty bitty third world countries made beautifull postage stamps that collectors paid money for. Hell they need the revenue.

Now seems they do it with state sanctioned third part activities. :)

Quite possibly suggested by OSA. Or is this common in corporate warfare?
 

Terril park

Sponsor
I know it's a .to domain name, but it can be hosted anywhere, surely?

Paul

Your blinding me with science somewhat. I have no idea, being a computer dummy. I believe Mike of IFA tried to get something done and that was the result. Go to Tonga. He's a featured performer on that website.
 

Dulloldfart

Squirrel Extraordinaire
Your blinding me with science somewhat. I have no idea, being a computer dummy. I believe Mike of IFA tried to get something done and that was the result. Go to Tonga. He's a featured performer on that website.

I'm guessing that he was trying to document who owned the domain name. I remember looking it up at the time and posting about it to a FZ list, probably yours. The registration was expensive, like $50 a year, and the only reason I could see for that site being in that top-level domain (.to rather than .com or .net or even .biz or something) was that the domain registrant was automatically hidden from prying eyes. In other words, you couldn't just look it up on WHOIS.

If one is using something catchy like zap.to or go.to then it makes sense to register there, but the only point that I could see was to hide and not be held legally accountable. And we all know who would want to do that with a site black-PRing FZers. :). But "knowing" who it is is not the same as documenting it in a manner that would stand up in court.

Paul
 

OHTEEATE

Silver Meritorious Patron
Michelle, my belle

Michelle, I have a sister nemed Michele, and we call her Chel for short. She is the President LA Day, an OSA post. I haven't talked to her in over 2 years. It's tough using your own name, and being open about being out and a critic/attacker. It's also honest, and avoids the "being found out" possibility. Donna and I decided to be very out front about who we are, for various reasons. We felt that our experiences, 10 years and 1.2 million dollars for her, and 34 years and half a million for me, plus all the abandoned career progress we sacrificed for the CofS, was worth warning others about. We decided not having my family talk to us was somehow a price we were willing to pay, especially seeing how" disconnection" affected my Dad. So, I use Ohteeate but I'm pretty open about also being me, Mike Henderson, former OT 8 Cl. IV, IAS Founding Patron with Honors, L-10,11,12. So, if you don't mind, I'd like to call you Michelle, and you can call me Mike, OK? Much Love, Mike Henderson
 

Colleen K. Peltomaa

Silver Meritorious Patron
Michelle, I have a sister nemed Michele, and we call her Chel for short. She is the President LA Day, an OSA post. I haven't talked to her in over 2 years. It's tough using your own name, and being open about being out and a critic/attacker. It's also honest, and avoids the "being found out" possibility. Donna and I decided to be very out front about who we are, for various reasons. We felt that our experiences, 10 years and 1.2 million dollars for her, and 34 years and half a million for me, plus all the abandoned career progress we sacrificed for the CofS, was worth warning others about. We decided not having my family talk to us was somehow a price we were willing to pay, especially seeing how" disconnection" affected my Dad. So, I use Ohteeate but I'm pretty open about also being me, Mike Henderson, former OT 8 Cl. IV, IAS Founding Patron with Honors, L-10,11,12. So, if you don't mind, I'd like to call you Michelle, and you can call me Mike, OK? Much Love, Mike Henderson

I think that people who come into Scientology are some of the best whistleblowers on the planet, even when they are blowing the whistle on themselves.
 

ExScnDude

Patron with Honors
Emma,

No worries, sweetie!

My exit from Scientology was similar to yours in a lot of ways.

I haven't posted the details due to the fact that I have family still in Scientology and do not wish to cause them any trouble.

I also see similarities between your story and Mick's. And I suspect that there are even more folks that have similar stories on this board.

Fighting to keep one's family from falling apart because of pressure from the cult, can be a powerful motivation - and I totally understand why you did what you did.

I'm really glad you finally made it through all of that!

ExScnDude
 

Terril park

Sponsor
I think that people who come into Scientology are some of the best whistleblowers on the planet, even when they are blowing the whistle on themselves.

Yeah. Takes lots of integrity and balls.

Applies to chicks too.

Dunno if their balls are steel, brass or virtual.

Just know they got them!
 

Headend

Patron with Honors
Michelle,

Every time I see someone display the courage required to be this open & honest, I always feel humble & privileged to has seen it, the sense of gratitude is amazing. This is the first time I've seen someone bare their soul this way in such a public manner.

Thank you for sharing yourself so openly with us all. :thumbsup:

Pete
 
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